Does your anxiety should matter? (16)

Anxiety...

It should matter in a relationship, not the way you may think though! It shouldn't matter when you fall for the person but later on, when you are serious, trust me, anxiety is serious and it should be taken into consideration... Once again... Later on!

When you are entering a relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, you have to know a few things first. Can't throw yourself in the hole without knowing much about anxiety itself and what you will be getting into as the relationship progress...

Primo ~ Always remember that anxiety is a real battle between you and your mind. The battle may end up being heinous especially when it leaves your mind to go straight to your body becoming a panic attack. As time pass by, the anxiety gets better (most of the time), you are more prone to control it but it is a condition that your partner has to live with as well. You don't just get into a relationship with the person but with their anxiety as well.

Secondo ~ You have to remember that you being around is the only thing you can do. Panic attacks are tricky little things. Your partner may not always know how to make it disappear, make an anxiety go away. And you cannot do anything about it, you can only wait, give them your support, be there for them.

Terzo ~ Instead of shaming your partner's condition try to be supportive! Saying things such as "get over it" or "just relax" will not help us in any way. If it was this simple, everyone would have gotten over the anxiety, but it isn't, trust me, I tried multiple times before, it failed. We know our anxiety doesn't just affect us but the people we love as well, and we know how it came you feel. Would you tell a depressed person to stop being sad all the time?

Quarto ~ Don't go tell everyone about your partner's anxiety. Mental illness isn't something to take lightly.  We are seen as insane people. Some people think that since we have a roof over our heads, clothes to wear and food to keep us alive should leave us with no worries. What is there to worry about? People judge and when you are in a relationship with someone you are supposed to have their backs not to stab them when you have the chance. If you want to express something about their anxiety to someone, ask for their permission.

Quinto ~ Anxiety has triggers and you may eventually be one. Being in a relationship with you adds up to our anxiety. Just because we love you and we are ready to do whatever we need to make you happy doesn't mean our anxiety will magically skip over you. Anxiety will always make us question everything, how to respond to your text message, what happen if we upset you in any way?

Even though it may seem like a lot to take in (there's more to all of this, but these are the important ones, in my opinion. You also need to never forget that we still love you no matter how our anxiety destroys us.
Should it matter?
I think you can answer the question yourself!

"I over analyze situations because I'm scared of what will happen if I'm not prepared for it."

~Bella
Ps: This is the last post on the Should It Matter little serie.

Does your pet peeve should matter? (15)

Pet peeve...

If you do not know what it is, it's the little thing that annoys you, greatly annoys you!

Pet peeves...

These little things that keep bothering even if you try to ignore, daily...

I have a list of them, but there's always this particular one who keeps annoying you no matter how much you try to shake it.
Obviously, a pet peeve isn't something that just annoys you, it drains you with everything they got... Take my dear roommate, C, she has this incredibly annoying one which comes along each day, making her life miserable, slow walkers. C cannot stand slow walkers, the reason is simple, she walks faster than most people, I sometimes have to run up to her to catch up with her speed. Quite annoying as I'm smaller than her, but hey, at least I have fun.

So as you may imagine there are many pet peeves, some pretty insane, others are actually very common!

Alright, that said, are they important when you are in a relationship?
If your phobias are important, don't you think your pet peeve should be as important as well?!
You may also have relationship pet peeves such as "No more good nights or good mornings" or "Tells you how to drive whenever you take the wheel". These pet peeves will give you a high chance of losing interest in your partner. Getting frustrated of what they do or keep saying nonstop. It will ruin your life, but hey, guess what... You can communicate and talk about these pet peeves you have to your partner.
First, you have to let go of the slightly annoying ones and talk about the biggest ones, the ones you really cannot deal with. Priorities first, ignore the little ones.
Second, don't exaggerate and talk about the long list of your pet peeves. You will scare your partner away if you arrive with over ten of them. Go slowly, intelligently and two is recommended.
Third, don't be over dramatic when talking about the pet peeve. I mean to be responsible and compassionate about the subject. Don't be too crude.
Fourth, don't say "You're lazy", be nicer when saying these like this. Be more like, "I wish you would help more in the kitchen."
Fifth, ask and don't demand they change their behavior!
For my final piece of advice, thank them for listening and trying to change.

It takes a lot to change, to ameliorate, and being able to see how your partner's pet peeve may affect your relationship takes a lot. You should be proud if you are willing to move forward and take their pet peeve seriously. If they actually show some improvements, don't forget to let them know how grateful you are.

Pet peeves are and should be important, everyone has annoying things they hate dealing with like more roommate who cannot stand slow walkers.
I can't say I don't have any as I have an entire list of them, I blame my anxiety. Obviously, I have a few that are ruining my life in certain ways.
- When they have to change book covers depending on the country. If I buy a book from Britain, I expect to receive the same book as them not the American version! Or the movie poster on the book cover? Really? I just want the book, not the movie!
- Mystery organization in libraries. I expect to go to a library and look by the author's name or maybe the genre, but when they can't even figure the correct genre.
- Let's change their titles because we want to.  I recently bought a book from Ireland, and they gave me two option the American version or the Irish one. I obviously wanted the Irish version, but somehow they wanted to change the title. I was furious!
- People who won't stop interrupting me when I'm reading. Like, you see someone reading, please don't interrupt them nonstop, they want to be left alone, to read alone not to have someone next to them, talking to them nonstop. Good thing, I know how to block people's voice when I read, but still.

Now, I know these seem to be simple things that can be ignored but when you are a reader or a writer, it is life ruining. I'm thinking about my novel if it ever gets published, I don't want my novel to have different titles except when it's in a different language. 
Then again, I don't know what to expect with my pet peeves. 

"I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation." - Whoopi Goldberg

~Bella

Does your clothing style should matter? (14)

I think it's safe to say that no matter what our point of view on clothes is, we have a sense of style, particular one, sure, but one indeed. 

This sense of style may change over time as you mature up, or have a serious relationship. Getting involved with someone means you have to say goodbye to a few piece of clothing. 

For about two weeks now, I've been into this TV show, How I Met Your Mother.

Quite the show if I may say! During a couple of episodes, we can tell that no matter how much you love someone, one piece of clothing may seem to annoy you. In the show, Lily and Marshall, a loving married couple, have gone through a similar path where Lily didn't like the overall that Marshall loved. Now, when you grow up when you enter an important job like Marshall did, you have to suit up. 

The show is quite right on a lot, and it does remind me of FRIENDS a little. Both shows make us realize what life is all about, give life tips, love lessons, friendship perspective. You name it, both shows make us see the reality of this world. And... Sadly, the style of clothing we choose to wear at some point may not be the same in a year. 

When it comes to relationships, we have this happy stage, many of us go through.... Look at the same carefully next time... 

When that happy stage hits us, we are most likely to wear our favourite dress or favourite shirt. Depending on who we are, what we like. 

Next step is how confident we are about the relationship! Feeling confident about the relationship may be shown by how we want to impress the other person. It helps you sail across tougher times by being optimistic and somehow your choice of clothing comes along as well. 

Not always sunny in the relationship world, depression may come along in every way, your style of clothing will scream "DEPRESSION". 

Darker colours will show up more often than expected, and no, you will continue wearing darker colours until your mood switch back into the happy place. 

Now, when you are in a relationship, a real commitment, you will most likely deal with the obvious change in your closet. Either you will look more adult like, or professional, laid back (not a care in the world about your other half's opinion), more colour, less colours. Don't get me wrong, when you enter a committed relationship, you aren't looking at his sense of style (slightly will), you will not base your judgments on his clothes, but in the long run, some clothes will have to say goodbye to the dear closet. These red cowboy boots, the too-short of a dress, the kid tee-shirt that you wear on your lazy day, your wedges... When in a relationship, you have to sacrifice a bit of you, and clothing items are a part of it. 

So to conclude this little post, your fashion style shouldn't matter when you start loving someone, but it will be later on in life. Be careful how you choose your clothes, every situation is different. I'm not saying you should change your style because of someone else, do it for yourself first. Dress however you like, but still be careful! 

" Fashion is about suspense and surprise and fantasy. It's not about rules." - Wolfgang Joop

~Bella

Does your astrological sign should matter? (13)

Astrology is quite an interesting topic by itself, but it will be a much more interesting subject when you read about two different sign. 
We all have two signs though... The sun and the moon sign. Your sun sign dictates your zodiac personality while your moon sign will represent your emotions, your inner mood. Even if we focus on the sun sign, the moon sign is the second most important influence in your horoscope chart after the sun. As for me, both of my signs are cancer, and trust me, I feel how both signs are around. 

Each zodiac sign have certain weaknesses and strengths, qualities and flaws. 

Now, should zodiac signs matter when in love with someone? I don't believe so as each individual is unique, and the sign will only give you an idea of what to expect in a person. IT won't be all accurate and tacking what they say about signs won't get you far. 
The fun fact about lots of people, including myself is how we look up if our signs and the sign of the person we like will be compatible. Obviously, it should affect your view on the person, but you may end up learning a few important traits about the person. 
In fact, we aren't, cannot be compatible with everyone just like we cannot force love onto someone. Yet, many of us look up if both signs are still compatible or not, sometimes just to have a support, something to make us go forward with our feelings. 

I've had relationships with different signs and manage to notice that charts aren't always wrong but they can also be very on point. You just have to trust your heart once in a while as well as your brain! For instance, I was dating a libra for a bit, and usually both of our signs aren't much compatible. We were doing aright, but then life got in the way of things, and we had to part. Another example of a couple who are making an amazing example of how two really different signs can work it all out is Tom and Giovanna Fletcher. You may know Tom as a part of a band, McFly, and his kids books. Giovanna is a wonderful writer, wrote one of my favourite book which is Billy and Me. She happens to be an Aries while Tom is a Cancer like me. Two signs who, according to various articles and charts, are far from working. Yet, they have known each other for a long time, married, and have two beautiful boys. I actually look up at them, great relationship example. 

Before you can determine either your relationship will work based on the signs, you have to understand there are four types of signs, water, air, fire, and earth. 

Water signs which are Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. They are very emotional signs who are very compassionate, understanding.  I'm a little Cancer and when they say we are emotional train wrack, we are. 
Earth signs are Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn. If you want something real, go to them. Loyal, stable, slow and steady. My younger brother is a Taurus and let me tell you, I think I found my competition for the stubborn side of our personality. 
Air signs are all about actions, ideas and motions. Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. My mum is a Gemini and my other younger brother is an Aquarius. Both are very creative, intelligent people who will not stay around, always adventuring. Hard to stay in a relationship!
Fire signs, Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. They tend to be passionate, temperamental, and slightly cocky to say the least. Love the intention. My best friend is a Sagittarius and she loves to have all eyes on her. She is kind and smart though, quite the happy person. 

So that said, you are in a relationship with the person for who they are and not their signs. They may play a role, but do you need to listen to each word someone out there said about the sign? 

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us read for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever." - The Notebook

~Bella

Does your hair colour should matter? (12)

Hair colour could actually matter in a relationship. Some are more attracted to a certain colour, but let's not believe that people will not go out with you because you are blond, brunette or ginger.  

I personally go, usually, for blonds but I've been in relationships with men with black, brown hair. The color did not change my feelings. We are more attracted to a certain style, and you can't do much about it. 

Now, you have to accept the fact that everyone will judge you, partially for your hair colour! 

*Blonde* 

Everyone will want to talk to you, you are rather approachable. Somehow people will also think you are idiotic, no smarts, and above all needy. And the basic belief that many people will agree on is the fact that blondes are used to get whatever they want, be treated like princesses all the time. Then again blondes are more flighty than others. 

*Brunette*

Smart you say? Is that even true? I don't believe we are smarter than you! More affectionate and more passionate? Could be true, but again, not every brunette will be the best lover. Some studies showed men photographs of brunettes, blondes, and redheads. Those who saw the brunette rated her more capable than the other ones. Higher salary! 

*Redheads*

No soul? What a joke! You are most likely to be burned by the sun, be hated by your doctors. Apparently, they have this reputation for having low pain tolerance. Not true though! Another reputation they might actually be known for is the capacity to be brave and strong in this "I'll kick your ass". 

Now, there are plenty of different colours, shades, and most of the time, we judge people for the colour. For example platinum blonde... It's extremely rare to have this natural hair, my little cousin had it, but it darkened after a few years, but it's rare for an adult to have this specific colour. 

Now, my colour is rather tough to pull as it is a deep brown almost black. Not many can pull it off, but Italians do! And guess what... I get judged for having pale skin but deep brown hair which could be black with natural highlights. "Oh you must be a good judge of character" or " You are so smart, the intelligence level must be high comparing to these blondes." 

Please, just because I've got black hair doesn't make me any smarter than the person next to me or make me nicer, warmer as a human being. Stop judging people because of the hair colour. Brunettes have issues trust me! 

I don't believe anyone should care if the next partner is a brunette or blonde. Love is love and if you can't pass it because you are attracted to a sudden brunette instead of a redhead, then you should review your personality and view!

"Sure, my life isn't perfect but my hair is."

~Bella

Does your phobias should matter ? (11)

Phobias....

Yes and no!

Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation. 

Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from. 
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim. 

First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.

Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes. 

Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other.  Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them. 

Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully. 

Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear. 
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship. 

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard

~Bella

Does Your Taste of Music Should Matter? (5)

Music... Music... Music...

I cannot stand the idea of not listening to music. I need it when I get sad, happy, anxious, doing the laundry or cooking. 

When I get into a relationship I want to know about the music taste of the partner because....

I. No arguments! 

That's right! No need to get into a fight on who's music is going to be played, or how long it should be on. Every couple will disagree on at least two things or more, but at least no matter what happens, music will stay the same. It could be a way to get both of you back in a calmer zone. No needs for talks, songs are going to be there for you! 

II. Concerts/ Festivals

You will always have someone to go with you. The fun part of it all is that they will always find a way to tag along because you both have the same taste in music.

III. No complaining when money is spent!

When you talk about concerts and festivals, money comes in, expensive tickets, but let's be honest, when the both of you are on the same page... Money spent on tickets don't matter as much anymore. Remember that time when your girlfriend started complaining about your football tickets? Well, this time it will be different because music makes it different! Half of the time you'll be more interested in taking your other half with you to the festival or concert! 

IV. Car trips

Long road trips are beyond boring when both of you are fighting one another. Not only they could get heated and annoying, but it could be dangerous especially when you are driving. So why fighting for hours on who will be able to get that music on. No more stressful situation, kick back and take the whole trip in. 

V. Memory sharing!

It's like the first song you danced to or the song that made you cry on your engagement day. Songs hold memories, important ones, sad and happy ones. Memories will stay with you forever!

VI. Mixtapes/ Playlists... Easy!

Do you go on your iTunes and make some playlists for bath times, reading times, homework, cooking... I know I do. When your partner has the same taste in music, making playlists will be easy as pie. It will become a hobby, and mixtapes will be just as easy as these playlists. 

VII. Present/ Gifts

No more headaches, no more stress, only too many ideas! When you need to buy a present for someone, the ideas don't show up easily, it will be a headache that doesn't go away easily. I know I've always had some issues concerning gifts, could be hard to buy for someone... It's over! Now, since he/she likes the same music as you, t-shirts, tickets, albums, or posters are there. 

VIII. Fashion style!
You both won't have to worry about how your partner looks like because it's about their music style. Band shirts will be completely alright because it is a band that you also love to listen to.

Music may seem unimportant, but if you look at all the people that listen to their music, it turns out to be much more important... So when you have a relationship with someone who ends up having the same music taste, life gets better. 

"Music is essentially an emotional language, so you want to feel something from the relationships and build music based on those feelings." - Howard Shore

~Bella 

Does Your Type of Coffee Should Matter? (4)

Coffee, coffee, coffee...
What a story! Especially if you are like me, addict!
Coffee is the hot caffeine beverage which wakes you up and gets your energy boost. Not the beverage to go to if you have anxiety!

Now, I know that coffee may be important to lots of people, me for example.

When I think of coffee, I think about the personality of the person who is drinking it. Throughout many psychologists examinations of each personality, I came up with a few different ones. 

* The Black Coffe Drinker
- Straightforward 
- Likes to keep things simple
- Quiet, but moody
-All about minimalism 

*The Espresso Drinker
- Takes on leadership
- Hard-working, but moody
- Knows how to get what they want 

* The Latte Drinker
- Tends to be neurotic
- Likes to please people
- Often indecisive when it comes to making decisions 

* The Cappuccino Drinker
- Obsessive and controlling
- Creative, honest, and motivated
- Makes excellent friends, but gets bored with unimaginative people. 

* The Frappuccino Drinker
- Will try anything once
- Adventurous and courageous
-Does not make healthy choices

* The Instant Coffee Drinker
- Cheerful and optimistic
- Laid back
- Tends to put things off

* The Soymilk Drinker 
- High-Maintenance
- Detail-Oriented
- Self-Righteous and Self-Centered

So when you enter a relationship, you are most likely to try and understand the person's personality. 
I know I observe quite plenty, realize what each coffee drinker take their coffees, and it helped me through difficult times where I couldn't figure a person out. 

My coffee preference would definitely be a cappuccino but since I can't find any place which knows how to make the perfect one, I usually go for straight black coffee or a double espresso. I ain't the latte or iced nor a frappuccino type of person. Keeping it simple is easier.  Now, since I can drink three different coffee a day, my personality isn't based on just one type of coffee. 

When you drink coffee, remember that no matter what, your personality may not just be determined by one coffee, and it shouldn't affect any relationship you may want to create.

"I'm not addicted to coffee, we are just in a committed relationship."

~Bella

Does Age Should Matter? (2)

Age... An issue or nothing more than a simple number?
When you build a friendship, you don't automatically ask the person for their age? Not that you care much if they are 8 years older than you or not. Does age matter when you are building a friendship? No, not really, you don't personally go and ask people's age, but when it comes to a relationship, stable, serious relationship with a partner that you love and respect, somehow, you make a much bigger deal about ages. Don't take it personally, some people don't look at the age but how mature someone is.
From my own experience and seeing other's, I can tell you that age shouldn't matter at all, you could be 30 and act like a 60-year-old person, or be 45 years of age and act like a teenager. Maturity should matter though!

Now, I know how difficult it can be when you are in your early 20's and looking for stability in your life. I'm in that situation, and it's not fun at all. People your own age view things differently than you so you get along with older people... Normal and quite frankly alright. Age doesn't matter if you can get along with someone older than you.Yet, the situation gets slightly complex when feelings rush in...

In a relationship, not everyone will agree with me, some will judge the person. Imagine you are 22 and they are only 19. The age could be quite problematic if you are interested in going out in bars to get a drink or two with friends, you won't be able to take your partner with you, the underage could be a slight issue for some people! Then there is always the friends telling you, "You could do better."

Next, there are the other issues such as the "label". The term "Cougar" given to older women who are with younger men. Not fun to be described as such, our society has grown so much over years, centuries, we would think people are less judgmental, but sadly, we haven't changed. Another issue would be the siblings, younger ones, commenting to make sure you get the drift of what they are trying to tell you. Sarcasm is great but also quite sneaky! There's some truth in every sarcastic comment! 
Then, there is the patience... 
You can't expect to be on the same page all the time, especially when there is a big age gap between the both of you. Patience is a skill that must be conquered fast in order to keep the relationship stable. Your patience will be put to test as soon as the relationship grows. You both won't have the same schedule, leaving you both less time to see one another. Life gets in the way, but so is work! You will have to manage your patience, not every day will be the same and routine does set upon a relationship, unless you make it excited! 

It's an agree to disagree situation! 
To me, love isn't a number, it's a feeling that should be felt! You could be 5 to 10 years older and I would be alright with it. Now I have limits, I wouldn't be able to be with a person who is my parent's age! I wouldn't have much in common and I'm personally ain't attracted. I know many people who would prefer way older people for stability and maturity! Again it's an agree to disagree situation which only can be determined by your own opinion. 

Age shouldn't define your feelings towards another human being, your feelings should be determined on how you feel towards the other person! 

"I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are, or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together." - Julia Roberts 

~Bella