Just don't -

Living in California for over nine horrible years, I've got to be an expert on Californians or Americans in general. What I mean by that is... Well, let's start with... 
Just don't tell me ice cream and gelato is the same. It's not. I'm from Europe, I'm part Italian, I know what my gelato is like and what ice cream is like. Two different things which happen to be in the same category of dessert. If you won't say frozen yogurt is the same as ice cream don't bother arguing with me about gelato. You will lose. 

Just don't show up half-naked at the bar to then complain how guys are real pigs. Have you heard of common sense? I don't think so since you can't even realize how provoking it is to be half naked in front of a guy or lady. If you don't want guys to look at you, don't dress like trash, they will treat you as such... 

Just don't try running in heels when you have a mini skirt on. I mean if I were a man or attracted to women I would have probably not minded it but it's not the case. It's actually embarrassing and quite uncomfortable. No one has to see your underwear or your butt. It doesn't make you beautiful, attractive. 

Just don't pretend you are a proud American. You've got a terrible puppet as president. If it was the movie IT, your president would be the clown. Plus if being American means ignoring your origins as well, then... I don't know what to tell you cause most of the population has some European blood, Mexican blood, African blood... If being proud American means acting like Nazis have acted in the past, then I've got nothing to you except to start having a heart cause your humanity has been lost. 

Just don't come up to me with a bloody idiotic speech about how I should be an American citizen. I don't feel like America is my home, I don't understand Americans, I don't have the same culture ( that's if they have one), and your president isn't helping me want to become a citizen. So please keep your speech to yourself. 

Just don't act like your friend. Friends aren't fake people who only talk to you when they need something. They talk to you because they feel like checking up on you or just need to talk, to vent, to hang out. I feel like most people are just acquaintances who are only curious about my life to gossip afterward. No need to pretend a friendship, I don't like fake people anyways. 

Just don't tell me how I should eat! Look at yourself first before attacking me. I'm not the one eating fast food every day. I'm not the one eating chips all hours of the day or drink soda whenever I have something to eat. I'm the one who should be attacking you, and tell you how you should be eating, healthy. Keep your comments to yourself, last time I check I was good with my weight. 

Just don't drive in the rain! I'm not going to be an evil person who tells you do not drive at all. Just in the rain for now. I understand how Californians aren't used to rain, we all see how dramatic they get after a fifteen-minute shower. It's not like Texas... So driving in the rain is tough, I shouldn't know since I don't drive and yet, being in the passenger seat, I can tell people panic when there's rain. For everyone's sake, just stay indoors and try not to drive anywhere. 

Just don't show us your big ring. Who cares how big the diamond is... It doesn't prove how much he loves you, or she loves you. It's  shiny, yes, some people love them, I don't, but I don't believe they want to constantly have to hear, " Look how big my diamond is. He loves me so much. We are going to grow old together." And then two years later... Divorce. That ring doesn't promise you a lifetime with that person so keep your ring to yourself and don't show it too much. 

Just don't tell me " You should smile more". As far as I'm concerned, life isn't all rainbows and smiles. Life isn't all pretty and pink. I'm from Europe, and there, it's more common to see someone look " normal", not a fixed smile who looks fake half the time. If you are not getting spit at or being mistreated, then there's no harm committed. Smiling nonstop doesn't make you trustworthy so maybe lay low on it or stop complaining about Europeans not smiling as much as you would like. On the other hand, if you love to show your pretty smile, go ahead, no one will stop you. 

Just don't think you're intelligent when you come up with, " pizza is American" or " you can't be African, you are not black". The ignorance is above average. If there was a prize for how dumb a country is, The United States would win without even fighting for it. If you are trying to convince yourself I'm wrong on the subject or you believe Americans are smart then explain to me how white people or Arabs cannot say they are African? I mean, in geography you should have learned that Tunisia, Morocco, Algeria, and others are African. These countries are in Africa! And you may have heard about a lot of white people in the south of Africa? They can't say they're African though cause the colour of their skin isn't black so it obviously means not African. Americans don't do enough geography if they can't even believe Africa is a continent just like Europe, Asia, North America... 

Just don't greet me with a "Yo" or a "Hey". I don't know you, we are not friends, and we certainly haven't gotten a drink together. Last time I checked I didn't pee in front of you as well. Why not be respectable and say "Hello". Does it hurt you to say such a respectful word? 

Just don't tell everyone how rude Europeans are when you can't even be polite yourself. Europeans are blunt compared to Americans, I think we all can agree on that, but usually the "Hello", " please", "thank you", and " bye" is common to us, Europeans. While it seems like Americans are too lazy to even reply to a simple "Hello". Who's ruder? 

It seems like I can go on and on about the just don't... But I'll stop there cause I don't believe everyone will be open to criticism. After all, the truth is known to hurt and be the one subject Americans will try hard to not hear. Despite the fact that I'm having really difficult times with Americans, I live there and I'm started to also see the good in America unless it's political, health, education, food... But other than that, America has lots to offer if the president and people would calm down with their beliefs which are destroying the country and everyone in it.

" Great countries are those that produce great people." - Benjamin Disraeli 

~Bella 

Bar to Bar...

As you know I recently turned 21 years old. Even though I've been drinking for a long time now, Americans made it a bigger deal than me, getting even more excited about it than me. I ended up confused as who's birthday it was, theirs or mine?

If someone turns 21 that means more money in your pocket, we get it, but when you are European like me, being 21 means nothing much. It's just another age, getting older. But no, I was in California when I turned 21, the drinking age. Even after two weeks in, people kept wishing my birthday. 

Little story, I was grocery shopping with my roommate. A little shop where I had found my bottle of alcohol, Vermouth. Nothing special, right? Well, at the cashier's, the woman asked for my ID, politely enough, smiled, looked at it closely, and told me "Happy Birthday". I thanked her, telling her it wasn't a big deal. Her face turned white as snow, I didn't say anything much just a simple thanks, yet it was the end of the world. 

America, I understand you are a new world, your laws are a little messed up especially when it comes to drinking, but do you have to act like complete fools when someone turns 21 years old? Do you have to pound alcohol in your system to get drunk fast enough to work your magic?

Let's get back to our topic, bars. 

When you hear bars, you automatically think drinks, getting hit on... While I'm just thinking soccer or pleasant time. Can't deny my culture and where I'm from as it shows it my drinking. 

Americans, in general, have perfected the art of pounding several drinks in a matter of just an hour or so. Europeans maintain a buzz the entire evening, many don't even get drunk. 

Another difference which keeps shocking me is the way people approach you. It seems like in Europe you won't be approached the same way. First, if they aren't part of the group or your circle or know someone from your circle, they don't usually go talk to you. Strangers stay at their place, generally. Introduction first then they talk. It's not being rude, it's just that we are distrustful. 

When I think of bars I think about the good time spent in good company, friends for instance. Here, all I've been seeing is strangers talking, girls (I won't describe them as women) expecting free drinks, and obviously both waiting to catch someone easy to bring home. Not surprising since the average duration of a relationship in Europe is counted by years and not months like most Americans. 

Now, Europe is a big continent with many different countries, languages and cultures/traditions. I ain't complaining about America, I ain't saying you don't know what bars are for, but you have to realize that coming from Europe, I can't find the whole bar experience great. 

I don't know how many times I've been looked at for being a young woman who drinks beer after work! Too many to keep track of! Not only you are looked for drinking beer and not tequila or vodka like most girls around here, but you are looked because you are alone and you make it clear that you don't want to be bugged. Why would it be alright for guys to hangout at bars, watch sports and enjoy a drink but not women? How is that fair? You tell me! 

My American bar experience is limited though, I'm in a town where people are too fake to look at what's real, so I can't just criticize every bar in the U.S.  

Sadly, I'm still in shock by my experience around here, California. How the girls dress without many clothes on to just complain about how guys grabbed their bottoms or tried to get with them later on. If you don't want a guy to look at you like an easy girl dress a bit more casual or classic instead of trashy! Trashy girls means easy girls! To me, it sounds more like a complete joke more than anything else. 

Santa Barbara may not be the best example when it comes to bars or much stuff in general! And it does not generalize the entire U.S., but a country has its culture and people are usually the same, almost. 

Despite the things I still don't fully understand, I made friends with the bartender, the security guys, and a few who works in the kitchen and bar. Just because they work in a bar doesn't make them fools or perverts which I adore! And I've got my little reputation, " the mum" reputation which I gladly take. I prefer to be responsible anyways so... Instead of throwing myself to guys, and act idiotic, I'm responsible enough to throw the truth at random strangers who will approach me like fools. I mean after my last encounter ( a guy came towards me and my roommate at the time, and the first thing he said was that he was a stoner, great way to make a girl fall for you...), sticking to good old tricks is highly recommended. 

Then again, I'm a bit cold and chase off guys but I'm still emotional and sensitive. I thought I wasn't attractive enough. But then my friend made a point, " Guys who go to bars don't want cute, sweet, smart opinionated girls like you. They want the loose (not sexually) bubbly party girls who look easy even if they aren't... No guy is calling a girl beautiful at the bar for anything other than sex..." 

And then he came up with the fact that my type of guys is hiding in coffee shops and libraries. Sorry to disappoint my friend but I live in these places, and yet, I haven't met Prince Charming! 

"Life is just a cocktail party on the street." -Mick Jagger. 

~Bella

Does your tattoos should matter? (7)

Tattoos....

Quite an important deal to some and just another creative pieces of body art for others. For me, tattoos are stories, meaningful stories that one chooses to expose on their bodies.

Judging someone for their choice of tattoo isn't going to help out, and it will only make it worse if you are trying to build a relationship.
People will get tattoos out of reasons, either because of a tough time they had to go through, a souvenir they want to remember, a date, someone's name... Anything they want to keep forever on their body as a reminder. 

Nowadays, tattoos are acceptable, to a certain level, obviously, you can't always expect to show your body art to everyone especially at certain jobs, but for now, let's talk about relationship wise though! 

When you fall in love, you are supposed to accept their faults as well their qualities. Accept their past, their issues as well as sharing beautiful moments with one another. This means you also need to accept what they wanted to do with their bodies. Getting a tattoo isn't a crime, it's not something that should label you as a "bad" person, a "punk", or a criminal. Yes, some tattoos mean some criminal gangs related drawing, symbols, but remember... Today, tattoos are more considered art than anything else, nothing much, nothing less. 

In my opinion, if you love someone, try to understand their tattoos! 
Now, when I think about tattoos and relationships, I automatically think about my own tattoos! Many of you remember the name on my chest, others won't, but I do have a name on my chest, covered but there... Under a second tattoo. I might have covered it, but to me, it's still a tattoo that is on me, forever! 
Relationships and tattoos are complex. In fact, it is quite difficult to accept some tattoos that one may have from their past. Remember though, not only they have decided to put something on them, but they have to accept them themselves. And sometimes... Some tattoos are regretful. So when I came across this video a few months back, I laughed away!

The funny thing about this video is that they are actual couples, who trust one another... So when I think about tattoos and relationships, I think about trust, about acceptance, about the complicity of one another! 

"If you fight like a married couple, talk like best friends, flirt like first love, protect each other like siblings, it's meant to be." 

~Bella

Does this change?

A couple of nights ago, I was unable to sleep due to stomach pain. No, this isn't going to be about being sick or feeling drained... Don't get me wrong, I wish I could complain to you, but it won't be this time!

While I was in bed, watching YouTube, listening to music, I went on Facebook. My news feed was filled with posts about Trump, Hillary, shootings from Americans, and arguments about football (soccer) from Europeans. If you didn't know, the Euros ended on Sunday with Portugal winning against France. My brother and I were supporting Portugal. No, we don't have Portuguese blood in us, but we prefer them over the French team. I was happy, but when I was reading these insulting posts about Portugal cheating, not deserving anything, being treated like complete garbage, I felt even sicker.
I posted something about football and being happy for Portugal as it was a miracle for them to win, one of my cousins from France commented asking if I had forgotten where I came from. It made me pissed off. I don't need to be for my birth country for a sport. It doesn't make you less of a patriotic person. I ain't going to cheer up for arrogant players that don't even play for the game itself but just for the money.
Then, later on, I read a post from another French person, a young girl, a year older than me, insulting Portugal, making a scene, having other French people comment, telling her to pretty much shut it up. To her, if you were French you were supposed to be for France and if you weren't you technically were a loser. It's a sport, indeed it's in our culture, blood, but just because you don't want to side with your country's team doesn't mean you are a loser who doesn't deserve to be that nationality. Just because I live in California doesn't make me an American, I'm still French. It's the same for football or any sports. It doesn't mean I won't fight for my country if a war broke out.
People disgusted me, I was in shock. I can't believe my own family would be as ignorant and so close minded than this. Asking me if I had forgotten where I came from? What does that make me? A traitor to my country? Just because I won't side for France in football? It's shocking!
I spent two hours battling the idea that this young woman would be closed minded to the idea of other people teaming up for other countries...
Facebook is a place where you can write anything you want, but expect others to comment and be against you. Not everyone will comprehend and side for your opinion. I stand tall against people that can't see beyond their nose. I can't stand people accusing others of not being patriotic enough... What makes you think you are patriotic? Because you go for your country at a sport? But will you go and fight for your country if it's needed? I don't think so!

I had my mother on the phone that night as well, and I couldn't keep it all to myself, I had to tell her what I saw, what I read. She was in shock herself, not understanding why people can be so mean to each other, why they have to be so closed minded. I asked her how was France, if it changed much since I last went, and she couldn't deny the fact that France itself as a country had in fact changed. Everything I hear is true, what I saw four years ago was true.
When you travel and live in another country, your view about life becomes bigger than most people. You tend to look at things differently than people from your own country.
Last time I came back to France, I didn't feel at home at all, not that I feel entirely at home in California either. It's an odd feeling to look lost in your country, around people who can't be open minded about a sport, about people in general.
My conversation with my mother helped me understand how and why this young woman insulted Portugal and other countries before. She helped me realize how French people are... And it made me feel better about myself... If you know me, you'll know that I do love to complain, but imagine it twice as much. My mum actually laughed when she told me that she heard them complain about the economy, the way of living... In France, it's free to give birth, you have help from the government after you have more than 2 kids living under your roof, you have everything handed to you. It's insane how much they have while we are in America where everything is costly. In California, to have surgery, you pay more than $1,000, in France, it's barely anything. And they still complain! Like come on now, wake up, get out of France, go look around, live in another country, you'll see how lucky you are!

To come back to the point of the Facebook post, I have to admit, most people should just keep things to themselves instead of posting it on social media! People should be like this kid in the video...

I'm still very sad to have read all these insults, comments, and beliefs. I mean it's a sport, you got for the players you like not for the country. If that was the case, players like Eder (Italian ) but born in Brazil wouldn't be playing in Italy at all, and we would lose a great forward player... That doesn't make him a traitor at all! He wanted to play for Italy, he got his citizenship and got to play. No one is insulting him for choosing Italy over Brazil! It should be the same for people. I wanted to side with Ireland, Britain, and Italy because I love the players... I won't side with a whole country when that one is just a disappointment! 

Yes, I'm disappointed in my country, what it has become, and what the people have been doing! It's a shame! I'm just disappointed to hear my own family telling me I ain't French anymore because I live in a different country and because I side with different countries for football... People have to stop being so cruel to one another. 

"Patriotism demands the ability to feel shame as much as to feel pride."- Anne-Marie Slaughter

~Bella

That one question that pops up every time...

So far everyone asked me if I miss my home country, Europe... All I could respond was " Sure, sometimes I do miss it."
Despite family issues, terrorist attacks, and maybe the weather that may be terrible at times, I miss a lot of things. 

Being away from what you are used to can be challenging. The funny thing is that whenever I used to go back, I didn't feel home, just like I don't feel at home in California. Almost everything is different, and it took a while to get used to everything. I don't think I'm entirely acclimated to every single difference. 
Back home, kids are allowed in bars, can't drink until the appropriate age, but they are allowed in the bar. Orange juice or hot cocoa doesn't break any rules. While here you have to wait until you are 21 years of age to enter a bar, I understand that it's the drinking age but it's exaggerating! Since I have to wait another year to go drink in a bar, I can only drink at home or with people that don't care about me drinking. That my friend is very irritating! 
The portions, food wise and the large cups? In America, the large cups are large, while back in Europe the large cup would be called a small or medium for Americans... And food portions, back home, we have smaller portions, here, the plate could be for two or three people. I'm still aren't used to it yet, maybe one day...
The humor, Santa Cleopatra, this one gets on my nerves! See I can understand and laugh at the British humor all right, but the American one, still don't quite get it. For example, I went to the movies with a friend to watch Spy with Melissa McCarthy. It was funny, no doubt about that, but while the parts that everyone laughed at, I didn't, and I laughed when no one was laughing. Pretty embarrassing if I say the least. If I drink there'll be no problem laughing at your jokes, but other than that, I either don't get them or don't find them funny. Then people think I'm weird and have no sense of humor, b****, please. 
I like eating burgers, good ones, I don't mind them at all, but I can't eat multiple ones in a month. I'm more the European type of food, you know the ones that don't really get you fat much. I prefer cooking at home anyways, but the food is rather different. Like here, I can't eat red meat, or too much of it or else I have lower back pain. The first time that happened, I didn't think of the meat, and then I saw a pattern later on, plus my dear mother has the same issue so, not fun. 
Sports as you can already tell with my past posts, FOOTBALL is soccer, but we don't call it soccer, that's weird for us! Plus we have rugby to replace American football... Which in my opinion is probably worse cause there is no helmets or real protection so you see more blood, broken nose and pass on the rest. On the positive side, while Americans love your football, we love ours. I still need a partner that knows about football or at least played or something related because, to be honest, I can't stand watching baseball, American football or even basketball. I do ice hockey pretty well, but then again the best teams are Canadian teams hahaha. 
You know the sweet that you chew on for hours, the one you call "GUM", well Europeans even BRITISH people call it "chewing gum". No, you guys had to cut the word in half to be different! I was born in a country where chewing gum would be used, so I have a hard time just not say chewing gum. 
My point of view when it comes to love and life can be quite different, and misunderstood by many people. If I want to be friends or being in a relationship with someone, I need to either find someone open minded who traveled around, or a European so I can talk about everything without fighting or being judged. This one has some exceptions! I've got out with Americans before and it usually goes fine, but it's true, I have a harder time with them. Don't ask why, it's just a different culture, values, and point of views. 
Since I was on the topic of friends, let's talk about that for a little... I can count the real ones on my hand. Very few will be Americans... :( When you first come into a foreign country, you tend to shy away from everyone since you don't know how to act around them. That's what happened to me the first two years, first the language barrier, then I was "different". I would hang out with guys without any problems, then would come back to the girls, but it wasn't liked. They disagree on the fact that I could be friend with everyone and made me choose... That is not cool! Then you meet new people, nice and warm is the first impression you get. Most the time! Americans are quite warm people at the beginning, it's rather welcoming, I love it, it was the opposite back in my home country. In Europe, some countries, people are more on their guard, less warm or welcoming, they don't trust easily. Could be seen rude, I think French people hold that title... Anyways, Europeans tend to take their time in making friends because they want real friendships, the one that you can count on in any situation, while here, from what I've seen... They want friends, tons of them, they want to be acknowledged, will say 'Let's go out again soon' but then nothing, they disappear on you. That's just very odd for me, and that I ain't used to. Don't think I'm against Americans, far from it! My best friend is an American and I have an amazing friend who is also American!

The others are either European or have some European origins. 
The last point I want to make is me being brutally honest. I keep a lot to myself nowadays, though, it is sometimes hard to keep it in! I've always been honest, it started back when I was 3 or so years old. I had a grand-grandfather who smoked a lot and had tubes in his throat, he couldn't talk much, and for me, it was just disturbing. Whenever I would see someone with a cigarette in their hand or be smoking it, I would come up to them, stand tall (ok laugh, I wasn't tall, but I felt tall), and would finally tell them, "You are going to have a hole in your throat like my grand-grandfather." Imagine a little 3 years old going up to you, telling you that you will end up with a hole in your throat? Sounds funny, but people would look at me like  "What the ..." Pretty embarrassing time for my mother. I'm sorry she had to deal with me and still dealing with me. I feel bad for them, but hey, I was young and told the truth! When I came here, I realized that people would prefer to keep their mouth shut instead of saying what they have in their mind, they prefer to be hypocrites. They don't like to hear the truth! For some odd reason, I find it easier, to be honest in front of someone European. I ain't complaining and I comprehend why Americans are like that, but I wasn't raised around that. I'm getting used to it, though, keep things to myself, but if I don't like, you will either see it on my face or I'll just tell you directly... And I still don't care if you like it or not! Seems easier to make enemies here. It's like when we talk about politics, they want to hear my point of view, but they won't like it and tell me I'm wrong and that I shouldn't answer. First of all, I hate politics, the government sucks almost everywhere, it's corrupted. A bunch of lies is made up to make the citizens go vote for you, and I prefer to not even talk or mention it. Sometimes, people are curious, so I tag along, but I fail each time, being honest isn't appreciated, especially in politics. Well, at least I know I'll never make it as a president or senator hahaha... 

To conclude this answer, I do miss Europe in certain cases, but sometimes I don't. It's a love/hate relationship. In the future, if Europe is still standing, I'm planning on going back, but for now, I'm good where I am, unless something like Trump comes along and destroy my "ok second home", then I'm screwed! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask, I'll be happy to answer, but don't expect my answers to be exactly what you are hoping for. 
On the bright side, America has lots to give, it's a pretty generous country that is open minded and "new" compare to Europe. Now I won't talk about that yet since it wasn't the question of the day, but I wanted to clear things up before I pack this post! America is great, no doubts, it's welcoming and amazingly nice. There will always be some pros and cons in each country so ... 

"Being a foreigner is not a disease." -Alden Nowlan
~Bella