Wednesday 27 December 2017

One poem at a time...

A Christmas Childhood

One side of the potato-pits was white with frost-
How wonderful that was, how wonderful!
And when we put our ears to the paling-post
The music that came out was magical.

The light between the ricks of hay and straw
Was a hole in heaven's gable. An apple tree
With its December-glinting fruit, we saw-
O you, Eve, were the world that tempted me. 

To eat the knowledge that grew in clay
And death the germ within it! Now and then
I can remember something of the gay
Garden that was childhood's. Again.

The tracks of cattle to a drinking- place, 
A green stone lying sideways in a ditch,
Or any common sight, the transfigured face
Of beauty that the world did not touch.

My father played the melodeon
Outside at our gate;
There were stars in the morning east
And they danced to his music.

Across the wild bogs his melodeon called
To Lennons and Callans. 
As I pulled on my trousers in a hurry
I knew some strange thing had happened. 

Outside in the cow-house my mother
Made the music of milking;
The light of her stable-lamp was a star
And the frost of Bethlehem made it twinkle.

A water-hen screeched in the bog, 
Mass-going feet
Crunched the wafer-ice on the pot-holes, 
Somebody wistfully twisted the bellows wheel.

My child poet picked out the letters
On the grey stone, 
In silver the wonder of a Christmas townland, 
The winking glitter of a frosty dawn. 

Cassiopeia was over
Cassidy's hanging hill, 
I looked and three whin bushes rode across
The horizon- the Three Wise Kings. 

And old man passing said:
' Can't he make it talk-
The melodeon.' I hid in the doorway
And tightened the belt of my box-pleated coat. 

I nicked sick nicks on the door-post
With my penknife's big blade-
there was a little one for cutting tobacco.
And I was six Christmases of age.

My father played the melodeon, 
My mother milked the cows, 
And I had a prayer like a white rose pinned
On the Virgin Mary's blouse. 

- Patrick Kavanagh

Wednesday 6 December 2017

Christmas Month!

December has come, finally!

Gingerbread, the pine scented candles, the hot chocolates with marshmallows, the songs... I could go on and on about what's happening during Christmas month, the cold breeze coming around nighttime which makes you want to get into a hot, steamy shower and get in your warm, cozy bed. 

This time, I'm not talking about the goodies that December has to offer us, but I'm going to talk about my favourite films. The ones I watch every year. Some are more recent films, year after year, I added a few more to the list. Do not worry it isn't going to be the longest list even though, I would add a lot more if I had the time. Being an adult means less time to get around my "me" time. Struggling with friends, family, and work... 

So I thought I would share this famous list of mine with you. Hopefully, I will give you a new film to watch! 

Little one...
"Love Actually" (2003)
Number one movie that I cannot get over, cannot stop crying over, and since it's British, I love it even more! How can someone hate it? I don't understand you if you have never seen it or dislike it? Go watch it now! Little plus, the actors are amazing... Hugh Grant, Keira Knightley, Liam Neeson, Andrew Lincoln, Colin Firth, Bill Nighy, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Martine McCutcheon, Rowan Atkinson, and many others as good as the other. 

Number two...
"The Santa Clause" (1994)
"The Santa Clause 2" (2002)
"The Santa Clause 3" (2006)
I've been watching them since I was a child, in French, but I would watch them all the time. It's part of my childhood.

Little three...
"Elf" (2003)
I believe it's people's favourite... It's such an amazing story, a great film that each year since it came out, it's all over the internet, mugs, I mean Americans go all over this movie each time Christmas is coming. 

Number four...
"The Polar Express" (2004)
I know it's a kid's movie, but how can you not want to watch such a beautiful film? The hot chocolate song always gets me! Give it a shot! 

Little five...
"Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (2000)
I recently got my head around watching it a couple of months ago and I was far from disappointed! The little girl in the movie cannot be more perfect, caught my heart fast! 

Number six...
"A Christmas Carol" (2009)
First time, I ever watched it I was in France, and oh my... It brought me to tears. The movie shows great life lessons. 

Little seven...
"A Child's Christmas in Wales" (1987)
Brings me back to a childhood dream of mine... A snowglobe, rain instead of snow, bedtime stories... Couldn't get better than this film... 

Number eight... 
"Home Alone" (1990)
As a baby in the 90's I couldn't get away from this movie despite being born in Europe! 
I believe it's more a classic movie that anyone could fall in love with at any age. 

Enjoy my list if you are ready to watch any of them. I know, I will make sure to get on the list even if it's much longer than what I gave you! 

Christmas isn't here yet, but trust me when I write this...
I will talk about Christmas a lot! So GET READY!



"What if Christmas, he thought doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." - Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

~Bella

Wednesday 29 November 2017

Little by little...

Apologizes to everyone for not blogging for two weeks... Two busy weeks which turned into a living nightmare when I got to meet new people. Nightmare wouldn't be the best word to describe it as I was the happiest person on Earth at the time...

Meeting new people could be terrifying, awfully terrifying.

Not too long ago, I had to meet new people, talk to them, drink and eat with them... Not in a million years, I would have imagined myself getting interested in knowing more about a family, and yet, I got interested.
Not in a million years, I would have thought about getting involved in such a complex story... And yet, here I am getting myself attached! 

Complexity should be my middle name, each time, I try to put myself out there, be there for certain people, something stupidly emerge from the shadows to destroy what I try my hardest to do or not do.

I strongly believe it's part of that curse, the one I talked about a few articles ago.

Meeting these new people made me realize how much I was homesick. Homesick for Europe, the food, the conversations, the jokes, the drinks, the pubs, the people, everything... Homesick ...

Despite the fact that I've been living in California for over 9 years, I don't feel like home, not fully. I feel out of place half the time, even though I enjoy lots of things around the beautiful city I live in, it's not the same. It's not me. Not my culture, my view on life, my ways of saying or doing things... I even try to stop my accent from ruining my day, afraid to have someone ask me to repeat many many times what I just said.
I don't believe I've been this homesick for a while, nor ever before. I always contained the feelings which would rush in, unexpectedly. But now, more than ever before, I miss everything, the people mostly, but everything in general. And being around Europeans is far from helping. How can I not miss where I'm from? I feel like I'm myself when I'm around Europeans, no more restrictions, no more stupidity... I can say whatever I wish and no one argues or diminishes me. It's fantastic but being homesick is far from being a nice, warm feeling.

When you are living in a country that isn't yours, that doesn't feel like you belong there, the ties you once had with your hometown becomes stronger. You start missing everything, little by little.

I wouldn't write about the subject if I wasn't crying my eyes out. Sounds pathetic when I say it this way, but I can't just lie about what's going on. Since Monday the 27th, everyone I met before Thanksgiving left back to their countries, leaving me to my thoughts. These horrible, one-way thoughts. The ones who try very hard to make you move away from the city you are currently living in. Don't pretend like you've never had a strange feeling of just leaving everything behind to start all over again? Or else I look insane... Cause that is what I want to do right this moment. 

Don't believe I have no friends around, I do, but it's not the same, not the people I feel like I can call "home" in a way. I'm quite lucky to have certain people in my life such as my good friend T... I don't know what I would do without her, we are kind of like an old couple at times, but that makes us be special in certain ways. I love it and I would hate myself for leaving in such a hurry without her. However, I wasn't born and raised in California or the USA. I was raised in Europe, born there, and my mentality is full on European. I have more enemies than friends, I say whatever comes to my head and even though I believe America has many opportunities, I still don't understand half of what Californians do (not even close to understanding).  

Even with many reasons behind me, supporting me on staying in California, a part of me just says, "Leave the place, you are far from being happy. Move away, start again, meet new people and create a new life where you can build something happy for yourself." 
Sounds amazing, leaving behind the past, the pain, the rumors, the hate, people who prefer to hate you instead of understanding you. Sounds fantastic and yet... 

I don't belong in this country, but how am I going to move away? Should I leave without thinking of the future first? Should I just wait and see if I meet the right person where I am at the moment? Should I just forget everything and everyone and do my own thing, wishing it will be the best decision? 

So many questions, and no answer...

"I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while."

~Bella

Tuesday 7 November 2017

One last Autumn...

Autumn Journal

September has come and I wake
And I think with joy how whatever, now or in the future, 
the system
Nothing whatever can take
The people away, there will always be people
For friends or for lovers though perhaps
The conditions of love will be changed and its vices
diminished
And affection not lapse
To narrow possessiveness, jealousy founded on vanity. 
September has come, it is hers
Whose vitality leaps in the autumn, 
Whose nature prefers
Trees without leaves and a fire in the fireplace;
So I give her this month and the next
Though the whole of my years should be hers who has
rendered already
So many of its days intolerable or perplexed
But so many more so happy;
Who has left a scent on my life and left my walls
Dancing hair is twined in all my waterfalls
And all of London littered with remembered kisses. 
So I am glad
That life contains her with her moods and moments
More shifting and more transient than I had 
Yet thought of as being integral to beauty;
Whose mind is like the wind on a sea of wheat, 
Whose eyes are candour, 
And assurance in her feet
Like a homing pigeon never by doubt diverted. 
To whom I send my thanks
That the air has become shot silk, the streets are music, 
And that the ranks
Of men are ranks of men, no more of cyphers.
So that if now alone
I must pursue this life, it will not be only 
A drag from numbered stone to numbered stone
But a ladder of angels, river turning tidal. 
Off-hand, at times hysterical, abrupt, 
You are one I shall always remember, 
Whom cant can never corrupt
Not argument disinherit. 
Frivolous, always in a hurry, forgetting the address, 
Frowning too often, taking enormous notice
Of hats and backchat- how could I assess
The thing that makes you different?
You whom I remember glad or tired, 
Smiling in drink or scintillating anger, 
Inopportunely desired
On boats, on trains, on roads when walking. 
Sometimes untidy, often elegant, 
So easily hurt, so readily responsive, 
To whom a trifle could be an irritant 
Or could be balm and manna.
Whose words would tumble over each other and pelt
From pure excitement,
Whose fingers curl and melt
When you were friendly.
I shall remember you in bed with bright
Eyes or in a cafe stirring coffee
Abstractedly and on your plate the white
Smoking stub your lips had touched with crimson. 
And I shall remember how your words could hurt
Because they were so honest
And even your lies were able to assert
Integrity of purpose. 
And it is on the strength of knowing you
I reckon generous feeling more important 
Than the mere deliberating what to do 
When neither the pros nor cons affect the pulses. 
And though I have suffered from your special responses, 
I should be proud if I could evolve at length
An equal thrust and pattern. 

- Louis MacNeice

Thursday 2 November 2017

Oh, genius... 

I turned 21 years of age in July of 2017, this year, not long ago and yet, it feels like it was an eternity ago. Since July, either I've been going to both my favourite bars or recently one more, the one I disliked on my birthday. It ain't that bad when you know people who work there. 

Each bar I go to is quite unique, different from one another which makes it difficult to only choose one. Everyone knows each other, and you become familiar to people who work at each place. Even become friend with a few. Get phone numbers and an amazing time cause despite what people say, some people are actually quite interesting.  
What I do best is people watch, analyze whoever I fancy, who attracts my eyes. 
As a writer, I take my ideas from daily life, from people I watch at bars, from work ( thank you to a number of stupid customers I have to deal with). And most of the time, I get disappointed by how idiotic people can act.  It's just painful to see how people react and when they open their mouths, what comes out is the trash... 

What I found amusing is the fact that people don't know how to drink and be themselves. It's one of the differences I have with many of them. I'm not going to pretend anything, say what the other person wants to hear, and usually, I make more enemies than friends. It doesn't stop me from being myself though... And it seems like I'm appreciated for it. 
For example, I was sitting at the bar eating some fries and talking to my friend who was working in front of me.  A young woman in her late twenties was standing beside me with a tall guy in his mid-thirties on the other side. They were conversing quite loud so I couldn't help but hear the conversation even though it was rather boring in my opinion. I kept wondering what these two had in common... So I kept listening, wondering, analyzing the best I could. He was barely paying attention to her as his eyes wandered around the room a little too much, staring at women across the room. She kept continuing with her speech which wasn't interesting at all. 
When someone doesn't seem interested you either stop talking or change the subject. It wasn't the case in this situation. 

Then I looked again at both of them, he was tall, fit, well dressed while she looked basic, a lot of makeup, mini dress where we could have seen everything if she bent down. Either she is the easy girl who wants to marry a rich husband, or she is the opposite, a little too serious and thought she would have an enjoyable time by dressing so poorly. Either way, it was funny to watch. 
Another example which I see quite often between one person to the next is the " same thing" type of person. This time, a guy was sitting behind me with a young woman, both drinking vodka mules, probably on a date, and both seem like they were enjoying themselves. Throughout the hour they were sitting at the table, their conversation was more than ordinary, nothing alarming except one slight detail... Everything they had to say to each other was " same with me" or " I can't believe you listen to them as well". 

Don't get me wrong, many of us have similarities but to have everything in common is quite rare. Don't you want to be unique? Be liked for who you are and not because you have common grounds with the other person? Neither of them showed their real personalities which made me wonder if a relationship which starts like this one ever go far. 
I might not show much enthusiasm when sitting at the bar, drinking, but I'm far from being fake. I don't hide who I am, why would I? Where will it lead me? So at the end, not many will talk to me, not many will show their interest in me, but I will have shown what a genuine person looks like.

"It takes nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone." -Hans F Hansen

~Bella

Thursday 26 October 2017

Let's get scared...

Halloween...

One more Halloween...

Comes around each year...

And each year is the same thing...

I watch movies.... Scary movies!


Let's start the list with ...

To begin... I'll go fun...

#1. The Nightmare Before Christmas from Tim Burton.
A bored Halloween pumpkin king kidnaps Santa and takes over Christmas. This isn't going to be pretty.

#2. The Addams Family
Stepping out of the pages of Charles Addam's cartoons and the 1960s television series, members of the beloved, macabre family take to the big screen.

Let's get a little scary now...

#3. Jaws
When an insatiable great white shark terrorizes Amity Island, a police chief, an oceanographer, and a grizzled shark hunter seek to destroy the beast.

#4. Tales of Halloween
Ten horror shorts set in one suburban town capture the insanity of Halloween, from trick-or-treating aliens to kidnappers in way over their heads.

#5. A Dark Song
Grieving the death of her son, a woman hires an occult to expect to lead her through a psychologically grueling ritual to contact her child's spirit.

#6. The Shinning
A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil and spiritual presence influences the father into violence, while his psychic son sees horrific forebodings from the past and the future.

#7. The Evil Dead
Five friends travel to a cabin in the woods, where they unknowingly release flesh-possessing demons.

#8. The Others
A woman who lives in a darkened old house with her two photosensitive children becomes convinced that her family home is haunted.

#9. Let Me In
A bullied young boy befriends a young female vampire who lives in secrecy with her guardian.

#10.Carrie 
Carrie White, a shy, friendless teenage girl who is sheltered by her domineering, religious mother, unleashes her telekinetic powers after being humiliated by her classmates at her senior prom. 

Halloween is all about parties, dressing up, drinking and scaring people on purpose to many, but me. I don't like being scared, dressing up is far from what I'm into, and I try to stay as far as possible to parties! Can't deal with them! So for me, Halloween is another fun night in front of a good horror film, a hot chocolate, and candies, warm blanket and having a blast without having to deal with drunk people... If you are like me, I encourage you to stay yourself. 

On the other hand, if you are supposed to go party, or go a bar... Please, be careful! Don't drink and drive! 

"For Halloween, I've decided the easiest thing to do is give up caffeine. If that doesn't scare the hell out of everyone around me, nothing will."

~Bella

Thursday 19 October 2017

New schedule

I know I changed my schedule around, but since two jobs and having a social life is quite difficult to balance, writing blog posts are becoming harder.

You can comprehend how difficult it is to be a responsible adult who balances social life, work life, and some alone time until you live it yourself. I never understood until I started doing it myself.

Since I'm struggling to write, to keep up with my writing, and my ideas for a second novel, I decided that only one day a week would be best, each Wednesday. It sounds pathetic, and I apologize in advance, but like I said, balancing life itself is tough so don't blame me for wanting to write less on the blog. I'll post each week, try to make better content and hopefully, I'll be able to get back to my normal schedule, two days a week.

So I'll see you all next Wednesday for a new post!

~Bella

Tuesday 17 October 2017

Europeans aren't perfect...

As you know I'm quite the mixture of different origins, so full European in other words. I currently live in the United States, California to be precise. It's not easy to live in a different country but continent... I feel the change even after 10 years. It's complex, a little too tough on me as I still don't always understand how Americans or Californian works. 

Even if I enjoy expressing myself on my observations regarding Americans, Californians, I have to admit Europeans aren't at all perfect. To be fairly honest and giving myself some excuse, it's easier to talk about people who you deal with on a daily basis. If I was back home, any country in Europe, I would be doing the same thing, almost. 

Let's start off with the drinking. As far as I'm concerned, we are doing it right because we keep the drunk moment a long time. We keep it going instead of rushing it and enjoy only a good hour before blacking out. Sadly, many of you, Americans, see us as alcoholics who drink throughout the day... I can't blame you, we are alcoholics in some ways. 

They believe what's on TV. Like most of the people everywhere in the world. We do not have a great view on Americans in general. Can't blame them for Americans actions but still... I have amazing friends who were born and raised in California and other states. Not everyone is the same. The culture, "morals", "values" of the country is still the same though. 

You will never hear a European say soccer. Everyone will say football or something similar to that. I'm guilty of getting pissed off a couple times for hearing the word soccer thrown out there, but I can't do much about it. Sadly, many Europeans will take it wrongly, get even worse than me. Be ready to say football before you get a bloody nose. 

They know it all... Europeans love to be right about everything and try to let everyone else know about it. They will tell other countries how to rule the government but let's be honest deal with your continent and each single countries in before going across the ocean or anywhere else. We are an old continent but that doesn't make us know it all. 

We aren't as bubbly or open compare to Americans. It could be taken wrongly. We don't smile as often, we don't open up easily, in other terms we are reserved. Not everyone appreciates the way we are, sorry. We come off as rude for not trusting and not being as friendly. Even though, if you start a genuine conversation with us, we are amazing people. It just takes time. 

The comforting idea... We, disappointingly enough, have small portion we when it comes to food. And comfort food, depending on the person, tend to learn more on the fatty, greasy choice and yet, we don't have much of that. I mean we do have amazing food but the smaller portion and greasy, not so much our thing. 

Finally, we write too much against Americans. That's my thing, I'm supposed to cut short on that but I don't understand how they, you work. I'm just observing and asking myself questions. We come off as rude and obnoxious for being so against America. It's insane. 

"Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy." -Margaret Thatcher. 

~Bella

Tuesday 10 October 2017

I'm Golden... 

It's officially Autumn! Summer has finally died to leave me in a better mood. 
Alright, that's not all true, I can't say summer hasn't gone just yet since the weather isn't rainy, windy or cold enough for big sweaters and scarves. No beanies yet... Even though it is Autumn, it does not feel like it in California... How could it be this perfect season when all you have is the constant sun, bright blue sky, and the unbearable frustrating warm temperature... How? 

So much anger towards Summer, the hot sun burning our skin, the humidity making us sweat... I cannot stand Summer except, for one simple tiny thing... Autumn is here now... 

Favourite season...

I know I've been obsessing with the season but when you don't have the chance of living in a city where my sweater weather comes every year, you start missing it a lot. I have been having a long love story with sweaters, and despite the terrible fact that I cannot always wear them makes me depressed.

What makes this beautiful season so fabulous in many ways is simple. Really simple.

Autumn has gorgeous colours. Come on, the golden red leaves on the trees, falling on your head as you walk on the sidewalk to your work.
The smell of pumpkin spices, the firewood, the smell of rain in the air... Can't get better than this.


For me, the season has always brought something good in my life, and I'm beyond excited for the little boots, the scarves and sweaters to be back. The rain, first tattoo, traveling by myself, falling in love, making new friends... I could go on with the list, but it would be too much to write about and too many details I won't be able to remember. So it would end up being a boring reading for you!

This year, this season isn't going as plan, single, 21 so bars, working, and trying to get everything in my life organized. I'm still planning on getting that tattoo before the season end, planning on seeing a friend but never get it done. My life is a little bit more of a mess than ever before which makes me a little frustrated, but it is also why I started watching films, lots of films.

Let's starts off 'with Harry Potter, yes, I have to watch them every year, no matter what, I will find the time to watch them! They are too good to miss out on.

Now, it's Indiana Jones... I know the soundtrack, but when it comes to what it is about, I have no clue what is going on with anything. 

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels... Recommended to me by British friends, I can't wait to spend two hours in bed with chocolate and hot tea. There is always something interesting about crime, gang-related films. 

Hocus Pocus
One of the best movies to watch in Autumn and no one can argue this! It's a classic that everyone wants to watch and yet... I still haven't watched it. I'm a real winner here. 

The Nightmare Before Christmas! One of the best Tim Burton's films after a few others... This movie may seem childish and yet it is such a good one, the songs, the parody, the whole script. Autumn means Halloween to many of us, and despite the fact that it is not yet Halloween, it's a preparation for both this coming day and Christmas which I cannot wait for any longer. 

Sleepy Hollow, another Burton's movie. I had to watch it for a class back at school, but this time, I want to watch it with another eye, not so critical and judgmental. It has some special actors such as Deep. The costumes, the way they talk, the jump scares will keep me up for an entire night. 

This year's Autumn isn't full of movies as I work two jobs, and trying to keep track of my blog, my novel, and my new draft that is coming slowly into life, at least the whole idea is. 
Autumn isn't all about scary movies, romantic walks in the park, or waking up to the sound of rain. It's about the hot drinks that you get to finally drink such as Pumpkin spice latte (not my thing), hot chocolate,  extra coffee for the frisky mornings. The cuddles are back on especially on dates, and that I cannot resist! 
"Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile." - Wiliam Cullen Bryant.

~Bella

Thursday 5 October 2017

Just don't -

Living in California for over nine horrible years, I've got to be an expert on Californians or Americans in general. What I mean by that is... Well, let's start with... 
Just don't tell me ice cream and gelato is the same. It's not. I'm from Europe, I'm part Italian, I know what my gelato is like and what ice cream is like. Two different things which happen to be in the same category of dessert. If you won't say frozen yogurt is the same as ice cream don't bother arguing with me about gelato. You will lose. 
Just don't show up half-naked at the bar to then complain how guys are real pigs. Have you heard of common sense? I don't think so since you can't even realize how provoking it is to be half naked in front of a guy or lady. If you don't want guys to look at you, don't dress like trash, they will treat you as such... 

Just don't try running in heels when you have a mini skirt on. I mean if I were a man or attracted to women I would have probably not minded it but it's not the case. It's actually embarrassing and quite uncomfortable. No one has to see your underwear or your butt. It doesn't make you beautiful, attractive. 

Just don't pretend you are a proud American. You've got a terrible puppet as president. If it was the movie IT, your president would be the clown. Plus if being American means ignoring your origins as well, then... I don't know what to tell you cause most of the population has some European blood, Mexican blood, African blood... If being proud American means acting like Nazis have acted in the past, then I've got nothing to you except to start having a heart cause your humanity has been lost. 

Just don't come up to me with a bloody idiotic speech about how I should be an American citizen. I don't feel like America is my home, I don't understand Americans, I don't have the same culture ( that's if they have one), and your president isn't helping me want to become a citizen. So please keep your speech to yourself. 

Just don't act like your friend. Friends aren't fake people who only talk to you when they need something. They talk to you because they feel like checking up on you or just need to talk, to vent, to hang out. I feel like most people are just acquaintances who are only curious about my life to gossip afterward. No need to pretend a friendship, I don't like fake people anyways. 

Just don't tell me how I should eat! Look at yourself first before attacking me. I'm not the one eating fast food every day. I'm not the one eating chips all hours of the day or drink soda whenever I have something to eat. I'm the one who should be attacking you, and tell you how you should be eating, healthy. Keep your comments to yourself, last time I check I was good with my weight. 

Just don't drive in the rain! I'm not going to be an evil person who tells you do not drive at all. Just in the rain for now. I understand how Californians aren't used to rain, we all see how dramatic they get after a fifteen-minute shower. It's not like Texas... So driving in the rain is tough, I shouldn't know since I don't drive and yet, being in the passenger seat, I can tell people panic when there's rain. For everyone's sake, just stay indoors and try not to drive anywhere. 

Just don't show us your big ring. Who cares how big the diamond is... It doesn't prove how much he loves you, or she loves you. It's  shiny, yes, some people love them, I don't, but I don't believe they want to constantly have to hear, " Look how big my diamond is. He loves me so much. We are going to grow old together." And then two years later... Divorce. That ring doesn't promise you a lifetime with that person so keep your ring to yourself and don't show it too much. 

Just don't tell me " You should smile more". As far as I'm concerned, life isn't all rainbows and smiles. Life isn't all pretty and pink. I'm from Europe, and there, it's more common to see someone look " normal", not a fixed smile who looks fake half the time. If you are not getting spit at or being mistreated, then there's no harm committed. Smiling nonstop doesn't make you trustworthy so maybe lay low on it or stop complaining about Europeans not smiling as much as you would like. On the other hand, if you love to show your pretty smile, go ahead, no one will stop you. 

Just don't think you're intelligent when you come up with, " pizza is American" or " you can't be African, you are not black". The ignorance is above average. If there was a prize for how dumb a country is, The United States would win without even fighting for it. If you are trying to convince yourself I'm wrong on the subject or you believe Americans are smart then explain to me how white people or Arabs cannot say they are African? I mean, in geography you should have learned that Tunisia, Morocco, Algeria, and others are African. These countries are in Africa! And you may have heard about a lot of white people in the south of Africa? They can't say they're African though cause the colour of their skin isn't black so it obviously means not African. Americans don't do enough geography if they can't even believe Africa is a continent just like Europe, Asia, North America... 

Just don't greet me with a "Yo" or a "Hey". I don't know you, we are not friends, and we certainly haven't gotten a drink together. Last time I checked I didn't pee in front of you as well. Why not be respectable and say "Hello". Does it hurt you to say such a respectful word? 




Just don't tell everyone how rude Europeans are when you can't even be polite yourself. Europeans are blunt compared to Americans, I think we all can agree on that, but usually the "Hello", " please", "thank you", and " bye" is common to us, Europeans. While it seems like Americans are too lazy to even reply to a simple "Hello". Who's ruder? 

It seems like I can go on and on about the just don't... But I'll stop there cause I don't believe everyone will be open to criticism. After all, the truth is known to hurt and be the one subject Americans will try hard to not hear. Despite the fact that I'm having really difficult times with Americans, I live there and I'm started to also see the good in America unless it's political, health, education, food... But other than that, America has lots to offer if the president and people would calm down with their beliefs which are destroying the country and everyone in it.

" Great countries are those that produce great people." - Benjamin Disraeli 

~Bella 



Tuesday 3 October 2017

Let's be honest....

I don't specifically share anybody's post as I never really read anything which I could completely relate to.  Nothing seems to fit with my style until I browsed my facebook page a couple of weeks ago... 
I came across this post about an Irish person talking about Americans.

http://www.thisisinsider.com/17-cultural-clashes-this-european-had-in-america-2017-6?utm_content=buffer65d42&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer-travel

Now you'll say I hate America, I always have something to say against it, but in fact, I don't have a place where I do not have any complaints about, yet at least. Everywhere I go, I seem to see the negative side but that usually changes cause I do see the positive as well. Despite the fact that there's more to talk about the USA on the negative side of things, especially right now with the current president, I also know it is good in this country. Sadly, when you are from Europe, you have a tougher time understanding Americans and this post clearly states my own opinion and shocking things I still cannot comprehend to this day. 
It is well written, but like they said, do not read it if you are easily angered. It's an opinion given to you for you to either try to comprehend it or ignore it. Don't think you have to agree, but for once I agree with someone's opinion and it feels good to know I ain't the only one thinking a certain way. 
Hope you have a good read... 

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is perspective, not the truth."- Marcus Aurelius

~Bella

Friday 22 September 2017

Little info!

Sorry about this post, but I won't be able to write any post today nor next week. Things came up which won't make it easy for me to write a thing. 

I apologize in advance if you were looking forward to the next article. I promise I'll be back in October. 

~Bella

Wednesday 20 September 2017

One Mystery at the Time...

Since I've been living out of my mum's, I've been walking pretty much everywhere which helped me keep fit, and since then, I've seen the same old people from town.

I do live in a small town and since I've been living on my own (with housemates),  the city has become smaller, making it difficult to not see the same people, and working two jobs, downtown isn't helping either. Sounds like a village than a town or city. It is far from bothering me when it comes to one specific person, someone who is a complete stranger.

I don't pay much attention to many people especially after knowing that half the people are either tourists, college kids who've got no brain, customers, and people I prefer to ignore. So having someone catch my eyes... Well, it's quite unexpected!

He was walking up the street while I was walking down, unaware of anyone around me. Thin silhouette with dark messy hair, backpack on and a bike next to him. Nothing different if you compare him to other people, and yet, I saw him. I saw him around others and somehow that's making him different. Why? Why him and not someone else? And yet, I'm here, still talking about him, wondering so many questions.

That was about four months ago.

Four months later, I'm still seeing him almost everywhere, thinking of who he is, and finally dreaming of what his name is. I'm dreaming of the perfect stranger whose name is unknown. Is it just my hormones working out, playing tricks or just something pulling me, telling me to go forth and ask for a name?

Why think of him? Why dream of him? 


When I think of it, I'm throwing myself into a dangerous story, putting myself out in a strange world, the world that ain't mine but this stranger's one.

So a few weeks ago, I end up coming home a little late, walking towards my street when I saw him on a skateboard which is already odd enough, but what makes it weirder is I called him out, waving at him so he could come to me. Funny thing, he did come towards me, wondering what I wanted. We ended up talking for about two to three hours. Learned quite a lot, and despite the fact that he doesn't hang around the people who will support him, pull him out of the wrong path, he hangs out with people who are bringing him down.

Now, I understand how frustrating is it to not know how to to get away from people who've been around for you when you have been in a tough position, but at some point, you'll have to know there's more to it than just them than just what you know.

What I've learned from trying to help someone who's got his life quite disastrous is that no matter what happens, it's never too late for a second chance.
That's right, a second chance...
Believe me when I say that I do not give second chances and somehow this guy came into my life and showed me wrong. I personally didn't give him a second chance as it was his first chance with me.
He might not be the guy you would expect to have a brain much larger than the others, and yet he surprised me. Smarter than half the people I know or talked to, quite refreshing to say the least. Much more interest to listen to, talk to, no boring moment. Despite the fact that I wanted to help out, not everyone can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and he believes I came a little too late.

I laugh at it when I'm writing this post, but trust me I wasn't at the time. I've always believed it's never too late to do things, to believe in some happy ending, and he crushed it in a matter of seconds.
When I thought I was going to help out, someone who deserves it, someone who I believed in because I saw beyond the appearances, saw what he was truly capable of doing, he rejects it. Refusing to take the help even though I did hit a nerve to show him the positive is quite painful to accept! 

At least, now, whenever I see him and he sees me, I know I can count on a smile which means a lot already! He also knows he can count on me if he wants to talk, freely talk. 

"Listening is often the only thing needed to help someone."

~Bella


Friday 15 September 2017

Taking a few steps back.

A week or so ago, I wrote about my own ways of dealing with a broken heart and how I'm very unsocial. Now, these things may help me at the moment, but I know that everything I do doesn't work for everybody, and it won't help me forever. It won't work eternally, sadly. I know I will explode, one day, destroy my own self and people who I love at the same time. 
So after talking to friends I came up with a few things that work best for people, and no, I'm just talking to girls but guys as well. I don't believe heartaches only affect women. 

Big one~ Be social! No matter what you may feel, or look like, go out and enjoy the world. When you have a broken heart, being social will keep you from drowning yourself in sad movies, music. Dress up a little even if it's to get groceries, you never know if someone may catch your eyes... Be pretty or handsome for yourself! Even if it sounds stupid, you will feel better. Small gestures count. 

Big two~ Take the time to review yourself! What I mean by that is simply, take some time for yourself, treat yourself right! I do NOT mean shopping! I'm talking to most girls out there or guys who love to go shopping, getting that wallet empty. I don't mean go shopping and spend every penny on stuff you won't even use, wear or even need. Treating yourself with a massage, a road trip somewhere nice with a friend or two, going to concerts may help you a lot more than spending money in shops. 

Big three~  Don't be afraid of others approaching you. Sounds odd when you read it like this, but usually, after a breakup or a simple heartache, you tend to avoid any contact with people, and you don't believe any compliments as you are still hurting from a previous person. Letting others compliment you, approach you, talk to you and flirt with you gives you a boost of self-esteem that you need, especially during that time. After a breakup, the best you could possibly do is let people treat you well. 
Big four~ Cry away every bad feeling because it's healthy! Do not believe it's a sign of weakness, on the contrary, be proud it makes you human! Crying will help you take away the negativity that has been storing in you. 

Big five~ Catch up on things you have been postponing. You remember the projects, the passions you couldn't do during your time with your ex... Well, I've got great news for you, you can finally do them! Not the things you have been procrastinating, but the ones you couldn't do because your ex-girlfriend/ boyfriend wasn't into it. The good thing about doing these things is that it keeps your mind busy, busy from thinking about what had happened. 

Big six~ Drink! Alright, do not drink like a maniac, but responsibly! What will a glass of red wine do to you? Maybe get you tipsy for a bit but that will be it. Drinking responsibly will make you tipsy enough to be in a happy mood. I'm just pointing out how I am on this one... Don't go out, get wasted, jump on whoever is moving. That walk of shame will give you a headache the next morning. I wouldn't know much about that but from what I've heard, it's not pretty. 

Big seven~ Give love to people who deserve it. Despite the fact that you are hurt and don't want to give anything to anyone, giving out some of your love is something that will make you think twice about being sad! Instead of desperately searching for someone else, give some love. Instead of spreading some hate, spread some love.

Big eight~ Live in the present and future instead of the past. Being nostalgic is a thing that everyone has to live through at least once either via listening to a song or eating something your deceased grandmother used to cook, but do you have to live every day in the past? It's already written and cannot be re-written. The best you can do in this situation is to think about the present and the future as it is happening and you have the power to change the future as it hasn't happened yet. Why bother going back to the past, knowing it was awful? 

Being heartbroken isn't something fun to deal with, easy to manage and despite how much stuff you will do to keep that mind of yours busy, only time can repair a broken heart. There are ways to help such as the ones I listed above but it won't cure a broken heart. The only thing that has worked is when I fell in love with someone else. I had completely forgotten my ex but this time... I'm still in the process of repairing my broken heart! 
Having your heart broken isn't something meant to be pleasant, and it hurts. Now, the way you deal with it is up to you! Either stay in bed, depressed, listening to sad music, watching romantic movies, and crying an ocean or you pick yourself up. Get that ass out of bed, drag yourself outside if necessary but do not sob yourself away because you are better than the person who hurt you! 

Hopefully, you have better luck than me!

"If it's real, it'll hurt like hell."

~Bella