Let's leave the family home...

As you know, I moved out from my mum's place. Leaving behind my brothers as well as my dear mum. One of the best decision ever. I'm beyond ecstatic about the change in my life, the new acquaintances, the new friends. I don't think I would ever want to go back home after this experience; moving out made me see the world in a different way, and the experience is rather adventurous. 

Now, I could talk about all the experiences that I came across since I moved in, but I wanted to talk more about the one thing which keeps on surprising me every single day.

The New Family!

Technically not my family, but having roommates is like having a second family especially if you are close to each one of them. Having roommates could be stressful, annoying, and a lot of sacrifices to be made as each one has different schedules, different ways of living. Not easy when I put it this way, but there is something intriguing about living with people your age, same sex, or having roommates' boyfriends who come around. Making sure the house stays clean enough to walk around barefoot, to make sure the dishes are washed before someone complains there are no more forks to use or making sure no one steals food so you put your initials on the packaging. It's a lot of work when roommates aren't ones to wash their dishes or forget to buy toilet paper so you end up buying it all the time... (I don't have the toilet paper to deal with, but the dishes, I'm always cleaning up after them). 

Having roommates is fun, to say the least... You are never alone, bored, and you know you can count on them if you want something or have support. It's like having a second family! 

I have more than two siblings, but I'm only close to two of them and they are my baby brothers. One is 17, turning 18 next year, and the baby one is 8 years of age. Not babies, but still younger than me, and  somehow I still look at them like they are babies. Since I'm the eldest, I had to deal with teaching them how to get in trouble, hide the candies, taught them how to protect each other. But the youngest, I taught him how to read, count, I changed his diapers. So we know I had enough experience with babies, but when you have roommates living under the same roof, it's like having babies. And if you are responsible and mummy like, give up on trying to get away from cleaning, making sure people are alright, and keep everyone happy by giving hugs when needed. It's insane how having roommates is like having a second family. You build up a friendship which is more a family than simple friends. Cause let's be honest, you act like siblings who talks about almost everything, share the bathroom when one is in the shower and you brush your teeth, you cook, drink together. It's honestly another free family... 

What surprise me the most is the fact that I left my own family to live like 12 miles away from them and end up being motherly, still, with the roommates... How can I go from living the family house to another one? Don't get me wrong it's still highly different, I cook my own thing, buy my own groceries, go to work like a big girl, walk around town anytime I want, go to coffee shops, wake up at all hours, go to bed whenever I feel tired, eat in front of the TV, go out and enjoy drinking... I mean it's nice to be an adult, but then there is the family, back home which you miss. So to me making a new family after leaving another one is actually nice. 

If you don't have any roommates, and want to move out from the family home, choose to live with people you have no idea who they are, complete strangers. I moved into a house with complete strangers and they ended up being the nicest people with flaws and amazing qualities. 

"I have the best roommates in the world! It creates a fun sense of family... And that's really important to me. Things can get so lonely without it." 

~Bella

Does your hair colour should matter? (12)

Hair colour could actually matter in a relationship. Some are more attracted to a certain colour, but let's not believe that people will not go out with you because you are blond, brunette or ginger.  

I personally go, usually, for blonds but I've been in relationships with men with black, brown hair. The color did not change my feelings. We are more attracted to a certain style, and you can't do much about it. 

Now, you have to accept the fact that everyone will judge you, partially for your hair colour! 

*Blonde* 

Everyone will want to talk to you, you are rather approachable. Somehow people will also think you are idiotic, no smarts, and above all needy. And the basic belief that many people will agree on is the fact that blondes are used to get whatever they want, be treated like princesses all the time. Then again blondes are more flighty than others. 

*Brunette*

Smart you say? Is that even true? I don't believe we are smarter than you! More affectionate and more passionate? Could be true, but again, not every brunette will be the best lover. Some studies showed men photographs of brunettes, blondes, and redheads. Those who saw the brunette rated her more capable than the other ones. Higher salary! 

*Redheads*

No soul? What a joke! You are most likely to be burned by the sun, be hated by your doctors. Apparently, they have this reputation for having low pain tolerance. Not true though! Another reputation they might actually be known for is the capacity to be brave and strong in this "I'll kick your ass". 

Now, there are plenty of different colours, shades, and most of the time, we judge people for the colour. For example platinum blonde... It's extremely rare to have this natural hair, my little cousin had it, but it darkened after a few years, but it's rare for an adult to have this specific colour. 

Now, my colour is rather tough to pull as it is a deep brown almost black. Not many can pull it off, but Italians do! And guess what... I get judged for having pale skin but deep brown hair which could be black with natural highlights. "Oh you must be a good judge of character" or " You are so smart, the intelligence level must be high comparing to these blondes." 

Please, just because I've got black hair doesn't make me any smarter than the person next to me or make me nicer, warmer as a human being. Stop judging people because of the hair colour. Brunettes have issues trust me! 

I don't believe anyone should care if the next partner is a brunette or blonde. Love is love and if you can't pass it because you are attracted to a sudden brunette instead of a redhead, then you should review your personality and view!

"Sure, my life isn't perfect but my hair is."

~Bella

Chemistry... Explain Yourself!

Have you ever felt a magnetic pull towards certain individuals? Something you cannot explain in word form.

Some would call it chemistry, others would call it love at first sight. Both true as it is still undetermined, an unexplainable emotion which cannot be translated or put into words.

Let's not get confused on what chemistry is though, it's a simple yet complex emotion when two people share a special connection and it is not necessarily a sexual connection. Having chemistry with someone is still to this day an unsolved mystery. An unexpected mystery which many believe in different theories. As someone said before, "Chemistry has a purpose. It's not random, it's not a fluke." A strong attraction that many think is bad. But is it that bad?
Sure, if you want a quiet, simple life, having a strong attraction isn't for you. Wanting an uncomplicated love life is nearly impossible, it's something we all wish for, yet, we, humans are complex. Being easy doesn't seem to be on the program.
I can't talk to you about chemistry without giving you my own experience and what I've seen throughout the years.

To begin... Let's go back to the story of these two strangers on the street. If you haven't read the short, odd story, click here, http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2017/06/little-story.html

Like I said in the post, I felt secure with the guy. One specific person who happened to be a stranger.

As cheesy as it may seems, I had some type of attraction towards the person. Some type of chemistry, and all I could think about is "Will I ever see him again?", "Will we ever talk again?" It was an impulse which wouldn't leave me, still hasn't left.

To describe chemistry in a few words, it's a combination of basic psychological arousal combined with a feeling of pleasure. Rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and sensations of excitement that are often similar to sensations associated with danger. It's a sensation you cannot control, like the uncontrollable smile whenever you are thinking about that person... I think I'm officially making a fool of myself trying to explain what chemistry is all about. 
Having this emotion is an amazing experience, something that makes you happy, but it is also an emotion I wish no one had to deal with. Chemistry doesn't necessarily guarantee a chance of you seeing the person or talk to them again. Don't expect that, not many get this lucky. It's an emotion which may turn into a nightmare, living nightmare. I would know about it, trust me, I'm currently living this nightmare myself and ... Sadly, I cannot stop thinking or do something without thinking about a particular person... Cherry on top, I hadn't had to deal with chemistry with one stranger but two. Again, not a happy feeling as now, I'm stuck looking at people passing me by on the streets or looking at motorcycles like a kid on Christmas wishing it was the person. My thoughts are going wild, and instead of my being like my friend, I talked about it, I speak my mind. 
If you experience chemistry with someone go for it, you may be lucky, but remember that if the person has no intention calling you, texting you or anything, chemistry was only felt on your part and not on their part. 

"There is something beautiful about unforced bonds; the energy is real." 
~Bella

Art Therapy... Psych 101...

ART THEORY

The art of getting better

Art is an extremely expressive medium. It can help people communicate, aid in dealing with stress, and can let someone discover and study the different parts of their own personality. In psychology, art is used to improve a person's mental health and can even be used to treat psychological disorders. This is referred to as art therapy.

By integrating the creative process that is required to create art with psychotherapeutic techniques, art therapy can allow an individual to resolve their problems, decrease the amount of stress they face in their life, manage their behavior, improve their interpersonal skills, and strengthen their self-awareness and self-control.

Art therapy first began to emerge as a distinct form of therapy in the 1940s, when psychiatrists took interest in the paintings created by mentally ill patients and educators began to realize that developmental, cognitive, and emotional growth could be seen in the artwork of children. 

WHEN TO USE ART THERAPY

There are groups of people who have been shown to respond very positively to art therapy. Some of these groups include: 

• Adults that are struggling with severe stress
• Children that are struggling with learning disabilities
• People who have undergone a traumatic experience
• People that have mental health problems
• People that are struggling with a brain injury
• Children that are struggling with social problems and behavioral problems at home or at school
• Anyone suffering from depression, anxiety, or domestic abuse

What Art Therapy Isn't

Art therapy is not a recreational activity or a time to teach someone how to make art, and no previous experience in art is needed for an individual to partake in this type of therapy. Most importantly, art therapy does not involve the therapist interpreting the patient's artwork. Art therapy is about teaching someone how to heal through his or her art. 

HOW ART THERAPY WORKS

Art methods involved in art therapy include painting, drawing, collage, and sculpture. Once in an environment that makes the patient feel safe, an art therapist will either provide the topic for the patient to work from, or the patient will be invited to work without any direction. 

As the patient creates art pertaining to their life experiences or an event, the process of making art allows the patient to think about their experience on a deeper level and transform what is in their head into symbols and metaphors. By making these images on their own terms, which is an important part of recovery and self-discovery. The patient is the only person who knows and has the ability to explain what these symbols represent.

This process of taking and experience from the person's "inner-self" and putting it out into the world as a physical object helps the individual become distant to the experience, which in turn makes him or her fell safer about talking about their problems directly, which can be very difficult for them to do, they can talk to the therapist about the artwork they have made. Gradually, this process increases a person's understanding, self-acceptance, and self-awareness. 

OTHER BENEFITS FROM ART THERAPY

Along with increasing self-awareness and self-acceptance, there are many other benefits that an individual can gain from art therapy. 

• Being forced to actively participate in the process, which fights boredom, alienation, and feelings of apathy
• Decision-making and choices are encouraged
• Creativity is nurtured, and this can then allow an individual to react differently towards situations that may be difficult
• Catharsis, a cleansing of negative feelings, can occur
• Interpersonal and social learning can occur

Not Just Painting

There are also versions of art therapy in music, dance, writing, drama (known as creative art therapy), and even the performing arts (known as expressive art therapy).

What is truly exceptional about art therapy is that an individual has the ability to take an active role in the therapeutic process. By expressing thoughts through artwork and symbols, a person can recover and become self-aware on his or her own terms.

"Art therapy is about the creation and the discussion of the intent of the client. It's a different way of sharing. No matter how healthy, verbal expression is the hardest thing to do." - Kelly Roberts.

~Bella

First day of Summer!

As you can tell this is not part of the series but just a post about summer... Sorry if summer had to begin on a Wednesday! 
Summer...
People wait for all year long for the leisure, the parties, good times with people you love. 
Summer, summer, summer... Parties, half-naked people, the sweat that runs down your face as you are trying, desperately, to walk to your favourite coffee shop. Come on now, summer isn't all great! 
Being under the heat for hours, waiting for a perfect tan which almost never happens makes people want to have summer all year long! 

Now, to me, summer hasn't been all that great, I do hold some grudges against the season and I do not plan on rebuilding a relationship with it. All I know is that Autumn is following right after, and my big smile will be right back on my face as soon as summer time is over. There is a long journey ahead...

Summer means vacations, time off from school, work, responsibilities. It means going out of the city, village, state, country! I would go straight back to Europe if I could, but I can't, unfortunately, but it doesn't mean the rest of you can't go spend some time somewhere beautiful, full of charming streets, marvellous food, and scenery, so I gathered a few places that I believe is ideal for anyone who is hungry for an adventure! 

First stop, France! I know, I know it's my birth country, but I never or rarely say I'm French, preferring to say my origins... Why choose this specific country? Well, let me explain! France isn't just PARIS! It's bigger than just a city, yes, Paris is beautiful, full of history (museums...), great places to go eat, party, and get lost in the narrow streets of the city or the metro. But, there are other places in France you could visit, regions to discover, the friendly people from the south, the wine and cheese, the fresh air by the seaside of Brittany...  It's a rich country when you take out the poor government or the stupid idiots who cannot stop complaining about the smallest things. 

Second stop, Italy! I couldn't ignore the country, like really? I've got Italian blood in me. The olive oil, the pasta, the pastries and the sunlight against giant fields, the monuments, the amazing driving skills (sarcasm, please be careful as you try to walk to the other side of the street, especially in Rome, we don't want anyone killed on vacation), the language... I could go on like this forever, but we don't have time so let's wrap it up with... It's cheap, not too expensive to run around Italy, it will be an unforgettable adventure! 


Third stop, Ireland! Another part of me, and the best part... Between the cliffs, the green fields, the gloomy days, the beer! Can't go wrong with a relax vacation by the seaside, the legends which surrounds the entire country, the language (they have Irish Gaelic and yes, I had to learn some type of Gaelic language when I was still in elementary, it's hard, all I can remember is singing happy birthday in that language). Walking around the countryside of Ireland is beautiful, charming, plus who knows if you are lucky enough you'll get to see a leprechaun. 

Fourth stop, New Zealand! Far from pretty much everywhere, and yet, I do find it awesome! It's home to the haka. Like come on, it's impressive to watch the New Zealand All Blacks play! If you love beaches, it's not simple ones, they are 90 miles beaches! Next, the Maori culture, the performances, the arts, the sculptures... And let's not talk about the scenery, it's apparently beautiful! That's on the bucket list!

Fifth stop, Montreal, Canada! Sounds weird coming from me, but please do not judge! I've always wanted to go to Canada just not during winter, I don't think I'll be able to deal with the temperature. So summer time, please let me go and enjoy the views and the culture, and the French accent that I cannot hold the laughter in. Their French is just simply perfect if you want a good laugh! 

Sixth stop, United Kingdom! That means England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland! There are too many places to stop at between London Bridge, the Loch Ness, the castles, the pubs, the streets, everything from the countryside to city side! It's the perfect combination!  There is so much to see that one summer vacation isn't enough, but there's always next year! 

The last stop for today, Germany! I know another European country, but I'm European and having a tour of Europe would be spectacular especially with a boyfriend or someone close traveling around, making memories, oh please! So I put Germany down on the list because I believe Germany would be amazing to see even if the country itself has a hard, complex history which may cause a lot of us to freak out about. Hitler is gone though, the country has changed, dramatically changed, and we should all give the country a chance to show us the unimaginable places! 

I wish I could travel a little more, see the countries where I'm from except France, I know the country well enough to miss out on it until I have to show someone special. Summer time is definitely not my favourite season, I may end up saying I hate it for the most part, mostly because there's no cuddle weather (sorry, I'm too affectionate), and you have to say hello to getting tan, I like being white, I hate tanning, sitting out in the sun for hours, get headaches because you haven't had enough water, it's not my thing, but summer time is also travel time. Until I can go share a special adventure with someone special, I will dislike summer or someone has to prove me wrong, prove me that I can stay in town and still have fun. Good luck with that though! 

Go ENJOY summer, go have fun and put sunscreen on, we wouldn't want you to get skin cancer! 

"One benefit of summer was that each day we had more light to read by." - Jeanette Walls, The Glass Castle

~Bella
Ps: Please get over the fact that I love writing certain words the British way like colours or favourite. Stop asking why I write it that way, I like it... 

Labels, Obligations, and the Obvious...

How would you describe a relationship?

Simple yet complex question to answer. There's no right or wrong response as we are all free to think whatever we wish. A relationship may have similarities as well as differences. Each person is different making each relationship different! 

To conclude this short paragraph, there isn't a right answer to such question, and I certainly won't be the most experienced on the subject. Yet... With my own poor experiences, seeing my mother's relationships, her friends as well as mine, I can tell you a lot about it! 

Relationships may have a frightening side which may affect many of us and resulting in people not wanted to go forth with relationships.
It means commitment towards another human being and sadly, some of us aren't ready for such a situation. Thinking about two people instead of yourself, telling them whenever you have a meeting or trip, making sacrifices in order to make sure the other's happiness is on track... I mean I could go on like this, listing everything that a relationship needs, but I won't for everyone's sake.

Even though there are multiple factors against relationships, I still believe, hope (mostly), those relationships are more than obligations towards the partner/ lover. Yes, it may seem like you are obligated towards them, to hang out, to listen to them complain about their day, or obligated to tell them about your coming business trip. But when you have feelings when you let them approach you, fill you with warm loving sentiments, these so-called obligations pass as completely normal behaviors.
When you let feelings come along, respect comes along as well. Being respectful towards another human being is what society expects, so relationships expect some manners. Telling your loved one, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your wife/husband, or your partner is simply a respectful act. We are all entitled to know what's going on in our partner's life. Imagine if nothing was said to one another, catastrophic relationships would be ending every single day. Its simple communication and not obligations.
Now, hanging out or spending time with the loved one may be demanding, again, sounds like you could be obligated to see the person that you are in a relationship with. To my knowledge, when you catch feelings for someone, you do want to spend some times with the person so you don't feel like it's an obligation towards the partner, it's more normal than anything else. You feel content whenever you see the person so why not hanging out with them, make the best out of it. It can't always whenever you feel like, it's more about the two of you.
I mean, let's jump ten years from now, you are married, you have to live with another person, someone you love, do you still think it's an obligation? Does any married couple look like they are obligated? Yes, they do sacrifice quite plenty, but again, they do it out of love, pure love, nothing talks about obligations.

Then, there is the label situation, the issue that many of us, human being fear the most. Labels tend to show and tell someone else about the relationship to one another. For example, a mother and her son, they are labels and use labels. Imagine you are having breakfast and you see a woman, looking young enough, and a young male, they could be on a date for all you know, but having labels help understand who they are to one another, acquaintances or family. In this case, it's obvious that they are family, but some people either look rather young while others look quite older. We can't always establish a connection towards people, so being in a relationship means labels. In my opinion, they are just words to identify a situation that you are both ultimately in. You can't run away from labels all your life. We all have one, being the son or daughter to someone is one common label, is it obligated? No, it's just how it comes out!
We all have labels, throughout our lives, we encounter many titles that describe us. We are the child of two parents, we are students to a school, an employee, a husband or wife, a mother or a father, grandparents... Labels are just a word that describes our relationship towards another human being or a way to know what we are in the job life. It's only a word, yes, a word that we most of the time fear when it comes to love because that will mean that it is a commitment towards someone else... But I don't believe labels, obligations or anything of the sort are what we don't like, what we fear most.

Relationships aren't based on obligations, sacrifices, but on love. Either you do something out of love and respect or for obligations but if it happens, no feelings are involved!
Commitment is important, serious, and it does mark an end to the player that you may be. You can't run around, fool around, do whatever you want whenever you want so commitment can be quite difficult for some people. It's frightening to be a serious relationship, pay taxes, bills, groceries, no parents around, being an adult as well as being responsible for someone else, even if they are independent. Even with all these factors, it shouldn't be a bother to anyone because when you let your feelings carry you into a loving state of mind, nothing should bother you to the point of not committed yourself to someone else. 

Let your feelings out, it won't be killing you! Obligations are there, but the way you see it is rather different, you do it because it is respectful and "normal". They aren't there to annoy you, they're there to keep things in order. 

"You can't just give up on someone because the situation's not ideal. Great relationships aren't great because they have no problems. They're great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work." 

~Bella

Little story...

A few days ago, as I was walking home from downtown, I was stopped by two young men who ended up being interesting, funny, sweet and quite charming to say the least.

Before I go into the story let me remind you that no matter what, I have a hard time trusting people, and I wouldn't throw myself in a dangerous situation! It's not my style to hang out with strangers, but I know the street of the city, the people and if something has to happen, I'm sure I would know what to do.
So that said let's begin....

But first let's call the first guy, the guy who complimented me, Matteo( Cause it's my favourite name), and the second guy, the friend, Stephano (cause that's the only name I could come up with)! I don't want to put their names down, that's just disrespectful and I didn't ask their permission to put them either way... 

I was walking home, earphones in, music loud enough to stay in my little world, keeping the outside world away from me and my thoughts. A red light hit, making me stay on the side of the road, waiting patiently for the green light to turn on. Two guys were on my left, talking to each other and others on my other side, behind. I crossed the street, seeing the two guys in the corner of my eyes stay put. I didn't think of much at the time, and then next thing I know, I see Matteo trying to talk to me from the side, " I like your shirt."
What a starter.
I thanked him and we started talking to the point where his friend, Stephano, came along, saying that Matteo, who to be honest was brave enough to talk to a random girl on the street, had found me cute. I blushed inside, I didn't know if this was real or just a prank. My imagination can make up scenarios, good enough to make me be skeptical about everything.
After a good five minutes of chitchat, I left to go back home, but something inside stopped me from doing so. I turned around, looked if they were still at the spot, and walked back, determined to know what they wanted, what made them want to chat with me. Surprise on their faces made me believe it wasn't a prank, it was just something I cannot describe!
We ended up talking for hours, grab dinner well only Stephano had dinner, and I got to be brought home, safe and sound.

It might sound odd, hanging out with two random guys, one that came up and complimented my shirt, tattoo. It's odd, I ain't disagreeing with it. I don't exactly know what came up to me to go back and give my number to the guy, hang out with them, trust them in a car, trust them at all. The feeling I had with them was nothing negative, I was myself, no makeup on (not that I actually wear makeup anyways), messy hair (like usual), and I was trying to hide my accent which I believe I was failing badly at. I don't know what overcame me to give my phone number, give them my time (I had nothing planned for the night but still...)
Which I don't fully understand is the fact that I did felt incredibly good in Matteo's arms. It's that weird feeling which cannot be explained, that feeling of security. It's rare for me to feel secure and yet... I still felt it when I was trying to get him warm. 

To be honest, now, it's about the thoughts that keep popping up, the ones which don't leave me alone. The ones that are stubborn enough to make me make scenarios in my head. The funny thing is I know I should not be thinking about the night, thinking about the guy which made me feel good, which brought a smile on my face when I was too preoccupied understanding why I had walked back up to them, added my phone number to one's phone. I shouldn't because it was only a night, and if I do have news from them again, that will be a miracle, something I'm far from believing. 

Now, all I can do is wait, patiently. 

"Smile at strangers and you just might change a life." - Steve Maraboli

~Bella

Does your phobias should matter ? (11)

Phobias....

Yes and no!

Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation. 

Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from. 
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim. 

First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.

Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes. 

Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other.  Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them. 

Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully. 

Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear. 
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship. 

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard

~Bella

Take it or leave it...

Have you ever tried to give yourself a good talk? 

If you have tried once before, you'll know how it just does not work. It's terrible to admit, but it is the truth. Giving yourself some words of encouragement doesn't work this easily. 
"Oh, don't cry, not in public. You are all good, no need to cry over something this little."  Or "Don't give up. You are pretty enough to a boyfriend." Or "Remember there's always tomorrow." 
Who are you kidding? Deep down we know we are hurting, we want to give up, we want to believe the words we are telling ourselves. But before you can listen to your own words, you may want to try and listen to other's advice. 
When you have learned it, then, you may found it easier to listen to yourself. Now that said, listening to our own advice is difficult no matter how big or small it is. 
When I first started getting interested in psychology, I learned plenty in self-confidence. Obviously, I never took much of my own advice, but I did end up helping people. Psychology is fascinating in its own particular way, and when I first tried to give myself some words of advice, I heard them but didn't take the effort to listen to them. They were just simple words spoken by me, heard by me. A mistake which still to this day is highly regretful. After a few years, I came up with the "genius" plan... Advice to my future self. It's rather popular and it's quite resourceful. I ended up listening to myself, only a little more than before... 
Here is a couple of advice I came up with which may be useful to you, reader... 

I. Keep dreaming
What's better, dreams or reality? You can be anyone you wish when you dream while the reality is just you. The good news is if you are determined enough, you have the capacity of developing these dreams and make them a reality. 

II. Remember who raised you. 
It's simple to forget and not talk to your parents/family member especially if an argument breaks out, blaming the person close to you... But at the end of the day, who was there for you, raised you? And blood relatives aren't always there for you! I should know. 

III. Anything could happen, any second. 
That's right, we do not know what the future holds. We don't know if we are going to be alive tomorrow or not. So make today count, live like it's your last day. 

IV. It's never too late to apologize
Forgiving is important, but in order to forgive one has to apologize first. Sadly, not many of us found the courage to apologize to the ones who deserve it. If you have the chance to do so, give yourself the opportunity to say, " I'm sorry."  You have no idea how much a simple apology can do to an entire situation, it may impact someone a great deal. 

V. Think of the future, not the past! 
What can you do to change the past? Not much right? But what about the future? If you are thinking about past failures, please do yourself a huge favour and stop right there! I said it, STOP! The past has been written, and cannot be rewritten. The future, on the other hand, is freshly new and it does need some writing so go ahead and begin your journey! Move forward not backward. 

VI. Never stop asking questions
If kids do it, it's for a reason! It may be annoying over time but this is how you get knowledge, curiosity! The beauty of it all is that there is absolutely no age to learn something new and exciting. Learning is essential, it makes you grow as a person. 

VII. Don't compare your life or yourself to someone else's 
We are unique, there is no one exactly like you so why bother comparing yourself to your next door neighbor? Just because they seem to have the perfect doesn't make it true. Live for yourself, live your life and not someone else's. 

VIII. Accept rejection
You won't be liked by everybody and not everyone will agree with your opinion. Rejection is bound to happen at some point, but don't worry you aren't alone going through it. Everyone feels rejection in their life. 

IX. You are not better than everyone else
Who made you better? Who told you, you were inferior to others? What gave you the right to determine this? Well, let me be brutally honest with you! You are just as important as your crazy neighbor, your old high school math teacher, or a homeless person who's addiction to heroin is becoming too much. There's no life more important than the other. Remember we all came from somewhere, we are all human no matter what! 

And the final piece of advice of the day... 

X. Trust that feeling of yours. 
Sounds idiotic when written down, but it's the truth. I listen to my feelings, my guts. It never failed me; when I do not get a good vibe or I don't like a person in a second of seeing them, it's because I get a bad vibe which doesn't make me want to know them. Give your "guts" some credit. 
Advice to future self is useful especially when you look back on the list later on in life. It's never too late to ameliorate yourself; give yourself the opportunity to listen to your own words, voice. 

"Listen to your own voice, your own would, too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves." 

~Bella 

Bipolar Disorders... Psych 101...

BIPOLAR DISORDERS

When an individual suffers from a bipolar disorder- once referred to as manic- depressive illness- they experience extreme mood swings between depression and mania. The symptoms of mania include: 

• Feeling irritable
• Being extremely energetic
• Feeling high
• Feeling grandiose and having a very large self-esteem
• Feeling agitated
• Speaking in a fast manner
• Not needing to sleep in doing activities that bring pleasure, even if that means these activities can have harmful consequences
• Being impulsive
• Possibly having paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations

There are several types of bipolar disorder. These include:

Bipolar I Disorder

In bipolar I disorder, manic episodes or manic and depressive episodes last for at least seven days, or an individual will have such a strong manic episode that hospitalization is required. When people suffer from bipolar I disorder, they will generally also have depressive episodes that last for two weeks or longer. 

Bipolar II Disorder

This is a milder type of bipolar disorder where episodes of hypomania and depression are not as severe.

Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (BP-NOS) 

This is when an individual suffers from symptoms of bipolar disorder- exhibiting symptoms that clearly stray from how the individual normally behaves- but does not meet the criteria needed to be diagnosed as having bipolar I or bipolar II. Symptoms in BP-NOS may last for too short an amount of time, or the individual may have too few symptoms. 

Cyclothymia

This is a less severe type of bipolar disorder. While a person with cyclothymia will experience the same symptoms of bipolar I disorder, they will never be in a total manic state or have a major depressive episode. In order to be diagnosed as having cyclothymia, an individual must have these symptoms for at least two years. 

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - Carrie Fisher

~Bella

Does your favourite food should matter? (10)

Favourite food or not, this shouldn't matter in any circumstances.

In what world would your favourite food should matter in a relationship? You aren't having a life with the food but the person. This should work for everything from a political point of view to your favourite color.
You are thinking about marriage, sure, but who are you marrying? The slice of pizza or the woman/ man? You are thinking about children, sure, but who are you going to be pregnant with? The bowl of cereal or the woman/ man?
Don't get me wrong, I wish we could marry anything we wanted like a jar of Nutella, but it wouldn't sound correct, it would sound wrong!

Favourite food is important, in my opinion, your significant other should know what type of dish you like when sad, angry, or depressed. They should know in case they need to cheer you up or apologize for the idiot thing they have said to you. Food doesn't fix everything, but at least if your partner makes the effort to cook your favourite dish, they deserve a chance to explain themselves, to forgive them for their horrible behavior. It shouldn't happen all the time, it may get old and boring after a while, but once in a while being served your type of food to cheer you up is nice, quite pleasant. Can't say no to food.

Now, remember this:  relationships aren't based on what you like and dislike! Yes, it is a plus to know what your partner eat, but it is necessary? Will you marry the person because they adore pasta or chocolate cake just like you? I don't think so! 

"Don't put a ban on your favourite foods. Enjoy the food you love in moderation, getting fit isn't a punishment." 

~Bella

Time Apart...

Little side note to my dear mother who's birthday was yesterday, Happy Birthday!

Can spending time away from your partner help your relationship, save it from destroying itself?

A question which doesn't have a concrete answer, nothing to prove it will fix a relationship, everyone deals with important situations differently. 
Throughout the little experience I had and seeing lots of relationships fail, I can consider myself lucky enough to have seen how taking time for ourselves may help fix a few issues that you may have in your relationship. 

Taking a break doesn't mean go back on a hunting ground, sleep with others. If you want to look for someone else, it will be a breakup and not a break. Wanting to sleep somewhere else, not wanting to take some time off to gather around your mind just means you want to break away from the relationship, so now it's up to you either you want to end the relationship or take some time off. 

I would personally take some time off the relationship when the apologies, sweet words, compliments don't work anymore. We all make mistakes and apologizing is a big deal, not many of us can take responsibility for their actions. If my partner wouldn't take it in consideration then, it's time for a break. 
Next, the "miss" emotion that you once had is gone. The things you used to do, cute messages before bedtime, the few moments spent together before going back home to deal with other things. When you live with your partner, the "miss" feeling fades away, and sometimes we need to miss the other person to understand how much they mean to you!
Obviously, there is that moment when arguments are louder than your apologies. Fights take over your life, and you two no longer hear each other talk. Arguments happen, we can't always be on the same page, but when the only thing you do is fight, constantly point the finger on the other, making them feel horrible, take a break. No need for a breakup, but let some time to pass by, get your calm back, focus on what really matters may help. Not hearing your partner is a sign of a bigger issue. 

Taking some time off is helpful! Having some alone time is appreciated, but we forget how much we need this special time because we have been with our partner for so long. In order to gather around our train of thoughts, our feelings back together can only be done when you are far from your relationship. Being away from your partner could end up being beneficial. I ain't telling you to move on and sleep around, party all night long! I'm telling you to go out, take some time off, be with yourself, ask yourself questions such as "Do I miss him/her?", see your flaws, your wrongs, and what you can do to make the relationship better. 
It sounds simple when I put it down on a blank page, but on the contrary. 
Taking time off from a relationship, from your loved one is harder than it seems. It takes courage to tell them that you need to gather yourself for a bit, away from the relationship. 

Have you ever looked at your partner and felt tired, bored? It does happen after a long time, especially if you let the routine run your life. It will most likely ruin the fun you once had. Boredom is a sign of getting tired of either your partner's behaviors or the situation which keeps happening. So when I think about a break, I think about the set of new fresh eyes, the new perspective to give to the relationship. 

Now, the issue about taking breaks is being on the same page, being understandable, and making sure that a break doesn't mean a breakup. Establishing some ground rules, making sure that's what you really want and not just a way to escape the reality. And you have to accept the fact that taking a break may take you a step closer to an actual breakup. It may seem like it could help bring a couple closer, but in fact, it can do the opposite especially now with our society and the temptations which keep coming at us. 
Make sure you communicate the boundaries, what the next step will be, and be determined to stay together. 

If you are both on the same page, communication happen, there is a pretty good chance that the break will do a lot more good than bad. 

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Khalil Gibran

~Bella

Roommates situation!

Story short, I decided to move out from my mum's place when she moved into a new place herself!

No, I'm not trying to stay away from anyone, especially family members, but the opportunity came along, might as well catch it while it's there. 

I moved out to move in with roommates, close enough to work as well as downtown. Perfect for me as I love to walk places. 

Now, before moving in, the room search was beyond stressful, and I cannot describe it to you. If you have been in this situation, where you have to look for a place, you will understand what I mean. 

Looking for a place to move into is one of the most stressful time. I actually hated it, made me anxious half the time, frustrated all the time, and the lack of sleep became frequent! Don't get me wrong, I do worry, get anxious most of the time, but this situation was highly different, made me think about it all, about my decisions! 

The frustration part of it all is the obvious lack of response that many decided to ignore! Responding to people is a respectful, honorable act. I will have the benefit of the doubt when I know that sometimes, it happens, emails get thrown into the spam section, and we don't always look in the box, and again the internet may malfunction. 

After a month or two, I started feeling hopeless, out of energy, stressing over the little things, procrastinating on cleaning everything, making boxes, clearing my room, finding a home for my kittens... Then I receive a message from one person explaining how I could come visit! You can't imagine how happy I was until I actually saw the place, saw what it was all about. Nothing great, on the contrary, it was a catastrophe. There was no way I would have moved in with so many people in the same room (only one girl, the rest of them were guys). Depression came quickly after, making me even more anxious about the situation. I had no answers after that one except a young girl telling me about her moving out of the apartment where she was sharing it with other girls. No option, but to go, meet her and see the place.
It was cute from outside, smelled like someone was smoking inside the living room, but cute rooms, messy but cute. It had its charm so I kept in touch and got the room, but wanted to be all good with paperwork. Sadly, the office isn't the perfect place to get paperwork done. I waited for three weeks in order to move in the place, and yet, I don't have anything when it comes paperwork. How fancy, right? I still can't believe I'm off track with my file.

At the end, I live in a cute place, big enough to have lots of people live in, and not too far from my work which is perfect for me. I get along with most of the people living around, and half of the time, I'm rather too busy doing my own things to even talk to many of them, sadly. There is also a kitten which manages to come along and snuggle to wake you up or to annoy you! 

Having found a place to live, even if it's temporary, is hard, complex to say the least,  but when you arrive at the point in your life where you are with amazing roommates then everything is fine!

"What I love most about my home is who I share it with." 

~Bella