What to do in this situation...

Alright, don't imagine some crazy post about a story gone wrong... It's about what I do when I get my heart shattered into millions of pieces, broken down, hurt. I came up with the idea as I was scrolling down Instagram... Sounds a little pathetic when I write it down. 

Anyways,

As I was saying I'm an odd person when it comes to my own broken heart. I don't sit down with a jar of ice cream and listen to sad songs all day/night long. At least I'm not doing that anymore. I evaluate to the next level, jumped into something different. I don't watch the same movie as I usually would do even though 50 first dates is an amazing movie and I continue to watch it every four month or so. And I surely don't cry like a baby anymore I cry rivers instead of oceans. But now what I do is quite ... Well, I'll let you judge for yourself! 

~ Let's ignore the fact that I'm currently hurting, emotionally hurting. Why bother with all these unwanted feelings, emotions? Why deal with them when you know that it will only make you hurt? They could potentially destroy you. 

~Instagram fanatic! As many of you I have Instagram, andI post almost everyday, and go on there whenever I've got time to do so! I scroll down and I like photos like everyone else. Now, when I have a broken heart, the photos go more for attractive tattooed guys. I start to fantasize on good looking guys, ones I'll never have, at least I know so it's keeping me sane, kind of sane. It keeps me away from thinking about the boy who broke my heart into million of pieces. 

~Go to coffee shops or bookstore! Safe heaven for me as I'm a bookworm who prefers to be left alone. Great places to ignore everyone around me. Also a great place to get some writing done even though I'm people watching half of the time. Going to grab a coffee, sitting down with a book, a notebook, a pen, and phone on the side just in case, makes me feel better because I'm alone without being alone as there's people around. 

~Read to escape reality. I'm into every type of books, but when I'm heartbroken a good thriller, crime, mystery novel keeps me from thinking about love, so I stay away from romantic, cheesy stories. A hint of mystery is always nice, it keeps your mind occupied on what's coming next!

~Baileys Irish Cream on rocks at my favourite bar. If you have never heard of this alcohol it's technically an Irish whiskey and cream based liqueur which only has 17% alcohol so you can have plenty of it without getting drunk. In my case, I never get drunk out of it and I do get teased for drinking it. People either look at me and wonder what my drink is as many are drinking tequila or vodka or my friends are work there are calling it the adult chocolate milk. Just because it doesn't have much alcohol doesn't mean it's bad. It actually taste amazing and you should try it. 

Despite the fun I have ignoring my emotions, lying to myself on how great I'm feeling, focusing my thoughts on either work or writing or on someone else, the broken heart is still there. Appearing on certain occasions. Instead of dealing with the feelings, I bottle all them up and close it tight enough until the day I explode. That day hasn't come yet, but I can feel it coming as my anxiety has been quite tough to deal with. Each couple I see on the street makes me want to vomit or on the contrary makes me wonder if I'll ever have that again. Sadly, I ain't the positive type of person when it comes to myself and negativity takes over my entire self. Destroying each chance of happiness. 

As you can tell, I don't or barely socialize, probably not the best thing you could be doing in this situation but that's what I do and it's working fine for now. I close up entirely which makes me feel lonely after a while, but I prefer to feel this way instead of being around a bunch of people who are fake enough to lie straight to my face saying things such as, " He wasn't cute anyways." or " Girl, you will find a new guy in no time."  We all know these white lies that our friends tell us to make us feel better, but deep down we know it ain't true. So I highly prefer the "unsocial me" over the "social me".

Over the course of a year, my ideas, my views of life, love, and everything else have changed, dramatically changed. I'm not into the same things, I mature up in ways I wouldn't thought I would even though I'm still the same person, I don't do what I would do a couple years back when I had a broken heart, and on the contrary, now, it's difficult to get over someone, to find someone new, to trust again. Not that I trust easily in the first place. I'm more distant than I already was. That's all. 

I'm the type of person who destroys herself without the help of anyone. I'm the type of young woman who's vivid imagination make up scenarios who aren't pleasant which usually lead to a slight depression, a mini depression. I suggest you don't let your brain control too much of your thoughts and let your imagination derive too much either in case you drown into your own despair. 

"Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser." 

~Bella

Cookies and Cream and Little Buggies...

You must be wondering what the title means and to be fairly honest I'm with you on this one. Not sure what I wanted to called today's post so I ended up with my Coffee Bean order and my slight annoying issue that I've been having since I became friends with one of the worker there. What a love story but that's for other day... So it ended up being Cookies and Cream for my order, and little buggies for my own love life... 

So today's post has a personal twist in it, and questions that I've been having for years, unanswered questions, obviously or else it wouldn't be fun. 

Curse- to use a word or expression that is not polite and shows that you are very angry. 

Curse- magic words that are intended to bring bad luck to someone.

Curse- a cause of trouble and unhappiness. 

As you may have guessed it, today's post is about a curse, one specific curse which is getting all the women in my family in trouble especially from my grandmother to my mother to me. Three generations of unpleasant love stories, and I'm only starting my life... So start imagining the worse for me.  ( I'm currently laughing as I'm writing this, but trust me, deep down, I'm crying an ocean). 
Don't get me wrong, I have a hard time believing in curses especially love curses. When I hear the word curse, I automatically go for witches and magic spells, the stuff that are in fairytales. Laugh all you want cause I'm laughing at this idiotic thing myself. But when I look at the love experience between my grandmother, my mother and a few other women in my family and how embarrassing their love lives are... You can only believe a curse is upon the women of the family. There is obviously some couples who are doing great, but most are beyond sad and the women fall for the wrong guys. Talk about bad luck! 

It started with my grandmother who passed away a few years back. After that, my mother talked to me a bit more about the woman who I had never seen in my life and won't ever be able to. My grandmother had no luck when it came to love, to find the right man and to be a strong independent woman. Love makes you blind and she was the best example for it! 

Little side note: French guys, especially back in the 1970's until 2000, were known to be a little too "superior" compare to woman who were to believed to be in the kitchen taking care of the household and the kids. Somehow, even after the woman got more power, the men are still known to act like jerks to their women. Old fashion style to make it simpler. That is also the reason why I try my hardest to stay away from French guys, plus after seeing the world and living in a different country makes me realize that no matter what, I will never really get along with a French guy.

So to go back to my grandmother, she had no luck, and her choice was poor concerning her life style as well as her love life. From walking away type of guys to physically/emotionally violent guys. Well, I'm sure you can imagine these types of guys. 

Choosing or falling in love with the right person seems to be nearly impossible for us, and even if I only started, I'm afraid to fall into the same cycle as my grandmother as well as my own mother. They both endure sad moments, no luck with guys, and both never gave me a good example, so being scared of falling for the wrong guys in obviously there!

Despite the fact that we have no luck in love, I don't want to get through the same bullocks of my grandmother nor my mother's. It would be too hurtful, and last time I check I was far from being my mother, not that strong. 

Now, the only thing I want to understand is why we have no luck, why do we attract the same type of guys, and why don't we go for the people who are suppose to make us happy? 
Is it because we have no positive male figure around us? Is it because we trust too much (can't be right for me since I don't trust people)? Are we too nice (maybe yes for my mother)? 
Too many thoughts, too many ideas to keep up with. Is the curse even real? Because all I  know is that it's just some bad luck that is running through family members. 

"It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply."

~Bella

Does your anxiety should matter? (16)

Anxiety...

It should matter in a relationship, not the way you may think though! It shouldn't matter when you fall for the person but later on, when you are serious, trust me, anxiety is serious and it should be taken into consideration... Once again... Later on!

When you are entering a relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, you have to know a few things first. Can't throw yourself in the hole without knowing much about anxiety itself and what you will be getting into as the relationship progress...

Primo ~ Always remember that anxiety is a real battle between you and your mind. The battle may end up being heinous especially when it leaves your mind to go straight to your body becoming a panic attack. As time pass by, the anxiety gets better (most of the time), you are more prone to control it but it is a condition that your partner has to live with as well. You don't just get into a relationship with the person but with their anxiety as well.

Secondo ~ You have to remember that you being around is the only thing you can do. Panic attacks are tricky little things. Your partner may not always know how to make it disappear, make an anxiety go away. And you cannot do anything about it, you can only wait, give them your support, be there for them.

Terzo ~ Instead of shaming your partner's condition try to be supportive! Saying things such as "get over it" or "just relax" will not help us in any way. If it was this simple, everyone would have gotten over the anxiety, but it isn't, trust me, I tried multiple times before, it failed. We know our anxiety doesn't just affect us but the people we love as well, and we know how it came you feel. Would you tell a depressed person to stop being sad all the time?

Quarto ~ Don't go tell everyone about your partner's anxiety. Mental illness isn't something to take lightly.  We are seen as insane people. Some people think that since we have a roof over our heads, clothes to wear and food to keep us alive should leave us with no worries. What is there to worry about? People judge and when you are in a relationship with someone you are supposed to have their backs not to stab them when you have the chance. If you want to express something about their anxiety to someone, ask for their permission.

Quinto ~ Anxiety has triggers and you may eventually be one. Being in a relationship with you adds up to our anxiety. Just because we love you and we are ready to do whatever we need to make you happy doesn't mean our anxiety will magically skip over you. Anxiety will always make us question everything, how to respond to your text message, what happen if we upset you in any way?

Even though it may seem like a lot to take in (there's more to all of this, but these are the important ones, in my opinion. You also need to never forget that we still love you no matter how our anxiety destroys us.
Should it matter?
I think you can answer the question yourself!

"I over analyze situations because I'm scared of what will happen if I'm not prepared for it."

~Bella
Ps: This is the last post on the Should It Matter little serie.

Breakups are difficult, but so is trusting again...

How many heartbreaks have you had? Or were you the one that broke hearts?

Breakups are painful, depressing, and yet, we still have to go through it cause that's life. Can't do much about it. The worse part is the trust that we lose during a breakup, it doesn't necessarily come back this easily, it's almost impossible (it feels like it is at least).

My last breakup did a lot more damage than I would have thought, even though I didn't cry over it; preferring to hide my feelings and emotions, ignored instead of dealing with the pain...Somehow, after a breakup, some people are emotionally traumatized by the behavior of their ex-lover. I somehow managed to move on, and even if I tried to connect with others, the same issue happened each time, lack of trust.
Trust can be reestablished over time, it may take some time to some and less for others, in my case, it took much more time than expected. Once you lose the trust you put into someone, it will be complex to be in a healthy relationship again. 

Fear of trusting someone again is commonly known as pistanthrophobia. It does in fact exist and many of us suffer from it. I personally don't trust anyone in general, but when I get into a relationship, a serious one, I tend to give a little of my trust, and as the relationship grows, I grow along, giving more and more of the trust. Sadly, this does affect my relationship with others especially boyfriends. Not everyone has the capacity to understand such an issue, not that it is an easy one either. 

People who are going through the phobia or went through it before will agree on how time-consuming it is to trust again. When trust is lost, it takes quite plenty to overcome it.
But don't worry, you have the capacity to get over it, move along, and trust again! 

Do you trust yourself? Because if you don't, it will be difficult to trust someone else. It's like the saying "You have to love yourself before you can try loving someone else." 
If you can't trust your gut instincts when it was trying to tell you that the person wasn't who they claimed they are or promised you the world, start trusting yourself. You never know what you may be feeling, and if you feel something wrong, trust your instinct. It is rarely wrong! 

Stop being negative, not every man or woman is the same. It is a natural response to a hurtful breakup, but saying all these tiny things such as " All men can't be trusted." or " Women are born manipulative." 
The Law of Attraction assumes what you're saying is the truth, so if you keep saying these things, the universe is most likely going to bring you the bad people into your life until you start saying positive things.  Acknowledging one person did your wrong is one thing but holding a grudge against the same gender isn't right. Not every man or woman is responsible for this particular person's behavior. 

Get some time for yourself, treat yourself right, treat yourself like you deserve it! Get that extra sleep you've been wanting to get for so long. Little things can make a difference! Listening to sad songs, watch sad movies or look at photos, it will make it all worse.

Forgive the ex-partner! Why not? Could be hard to do if you don't forgive anyone, I know I have this issue as I prefer to hold grudges, but I forgave my ex-boyfriend, it took a lot, yes, but it set me free. You aren't a victim but a survivor so show it to the world and yourself!

And the last piece of advice I can give you is to accept the brutal truth that not every relationship is meant to last. Think about the opportunity, the lessons you have learned through each relationship! Recognize that some people are only meant to be in your life for a limit amount of time, and when that unique person comes into your life, you will know exactly what to do. When that one person comes in your life, you'll be ready!

 Trust, trust again! 

"Once you have really hurt someone, it will always be in the back of their mind even if they still have a smile on their face." 

~Bella

Does your pet peeve should matter? (15)

Pet peeve...

If you do not know what it is, it's the little thing that annoys you, greatly annoys you!

Pet peeves...

These little things that keep bothering even if you try to ignore, daily...

I have a list of them, but there's always this particular one who keeps annoying you no matter how much you try to shake it.
Obviously, a pet peeve isn't something that just annoys you, it drains you with everything they got... Take my dear roommate, C, she has this incredibly annoying one which comes along each day, making her life miserable, slow walkers. C cannot stand slow walkers, the reason is simple, she walks faster than most people, I sometimes have to run up to her to catch up with her speed. Quite annoying as I'm smaller than her, but hey, at least I have fun.

So as you may imagine there are many pet peeves, some pretty insane, others are actually very common!

Alright, that said, are they important when you are in a relationship?
If your phobias are important, don't you think your pet peeve should be as important as well?!
You may also have relationship pet peeves such as "No more good nights or good mornings" or "Tells you how to drive whenever you take the wheel". These pet peeves will give you a high chance of losing interest in your partner. Getting frustrated of what they do or keep saying nonstop. It will ruin your life, but hey, guess what... You can communicate and talk about these pet peeves you have to your partner.
First, you have to let go of the slightly annoying ones and talk about the biggest ones, the ones you really cannot deal with. Priorities first, ignore the little ones.
Second, don't exaggerate and talk about the long list of your pet peeves. You will scare your partner away if you arrive with over ten of them. Go slowly, intelligently and two is recommended.
Third, don't be over dramatic when talking about the pet peeve. I mean to be responsible and compassionate about the subject. Don't be too crude.
Fourth, don't say "You're lazy", be nicer when saying these like this. Be more like, "I wish you would help more in the kitchen."
Fifth, ask and don't demand they change their behavior!
For my final piece of advice, thank them for listening and trying to change.

It takes a lot to change, to ameliorate, and being able to see how your partner's pet peeve may affect your relationship takes a lot. You should be proud if you are willing to move forward and take their pet peeve seriously. If they actually show some improvements, don't forget to let them know how grateful you are.

Pet peeves are and should be important, everyone has annoying things they hate dealing with like more roommate who cannot stand slow walkers.
I can't say I don't have any as I have an entire list of them, I blame my anxiety. Obviously, I have a few that are ruining my life in certain ways.
- When they have to change book covers depending on the country. If I buy a book from Britain, I expect to receive the same book as them not the American version! Or the movie poster on the book cover? Really? I just want the book, not the movie!
- Mystery organization in libraries. I expect to go to a library and look by the author's name or maybe the genre, but when they can't even figure the correct genre.
- Let's change their titles because we want to.  I recently bought a book from Ireland, and they gave me two option the American version or the Irish one. I obviously wanted the Irish version, but somehow they wanted to change the title. I was furious!
- People who won't stop interrupting me when I'm reading. Like, you see someone reading, please don't interrupt them nonstop, they want to be left alone, to read alone not to have someone next to them, talking to them nonstop. Good thing, I know how to block people's voice when I read, but still.

Now, I know these seem to be simple things that can be ignored but when you are a reader or a writer, it is life ruining. I'm thinking about my novel if it ever gets published, I don't want my novel to have different titles except when it's in a different language. 
Then again, I don't know what to expect with my pet peeves. 

"I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation." - Whoopi Goldberg

~Bella

Does your astrological sign should matter? (13)

Astrology is quite an interesting topic by itself, but it will be a much more interesting subject when you read about two different sign. 
We all have two signs though... The sun and the moon sign. Your sun sign dictates your zodiac personality while your moon sign will represent your emotions, your inner mood. Even if we focus on the sun sign, the moon sign is the second most important influence in your horoscope chart after the sun. As for me, both of my signs are cancer, and trust me, I feel how both signs are around. 

Each zodiac sign have certain weaknesses and strengths, qualities and flaws. 

Now, should zodiac signs matter when in love with someone? I don't believe so as each individual is unique, and the sign will only give you an idea of what to expect in a person. IT won't be all accurate and tacking what they say about signs won't get you far. 
The fun fact about lots of people, including myself is how we look up if our signs and the sign of the person we like will be compatible. Obviously, it should affect your view on the person, but you may end up learning a few important traits about the person. 
In fact, we aren't, cannot be compatible with everyone just like we cannot force love onto someone. Yet, many of us look up if both signs are still compatible or not, sometimes just to have a support, something to make us go forward with our feelings. 

I've had relationships with different signs and manage to notice that charts aren't always wrong but they can also be very on point. You just have to trust your heart once in a while as well as your brain! For instance, I was dating a libra for a bit, and usually both of our signs aren't much compatible. We were doing aright, but then life got in the way of things, and we had to part. Another example of a couple who are making an amazing example of how two really different signs can work it all out is Tom and Giovanna Fletcher. You may know Tom as a part of a band, McFly, and his kids books. Giovanna is a wonderful writer, wrote one of my favourite book which is Billy and Me. She happens to be an Aries while Tom is a Cancer like me. Two signs who, according to various articles and charts, are far from working. Yet, they have known each other for a long time, married, and have two beautiful boys. I actually look up at them, great relationship example. 

Before you can determine either your relationship will work based on the signs, you have to understand there are four types of signs, water, air, fire, and earth. 

Water signs which are Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. They are very emotional signs who are very compassionate, understanding.  I'm a little Cancer and when they say we are emotional train wrack, we are. 
Earth signs are Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn. If you want something real, go to them. Loyal, stable, slow and steady. My younger brother is a Taurus and let me tell you, I think I found my competition for the stubborn side of our personality. 
Air signs are all about actions, ideas and motions. Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. My mum is a Gemini and my other younger brother is an Aquarius. Both are very creative, intelligent people who will not stay around, always adventuring. Hard to stay in a relationship!
Fire signs, Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. They tend to be passionate, temperamental, and slightly cocky to say the least. Love the intention. My best friend is a Sagittarius and she loves to have all eyes on her. She is kind and smart though, quite the happy person. 

So that said, you are in a relationship with the person for who they are and not their signs. They may play a role, but do you need to listen to each word someone out there said about the sign? 

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us read for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever." - The Notebook

~Bella

Does your phobias should matter ? (11)

Phobias....

Yes and no!

Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation. 

Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from. 
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim. 

First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.

Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes. 

Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other.  Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them. 

Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully. 

Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear. 
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship. 

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard

~Bella

Does your favourite food should matter? (10)

Favourite food or not, this shouldn't matter in any circumstances.

In what world would your favourite food should matter in a relationship? You aren't having a life with the food but the person. This should work for everything from a political point of view to your favourite color.
You are thinking about marriage, sure, but who are you marrying? The slice of pizza or the woman/ man? You are thinking about children, sure, but who are you going to be pregnant with? The bowl of cereal or the woman/ man?
Don't get me wrong, I wish we could marry anything we wanted like a jar of Nutella, but it wouldn't sound correct, it would sound wrong!

Favourite food is important, in my opinion, your significant other should know what type of dish you like when sad, angry, or depressed. They should know in case they need to cheer you up or apologize for the idiot thing they have said to you. Food doesn't fix everything, but at least if your partner makes the effort to cook your favourite dish, they deserve a chance to explain themselves, to forgive them for their horrible behavior. It shouldn't happen all the time, it may get old and boring after a while, but once in a while being served your type of food to cheer you up is nice, quite pleasant. Can't say no to food.

Now, remember this:  relationships aren't based on what you like and dislike! Yes, it is a plus to know what your partner eat, but it is necessary? Will you marry the person because they adore pasta or chocolate cake just like you? I don't think so! 

"Don't put a ban on your favourite foods. Enjoy the food you love in moderation, getting fit isn't a punishment." 

~Bella

Does your family should matter? (9)

Are you in a serious relationship and your parents don't agree with the person you are dating?
Are your parents disagreeing on your love choices?

These situations do happen a lot more than what you can imagine. Parents know best, but do they try to control your love life, not letting you go live your life?
Parents do know what you may deserve but I believe we are entitled to choose our destiny, make our mistakes, learn from poor experiences.

Now, I understand you don't want to disappoint your parents, but I don't think you should just end your relationship because of their opinions on your partner.
Here are a few things that helped me get through a few awkward situations...

I. 
If you are in a serious relationship and you want your parents to meet the person, you are going to have to talk about them. Showing up to your parents with a new partner without talking about them may not be such a good idea and I suggest you stay on your guards. Do NOT complain to your parents about your partner, it will give them one more reason to dislike them. So positive details! 

II.
It's time to introduce your loved one to your dear parents. You may not feel comfortable doing so because you know exactly how your parents are, so why not staying away from certain conversations, and play board games to keep everyone occupied. 

III.
Let your parents see who your loved one is like, then listen to what they thought. Don't take anything too personal because parents always believe you will deserve much better. Listen to their advice, listen to what they have to say. Next thing you could do is agree with them as well as telling them your opinion. 

IV.
Understand your parents' role! They are here to protect you, and if they don't like your partner there must be a good reason why. Look at their point of view! 

V. 
Make sure you make compromises. If they have issues with the way they dress or speak, do a little effort making them more proper in order to make your parents appreciate the effort! 

Lastly, if your parents disagree on your relationship, your choice of partner, the only way you could change their beliefs is to talk. Communication fixes quite plenty, but you have to understand that if you wish to talk to one another, one must be ready to listen and try to comprehend what the other person says! It's not easy and arguments may end up coming your way... Remember though... You are the one in a relationship, if you make a mistake it's in your hands, not your parents, if you wishes to not listen to them, it's your responsibility!

"I want a relationship where they know of us, but nothing about us."

~Bella

Does your feelings should matter? (8)

"Feelings? "You ask?

Feelings are these emotional states which make you react a certain way. We all experience feelings at some point, every day we feel emotions, so why should feelings matter? Well here is my opinion on the subject! 

To me, when you are in a serious relationship, showing feelings, talking about them is as important as sex can be. Yes, many of you think that sex is the most important thing about relationships, as far as I see it, sex is just another reason to make a relationship grow. To my own belief, talking about what's going on with you is another important part which somehow falls off the grid half of the time.
When was the last time you talked to your partner about your feelings?
When was the last time you had a decent conversation about the feelings you are experiencing?

It is quite difficult to be open minded, to be comfortable enough with the other person, talk about sensitive subjects...

Talking about feelings is not a sign of weakness and it surely shouldn't give you a reason to be afraid of rejection! You are terrified of rejection, living alone, swallowing all these feelings because of phobias. Come on now, feelings aren't going to kill you, open up to the person you love and don't be afraid of talking. If they judge you, don't try to understand your feelings, they are most likely not the right person for you! Remember feelings do matter, anything could happen, but don't be fooled by your fears. 

While all relationships must be built around positivity, love, respect, and kindness, these emotions can go sideways quickly enough if both person doesn't let the other talk, listen, help. Anger, sadness, frustration and other emotions may give the chance for your partner to talk about the feelings, approach them, try to understand your concerns. It's intimacy and it's important in every relationship. If you let your fears, phobias take over, intimacy is nearly impossible and the chance of you opening up, letting your love go wild is thrown out the door. 

Holding up some feelings such as anger may result in a vicious cycle which could potentially lead to a possible breakup. 

As far as I'm concerned, you should be talking to your partner, talk about your feelings!

"I'm a simple person who hides a thousand feelings behind the happiest smile." 

~Bella

Does your tattoos should matter? (7)

Tattoos....

Quite an important deal to some and just another creative pieces of body art for others. For me, tattoos are stories, meaningful stories that one chooses to expose on their bodies.

Judging someone for their choice of tattoo isn't going to help out, and it will only make it worse if you are trying to build a relationship.
People will get tattoos out of reasons, either because of a tough time they had to go through, a souvenir they want to remember, a date, someone's name... Anything they want to keep forever on their body as a reminder. 

Nowadays, tattoos are acceptable, to a certain level, obviously, you can't always expect to show your body art to everyone especially at certain jobs, but for now, let's talk about relationship wise though! 

When you fall in love, you are supposed to accept their faults as well their qualities. Accept their past, their issues as well as sharing beautiful moments with one another. This means you also need to accept what they wanted to do with their bodies. Getting a tattoo isn't a crime, it's not something that should label you as a "bad" person, a "punk", or a criminal. Yes, some tattoos mean some criminal gangs related drawing, symbols, but remember... Today, tattoos are more considered art than anything else, nothing much, nothing less. 

In my opinion, if you love someone, try to understand their tattoos! 
Now, when I think about tattoos and relationships, I automatically think about my own tattoos! Many of you remember the name on my chest, others won't, but I do have a name on my chest, covered but there... Under a second tattoo. I might have covered it, but to me, it's still a tattoo that is on me, forever! 
Relationships and tattoos are complex. In fact, it is quite difficult to accept some tattoos that one may have from their past. Remember though, not only they have decided to put something on them, but they have to accept them themselves. And sometimes... Some tattoos are regretful. So when I came across this video a few months back, I laughed away!

The funny thing about this video is that they are actual couples, who trust one another... So when I think about tattoos and relationships, I think about trust, about acceptance, about the complicity of one another! 

"If you fight like a married couple, talk like best friends, flirt like first love, protect each other like siblings, it's meant to be." 

~Bella

Does Religion Should Matter? (3)

Debates... Agree to disagree once again...

The should it matter is another way to start giving our opinions, and this one isn't easy!

As you may alright know, some subjects are far from easy-going nor pleasant to converse such as politics but as well as religion!

When I think about religion I think about my own, I was born Catholic even though I do not practice or have a difficult time believe in it all, it's still part of who I am. Now, it never came as an issue to anyone nor my ex-boyfriends. None of them asked or been bothered by what I believe in, which is technically not a specific religion.

Being in love with someone who read a different religious book than you, may affect the way you may want to raise your children in, later in life. But, if you both know how to manage both religions, I believe there is a great future for you and the family.
Now, before jumping into the future conclusion of the difficulties of what should your children believe in, let's start at the beginning of the story!

Falling in love is easy! Falling in love with someone who's religion is the opposite of yours is possible! A happy relationship will happen, religion doesn't make you sadder or happier, it's what you believe in. It could lead to lots of arguments especially if you are not open-minded and accept your partner's religion. It takes a lot to accept someone's flaws so religion wise, it could be difficult especially when you practice your religion to the letter.
Members of one religion could value the same things, so how could partners get along when they have different morals, believes... Arguing, being closed-minded, stubborn enough to not let go of your determination of what people should believe in. It's similar to a couple who are fighting on either they will go out for dinner or stay home to dine. Fixing issues or disagreements is easy when you both talk,  so why should it be otherwise with religion? Why can't we talk and see what's best to do instead of raising our voices? Why should we get into violent arguments over the subject?

Religions have been, in fact, one of the reasons for wars. Wars need reasons to happen, money and religion are usually the cause of it. Today, we see it with Muslims. Because of a few of the religion (so they say they believe in), we have to think they are all bad. Should we start defining who a person is by what they believe in? If that's the case then Christianity has done a lot more, how many did we kill for the Christ? How many people fought for what they believed in? Plenty, but is there any writing saying you should kill for what you believe in? Is there any Bible, Quran or any other religious books that state you should kill another human being? People who use their religion to explain their behaviors, saying or actions are not everybody. These people are in fact not religious or else they wouldn't do what they do. 
Faith isn't murder, it might be a difficult subject to talk about, but that's only human beings aren't open-minded. People are now determined to stick with their own story, not wanting to hear anyone's opinion, and then you complain about wars, well maybe if we listened more, things would differ! 
Relationships are exactly the same. If two people don't communicate, don't listen to one another, how will the relationship grow, how will you be happy? Without communicating no one can understand what the other person think. If you live with each other, discussing religions, carefully, is one way to avoid arguments. Surely, being open-minded to another alternative would make a relationship grown instead of letting if fall apart. 

As Orin, a YouTuber said: 

It doesn't matter what you believe in, it's about the person you are. 

In a relationship, the only way to figure it all out, you both have to talk to find the right way to let the relation grow. Religion isn't politic, isn't a crime, and it's only the faith you put into someone or something, it's what makes you, you. No one should judge you for what you believe in if they do... Maybe you should revise the situation.... No one wants to have an unhappy relationship where both people have to hide who they are, what they believe in. 

"In every religion, there is love, yet love has no religion."

~Bella

Does Age Should Matter? (2)

Age... An issue or nothing more than a simple number?
When you build a friendship, you don't automatically ask the person for their age? Not that you care much if they are 8 years older than you or not. Does age matter when you are building a friendship? No, not really, you don't personally go and ask people's age, but when it comes to a relationship, stable, serious relationship with a partner that you love and respect, somehow, you make a much bigger deal about ages. Don't take it personally, some people don't look at the age but how mature someone is.
From my own experience and seeing other's, I can tell you that age shouldn't matter at all, you could be 30 and act like a 60-year-old person, or be 45 years of age and act like a teenager. Maturity should matter though!

Now, I know how difficult it can be when you are in your early 20's and looking for stability in your life. I'm in that situation, and it's not fun at all. People your own age view things differently than you so you get along with older people... Normal and quite frankly alright. Age doesn't matter if you can get along with someone older than you.Yet, the situation gets slightly complex when feelings rush in...

In a relationship, not everyone will agree with me, some will judge the person. Imagine you are 22 and they are only 19. The age could be quite problematic if you are interested in going out in bars to get a drink or two with friends, you won't be able to take your partner with you, the underage could be a slight issue for some people! Then there is always the friends telling you, "You could do better."

Next, there are the other issues such as the "label". The term "Cougar" given to older women who are with younger men. Not fun to be described as such, our society has grown so much over years, centuries, we would think people are less judgmental, but sadly, we haven't changed. Another issue would be the siblings, younger ones, commenting to make sure you get the drift of what they are trying to tell you. Sarcasm is great but also quite sneaky! There's some truth in every sarcastic comment! 
Then, there is the patience... 
You can't expect to be on the same page all the time, especially when there is a big age gap between the both of you. Patience is a skill that must be conquered fast in order to keep the relationship stable. Your patience will be put to test as soon as the relationship grows. You both won't have the same schedule, leaving you both less time to see one another. Life gets in the way, but so is work! You will have to manage your patience, not every day will be the same and routine does set upon a relationship, unless you make it excited! 

It's an agree to disagree situation! 
To me, love isn't a number, it's a feeling that should be felt! You could be 5 to 10 years older and I would be alright with it. Now I have limits, I wouldn't be able to be with a person who is my parent's age! I wouldn't have much in common and I'm personally ain't attracted. I know many people who would prefer way older people for stability and maturity! Again it's an agree to disagree situation which only can be determined by your own opinion. 

Age shouldn't define your feelings towards another human being, your feelings should be determined on how you feel towards the other person! 

"I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are, or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together." - Julia Roberts 

~Bella

Let's just laugh at this...

You know that moment when a young man hugs you whenever he sees you and throws some mixed messages, some vibes? You know that moment when you come into someone's life and it just had to be at the wrong time but get attached either way?

Funny thing is that these situations had happened to me during the same time, or around the same time. A couple of days difference. When I'm writing about it, all I want to do is throw up and forget about it all, but I can't! Humans can't forget that easily especially when love gets in the way. The more I see it, the more I'm growing up, the more I express myself, the more I get hurt, the more I see that humans aren't at all nice. Either we use people for interest or just because we are in need of just love itself. 
We accept the love we think we deserve but do we really end up being in a healthy relationship? Do we end up in love with the person? Are we actually always happy? Sometimes, we deserve a whole lot more than what we may believe. Love blinds us, literally, we can't see the flaws, the horrible facts that the other person is just dragging us down completely. We look for ways to believe in the relationship, we try to make excuses and try and try until we are too tired to even bother anymore. Yet, when will that tired day come? When will we realize that this isn't for us? It may take weeks, months, years. All the time you are spending trying to fix something that isn't capable of changing, you are missing out on the opportunity of real, deep love, the one that is innocent, sweet, caring, and beyond wonderful, all this because you believe you can fix what's unfixable. We look too much when really, it's right behind you, ready to catch you before you fall, but instead, we trust the girl instead of the woman! 

There's a quote that I came across earlier this year,  "The problem is women think he will change, he won't. And men make the mistake of thinking she will never leave, she will." I'm a young woman, I had been in relationships before, long lasting and not so long ones. The quote is true, as a woman, I've assumed that I could make the guy change his mind on a few things, it failed quickly, and the guy never changed. You can't change anyone even if you try your hardest, I wouldn't change for your pretty eyes (unless it's an amelioration of my personality for ex: less caring or less annoying)... It takes two to tango, in a relationship, there are two people. If one of you sacrifice your love for cats and the other doesn't sacrifice anything at all; if one listens to your issues and the other don't bother helping you out with anything, then why are you still trying to save something? Give me some explanation to this catastrophe! I want to understand why people keep fighting for a lost cause, keep fighting for someone who wants to play around while you want to be stable! Why? Why is this always the case? Why do we go for what we know instead of the unknown which will be better anyways...? We are afraid of repeating the past, it's not the future that is scary, it's the past, it's the mistakes, but you are in control of your own destiny so why not take the chance to have something real instead of fighting, constantly with someone who isn't worth your time, your love?! And for the man believing she won't leave, dude, give up on that! A woman can leave you! We are stronger than you think, there's plenty fish in the water, you aren't the only one, and if you are too arrogant to see it, you may end up losing her. I know I can leave a guy, so can my mother even for love. So watch out instead of being too confident, you may lose something worth your while by wasting your time on someone who doesn't deserve you or because you play around too much that she will get tired and leave you helpless! 

My last breakup was painful like most of them. I saw it coming and I kept telling myself 'It's going to be over, start getting rid of these feelings before it's too late before you will get hurt a little too much. Handle it before you lose your entire self.' I prepared myself because I saw it coming, it was too much to bare at first, and I cried a bit. No feelings came rushing in, it felt like I was empty, numb, like I was no one, anyone. Terrible way of dealing with this situation. When you breakup you are supposed to cry to let your frustration out, or drink away, party, but crying is part of the process. Yet, all I had was that emptiness that wouldn't leave. It took a good month to feel again, it's not like I was over the guy, tough when you've got his name on you, tattooed. I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't cry much, that I would be empty instead of experiencing every feeling. I'm over him now, I learned a lesson, and I'm better. At the time, I thought he was the one, that my feelings were real, but when I look back when I met this new guy, I realized that I was wrong all this time. I never knew what love felt like until that one person opened my eyes. It only took me one simple phrase for me to get attached. One simple thing. Yet, I'm still here writing about how painful love can be. The breakup did a lot more damage than I could ever think. My self-esteem when down hill quickly, faster than anything else. Today, I'm lucky enough to work in front of amazing guys that boost me up, hug me and let me annoy them. Seems like it's nothing but to me, it means the world. They may all be married or in a relationship, but they are still here trying to make me feel all good about myself, make me believe that I am worth a lot more than what I get. Deserve a lot more than I can think. 

 "When you love someone more than they deserve, you will always end up with more pain than you deserve."

Imagine you have met a great person with amazing qualities. Knows how to talk, and yet seems innocent as well. That person may or may not be taken, you are unsure of it, so you go along, and see what happens. This person, on the other hand, ends up hurting you anyways... They choose the wrong person to play around with, they choose you instead of someone else. 

Don't start blaming anyone in this situation, it's no one's fault. Love happens, feelings come around and don't leave this easily. This position that you put yourself into isn't one to be proud of, to be ashamed of either. It could be simple, yet it's complex! If you are a hopeless romantic like me, there is no way in hell that you will control these feelings that kept rushing in as soon as you heard that one phrase, the one you've been wishing someone has said for a long, long time! Mixed messages happened, affection happened, and you fell for it like always. I don't believe I've learned anything from my past relationship because I still hope, have faith in love when all it has done for me is putting me into this horrible situations. I shouldn't be all lovey anymore, yet here I am believing in love, the real love. Why? Well because this time it actually felt real instead of a crush. Somehow, I messed it all up once again and lost everything because that's me. I'm starting to really believe in this family curse on the women. None of the women in my family deserve any deep love with amazing guys except a few, but if you look at my mother or even my deceased grandmother (she didn't have much luck either). It looks like there is a circle between us three that keeps us from getting the one real love. Sounds nuts when I'm typing this all down, I sound pathetic, to be honest... Sorry! 

Love is something that no one will entirely comprehend. It's not something that can be touched, it can only be feel. We believe we know how it feels, but we aren't 100% sure until the day you actually feel it yourself. It's not something I can personally describe, I did feel something different from the others, I'm positive of it, a rush in my stomach, couldn't keep my anxiety in control, it was just perfect yet, here I am typing how destructive a hopeless romantic is. We make up scenarios in our heads, we believe it's the one, then get hurt! We put everything for that person, we could give up literally anything for that person, yet the pain comes around anyways because there are two people in a relationship, not just one! Instead of letting go, we are too busy holding on to the things we aren't supposed to hold on to, so we end up thinking that's what we deserve; when in reality what you deserve is right behind you or just in front of you just hiding behind the one that keeps you from looking straight ahead. 

Throughout the relationships I had, there's one thing that keeps popping up to me, almost every day. 
You could be with someone, sleep next to someone, but don't talk to each other anymore like the two of you are just strangers now. Sometimes, we are afraid of letting go, make the first move, to give up something familiar to get better, to be happy. You can be determined, stubborn like me. I'm a little too stubborn, determined, and I do not forgive people, yet I learned that without giving up, be flexible or open-minded, and forgive at times, the relationship is lost! Without you being in control of your own emotions or beliefs, the relationship is just a lost cause. Being a couple takes work, from both parties, not just one, and if you see that you've been trying but they don't, give up. You aren't going to be a loser, they aren't going be hurt that much, and you'll be much happier because then you'll be able to experience real love instead of fake love! 
There is a song that describes this in the most beautiful way possible, and somehow I always end up crying like a baby on it. I would recommend you watch it, listen to the lyrics and try to understand because you'll see that without communication, trust, or anything, the relationship becomes a living nightmare! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUWrcFpmI5U

If you see that the relationship won't go anywhere, break up, move on to better. What's a couple of days of crying when you can have years of full on happiness with someone else? 

"Often it is the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroy them."- Hermann Hesse

~Bella