Just don't -

Living in California for over nine horrible years, I've got to be an expert on Californians or Americans in general. What I mean by that is... Well, let's start with... 
Just don't tell me ice cream and gelato is the same. It's not. I'm from Europe, I'm part Italian, I know what my gelato is like and what ice cream is like. Two different things which happen to be in the same category of dessert. If you won't say frozen yogurt is the same as ice cream don't bother arguing with me about gelato. You will lose. 

Just don't show up half-naked at the bar to then complain how guys are real pigs. Have you heard of common sense? I don't think so since you can't even realize how provoking it is to be half naked in front of a guy or lady. If you don't want guys to look at you, don't dress like trash, they will treat you as such... 

Just don't try running in heels when you have a mini skirt on. I mean if I were a man or attracted to women I would have probably not minded it but it's not the case. It's actually embarrassing and quite uncomfortable. No one has to see your underwear or your butt. It doesn't make you beautiful, attractive. 

Just don't pretend you are a proud American. You've got a terrible puppet as president. If it was the movie IT, your president would be the clown. Plus if being American means ignoring your origins as well, then... I don't know what to tell you cause most of the population has some European blood, Mexican blood, African blood... If being proud American means acting like Nazis have acted in the past, then I've got nothing to you except to start having a heart cause your humanity has been lost. 

Just don't come up to me with a bloody idiotic speech about how I should be an American citizen. I don't feel like America is my home, I don't understand Americans, I don't have the same culture ( that's if they have one), and your president isn't helping me want to become a citizen. So please keep your speech to yourself. 

Just don't act like your friend. Friends aren't fake people who only talk to you when they need something. They talk to you because they feel like checking up on you or just need to talk, to vent, to hang out. I feel like most people are just acquaintances who are only curious about my life to gossip afterward. No need to pretend a friendship, I don't like fake people anyways. 

Just don't tell me how I should eat! Look at yourself first before attacking me. I'm not the one eating fast food every day. I'm not the one eating chips all hours of the day or drink soda whenever I have something to eat. I'm the one who should be attacking you, and tell you how you should be eating, healthy. Keep your comments to yourself, last time I check I was good with my weight. 

Just don't drive in the rain! I'm not going to be an evil person who tells you do not drive at all. Just in the rain for now. I understand how Californians aren't used to rain, we all see how dramatic they get after a fifteen-minute shower. It's not like Texas... So driving in the rain is tough, I shouldn't know since I don't drive and yet, being in the passenger seat, I can tell people panic when there's rain. For everyone's sake, just stay indoors and try not to drive anywhere. 

Just don't show us your big ring. Who cares how big the diamond is... It doesn't prove how much he loves you, or she loves you. It's  shiny, yes, some people love them, I don't, but I don't believe they want to constantly have to hear, " Look how big my diamond is. He loves me so much. We are going to grow old together." And then two years later... Divorce. That ring doesn't promise you a lifetime with that person so keep your ring to yourself and don't show it too much. 

Just don't tell me " You should smile more". As far as I'm concerned, life isn't all rainbows and smiles. Life isn't all pretty and pink. I'm from Europe, and there, it's more common to see someone look " normal", not a fixed smile who looks fake half the time. If you are not getting spit at or being mistreated, then there's no harm committed. Smiling nonstop doesn't make you trustworthy so maybe lay low on it or stop complaining about Europeans not smiling as much as you would like. On the other hand, if you love to show your pretty smile, go ahead, no one will stop you. 

Just don't think you're intelligent when you come up with, " pizza is American" or " you can't be African, you are not black". The ignorance is above average. If there was a prize for how dumb a country is, The United States would win without even fighting for it. If you are trying to convince yourself I'm wrong on the subject or you believe Americans are smart then explain to me how white people or Arabs cannot say they are African? I mean, in geography you should have learned that Tunisia, Morocco, Algeria, and others are African. These countries are in Africa! And you may have heard about a lot of white people in the south of Africa? They can't say they're African though cause the colour of their skin isn't black so it obviously means not African. Americans don't do enough geography if they can't even believe Africa is a continent just like Europe, Asia, North America... 

Just don't greet me with a "Yo" or a "Hey". I don't know you, we are not friends, and we certainly haven't gotten a drink together. Last time I checked I didn't pee in front of you as well. Why not be respectable and say "Hello". Does it hurt you to say such a respectful word? 

Just don't tell everyone how rude Europeans are when you can't even be polite yourself. Europeans are blunt compared to Americans, I think we all can agree on that, but usually the "Hello", " please", "thank you", and " bye" is common to us, Europeans. While it seems like Americans are too lazy to even reply to a simple "Hello". Who's ruder? 

It seems like I can go on and on about the just don't... But I'll stop there cause I don't believe everyone will be open to criticism. After all, the truth is known to hurt and be the one subject Americans will try hard to not hear. Despite the fact that I'm having really difficult times with Americans, I live there and I'm started to also see the good in America unless it's political, health, education, food... But other than that, America has lots to offer if the president and people would calm down with their beliefs which are destroying the country and everyone in it.

" Great countries are those that produce great people." - Benjamin Disraeli 

~Bella 

Bar to Bar...

As you know I recently turned 21 years old. Even though I've been drinking for a long time now, Americans made it a bigger deal than me, getting even more excited about it than me. I ended up confused as who's birthday it was, theirs or mine?

If someone turns 21 that means more money in your pocket, we get it, but when you are European like me, being 21 means nothing much. It's just another age, getting older. But no, I was in California when I turned 21, the drinking age. Even after two weeks in, people kept wishing my birthday. 

Little story, I was grocery shopping with my roommate. A little shop where I had found my bottle of alcohol, Vermouth. Nothing special, right? Well, at the cashier's, the woman asked for my ID, politely enough, smiled, looked at it closely, and told me "Happy Birthday". I thanked her, telling her it wasn't a big deal. Her face turned white as snow, I didn't say anything much just a simple thanks, yet it was the end of the world. 

America, I understand you are a new world, your laws are a little messed up especially when it comes to drinking, but do you have to act like complete fools when someone turns 21 years old? Do you have to pound alcohol in your system to get drunk fast enough to work your magic?

Let's get back to our topic, bars. 

When you hear bars, you automatically think drinks, getting hit on... While I'm just thinking soccer or pleasant time. Can't deny my culture and where I'm from as it shows it my drinking. 

Americans, in general, have perfected the art of pounding several drinks in a matter of just an hour or so. Europeans maintain a buzz the entire evening, many don't even get drunk. 

Another difference which keeps shocking me is the way people approach you. It seems like in Europe you won't be approached the same way. First, if they aren't part of the group or your circle or know someone from your circle, they don't usually go talk to you. Strangers stay at their place, generally. Introduction first then they talk. It's not being rude, it's just that we are distrustful. 

When I think of bars I think about the good time spent in good company, friends for instance. Here, all I've been seeing is strangers talking, girls (I won't describe them as women) expecting free drinks, and obviously both waiting to catch someone easy to bring home. Not surprising since the average duration of a relationship in Europe is counted by years and not months like most Americans. 

Now, Europe is a big continent with many different countries, languages and cultures/traditions. I ain't complaining about America, I ain't saying you don't know what bars are for, but you have to realize that coming from Europe, I can't find the whole bar experience great. 

I don't know how many times I've been looked at for being a young woman who drinks beer after work! Too many to keep track of! Not only you are looked for drinking beer and not tequila or vodka like most girls around here, but you are looked because you are alone and you make it clear that you don't want to be bugged. Why would it be alright for guys to hangout at bars, watch sports and enjoy a drink but not women? How is that fair? You tell me! 

My American bar experience is limited though, I'm in a town where people are too fake to look at what's real, so I can't just criticize every bar in the U.S.  

Sadly, I'm still in shock by my experience around here, California. How the girls dress without many clothes on to just complain about how guys grabbed their bottoms or tried to get with them later on. If you don't want a guy to look at you like an easy girl dress a bit more casual or classic instead of trashy! Trashy girls means easy girls! To me, it sounds more like a complete joke more than anything else. 

Santa Barbara may not be the best example when it comes to bars or much stuff in general! And it does not generalize the entire U.S., but a country has its culture and people are usually the same, almost. 

Despite the things I still don't fully understand, I made friends with the bartender, the security guys, and a few who works in the kitchen and bar. Just because they work in a bar doesn't make them fools or perverts which I adore! And I've got my little reputation, " the mum" reputation which I gladly take. I prefer to be responsible anyways so... Instead of throwing myself to guys, and act idiotic, I'm responsible enough to throw the truth at random strangers who will approach me like fools. I mean after my last encounter ( a guy came towards me and my roommate at the time, and the first thing he said was that he was a stoner, great way to make a girl fall for you...), sticking to good old tricks is highly recommended. 

Then again, I'm a bit cold and chase off guys but I'm still emotional and sensitive. I thought I wasn't attractive enough. But then my friend made a point, " Guys who go to bars don't want cute, sweet, smart opinionated girls like you. They want the loose (not sexually) bubbly party girls who look easy even if they aren't... No guy is calling a girl beautiful at the bar for anything other than sex..." 

And then he came up with the fact that my type of guys is hiding in coffee shops and libraries. Sorry to disappoint my friend but I live in these places, and yet, I haven't met Prince Charming! 

"Life is just a cocktail party on the street." -Mick Jagger. 

~Bella

Q&A time!!!!

After having, the same questions asked plenty times to me... I wanted to write the answers down and share a few of them with you! I know YouTubers do them, and I also know that you learn a lot with Q&A. 

First and the most popular question I've gotten so far: Why do you write? 

I write because it makes me feel alive. If I stop writing, I feel like I'm losing myself to reality, and that my friend is boring, too normal for me. I write because it gives me something to live for... (That has to be talked about in person...) But I've written a post about writing so if you are interested in reading more... Go ahead! 

http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2016/04/as-real-first-one.html

Second and far the most popular question out there, even though I've written so much about it... It still comes up : Why do you love soccer/ football so much, what is it about the game?

As I've said before, I call it football, and it's part of my culture. I was born and raised around it. The game itself is, to me at least, a sport that is about the team, about the position and how each player has a talent. I love the players, how they control the ball, how they can make the team the best. Soccer is a part of me, I used to play it with my brother all the time, my cousins, friends at school. We didn't care how bad or good we were, we were still playing. I was always a center midfielder. I ain't sure why, but it worked! So at the end of the day, it's a passion, it's a sport that makes me feel better, that makes me who I am. It's like writing, it's a part of me. Without writing or football, I would be a tiny part of me. 

Here are two posts about football that I've written before: 

http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2016/06/why-not-going-for-your-birth-country.html

http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2016/07/what-squad.html

Third question and by far the most personal one: What was your most embarrassing moment? 

It used to be very difficult to answer it as I never really been in an embarrassing moment in my life. Then, I thought about it more and more to the point of a headache. My most embarrassing moment has to be when I was at school in California for the first time! I came to America without knowing much English, I mean I had the basic down like the animals, the food, the numbers, letters... But I couldn't understand much and the speaking part was beyond explanation. I felt ashamed for speaking another language and not understanding what other kids my age would say. Only words without full sentences, I felt like a baby... Embarrassing for sure! But I grew out of it, and in high school, I was one of the students who happen to have good marks on essays! Which I'm proud of, it made me feel more confident about my writing! 

The fourth question that comes up either often is : How come you aren't in a long lasting relationship?

This one, I mean, why would you even ask, what's on your mind when you ask such a question!  I can't even answer straight away without really thinking about it. I don't want to blame everything on the guy, but I have bad luck when it comes to relationships! It's a family curse, my grandmother had a hard time with men, while my mum had terrible husbands who treated her like she was nothing. It seems like I'm following a path. Plus I've got terrible flaws, I'm complicated, and if you aren't patient or stubborn enough to make me open up, it's a lost cause. Cherry on top, being a hopeless romantic doesn't help much, I expect things to go a certain way and it fails completely, making me look like a fool in love with love itself. So to answer, a long lasting relationship will happen when I find the right person to be with and build, a person who will make me feel like I deserve a lot more than I have. I will be in a long lasting relationship when I know I'm comfortable enough to trust a man who will be a supportive and understanding person with tons of flaws that will make me love him more and more each single day! 

Fifth... Odd and personal question: How come you don't have that many friends? 

I don't know how to properly answer this question either. It's out of my control, with complete honesty, I don't know how to explain how I don't have "that" many friends. Do we need many friends? I believe that we need close friends, the ones that won't leave at important times, the ones that will be there at the toughest times. Being European in America is one of the most difficult thing ever. Foreigners in a country that is completely different from their own is difficult! I'm sure it happened to many people before me. Having a different culture, different view about love and life, being the opposite of them can be challenging. I had a tough time at school, I wouldn't want to be in just one group of people, I wanted to be friends with everyone meaning guys as well... I've always played or talked to girls and boys, so I did what I always did, talk to both genders, but it wasn't appreciated, especially with the girls. I got bullied for that. So now, friends, I can obviously count them on one hand! Real friends will always be there for you, I guess I don't have those real friends!  I don't want fake friends that will talk behind my back... 

Sixth and old question..: Why don't you come or go to parties?

Somehow this question came up a lot when I was younger when people would invite and I would cancel. I don't do well in a group of people, my anxiety doesn't allow me to be around too many people, it's scary! I feel uncomfortable, it's not pleasant, and I have to watch my back all the time just in case of something happening. I'm not a party person, I would prefer a nice quiet evening, I don't mind parties, but if I can cancel, I will. Younger, the issue of alcohol and drugs would be related to my lack of wanting to go. I've been drinking for a long time now, but I ain't like the others, I don't go and try to be as drunk as possible to the point of blacking out. It happened to me once and it was this year at a close friend's house. I knew I would be taken care of if I had too much to drink. I'm more the mother around the group of friends, who knows what to do in certain cases, who cares too much, protective and taking care of people that need it. I don't do drugs, so seeing all that, it ain't my thing! Parties in Europe are different, from what I've seen. People here will invite their friends who invite their own friends, it's nonending situation, while in Europe we kind of do that, but we ask permission before inviting others, so the parties usually end up in a small group of friends who know each other well. And we don't really need a backup person who will take care of everyone! I love parties, I will go to parties, but I'm afraid of something bad happening. I don't trust American parties, especially at my age of younger. They have no self-control whatsoever! 

Final question for the day: What made you decide to write a novel? And when it's done are you planning on writing more?

Not asked many times, but enough to make me realize that I need to share the answer with all of you! I decided to start writing a novel when I was younger! When I was six years old, I started writing my own journal, then I've never really stopped, it's when I started to write! After my parents' divorce, I was going through a really tough time, I wasn't myself, I had issues, and things happened that I ain't proud of! I begin writing about my life. The novel never had an ending or a first chapter, it was too hard to write about. I'm not ready to write my past experience. The memories and scars aren't healed yet! Then I've got my mum who also happens to write! She wrote a series of children's books, The Adventures of Enzo (that's my youngest half brother). She was my inspiration... Two years ago, I decided to write a novel about the mafia. Now don't think it's all about it, it's mostly about a family secret that reveals itself during the novel... (I'll write a post about my novel later)... My mum helped me with the construction, and I started the novel. The first year was tons of research, between phone calls, movies, TV series, newspaper articles, books. Then, this year, I really started writing a lot more! It got me through a lot of hard times. My life made me decide to write and hide away from life itself, reality. Whenever I write, I 'm part of my novel, I'm a character in the story. Now, when I finish this novel, I am planning on writing another one! I actually started writing another one, only the basics like the characters, the story itself. I want to continue writing even if I don't get published, I want to write down what's on my mind. I'm not doing it to be famous or to gain money, even though it would be great to live out of my novels, I want my writing to be out there for people. I'm going to keep on writing no matter what life throws at me! 

Hope this few questions and answers will provide you with a bit of myself. I know it's a long post, but writing about yourself isn't a paragraph! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask in the comments or message on Instagram, Facebook or whatever. I'm very open to any questions, sometimes I don't have the answer right away, but I usually do! 

"Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you." 

~Bella

Happy 4th of July!

I don't personally celebrate it since it's not like my holiday, we don't celebrate it in Europe... Plus I ain't a fan of fireworks on this day because it reminds me too much of all these veterans trying to fight triggers from the war, fireworks sounds like gunshots, bombs, it's not cool for them! I don't see the point but it's how it is. 

All I have to say is have fun, and don't drink too much! 

Here are some videos for the 4th of July... Enjoy it! 

~Bella

That one question that pops up every time...

So far everyone asked me if I miss my home country, Europe... All I could respond was " Sure, sometimes I do miss it."
Despite family issues, terrorist attacks, and maybe the weather that may be terrible at times, I miss a lot of things. 

Being away from what you are used to can be challenging. The funny thing is that whenever I used to go back, I didn't feel home, just like I don't feel at home in California. Almost everything is different, and it took a while to get used to everything. I don't think I'm entirely acclimated to every single difference. 
Back home, kids are allowed in bars, can't drink until the appropriate age, but they are allowed in the bar. Orange juice or hot cocoa doesn't break any rules. While here you have to wait until you are 21 years of age to enter a bar, I understand that it's the drinking age but it's exaggerating! Since I have to wait another year to go drink in a bar, I can only drink at home or with people that don't care about me drinking. That my friend is very irritating! 
The portions, food wise and the large cups? In America, the large cups are large, while back in Europe the large cup would be called a small or medium for Americans... And food portions, back home, we have smaller portions, here, the plate could be for two or three people. I'm still aren't used to it yet, maybe one day...
The humor, Santa Cleopatra, this one gets on my nerves! See I can understand and laugh at the British humor all right, but the American one, still don't quite get it. For example, I went to the movies with a friend to watch Spy with Melissa McCarthy. It was funny, no doubt about that, but while the parts that everyone laughed at, I didn't, and I laughed when no one was laughing. Pretty embarrassing if I say the least. If I drink there'll be no problem laughing at your jokes, but other than that, I either don't get them or don't find them funny. Then people think I'm weird and have no sense of humor, b****, please. 
I like eating burgers, good ones, I don't mind them at all, but I can't eat multiple ones in a month. I'm more the European type of food, you know the ones that don't really get you fat much. I prefer cooking at home anyways, but the food is rather different. Like here, I can't eat red meat, or too much of it or else I have lower back pain. The first time that happened, I didn't think of the meat, and then I saw a pattern later on, plus my dear mother has the same issue so, not fun. 
Sports as you can already tell with my past posts, FOOTBALL is soccer, but we don't call it soccer, that's weird for us! Plus we have rugby to replace American football... Which in my opinion is probably worse cause there is no helmets or real protection so you see more blood, broken nose and pass on the rest. On the positive side, while Americans love your football, we love ours. I still need a partner that knows about football or at least played or something related because, to be honest, I can't stand watching baseball, American football or even basketball. I do ice hockey pretty well, but then again the best teams are Canadian teams hahaha. 
You know the sweet that you chew on for hours, the one you call "GUM", well Europeans even BRITISH people call it "chewing gum". No, you guys had to cut the word in half to be different! I was born in a country where chewing gum would be used, so I have a hard time just not say chewing gum. 
My point of view when it comes to love and life can be quite different, and misunderstood by many people. If I want to be friends or being in a relationship with someone, I need to either find someone open minded who traveled around, or a European so I can talk about everything without fighting or being judged. This one has some exceptions! I've got out with Americans before and it usually goes fine, but it's true, I have a harder time with them. Don't ask why, it's just a different culture, values, and point of views. 
Since I was on the topic of friends, let's talk about that for a little... I can count the real ones on my hand. Very few will be Americans... :( When you first come into a foreign country, you tend to shy away from everyone since you don't know how to act around them. That's what happened to me the first two years, first the language barrier, then I was "different". I would hang out with guys without any problems, then would come back to the girls, but it wasn't liked. They disagree on the fact that I could be friend with everyone and made me choose... That is not cool! Then you meet new people, nice and warm is the first impression you get. Most the time! Americans are quite warm people at the beginning, it's rather welcoming, I love it, it was the opposite back in my home country. In Europe, some countries, people are more on their guard, less warm or welcoming, they don't trust easily. Could be seen rude, I think French people hold that title... Anyways, Europeans tend to take their time in making friends because they want real friendships, the one that you can count on in any situation, while here, from what I've seen... They want friends, tons of them, they want to be acknowledged, will say 'Let's go out again soon' but then nothing, they disappear on you. That's just very odd for me, and that I ain't used to. Don't think I'm against Americans, far from it! My best friend is an American and I have an amazing friend who is also American!

The others are either European or have some European origins. 
The last point I want to make is me being brutally honest. I keep a lot to myself nowadays, though, it is sometimes hard to keep it in! I've always been honest, it started back when I was 3 or so years old. I had a grand-grandfather who smoked a lot and had tubes in his throat, he couldn't talk much, and for me, it was just disturbing. Whenever I would see someone with a cigarette in their hand or be smoking it, I would come up to them, stand tall (ok laugh, I wasn't tall, but I felt tall), and would finally tell them, "You are going to have a hole in your throat like my grand-grandfather." Imagine a little 3 years old going up to you, telling you that you will end up with a hole in your throat? Sounds funny, but people would look at me like  "What the ..." Pretty embarrassing time for my mother. I'm sorry she had to deal with me and still dealing with me. I feel bad for them, but hey, I was young and told the truth! When I came here, I realized that people would prefer to keep their mouth shut instead of saying what they have in their mind, they prefer to be hypocrites. They don't like to hear the truth! For some odd reason, I find it easier, to be honest in front of someone European. I ain't complaining and I comprehend why Americans are like that, but I wasn't raised around that. I'm getting used to it, though, keep things to myself, but if I don't like, you will either see it on my face or I'll just tell you directly... And I still don't care if you like it or not! Seems easier to make enemies here. It's like when we talk about politics, they want to hear my point of view, but they won't like it and tell me I'm wrong and that I shouldn't answer. First of all, I hate politics, the government sucks almost everywhere, it's corrupted. A bunch of lies is made up to make the citizens go vote for you, and I prefer to not even talk or mention it. Sometimes, people are curious, so I tag along, but I fail each time, being honest isn't appreciated, especially in politics. Well, at least I know I'll never make it as a president or senator hahaha... 

To conclude this answer, I do miss Europe in certain cases, but sometimes I don't. It's a love/hate relationship. In the future, if Europe is still standing, I'm planning on going back, but for now, I'm good where I am, unless something like Trump comes along and destroy my "ok second home", then I'm screwed! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask, I'll be happy to answer, but don't expect my answers to be exactly what you are hoping for. 
On the bright side, America has lots to give, it's a pretty generous country that is open minded and "new" compare to Europe. Now I won't talk about that yet since it wasn't the question of the day, but I wanted to clear things up before I pack this post! America is great, no doubts, it's welcoming and amazingly nice. There will always be some pros and cons in each country so ... 

"Being a foreigner is not a disease." -Alden Nowlan
~Bella