Welcoming the new year with such a big smile...

Happy Early New Year... 

Saturday is our last day of 2016... Such a terrible nightmare of a year it was for about almost everyone. We are all happy to know it's over soon! Hopefully, 2017 will be a better year, cause somehow without any doubt it was a quite inventful year!

The New Year, what a time to get all your projects on, start getting those specific goals set for the upcoming year! I know I've got my list already, in my head, but there are a few things that really needs to be done... Somehow these few things make a single goal...
Finish this novel of mine to end these ten years of constant pain, heal from these scars, make my mum proud. 

As many of you know already, I have been writing a novel, a fictional novel which consists of a family secret, mafia, and a young determined, stubborn young lady who is in search of the truth behind her mother's past. That past that no one ever mentioned! 

I've started this project about two years ago. The first year was mostly research, a lot of character development, and a lot of notes taken down as I was concentrating on read about Sicilian mafia or watching movies, documentaries. You may find it boring, I always thought it was entertaining and full of interest! The second year was an on and off writing course. Juggling family issues and trying to develop my novel; I'm talking as if this famous year is over... My novel isn't finished, I'm still writing chapters while writing articles for this blog. Talk to me about boring, I sound like a morbid already old person who doesn't live her life to the fullest. When I'm talking about all this, I sound insane about an unfinished story. No wonders why I'm single... 

A few people, who got interested in my novel, have asked me a ton of questions, where was the inspiration came from, why start writing about the Sicilian Mafia, what made you write in the first place... And the list goes on! 
I'm a writer just like my mother, it's in my genes, can't do anything about it. I've always kept a journal /diary since I can write, and today, I keep a blog, journal, and writing a book with another one on my mind. These questions make me think quite a lot, I never thought about them before being asked to answer. I usually respond briefly, not thinking much about it, but then, later on, they stab me in the back, hard. Why did I write, why did choose such an ending... 

Well, here's more details! 
Writing, for me, has always been a way to escape the real world just like reading, also a good reason why I'm such a bookworm! Writing has always helped me keep up with my thoughts, desires, wishes, my pain, breakups, and a lot more. So when I decided to write a novel, it was mostly to escape the reality that at the time was unbearable. I was going through a lot more than I could deal with and seized the opportunity to write a novel, which now sounds cool to some people. But, let's be honest, deep down, I started a novel, a fictional story based on real characters was to end my own story. To end what is now ten years of my life that I have to heal from, let go and move on. I took the chance of writing a fictional story based on me to help me realize how in pain I was. Don't judge that too quickly, I'm alright, honest, and I'm quite happy with life, but there's a part of me that has been hurt for a very long time, and I've always pushed the memories deep down inside instead of letting them go so I could move on. My back tattoo which is my quote in Italian, give me another reason why I needed to write a novel in the first place. "Writing is giving someone else an opportunity." It pretty much means that when someone writes a character based on a real person, the writer is giving an opportunity for that person to be a better one or just a monster, to give that real person the chance to become someone else, to re-live. 

Every writer has some issues, either it's family problems, breakups, anxiety, or even because they lost someone close, they write for a reason. And when people say writers are sad people who drink, it's not half way false, there's a part of truth behind it!
Writers are people who can sit in front of a blank page for hours, staring at it and think about the next adventure they will write. Writers will talk to their characters like they are real people. No matter who the writer is, whatever they write will have some part of the truth, part of experience behind the story, the plot, behind the characters. No matter what, writers always find a way to express themselves through stories just like a painter who take their anger out on canvas to express how they feel. 
So this new year, 2017, hopefully, will bring me to terms with some people, start new adventures with new exciting friends or even more... 

"Writers aren't people exactly. Or, if they're any good, they're a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

~Bella

It couldn't get any worse...

Let's keep in mind that Christmas has ended, indeed, but it's still around the time when people decide that it's time to meet the parents! 

In any serious relationship, meeting the parents is part of the engagement, it shows both partners how much you care and deeply love them. As happy it may sound, meeting parents isn't easy as pie! 
Somehow the holiday season is well known for being the moment to finally meet your partner's family for the first time. 

If you've already encounter this type of scenario, you already know that making a good first impression is key, sadly, a slight wrong turn may lead to a real disaster! No one wants to make the unfortunate mistake, especially if you are truly thinking about building, growing and nurturing your relationship with your beloved one! 

Little one, don't be shy! Last time I checked, awkward silence isn't anyone's cup of tea. Try to make conversation, keep similar interest flowing around, don't let silence break in or else awkwardness becomes part of the moment spent with his or her parents. 

Little two, don't try and talk about sensitive subjects such as politics or religions! Not everyone is open minded, not everyone can talk about these subjects without yelling or proving their opinion is the right one. There's nothing wrong debating, on the contrary, I believe it's always fun if the other person doesn't get offended. Obviously, if you are meeting anyone for the first time, keep your opinion to yourself, no need to make their parents hate you because you have different beliefs. 

Little three, don't get wasted. No one wants to meet a drunk person, talk or even seen one, not the first or second or third time! It's purely disrespectful for the family, and playing it safe is usually key.

Little four, if you don't know it already... It's always polite to bring a bottle, flowers, something to someone's house when invited, especially if they are strangers or important people. When you are going to meet your beloved's family bring with you a small gift. It will bring a little plus on your side. It could honestly be a box of chocolate, a bottle of red wine, a scented candle, a bouquet... It doesn't just show you appreciate the effort they put in by accepting to meet you, and out of respect, but it also shows you put the effort as well.

Little five, be yourself and have fun. Don't take yourself too seriously! No one likes to see stuck up people sitting across from them. It's just awkward in any situation, unless the parents are stuck up people as well then you are good to go. Usually, you are just putting yourself a lot of pressure, stress and anxiety for nothing cause half the time no matter what happens, you aren't in a relationship with them but their child so... Don't forget to show your loved one you love them, don't forget to be polite but not too stuck up, and beyond everything, don't forget that you are good enough for their child so they can only love you! 


Now, obviously, you have to know that no matter what happens, no matter who the family is, if you are the guy be careful of her father and if you are the woman be careful of his mother! But still, enjoy the time! 

"That nervous feeling when you're about to meet his parents for the first time."

~Bella

Christmas Miracle... Did it happen?

Christmas is over, our stomachs are full, and the excitement of the last few days is slowly calming down as the New Year approaching fast... 

I'm a fan of Christmas in general, the food, the decorations, the Christmas tree, the music, the films, the moments spent with loved ones... And that Christmas miracle, the one I wait impatiently each single year! 
Since I was little, I was a bit too excited over Christmas, the cold weather, the warm hot chocolate, the movies, and that famous Christmas Miracle. Each year, a few Christmas Miracles happens throughout the world, between a family rescue, a couple adopting a child or even as finding a shelter to a lost kitten. Hearing about Christmas Miracle always made me think about my own Christmas Miracle... And as a hopeless romantic that I am, always watching these Christmas Romantic movies who always happen to have that Christmas Miracle that surrounds love, I wanted to have my own. Since then, each year, I wish to get that miracle, the love that may happen on that day! But I always get my hopes up for no reason. Each year is a lost cause! Which now, I laugh at. I don't take it as seriously as before, good news on that point, but it's still a little pain that grows inside of me. Being a hopeless romantic kind of sucks! I'm sure there's plenty of you that had that Christmas Miracle happen in your life either it was receiving a puppy for Christmas or getting rescued from a crash or even finally seeing your grandparents on Christmas Eve... 

This year's Christmas Miracles have been coming through quickly, one by one. 
A sheriff's official rescued a family near the Grand Canyon who had being lost in the forest, caught in a snowy blizzard. The family was separated, but the rescue was done smoothly enough to get the family back together, getting everyone treated for cold hands injuries and others. One story that people call a Christmas Miracle! Driving in the snow is quite dangerous and each year, we hear stories about family getting stuck in blizzard not finding their way back... This time the family made is all alive, back together as a family! 
Another story that touched me was when I read that "Santa" came in a classroom close to Christmas and asked a boy what he wanted for Christmas. The little boy responded by an X-Box and his dad who had left on Easter day for a mission in Kuwait. His father is a marine, and the little boy wanted to see his father for Christmas. Next thing you know, the "Santa" started taking off the beard, the hat, the costume. The little boy realized that it was his father and not a stranger. "Santa" had let the Marine come home early and surprise his son at school. A Christmas Miracle for this little boy who will be able to hug his father on Christmas day! 
A sweet caring story between a couple made me realize that life may be short. The couple, not too young, were feeding their horses when the husband falls with a massive heart attack. The wife runs on her broken foot to do CPR on her poor husband until the paramedics arrive. They come 17 minutes later to take the husband to the nearest hospital when the husband get taken care of. Coma, bruised eye from hitting his elbow as he fell, memory loss for sure... He survived. They said it was because of the fact that his wife did CPR on him increasing his chance of survival. A Christmas Miracle! They got to see most of their children who flew to see their father alive! 

Miracles happen, no matter how small or big they are. I know that somehow I did receive a Christmas Miracle, I had my little brother on the phone on Christmas morning! My brother had flown back to Europe for Christmas to see our father, and usually, he cannot calls or get the internet making our connection being almost inexistent! I'm quite the worry type of person so when my brother leaves to Europe, I worry, constantly, making me lose a great amount of sleep each time! This time, I got to hear his voice and a smile was brought back to my face! Siblings fight, have a love/hate relationship, but you can't deny the love that surrounds them. I know I can't deny the love I have for my brother, I'm his rock and his just my annoying taller bug that I love to annoy. I may have not got that love miracle, but I got my brother on the phone. I got to hear him say I love you when he barely tells it to me. It may seem small, but it's a huge deal for me! 

"A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn't get into a single argument all day."- Melanie White

~Bella

A few more days till it's here...

WARNING: There are a few long videos that I absolutely loved watching for a couple of years now, and somehow they are very helpful during Christmas Holiday!

Christmas is arriving fast, faster than ever before. 

It's only a few days away, and many of us are still struggling to get the wrapping and shopping altogether. Let's be honest, there is always some type of issues concerning who will come where, and how the Christmas Eve dinner will go. 


On Christmas time, I love to make some treats, and I'm sure I ain't the only one, sadly, this year, I'm not up for cooking or baking myself. On the other note, though, I must say I was beyond happy when Zoella a YouTuber that I love to watch, made a video about simple Christmas treats. It's quite helpful when you don't have the patience to make anything that may take a while. You should watch it if you are interested in knowing more about little treats. 

Wrapping issues! I ain't the best at wrapping presents, somehow I manage to be rather boring each year! I'm not the best at being gift decorative, so when Zoella, a couple years ago, made a video of gift wrapping ideas, I went all the way on being decorative myself especially when it comes to Christmas and Birthdays! 

Last Minute Christmas Gifts! 

A couple of days ago, I made a post about little cheap gifts for family or friends, but there's always a few little gifts that we don't always find ourselves. Gifts aren't always a big "deal" some people would just prefer something small but useful. We always look for big and unique, but the little ones can be as unique as anything else. 

These videos may be long and may take you a bit of time to go through them, but with complete honesty, it made it so much easier for me each time I had to go through presents ideas, that now I've got a long list in my head. 

Christmas isn't all about presents, the gift wrapping, the decorations (that may be discussed because I love decorations), the big dinner around the beautiful dinner table, the Christmas tree all light up! It's about enjoying time with close family, friends! Enjoying the big of time with people you love, to reunite a family all together, to enjoy unforgettable moments shared playing around. 

Enjoy this Christmas, stop worrying about gifts or how the wrapping goes, if it means a lot to you then it will mean a lot to the other person. If you take the time to decorate, people will appreciate the hard work that you put in to make a unique Christmas moment! 

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." - Norman Vincent Peale

~Bella

Insanity over love...

Have you ever felt like you were doing something insane because of someone? Or did something completely ridiculous to impress them?

Sometimes, it happens, you end up doing something completely crazy, odd. They are signs that mean you may have fallen in love! We all feel it, understand whenever we have fallen in love, but somehow at times, we are afraid of what the reality might be.

Being in love with someone means you have to take full on responsibility on the terrifying situations that may come along with it like jealousy. There are many things people may be afraid of, commitment, falling in love with the wrong person, not sure if you know if the other person likes you back...

So many questions may pop up, get you stressed... Even if you don't say "I love you" or tell them how you feel, there are pretty good chances that you fell in love unconsciously which sometimes isn't such a bad thing!

After seeing my friends, people back when I was still at school, or even my experiences, I picked up on little actions that we end up doing when we like someone.

- You have to check your phone every couple of minutes or even seconds in some cases. Not like you are whenever you are playing a game, it's more like a check up on knowing if you still have service, or if you haven't missed a call or text from the other person... Don't lie to yourself, you've done it!

- You can't stop thinking about them, everything reminds you of them! You went to see a movie at a certain place so now you've been seeing memories of it! Can't stop wishing they were there with you, sharing a moment!

- Can't seem to talk about anything else. Everything has to have their names in each phrase you say!

- Take everything wrong if your best friend says something negative about your crush! You will become upset!

- You have definitely turned the page on your ex-boyfriend.

- Boring stuff may not seem so boring anymore! You may be at CVS picking some medication and somehow it's nice!

- ADD becomes real! You can't seem to concentrate at work, school, interview!


All you have to know is that no matter what you may say, do or think. The biggest issue about not seeing that you may be in love is DENIAL! Not seeing the truth isn't what will get you somewhere!

"Denial is the beginning of the end."

~Bella

I don't like being too flexible...

Before I start this post about Flexibility, I want you to know that I'm getting this information from my little brother's teacher who wanted us to try it with my brother. There're a few packets about responsibility, conflict resolution, and self-control, but today's post is about flexibility. This helps children, but I believe it may help adults as well... We all forget some important facts about life sometimes, and remembering a few may help us in many ways. 

I hope you find the information below interesting, and if you have children of your own, maybe talk about it with them. I'm sure your kid would be delighted to learn an adult word.

FLEXIBILITY

Helping our children "go with the flow" 

What is it?

"And the most successful people are those who accept, and adapt to, constant change. This ability requires a degree of flexibility and humility most people can't manage." - Paul Lutus

Why is it important?

There's a saying that "the only constant in life is change," and this saying could not be any truer. The ability to view change as an opportunity to grow and progress is an important life skill. As an adult, embracing change can open up new workplace opportunities, as those employees who "go with the flow" are often highly valued by employers.

What it looks like

• is able to stay calm when plans change
  
• finds the "silver lining" in change
• adapts to new situations
• abandons a strategy that isn't working and tries something different

* MODEL IT

Your child is a little barometer of the atmosphere around them. If you are rigid and inflexible, your child is more likely to be that way, too. Make an effort to embrace change in front of your child. Take it a step further by verbalizing your thought process. You could say something like, "I'm really disappointed that my hair stylist canceled my appointment tonight, but she rescheduled for next week, and now we have time to play a board game!"

*GIVE THEM A HEADS UP
If you tiptoe around your child when something changes, waiting until the last possible second to tell him, chances are that he will be upset. Instead, state the change in a matter -of-fact tone and give them options for what to do instead. Say something like, "We can't go to the toy store today because we need to pick your sister up from soccer practice. We can be flexible."

* REMIND THEM THAT THEY HAVE CONTROL
Changes can make children feel like they have very little control over the things that happens to them. It is important to help them remember that no matter what happens, they have control over one thing- the way that they react to changes. Remind them that they are always in control over their thoughts and actions.

*BUT DON'T GIVE UP
It's important to be flexible, yes, but also to be stubborn- how is this possible? We want our children to be flexible when plans, but we don't want them to be so flexible that they have no direction or drive in their lives. Help your children set goals and insist that they be stubborn and focused on achieving these goals, but flexible with the strategies they use to get there.

Flexible might be a term, an adult term, but let's be honest, how many adults are flexible enough to socially be fine next to each other, to work with each other? Accepting other's ideas, thoughts, believes is complex, but should we just listen to our ideas instead of everyone else's? Should we just get lost in our own world, fail at accomplishing goals, because we are too stubborn enough to not want anyone's help or ideas? 
I'm sure if we were all a little more flexible, we would all live in a better world!

"Unlike most fine writers, he wasn't in love with his own words." - Douglas Brinkley

~Bella

Namaste

Downtown Santa Barbara is quite the place to go if you like food, shopping, eat again, and shop again. Close to my favorite coffee shop, a couple doors up, there is a little shop... From outside it looks like any other store, but if you step in it, you will be moved by the calming music, the scent, the clothes, the style of the little place.

If you are into Buddhism, this shop is amazing for you!

I've got bad anxiety, calming music usually gets me frustrated, but when I stepped in the shop, I felt my anxiety leave. It wasn't just the music in the background, I think it has to do with all the Buddhas that are proposed to the public!

A few later, I brought my mum to see if she liked the store and got the same feeling about being so peaceful. It's not the type of store that will say "BUY", it's more a free space to look around, admire the Buddhas, the clothes...

Here are a few things that what we got...

It has to be your turn to go and decide what you think about this amazing calming place yourself! 

922 State St.

Santa Barbara, CA 93101

Phone: (805)845-6517

"Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think." -Buddha

~Bella

Little one... On the bed...

How many of you have a dog or many dogs?

I surely do not have one, but my best friend does... Charlie is a mix of Australian Shepherd and something else, not quite sure, I believe a Collie cause of his nose...

When I first met this little puppy, he was only four months old, but already jumpy, energetic, but smart. Affectionate me I can't just ignore and not give any cuddle to this fluffy little cuddler! Since I met Charlie, I can't get enough of him! Who can actually get enough of dogs...? They are the best cuddlers, feet warmer, and comforting balls of joy. They bring a smile on your face and even if some are too hyper, demanding, they will always know if something is wrong with you.

Each time Charlie comes over, I'm all over him, between the photos, the snuggles, and all the kisses. No one can resist a puppy this cute! I wake up for him in the morning (if he stays on my bed to sleep), I take care to see if he is warm enough, cozy enough, I even let him sleep on my Juventus blanket (that one is special), no one touches it!

I've meant to talk about Charlie, this little ball of joy for quite some times now, but I never really knew how to bring up this puppy that grows up every day. Until a couple of days ago... I kept seeing this quotes "Who needs a man when you can have a dog!"
It made me think of Charlie, right away, even if he isn't my puppy, whenever I get to see him, I feel calmer, happier! He makes me walk outside for quite sometimes as well, free exercise!

Younger, I had a boxer, a cute, energetic dog who broke my arm when I was five... Not a great experience, but I never stopped loving dogs. During my psychology courses, I've learned a few benefits that dogs may offer to the owner. Here are some:

*Your stress level will go down quickly!
I've seen it with Charlie, whenever I feel anxious, all I've got to do is look at him or pet him. Everything feels better right away.

*Welcome back to social life!
Surprised? I don't think so... Whenever you go outside to walk your dog, people look, people comment, and each time I've walked Charlie through town, I don't just have one person asking to pet him but three or more people. You meet new people, you converse, next thing you know, you made a new friend through your dog.

*You feel safer, protected!
Dogs know who is a good person and who isn't! Funny fact is whenever I walk Charlie, I always try to get him on the safe side, not the road one. Somehow, he manages to walk right to the unsafe side towards the road. I ended up telling myself he wanted to protect me, made me feel better about leaving him on that side.

*Say goodbye to depression!
Studies show that dog owners are less depressed than a person who doesn't own a dog, care for a dog. Having a dog around helps you relieve anger, sadness... They sense when you aren't feeling good... Charlie surely knows, and next thing I know, he is up to my face licking me. You can't help but smile!

I might not have my own dog, stealing away my best friend's, but I already know that later on in life whenever I have my own place, my family, I will make sure to have a dog around, I don't care what my partner will say, I'll make sure to marry someone who isn't allergic and I will get a Bernese Mountain Dog! Big and fluffy!

"Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen." - Orhan Pamuk
~Bella

Joyful month...

Happy Holidays!

It is finally this time of the year away! Cannot get enough of the Christmas joy, the smell of all the candles or even the Christmas tree. Can't enough of all the decorations,the little cookies shaped like snowmen, the hot chocolates... Can't get enough of the beanies, the big sweaters, jumpers, scarves.
My season may have ended, all the autumn little pieces of joy may be gone, but let's be honest, a lot of people love winter! 
You've got the chilly cold days... You've got Christmas... You've got the new year that comes along quickly after Christmas!

December is such an amazing month for everyone, no matter where you are on the planet. I know I adore December! The decorations, the warm blankets are out again ( I always have them out no matter what...), the scented cinnamon candles, the big socks, and my wonderful beanies! 
It's that time of the year where the music is enjoyable enough to turn on the radio, the shopping mall has the fake snow little moments in the evening. Christmas parties all month long, little gifts, pastries, sweets... Shortbread! 
Can't get a single December day without joy! 


Now, it's also a stressful month as we all have to run everywhere to find Christmas presents!
I gave up trying to find the perfect mix of presents, to make everyone happy... It's hard! So this year I shared one of my brother's gift with my mum, and the youngest of my brothers... Well, I'm also his godmother, so each year he gets one or two gifts from me. It gets tougher each year!

So here are a few great Christmas gifts examples that I would absolutely love to receive, it's cheap and easy!





* Scented Candles (Can't go wrong with that one)








*A cookbook or a Q&A book
I love to cook (invent a lot of recipes but still cook)

*Socks, scarves or beanies (It's useful whenever it's cold, it's not lost)

*A notebook (I've got plenty but I can never have enough, everyone should have one in their bag)

*A jar full of candy or tea bags (Everyone deserves to have a jar of candy next to their beds)




*A LUSH product (You can find some amazing bubble bath products, cream)





*A photo album that you created yourself with quotes, photos that represent the relationship you have with the person! (Cheap, creative, and homemade gifts are usually the one that everyone love because you cannot say "No, I don't like it")

Buying for someone either it's a family member, a friend, a partner, or a coworker can be stressful. You may never know what they truly enjoy doing, or even like. I know that a gift card or a box of chocolates is an easy way to go, but sometimes we want to give something more. Don't get overboard with presents, don't take forever to find the right Christmas card... 

Enjoy the holiday spirit, the scented candles, the nice cold weather. 

"Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little more." - The Grinch

~Bella

Psych 101...The Psychology of Women

KAREN HORNEY'S THEORY OF NEUROSES

Karen Horney's theory of neuroses in one of the best-known theories on the topic. She believed that interpersonal relationships created basic anxiety and that neuroses developed as a method to deal with these relationships. Horney identified three categories that neurotic needs could be classified under.  If an individual is well-adjusted, he or she will be able to apply all three categories. A person only becomes neurotic when one or more of these are overused. The categories are:

Needs that move an individual towards other people

These are neurotic needs that will make an individual seek out the acceptance, help, or affirmation from others in order to feel worthy. These type of people need to be appreciated and liked by those around them and may come off as clingy or needy. 

Needs that move an individual against other people

In an effort to feel good about themselves, people will deal with their anxiety by trying to force their power onto other people and control those around them. People that express these needs are seen as unkind, selfish, bossy, and controlling. Horney stated that people would project their hostilities onto others in the process she referred to as externalization. The individual would then be able to use this as a justification for his or her sometimes cruel behavior. 

Needs that move an individual away from other people

These neurotic needs are responsible for antisocial behavior, and a person may appear indifferent to other people. The mentality behind this approach is if an individual does not get involved with other people, then other people cannot then hurt the individual. This can lead to feelings of emptiness and loneliness.

Horney then identified ten neurotic need within these categories:

* Moving Towards Other People

        1. The need for affection and approval: This is the desire to meet other people's expectations, make others happy, and be liked. Those that experience this need is afraid of hostility or anger from other people, and are very sensitive to any rejection or criticism. 

        2. An individual's need for a partner that will control his or her life: This need involves a strong fear of being abandoned, and the belief that having a partner in one's life can resolve any trouble or problems that he or she may be having.

* Moving Against Other People

       1. The need to have power: Individuals with this need control and dominate others because they hate weakness but admire, and are desperate for, strength.

       2. The need to exploit other people: Individual with this need are manipulative and believe people exist to be used. Associations with other people are only used to attain things such as control, sex, or money.

       3. The need for prestige: These are individuals that need acclaim and public recognition. Social status, material possessions, professional accomplishments, personality traits, and even loved ones are judged based on prestige, and there is a fear of public embarrassment. 

       4. The need for personal achievement: Pushing oneself to achieve is perfectly normal. However, neurotic individuals may become desperate to achieve, and push themselves as a result of their own insecurities. There is a fear of failure, and the need to always accomplish more than others.

       5. The need for personal admiration: These are individuals that are narcissistic and wish to be viewed based off of an ideal version of themselves, instead of who they actually are.

*Moving Away from Other People

       1. The need for perfection: An individual with this need will commonly be in fear of personal flaws, and will search for these flaws so that he or she can quickly conceal or change them. 

       2. The need for independence: In an effort to not depend on, or be tied down to, other people, an individual exhibiting this need might distance him or herself from others. This creates a "loner" mentality. 

       3. The need to limit one's life so that it remains within narrow borders: The preference for individuals with this need is to go unnoticed and remain inconspicuous. These individuals will often undervalue their own skills and talents, will not demand much, will not desire material objects, are content with very little, and regard their own needs as secondary.

Karen Horney was incredibly influential to the world of psychology. Her views on neuroses as a way to deal with interpersonal relationships and her identification of neurotic need were truly groundbreaking, and by breaking away from the male-dominant views set forth by Sigmund Freud, Horney established herself as a strong voice for woman and female psychology.

"Life itself remains a very effective therapist."- Karen Horney

~bella

Little pieces of joy...

To clarify one subject I do work in a little Macaron place... Indeed, the shop is all about the macarons, but we've got plenty more! Between the lemon pie, the eclairs, the gelatos but also chocolates!
My favorite little piece of joy has to be the gelato. It's rather better than ice cream, it's milkier which let's be honest is rich but delicious! 

So here is the list of gelatos that we offer! 

*Coconut/ dark chocolate
(There are bits of chocolate in the gelato making the coconut taste even more amazing!)
*Arabic Coffee
(This has to be one of my two favorites! I cannot explain how the coffee tastes in this gelato, you just have to come and try it for yourself.)
*Dark Chocolate
(Very rich, don't be surprised on wanting just a small cup of this gelato.)
*Violet
(The most popular one we've got! Everyone is curious because the light purple color is rather interesting!)
*Vanilla
(Classic, but that's my favorite gelato beside the coffee one! It is beyond delicious.)
*Pistachio
(Everyone wants this one, but it is quite good if you are into pistachio.)
*Tiramisu
( I love the dessert, the Italian dessert, and it makes kids wants some!)
*Mint Chocolate
(It went away quite fast! Popular!)
*Speculoos 
(A new arrival, soon coming, so be ready for a new flavor!)

Sobers

*Mango
(You can really taste the fruit as it is mango! If you are a fan, please do it and mix it up with a gelato! You won't be disappointed it!)
*Lemon
(Very lemony, very sour, but OH MY! Go for it! ) 

The chocolate list! They do look very candy like and beautiful but they are eatable!


*Salted Caramel
(Popular chocolate, thanks to my mum, they are going to be gone soon.)
*Lime Coconut
(Half macaron looking chocolate, green and pretty.) 
*Cranberry
(Do not be afraid, it doesn't have that strong cranberry taste, I'm usually not a fan of the fruit, but the chocolate is really good.)
*Dark Chocolate
(It's plain dark chocolate and many people love it!)
*Orange
(This one is one that looks like candy! The top shell is beyond colorful!) 
*Jasmine tea 
(You're a fan of tea, go for it!)
*Banana Rum
(Quite different, wonderful!)
*Raspberry
(Another looking half macaron shape chocolate, pink and deliciously amazing! It's my favorite fruit so I cannot ignore this little chocolate.)
*Pineapple 
(Another looking half macaron shape chocolate, yellow/orange, one that doesn't last long in a bag!)
*Red Berry/ Cherry
(Red look half circle which looks great, and taste great!)
*Passion Fruit
(My favorite! Go and get it!)

After these lists, you cannot ignore the fact that sweets are calling you!

"It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."
~Bella

Don't be fooled!

If you have been on my blog before, reading for quite some times now, you already know I've got a bad case of anxiety. If you are rather new and didn't read previous posts... Well, I have bad anxiety.

On Saturday afternoon, my mum decided to come in a store with me, curious to see. It was fine with me, I don't complain, but this time, she observed my behavior. Next thing I know I get commented, telling me that I get too excited, that I show too much of excitment and it can be scary to people, to people who don't know me. Did she expecte me to be alright with such a comment, because let's be honest here, she didn't just say that, she went deeper, and I ain't the tough young woman who doesn't care about what people say, especially coming from her mother! I love her, don't get me wrong, I love how she is honest, but sometimes she forgets that behind my tough shell, there's a sensitive, emotional person! I took the comments in such a bad way that I just decided to ignore her and went back to work without saying anything to her.
When I'm angry, and don't want to say something I will regret later on, I just shut it, prefer to keep it all for myself.
That Saturday afternoon went on without me being bubbly and I even dropped something on the floor, out of anxiety ( I blame the customers that had just come in that day, long story short, bad experience with these ones a while back, and the guy recognized me...) I have no idea what happened in order to drop everything. After that, I felt sick in my stomach, I couldn't deal with it all.

I apparently appear all happy, bubbly, then drop back to being me, mature, the childish side goes away quickly.

My anxiety came a few weeks after my parents divorced, not a great time, if it was up to me, I would prefer to forget about that time and the following couple of years, but I can't. I didn't understand everything, didn't see everything clearly. Being ten years of age and trying to figure out adult words, arguements, it can be quite challenging. Every divorces may cause a trauma to the children, some kids grow up faster, others rebel against everyone and everything. I was in the growing up too fast category. I had to take on responsibilities that weren't mine to take, I had to learn how to be a "mother" before I knew what junior high was all about. I've always told myself, there's always worse than yourself on this planet. Some don't get to sleep in a bed, others can't even find food or fresh water. Complaining about it all didn't seem right, but I was still affected by the consequence of the divorce. A couple months after my mother separated my father, things turned into a living nightmare, my father isn't the best on the planet, sometimes I wish he wasn't my father, I actually don't even have contacts with him anymore, not that he tries anything or care about me either. My mother's divorce wasn't the cause, but the consequences following the procedure, my father's behavior made me have anxiety, panic attacks.

The very first panic attack was back at his home, in the kitchen, I was cooking something for my brother's lunch, when I saw my father from the window. I felt my heart race, my breathing got unsteady, almost out of breath, I fell down on the kitchen floor. My head was spinning like I was in a club, drunk. Couldn't get up, crying on my knees, not understanding what was going on with me. Since, then my anxiety has been coming and going as it pleases. I never wanted to take pills (medication), always afraid to get addicted to them.

So when my mum decided to be herself, honest, and slightly mean, teasing me about the way I was hyper a few seconds and the next mature serious one... The only answer I could give her is "Anxiety."
Instead of crying my eyes out, or saying something ridiculous, I start being a little jumpy bug. It sounds extremely ridiculous and I must look like an idiot! Thanks mum for giving me this low self esteem boost!
This is just a piece of the entire story, but having anxiety, dealing with it by yourself is a tough job. Anxiety is serious, it affects people's lives, it surely does to mine. Even my dear mother think it's because I act like a bloody idiot, childish even for one second and the next I'm more mature than a twenty eight years old woman, that I cannot get a man in my life and keep him. Thanks again for such a boost of optimism! Now, it surely does sound like I'll be alone for a long time... JK! Hopefully not, I'm still young, but I kow how anxiety works on me, and it does destroy a lot.

People don't need to always have anxiety either, I don't blame my disorder entirely for the quick bubbly to mature and serious behavior that I show people. It's a mechanism, a way of hiding the truth, hiding the fact that I'm hurting in order to keep people from thinking I'm just a sad person. Don't be fooled by bubbly people, some automatically have that personality to hide a lot more than you may expect. I'm not saying everyone does, there are some people that are just very hyper and talkative.
In my case and a friend's case, I know that our bubbly side, especially my friend's, it's to hide something darker than what he let others known. It seems like I'm doing the same, but adding that anxiety that ruins a part of it.

Next time you see a really happy person, smiley, or bubbly, don't just think it's their personality, it may be more than you may imagine! Keep your ears open in case you may hear a slight change in their voice. I know my voice gets shaky at times, and I lose my words as well...

"She's got the eyes of innocence; the face of an angel. A personality of a dreamer and a smile that hides more pain than you can ever imagine."

~Bella