Europeans aren't perfect...

As you know I'm quite the mixture of different origins, so full European in other words. I currently live in the United States, California to be precise. It's not easy to live in a different country but continent... I feel the change even after 10 years. It's complex, a little too tough on me as I still don't always understand how Americans or Californian works. 

Even if I enjoy expressing myself on my observations regarding Americans, Californians, I have to admit Europeans aren't at all perfect. To be fairly honest and giving myself some excuse, it's easier to talk about people who you deal with on a daily basis. If I was back home, any country in Europe, I would be doing the same thing, almost. 

Let's start off with the drinking. As far as I'm concerned, we are doing it right because we keep the drunk moment a long time. We keep it going instead of rushing it and enjoy only a good hour before blacking out. Sadly, many of you, Americans, see us as alcoholics who drink throughout the day... I can't blame you, we are alcoholics in some ways. 

They believe what's on TV. Like most of the people everywhere in the world. We do not have a great view on Americans in general. Can't blame them for Americans actions but still... I have amazing friends who were born and raised in California and other states. Not everyone is the same. The culture, "morals", "values" of the country is still the same though. 

You will never hear a European say soccer. Everyone will say football or something similar to that. I'm guilty of getting pissed off a couple times for hearing the word soccer thrown out there, but I can't do much about it. Sadly, many Europeans will take it wrongly, get even worse than me. Be ready to say football before you get a bloody nose. 

They know it all... Europeans love to be right about everything and try to let everyone else know about it. They will tell other countries how to rule the government but let's be honest deal with your continent and each single countries in before going across the ocean or anywhere else. We are an old continent but that doesn't make us know it all. 

We aren't as bubbly or open compare to Americans. It could be taken wrongly. We don't smile as often, we don't open up easily, in other terms we are reserved. Not everyone appreciates the way we are, sorry. We come off as rude for not trusting and not being as friendly. Even though, if you start a genuine conversation with us, we are amazing people. It just takes time. 

The comforting idea... We, disappointingly enough, have small portion we when it comes to food. And comfort food, depending on the person, tend to learn more on the fatty, greasy choice and yet, we don't have much of that. I mean we do have amazing food but the smaller portion and greasy, not so much our thing. 

Finally, we write too much against Americans. That's my thing, I'm supposed to cut short on that but I don't understand how they, you work. I'm just observing and asking myself questions. We come off as rude and obnoxious for being so against America. It's insane. 

"Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy." -Margaret Thatcher. 

~Bella

The bloody question that never get answered!

WARNING: I won't say real names because I don't think it's necessary... I don't want you to continue reading if you don't want to know about narcissism! It's only my experience, what I saw and had to endure. I don't need you to lecture me about not having a psychology degree, I don't think I need one to know exactly what I saw. I did on the other side took classes, and read many textbooks, learned from experiences as well as others. Please, don't think you are living under the same roof as a person who may seem like a narcissist, just because you act a bit like one doesn't make you one! It's like you can be distracted, compulsive and not have a disorder.

Narcissism is a personality disorder which may impact those surrounding the affected person as much as themselves just like anxiety may does. Quite difficult to notice at first, but as the disorder progresses, the symptoms and associates traits/ behaviors become more pronounced. A personality disorder is simply a pattern of thoughts or behaviors that are significantly different from those expected in a specific culture or society. Just because you may have a set of pattern doesn't mean you have a disorder!

I have lived under the same roof of a narcissistic person, and to be honest, it wasn't a piece of pie, a joyful moment. Narcissists do not do well under overwhelming emotions, or feelings, when someone tells them their issues, the words come through, but the lack of concern about their emotion isn't present. Out of these emotions, anger and fear come along, fright the narcissistic person, who will find a way to transfer or assign blame to someone or something if these emotions rush in. Somehow, if the person breaks something, they will try and blame the person who gave them the object, not taking responsibility for their action. 
There are times when we have an angry reaction, throw plates onto the wall, or punching a chair, after all, if there is some type of stress in your life, it is understandable to be angry. Now, if it becomes a normal behavior, then you may consider it a sign of "something is wrong". 
I personally had to deal with grandiosity! This is overlooked by many of us; it could seem like it's bragging, but it's more than this! 
Grandiosity is being unrealistic! It's when an individual has a very inflated view of him or herself that they then portray to the outside world. They become louder than everyone else around only to show they are, the bigger person in the room. Tendencies of dressing well, showing off to the world in case someone important comes along... Feeling superior to others, even his wife or her husband becomes real. No matter what, they will say or do, nothing is good enough for the person who suffers from narcissism. The person uses his contacts for his own deal, nothing more, nothing less. 
Humans take advantage of people in general, but somehow we also manage to give something back, in return, but narcissistic people won't do anything for anyone, yet, they will continue to take advantage, use everyone, freely. The word, "sorry" doesn't go through, it never comes up, the responsibility of their actions are denied, and apologies are forgotten! Never will they apologize.

When you live under the same roof as a person who shows a narcissist side, you begin to see everything wrong with the person, nothing goes right. It's almost as you feel insecure around them, unaware of what the person may do next. Since, most of them are unpredictable when it comes to their emotions, and how manipulative they can be if something doesn't go their way, this may result in you being afraid, frightened. Again, seeing and accepting the traits that they are showing can be complex, not always easy to recognize the behaviors. After all, narcissists are generous with their advice, time, and often even their money. If they do give you their time, advice, it's not for you, it's for themselves! It's to show how intelligent they are to you, show how good they can manage situations, time, money. They know you are going to listen to them, confident enough in their own skin to think they are unpredictable. 
Don't think they can't love or form a bond, they can indeed do, just differently from us, they form bonds based on utility. They won't call you, check up on how you are doing, they only need to converse with you to get something... Narcissism isn't an easy disorder, it may be hard to recognize mostly because each trait that make up a narcissistic person could be given to everyone else. We all feel anger, fear, use people for our own good, like to be right, feel confident enough that we feel superior to others... But if this type of behavior is becoming "normal", you may consider it narcissism. 

Living with a person who only think about themselves, only listen what they want, understand what they want, and making everyone feel horrible for mistake they did. Some questions may help you recognize if you are one or they are...

1. Do you consider yourself smarter than most, if not, all of the people around you? If so, do you also tend to change the path of conversations to the things you know, think and have?

2. DO you consider yourself above reproach? Many times, a narcissist will think - the rules don't apply to me. They are in place to keep other people in line, but I can break a rule here and there, because I understand how rules work and should be applied. 

3. Do you get angry when someone offers your constructive criticism, or do you sometimes mistake other people's words as direct criticism of your personally? 

4. Do you apologize? Many narcissists refuse to ever apologize, even when they are entirely at fault. For example, if you unknowingly hurt someone's feelings, do you offer words of apology?

5. Do you blame your emotions on others? A narcissist is often unable to cope with or accept his or her own emotions. Do you attribute your anger to the actions of others? Do you rely on others to supply your happiness, leaving them open to blame should something go wrong?

6. Do you feel that your life and well being is more important than anyone else's? A narcissist will have very little genuine interest in other people. 

Now, if you are concerned about narcissism after considering your answers to these questions, then there is probably only a 50% chance that you, personally, are a narcissist. Don't get overwhelmed by it all though... If you are concerned that you are offending others with the behaviors mentioned above, you are taking the time to consider the impact of your actions and reactions to others. 

"When a narcissist can no longer control you, they will instead try to control how others see you."

~Bella

Does this change?

A couple of nights ago, I was unable to sleep due to stomach pain. No, this isn't going to be about being sick or feeling drained... Don't get me wrong, I wish I could complain to you, but it won't be this time!

While I was in bed, watching YouTube, listening to music, I went on Facebook. My news feed was filled with posts about Trump, Hillary, shootings from Americans, and arguments about football (soccer) from Europeans. If you didn't know, the Euros ended on Sunday with Portugal winning against France. My brother and I were supporting Portugal. No, we don't have Portuguese blood in us, but we prefer them over the French team. I was happy, but when I was reading these insulting posts about Portugal cheating, not deserving anything, being treated like complete garbage, I felt even sicker.
I posted something about football and being happy for Portugal as it was a miracle for them to win, one of my cousins from France commented asking if I had forgotten where I came from. It made me pissed off. I don't need to be for my birth country for a sport. It doesn't make you less of a patriotic person. I ain't going to cheer up for arrogant players that don't even play for the game itself but just for the money.
Then, later on, I read a post from another French person, a young girl, a year older than me, insulting Portugal, making a scene, having other French people comment, telling her to pretty much shut it up. To her, if you were French you were supposed to be for France and if you weren't you technically were a loser. It's a sport, indeed it's in our culture, blood, but just because you don't want to side with your country's team doesn't mean you are a loser who doesn't deserve to be that nationality. Just because I live in California doesn't make me an American, I'm still French. It's the same for football or any sports. It doesn't mean I won't fight for my country if a war broke out.
People disgusted me, I was in shock. I can't believe my own family would be as ignorant and so close minded than this. Asking me if I had forgotten where I came from? What does that make me? A traitor to my country? Just because I won't side for France in football? It's shocking!
I spent two hours battling the idea that this young woman would be closed minded to the idea of other people teaming up for other countries...
Facebook is a place where you can write anything you want, but expect others to comment and be against you. Not everyone will comprehend and side for your opinion. I stand tall against people that can't see beyond their nose. I can't stand people accusing others of not being patriotic enough... What makes you think you are patriotic? Because you go for your country at a sport? But will you go and fight for your country if it's needed? I don't think so!

I had my mother on the phone that night as well, and I couldn't keep it all to myself, I had to tell her what I saw, what I read. She was in shock herself, not understanding why people can be so mean to each other, why they have to be so closed minded. I asked her how was France, if it changed much since I last went, and she couldn't deny the fact that France itself as a country had in fact changed. Everything I hear is true, what I saw four years ago was true.
When you travel and live in another country, your view about life becomes bigger than most people. You tend to look at things differently than people from your own country.
Last time I came back to France, I didn't feel at home at all, not that I feel entirely at home in California either. It's an odd feeling to look lost in your country, around people who can't be open minded about a sport, about people in general.
My conversation with my mother helped me understand how and why this young woman insulted Portugal and other countries before. She helped me realize how French people are... And it made me feel better about myself... If you know me, you'll know that I do love to complain, but imagine it twice as much. My mum actually laughed when she told me that she heard them complain about the economy, the way of living... In France, it's free to give birth, you have help from the government after you have more than 2 kids living under your roof, you have everything handed to you. It's insane how much they have while we are in America where everything is costly. In California, to have surgery, you pay more than $1,000, in France, it's barely anything. And they still complain! Like come on now, wake up, get out of France, go look around, live in another country, you'll see how lucky you are!

To come back to the point of the Facebook post, I have to admit, most people should just keep things to themselves instead of posting it on social media! People should be like this kid in the video...

I'm still very sad to have read all these insults, comments, and beliefs. I mean it's a sport, you got for the players you like not for the country. If that was the case, players like Eder (Italian ) but born in Brazil wouldn't be playing in Italy at all, and we would lose a great forward player... That doesn't make him a traitor at all! He wanted to play for Italy, he got his citizenship and got to play. No one is insulting him for choosing Italy over Brazil! It should be the same for people. I wanted to side with Ireland, Britain, and Italy because I love the players... I won't side with a whole country when that one is just a disappointment! 

Yes, I'm disappointed in my country, what it has become, and what the people have been doing! It's a shame! I'm just disappointed to hear my own family telling me I ain't French anymore because I live in a different country and because I side with different countries for football... People have to stop being so cruel to one another. 

"Patriotism demands the ability to feel shame as much as to feel pride."- Anne-Marie Slaughter

~Bella

What a goal...

I know, it's not Wednesday, but I declared that this post is important and you have to read why!

Football or soccer for people here in the U.S.A.

Being European watching or playing soccer is part of the culture, or at least it seems like it is. 

For one, I was born and raised around soccer. It's a sport that is very popular, and there's always a game playing on TV. You'll go to a bar, you'll see people coming in just to watch a game and have fun with friends. The audience can be extremely loud, and into the games, the atmosphere that surrounds soccer will become high and very pleasant, especially if people around you are on the same team which in my case is rare! 

After living in North America for a while now, I can tell you that soccer here and back in Europe is different! 

First, I saw that in the United States, major league soccer will rely on finding college stand-outs while in Europe, the clubs seek, sign and develop their own players at a young age. They will teach them how to play well, eat well, psychology... 

Second, football, as we call it in most of Europe, will be part of the culture being the number one sport and everyone is loyal to their team... Like me... I'm loyal! While in the U.S, it's not the number one sport that people would watch. It comes way after basketball, football, and baseball. 

Third, the time frame... European soccer leagues will be played at a different period of time than the Americans. It's slightly different and we have more leagues as we have more countries. 

Enough of the differences, and let's talk more about my team! 

For a long time now, I've been into the Italian leagues, Italian teams, and players. When the FIFA begins, I'm for the Italians and England (second favorite international team)! In Serie A Italy, I'm for JUVENTUS from Turin (Torino). Torino has two teams, Juventus, and Torino... I actually started loving Juventus after a soccer player, Claudio Marchisio. Ten years older than me, married, has two children, and I'm still in love with him. To top it all off, his jersey is number 8, my favorite number. Sadly, he injured himself and he is missing the European Championship 2016. My midfield player is missing, and I miss seeing him play.  I fell in love with the way he plays, and how he is as a person. I'm a fan... So I started loving Juventus, who happens to have an amazing French soccer player and beautiful people who play on the team... My "twin" from Turin actually hates me for loving Juventus as he is for Torino... So we don't get along when it comes to soccer. We fight over which one is best, usually I win, cause there's no doubt my Juventus are the best! Hehe

FIFA (Fédération Internationale de Football Association), founded in 1904 in Paris. The World Cup is every four years, at different locations, so last time it was in Brasil and the next one in 2018 it will be in Russia. I'm not as excited about the location, but it will be interesting to watch. Each international soccer team needs to qualify to get into the FIFA. Sadly, not everyone makes it, but my Italians somehow manage to get up there! The best final that I was able to watch and enjoy with an ice cream was in 2006, back in Germany, France against Italy... A game that no one will ever forget! A French soccer player, Zinedine Zidane got caught in a middle of a fight with an Italian player. After insulting Zidane's mother, he got hit in the stomach. The fight was famous, a song broke out after that, and French people hated Italians. It went really far, and to make it worse, Italy won the cup. Deep inside me, I was happy, but I knew that my Italian cheated and were vicious in that game, which is not as common for them... Zidane actually played for Juventus for a while, and they won so much that today, Juventus holds plenty of cups. They became the best team out there. 

This is the time where the Euro 2016 is on, and trust me I have been watching and being aware of everything (tried). Of course, I'll be for Italy, but I'm also for three other teams, two more than the other... England and Republic of Ireland being the two others I really love and the Northern Ireland which I quite like. Now if you don't watch it or ain't a fan you won't know who is playing and who is good or awfully sucky! I've had so many people ask me why I ain't for France or Portugal or even Germany... I can't be for France, not even on the FIFA, they are arrogant, and I can't stand that! Portugal, there's nothing to say about their players, I don't like them at all! And Germany... Long story short, between the last FIFA, and how they are vicious players and the history of the country, I can't tell you how much I dislike the team! If they lose and disqualified, I'll be the happiest person in California! Anyways, Wednesday, Ireland is playing against Italy. Despite the fact that my favorite player isn't playing the Euro this year, I'm sure Italy will either win or tie to Ireland... And to be honest, I'm not ready to see either of my team lose or fight one another. It's going to be a depressing day, I'm warning you! 

After being into soccer for so long, I have this one rule that if I get in a relationship or even get married, the guy will either need to love soccer as much as me or to at least let me watch my games. I don't watch every single one, just the ones that interest me. Just let me be me and don't try to change the way I think about my team or about the sport! You want to be with someone European, you have to deal with soccer as I will deal with baseball or basketball or even football. 

"Becoming a Juventus icon has always been my dream. You achieve that status not for how long you stay at a club but for how much you give when you are there." - Claudio Marchisio.

~Bella