HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It has arrived! FINALLY!

As many of us have resolutions, goals, or already made a calendar with plenty activities on, I'm starting to get all my things back together, slowly...
No, I won't be going back to school, yet, and no, I'm positive on the driving, my phobia is staying a little longer... Till I finally accept the fact that Californians can't drive and that won't be a piece of cake, sorry!
At least, I'm trying to make an effort with the resolutions, and a few more goals that I've been trying to accomplish throughout the years, but never got my head around it all. For example, each year, I let my hopeless romantic self -come up and bring me to the conclusion that it will be the year I meet the guy, the one that will be able to stay... I'm young, yet, each year I have this slight wish, goal that it will be the year. I sound extremely desperate, please don't judge, it won't do anything. Pathetic would be a great way to describe me right this moment. The other little "goal" that I've been trying to work on for quite a while now is accepting the change in my accent. As many of you know, I've got that accent. At the beginning it sounded French, I hated it, then it became less of an obvious this, but still there was that hint of European that would back it up from time to time. Now, it sounds like I'm speaking with a British/Scottish/Irish accent that to be fairly honest I appreciate more, even though no one can tell where I actually come from. Many thinks I'm part British, not going to lie, I like it... You see when you live in a different country, from an European background, listening to British or German music, watch movies in Italian, or even put on some of these British YouTubers on, talk to the owner of Pickles and Swiss (who by the way has the same problem as me with his British accent, he's British though), and speak French at home or even at work... The accent has to change, switch as the language does, and so on. After a while, you speak with a slightly odd accent that makes people wonder where you are from. It's quite fun to lie to tourist on where exactly where in the world you're from. I take pride of laughing at them afterward. But, it's difficult to accept the fact that your accent is odd, and not sexy whatsoever! I'm going to start working on that goal again this year to fully accept the change in this terrible accent of mine.

Then this year, I made a new type of goal that I only thought off a couple of hours ago!

You know those excuses you use whenever you don't want to go to a special dinner so you invent some type of excuse for not going... Stop lying to yourself, we've all done it, plenty times! Excuses are part of our life, no matter what, even if you try, we make excuses for about EVERYTHING, from not going to dinners to why you were late to work. We are humans, no shame for it, don't blame yourself for any excuses, after all, they will stay!
To me, excuses are part of each human being, but I would like to try on working on the making excuses for everyone else's behaviors, saying, or even actions, thoughts, or beliefs, emotions, and feelings. I want to slow down on making excuses for everyone. Sounds simple, right? Well, it's not!

I've always tried to make sense of everything, of everyone's behaviors or emotions. It's insane how much I want to blame the reality on some fake, lame excuses. If someone doesn't respond, I'll just be like, "Oh, something came up and they had to go" or "They never received my texts". When in reality, they don't like me and won't talk, end of story. Instead of seeing the truth and getting hurt, I blame things around the situation. I may be right at times, though, sometimes people happen to be busy or they saw your text and started writing back but forgot to send. Stupid, but it does happen. Don't lose hope, not every excuse you make will be thrown out, some are real! 

Everyone deserves a second chance, the benefit of the doubt, once or twice to say the least. But there comes a time when you cannot keep making excuses for people, over and over again. Some people don't deserve your excuses, your time, your emotions! There are times when people need to grow up and take chances, stop ignoring and start speaking up. Stop using the "What if" so much because it doesn't help anyone, doesn't chance the course of life! 
Making excuses for your family member who always finds a way to skip Christmas dinner with the rest of the family, or the guy that you meet a couple weeks ago hasn't called yet... It doesn't help you, it hurts you, and instead of moving on with your life, you're stuck with the unbearable fact that you are trying to make something happy when it's the complete opposite! 

To summarize this whole post, the new year has arrived, and somehow this means new goals, or in my case, old goals back again! 

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." - Chinese Proverb

~Bella

Welcoming the new year with such a big smile...

Happy Early New Year... 

Saturday is our last day of 2016... Such a terrible nightmare of a year it was for about almost everyone. We are all happy to know it's over soon! Hopefully, 2017 will be a better year, cause somehow without any doubt it was a quite inventful year!

The New Year, what a time to get all your projects on, start getting those specific goals set for the upcoming year! I know I've got my list already, in my head, but there are a few things that really needs to be done... Somehow these few things make a single goal...
Finish this novel of mine to end these ten years of constant pain, heal from these scars, make my mum proud. 

As many of you know already, I have been writing a novel, a fictional novel which consists of a family secret, mafia, and a young determined, stubborn young lady who is in search of the truth behind her mother's past. That past that no one ever mentioned! 

I've started this project about two years ago. The first year was mostly research, a lot of character development, and a lot of notes taken down as I was concentrating on read about Sicilian mafia or watching movies, documentaries. You may find it boring, I always thought it was entertaining and full of interest! The second year was an on and off writing course. Juggling family issues and trying to develop my novel; I'm talking as if this famous year is over... My novel isn't finished, I'm still writing chapters while writing articles for this blog. Talk to me about boring, I sound like a morbid already old person who doesn't live her life to the fullest. When I'm talking about all this, I sound insane about an unfinished story. No wonders why I'm single... 

A few people, who got interested in my novel, have asked me a ton of questions, where was the inspiration came from, why start writing about the Sicilian Mafia, what made you write in the first place... And the list goes on! 
I'm a writer just like my mother, it's in my genes, can't do anything about it. I've always kept a journal /diary since I can write, and today, I keep a blog, journal, and writing a book with another one on my mind. These questions make me think quite a lot, I never thought about them before being asked to answer. I usually respond briefly, not thinking much about it, but then, later on, they stab me in the back, hard. Why did I write, why did choose such an ending... 

Well, here's more details! 
Writing, for me, has always been a way to escape the real world just like reading, also a good reason why I'm such a bookworm! Writing has always helped me keep up with my thoughts, desires, wishes, my pain, breakups, and a lot more. So when I decided to write a novel, it was mostly to escape the reality that at the time was unbearable. I was going through a lot more than I could deal with and seized the opportunity to write a novel, which now sounds cool to some people. But, let's be honest, deep down, I started a novel, a fictional story based on real characters was to end my own story. To end what is now ten years of my life that I have to heal from, let go and move on. I took the chance of writing a fictional story based on me to help me realize how in pain I was. Don't judge that too quickly, I'm alright, honest, and I'm quite happy with life, but there's a part of me that has been hurt for a very long time, and I've always pushed the memories deep down inside instead of letting them go so I could move on. My back tattoo which is my quote in Italian, give me another reason why I needed to write a novel in the first place. "Writing is giving someone else an opportunity." It pretty much means that when someone writes a character based on a real person, the writer is giving an opportunity for that person to be a better one or just a monster, to give that real person the chance to become someone else, to re-live. 

Every writer has some issues, either it's family problems, breakups, anxiety, or even because they lost someone close, they write for a reason. And when people say writers are sad people who drink, it's not half way false, there's a part of truth behind it!
Writers are people who can sit in front of a blank page for hours, staring at it and think about the next adventure they will write. Writers will talk to their characters like they are real people. No matter who the writer is, whatever they write will have some part of the truth, part of experience behind the story, the plot, behind the characters. No matter what, writers always find a way to express themselves through stories just like a painter who take their anger out on canvas to express how they feel. 
So this new year, 2017, hopefully, will bring me to terms with some people, start new adventures with new exciting friends or even more... 

"Writers aren't people exactly. Or, if they're any good, they're a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

~Bella