July has news...

Happy late birthday to me...

23 years of age and still manage to be annoying as hell... My poor family has to deal with it.

To start off this brand new "year" for me, I have to finally talk about my little family. The one I adore with all my heart. My dear boyfriend, the one that I love, we will call C. has to be the one who deals with my humour, my mood swings, my anxiety. Not sure how can he deal with all of me but I can't seem to act like someone else. I'm myself!

C. has a warm heart, sensitive, emotional, true to himself, quite a teaser and above all a loving person who only wants to be loved. Obviously, he has flaws, loves to party a little too much, too much of everything, but hey, no one is perfect, look at me...
We've been together since April the 8th and it seems like years for us. We are like an old couple. Fights and cuddles...

Not only I gain a boyfriend, but also a dog, Mario... A three-year-old who prefers to lick your face instead of being a playful dog. Scares lots of people, but he is such an angel... Sadly, I'm allergic to him, no worries, I will keep him around because he is family...

Finally, the last addition to our family is Quinn. She is the cutest kitten, sleeps all the time, annoys poor Mario and let's not bother talking about eating, she will come running! Adorable, stubborn but all around lovely to have around. I adore her to bits. She is my little baby...

July has been a tough month, full of surprises. Job searching and trying to figure out what to do. 

I've been trying to also gain support for a goal of mine... Which I will be talking in a different post...

For now, if you are interested, go and check it out...

https://www.gofundme.com/f/dreams-of-publishing-my-first-book&rcid=r01-1564504033,06-fcc291e21fc242c1&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w

I promise to write more in the next post... 

~Bella

"Aithníonn ciaróg ciaróg eile"

"A beetle recognises another beetle" or simply... "It takes ones to know one"... 

A friend of mine once told me that quote and since that day, it hasn't left me. Irish... Oh, don't I miss hearing it on the train or seeing it written on almost everything. 

I would have never thought I would be in another country when my mother was in Ireland. I would have never thought that I wouldn't be there when she was. And yet... There it was, the "never would happen", happened! 

I'm in France and she is in Ireland since November 27th when she arrived in Dublin. 

Despite my love for my dear mother, a part of me envy her. Jealous to see how she is home while I ain't, while she made a choice with my friend to make me leave the country. 

Hard to explain how something so tiny can affect you. Hard to recognise that it was for the best... 

I wouldn't change what happened, but accepting it has become harder each day.

Ireland, a country takes a whole lot of my love (don't worry, it seems like I have a big enough heart to hold a lot more), and I cannot deny it. It's only a feeling of belonging to a place where I can breathe fresh air, hold myself warm in a blanket while watching the rain outside the living room window, the smell of Guinness spilled on the pub's floor... Missing the long train rides, and the walks along the waterfront. I miss it all, but what can it do to dwell on it all? 

Keeping a good memory of it, trying to get the same tea brand back in France, the same scents which I do find when I walk by a bakery (surprisingly) and let's be honest, I do miss my fish and chips... I miss calling fries "chips" and miss speaking English or hearing it all the bloody time between the accents and the expressions... 

Funny thing is I could go on and on about everything I miss about Ireland and not get tired of it. I wouldn't mind stating every good thing and bad ones as well just to get it out of my chest... But what a boring post would that be... 

So to get back to the point of this post if does have one... I need to make a choice. To decide what's next for me, for my health, my relationships, my future. Sounds completely idiotic considering I'm still in my early twenties but trust me, if I could have been thirthy like my friend, I would! 

Choices... Hilarious... My last choice, wasn't mine, all I did was follow it through without crying my eyes out. Where should I go? Should I stay in France for a while and see where it leads me? Or should I save up every penny to move back to Ireland...? 

I can't even write a proper post. How regretable! All I can think of is how pathetic I may sound when I tell myself that everything is fine, but my facial expressions tell a different story. Because deep down, I'm completely lost. Lost between what is needed for me at the moment and what I truly desire which is a blur, a fogged out little thought that won't come through to let me make a decision. 

Why? Why is so complex to make a decision? 

Sometimes, I wish I was back in in a different time period kind of like how the TV show "Outlander" made it... Falling in love with a brave Scottish soldier, seeing something else, be someone else, start fresh and be lost ... 

What can I say, one can only dream! 

~Bella

Coming back to Europe

What a few months I had... But I'm back in Europe, tired but I'm "home" after over nine years. 

I could start with the good that is happening but that may lead to a novel just like stating all the negatives and I don't feel like writing too much about it. So I thought it would be an eye-opening for some people if I talked about how it is to be in my early twenties, living in France and how financially, relationship wise, and how my view of certain things have changed over the course of a few months. I'm positive that many young people have either experienced or are experiencing my current situation. And to be fairly honest, it's always needed to hear that we aren't alone in a current matter. We never are! 

I'm in France, living with my friend and her housemate with a cat, needy, cuddly cat. Close enough to about everything, and despite my "I don't want to get out", I still go out on occasions (mostly grocery shopping or the rare drinking at the pub nights). Great location, enough space, and I'm free to do as I wish which is always a little plus! 
France wasn't my first choice, my choice at all, but a needed one. I don't regret it but the homesick feeling, the simpler life back in Ireland is missed, greatly missed. Between the people, the drinks, and the little towns where everything is easy to get to is missed. I'm not saying France doesn't have little towns, but I just miss the feeling of home. But right now, I'm in France and I have my own choices to make! 

First, my living situation! Either I stay in France, look for a cheap apartment close to downtown, to everything, or I try to move back to Ireland. Sounds simple, I mean obviously I would pick Ireland, but is it in my best interest at this current moment or should I wait until I have a lot more money?  This leads to number two...

Second, financially... I'm in my early 20's, meaning saving up money is nearly impossible especially in my case. Coming from California, you have to realize that you cannot save up any money because rent is above expensive and the living accommodations aren't always cheap either (groceries, bills...)
I already got it bad by living in California and spending money on rent, but when you start living around, try to please yourself with little things, or buy people things, it could end up being a nightmare. A real nightmare. Money goes away faster than it comes in... So right now, living at my friends, helping out with rent could be the best solution, for the time being. It's not like I don't have a job, I do have one and I'm sure I'll get a better pay soon enough. But by living in France, I kind of want my own little studio or one bedroom apartment. A way to have people over without worrying if it's going bother anyone not that it will... This lead to number three...

Third, relationships... I mean friendship as well... Any relationship is very complex at the moment and I believe it's my fault. Care too much, make mistakes, say whatever I think maybe at the wrong time, and instead of explaining things I just ignore and leave. Somehow I managed to have low energy in this category. Don't feel like meeting new people, don't feel like rebuilding. It's hard to trust again, and when I think I did with someone, I had to mess things up. Doesn't seem like it matters much if it was a friend or more than a friend. I will mess everything up. Talk about having a power, I believe I just discovered mine, the destructor. Coming back to France made me think a lot about friends, how I'm supposed to speak to EVERYONE in French even though it is a pain at times, I'm more comfortable in English. It feels more like I'm closing myself, completely, shutting myself off, slowly but surely. 

They say, "You are young, you've got your whole life ahead of you..." but expect you to have it figured out. Make important decisions and expect you to follow through without issues. I'm young, yes, I ain't denying it, but I never truly felt that young, preferring to make my own decisions, making tons of mistakes. But this time, I'm tired, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to be an adult without assistance, without a support, an aid. And shutting yourself isn't a solution, I know it's not and yet it's exactly what I'm doing. Funny thing is I'm the one who should listen to my own advice, look myself in the mirror and tell myself how everything will be okay.  
Do we ever take our own advice? 
For people who have been asking me when I'm coming back to California, I'm not going back. Stop asking, there's no reason for me to go back. 
For the people who keep asking me what's my plan... I don't know, I still haven't figured it out yet, and I don't believe I will anytime soon. Give me a good reason to stay in France? Give me some reason to go back home to Ireland? Give me some advice maybe you'll be helping me see things through instead of trying to force something that isn't coming. 

If you are in a similar situation, don't take any advice from people who only want to be selfish. Listen to yourself as well, make mistakes, learn from them, and be smile because it's not the end just yet... It's only the beginning!

~Bella

"What should I do?"

Take it slow, or just go for it...

I recently crossed a small issue... A small unexpected heartache, nothing special, but special for me to make it a big deal out of it. When am I not making a big deal out of a love story or love issue?  It might actually be my hopeless romantic side of me kicking in each time something is happening, each time I get attention from a guy, a sweet guy.

To get back on track of the post, it's about this person who doesn't have the best reputation around town, not the best past when it comes to relationships, nor have the best current health. Sadly, when you hear things from friends, you tend to back off a little which doesn't give a good impression to the other person. Listening to everyone doesn't give you everything on the person you are interested in, and even if you know it yourself, your friends' judgments are important as well as your own because you want to trust them.
In my case, I'm still trying to make my own judgment, my own thoughts, and even if I see good in him, I have my friends around with their own sayings. Despite the fact that I adore learning more about someone by myself, I like to have some background on the person, knowing some dirt, and this time the dirt isn't that bad. And yet...

Should I listen to everyone? Should I listen to every bad comment? Every little thing everyone has to say about the person when I know my own reputation isn't the best either?
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Everyone is entitled to share them with you, but the good news is that it is up to you if you want to take everything or not. Opinions are based on interpretations, people's interpretations. So why do we listen to them, why do we take them into consideration? Why do we care this much? Because humans care, humans need other's approbation and even if you try to ignore it, deep down you know you want to please others as well.
I personally try not to please everyone as I know I won't be able to do so, can't be liked by every single person on the planet, but what my friends say have to affect me in some ways. I get affected because I put some kind of trust in them, trust that wasn't easy to gain in the first place as I don't trust anyone. If you are one who takes it personally, please don't, it's unnecessary as I don't even trust my own mother, well, not entirely. 

Hard to make your own opinion when you hear, listen to people, when you are living in a small town where everyone, almost everyone knows each other. When half of the population love to gossip around. My little issue is knowing that the guy who I appreciate and trust enough, isn't liked by my friends, isn't understood and somehow, despite the fact that everything is against him, my mother nor one of my bartender don't seem to have something against him at all. Well, to be fairly honest, it's my bartender who introduced me to him. Yes, my bartender, the one who doesn't want to see me leave the country, doesn't want me to go back home. The same bartender who is looking for my future husband, the same one who is always asking "When are you getting married?"
It is his fault if this guy and myself are always trying to see each other when we are at certain bars. It's the same bartender who has to tease me and the guy when we are sitting next to each other, telling us how a perfect couple we are in front of other customers. Talk about intimacy and friendship... That's nearly impossible when your bartender has to come in the way, teasing us nonstop about our relationship, the one which isn't there yet!

Indeed, my mother met the guy, (let's call him Connor even though it's completely different). My mother never saw anything bad about Connor, thought a good shave and a good haircut would make him look more handsome, his posture needs some improvement, but other than that, she saw something else... Something much deeper than appearance. My mother always needs to see what's behind the appearance. See what's makes the person themselves. The sweetness, the gentle way he had to look at me and her, the charming little smile he gave her as he shook her hand, shy and a bit sad. All she saw was the pain he had to endure. Not sure how she got that from seeing him for thirty minutes. I guess body language is more powerful than words. The entire time, my mother was sitting across from me, next to my friend, observing Connor, observing his every move, seeing how he was, how he observed back at us at certain moments. My mother doesn't come off as easy, just nice, too nice and trustworthy. She trusts too easily as well that's why I tend to not show her anyone, never make her meet that many people especially around my group of friends. But this time, she took all her energy not to trust Connor, to have a harder opinion of him, harder first impression.

Now, my opinion, my thoughts are in between two chairs. On one side, my friends who are harder to impress, harder on Connor, and then, the others who try to see the 'why' behind his actions, the more understandable ones. I'm between two different opinions, different views, and mine just happen to be blurry. Completely blurry. Making it difficult to see the right and the wrong. 

Then again, you can't rely on anyone's judgements except yours as you will have to live with your own choice, not anyone else. 

"A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follow the public opinion." 

~Bella

Now she's gone... So is he...

A few weeks later, the post is back... Sorry for not posting for a while, busy life has being in the way making it difficult to write, especially when the inspiration isn't around. Can't force it... So welcome back! 


Have you ever dreamed of becoming famous? Be a wealthy lawyer? Have a pool in your home? Own a Ferrari? Dreamed of becoming the next best world dancer? Have a family with a dog? Own your own company? 

A dream? A simple dream?
I sure had lots of them as a kid, and despite obstacles that life threw at me, I still have them to this day. My mother always told me to believe in them, to do whatever it takes to make them a reality, to believe in myself, but sadly, I never truly thought I was capable of much. Even my teachers, on my school year report card, "B... needs to believe in herself a bit more. She is capable of a lot, but lack of self-confidence is making her be in the back more often than the front..." And I will pass on the details of what they all thought of me. Apparently, I was doing acceptable work, but since I was lacking such self-esteem, my teachers always had something to say on the subject. It never helped me, I always took it as a bad comment for myself. The more they said it, the more they had to comment on the view I had on myself, the more they made it seem like something was wrong with me, the less I was going to think good things about myself... I never grew out of this insane loop, the twist is the more they would talk about my low-self-esteem, the more I was going to have it. It never helped.
Not only I had to read comments from teachers, but my father never truly supported my decisions, supported my dreams... Supported me in general. One could say "He did, what are you talking about? When you were playing piano, he was forcing you, putting you down as soon as you made a slight mistake, he was pushing you to do better." Not sure if that would be supporting me. To me, it felt more like a "need to be better" than " if you want to be better". 

I can't argue with this, but you have to be in my shoes for just a second, and for that to happen, let me tell you a short story.
Once upon a time... 
Just kidding, I won't start with the most common beginning.
"I can hear the mistake you just made, start from the beginning!" My father would tell me when my finger slipped on the wrong note. Yes, it would happen, a slight slide towards another note would be fatal, but I was careful, and still learning so I had excuses. For my father, it was a whole different story! I started piano when I was young, feeling the keys under my fingertips, being in control of what I was playing was quite a nice feeling altogether. I was a fast learning, and my piano teacher saw the opportunity to write new piano sheets for me, between the pop rock and the unbearable indie, alternative songs that I would love to listen to, he had work to do. My piano teacher was an amazing pianist, and he always managed to write music sheets according to my level. I think he was one of those people who sent me higher, telling me I was talented and if I continued I would do much more. But life got in the way, and once again a dream was cut short. Today, I don't own a piano, but still play around on hard surfaces, having melodies playing in my head, melodies which I haven't played in years, but only with my fingers playing around. The ones I would enjoy singing along to as they were famous pop-rock songs from an old French band. Yes, even at a young age, I was fascinated with oldies. I was never one for lessons, but if I had the chance to play something I loved, I would go right ahead. Going to school for piano wasn't a desire, but I could have got the chance to go if I desired, but that again, is one more lost cause. The day I change my mind on something set, it will be snowing in Santa Barbara, and let's be honest, I don't see that coming soon.

To get back to the short story, my father made my life a living nightmare when it came to practising. He would force me, put me down whenever he had the chance to, and even if I was performing well, no applause,  no reactions just, "Continue" or "Start again". Talk about dictatorship... Playing piano was never a dream but it slowly became one. I dreamed of playing and owning my own grand piano, the long black ones. To play for hours even if I was awful at it, I would keep going. I lost a lot of my capacity over the years of non-playing. Each time I touch a piano, my mind goes directly to the bad comments that my father would say on each occasion.
Owning my own black long piano is a dream, and it could potentially happen, I'm not on my deathbed yet, I've got time, I hope I do, so I can make this dream come true..."

Dreams may sound like the wishes that are nearly impossible to do, to have, that's why they are called dreams. The things you wish you had, the things you could do, could say. The things that are in the back of your head, waiting for you to fall asleep to surface and send you to dreamland, the land of every possibility.

Tonight, my mother decided to message me, to tell me how she wants to see me happy even if that means not seeing me as much. As for the past few months now, I want to go to back to Europe, live there and not come back to the States. To finalise my stay back in Ireland where I belong. It's difficult when you don't belong in a country you don't understand others' life views. A country where half of the population is ignorant enough to make you think twice about why you started talking to them in the first place. Tough times, tough life, tough situations, it's only getting worse... The more I see and talk to people in Santa Barbara, the more I miss home, I miss Europe in general. 
Even though I live in California, my mind is elsewhere, somewhere where I feel like home, feel like I belong there without asking myself questions. And with this, I started developing a dream, a goal of a sort. Own my little pub where there'll be books to read in the back of the little pub, sort of like a tea shop/ library. Combining three of my favourites, tea, pub, and books. 

What my mother hasn't realised is my mind has set, and I won't change it, I will leave this country, this state and even if it doesn't make her happy, I know deep down, she'll understand. Not sure how I'll break the news to her, but I will... Somehow...

To conclude this post, if you have a dream, don't let anyone make you think twice about it. Just go for it, fight for it, believe in it and never give up because everything is possible if you set your mind to it. 
Dreams are here for reasons, to give you hope, faith in yourself. Just don't let yourself down, don't cut yourself short because an obstacle is in the way. You never know what may come around, because if you haven't succeeded it just means it's still on its way to you. A little more time is required, that's all. 

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -Eleanor Roosevelt

~Bella

New schedule

I know I changed my schedule around, but since two jobs and having a social life is quite difficult to balance, writing blog posts are becoming harder.

You can comprehend how difficult it is to be a responsible adult who balances social life, work life, and some alone time until you live it yourself. I never understood until I started doing it myself.

Since I'm struggling to write, to keep up with my writing, and my ideas for a second novel, I decided that only one day a week would be best, each Wednesday. It sounds pathetic, and I apologize in advance, but like I said, balancing life itself is tough so don't blame me for wanting to write less on the blog. I'll post each week, try to make better content and hopefully, I'll be able to get back to my normal schedule, two days a week.

So I'll see you all next Wednesday for a new post!

~Bella

Top Summer Favourites...

Summer, summer, summer...

Best time to get a tan on, relax, and obviously read (if you are like me, you won't tan but read, yes you will)... 
I don't tan, but I read, a whole lot, and buying books, well that's my thing! So I've gathered a list of books that I enjoyed reading or I'm in the process of reading or buying depending on the novel. Note that all the writers I will be mentioning are writers I either appreciate or adore. 

I. Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella. 
British writer whose writing is easy to read and get into. This novel is about a young teenager who suffers from a certain type of anxiety which keeps her from doing what other kids her age do. 
If you have anxiety and want to read something easy and different, go for it! I encourage you to read it. Now, this writer would be more for teenagers, but I believe that books, stories, any of them are meant for everyone including adults. Somehow this book changed my view on social anxiety, made me understand how people suffer around you can suffer from your disorder. It's quite frankly an inspiring book. 

II. The Bookshop On The Corner by Jenny Colgan. 
Scottish writer who's passion shine through each book, story. It's about a young woman who loses her job and travels to Scotland expecting something and instead a whole new life awaits her. 
One novel I'll read again as it is quite inspiring for young writers as well as readers. Her style of reading is very British, very pleasant to read, and easy enough to jump into the story, become the character itself. 

III. Meet Me At The Cupcake Cafe by Jenny Colgan. 
Yes, another novel from her... This story is about a young woman who's talent are put to the test... 
I think what captivated me is how Jenny shows that life isn't always what we expect even if we are "good" at what we do. But there is a bright side to every downfall. Now, I'm still in the process of reading it and it seems like I cannot put the book down, not one bit. 

The last one is actually three books as it is a trilogy. I will put the British edition as well as the US edition. I always get the British one but oh well... The author being Santa Montefiore and one of my favourite author! She always managed to capture the right feeling, the right word to make you feel all types of emotions.   

IV. Song Of Love And War (UK edition) The Irish Girl (US edition) if you cannot find this one another title came for the US edition, The Girl In The Castle.  BOOK I
Daughters Of The Castle Deverill  ( UK edition) The Daughters Of Ireland (US edition which is coming out in mid-August in the US). BOOK II 
The Last Secret Of The Deverill (UK edition) The US edition hasn't come out yet but I'm sure you can find the novel anyways. BOOK III
I won't be explaining much about these books as I'm still in the process of buying them. I want the original version so it's taking a bit more time than expected. Each one of her books has been taking a part of me into another world, leaving the reality behind. 

It is quite the original list of books but these ones are the ones I've been into this summer. They are worth the time and money, haven't been disappointed in any of choice yet, and hopefully, you will found my list as captivating as I was. 

"I do believe something very magical can happen when you read a good book." - J.K. Rowling 

~Bella

21st birthday, done!

You've guessed it, I'm finally 21! 

Not a huge deal on my part as in Europe the drinking age is younger, but since I'm currently in California, I went to a few bars. 

Being 21 years of age hasn't changed much for the few days I've been 21, but I can say that I did have a pleasant time, enjoying the night with one of my roommates. Drinks and fries, a few exchange with some people, and the night came to an end. 



Someone who is 21 years of age is excited about finally drinking in bars, clubbing but half of these people didn't have any advice from their close friends or family members. I was part of the lucky ones, my dear friends as my close family has been telling me a few bits of advice over the years making it easier for me when I finally entered adulthood (in America). 

I thought I would share a few of them with you especially if you are going to be 21 years old soon. 

I. "Don't waste your precious time trying to get someone to like you! You can't be liked by everyone." 



II. "Do yourself a favour and be yourself- forget about other's opinion."



III. "Have a passion, go find something free to do, especially if you live in a big city like Los Angeles or New York."



IV. "Take your time on your education, why rushing into the adult world."



V. "Go find yourself a real, nice man instead of chasing immature, bad boys."



VI. " Don't worry too much about money just yet, you have some time to get your saving up and running."



VII. "No future plans? Please. Live a little." 

VIII. "Stop judging your life, compare it to other's and make yourself feel horrible for not having the same progress. It's your own journey!"



IX. "You are still young, stop pretending like you've got it all under control." 



X." Bars are nice but don't think you have to go spend money every night. You have your entire life to do so." 



Being 21 years of age didn't make much change on my part, but it does to a lot of people. For many it means you are entering adulthood, you finally able to run around town at whatever hour of the night, you are allowed in clubs, bars, get drinks without worrying about being caught.  Sure, it does has its perks, but don't over exaggerate; you have your entire life ahead of you to get crazy being an adult! Enjoy the last couple of years you have to be a grown person with tons of responsibilities. 

Here comes the next chapter of my life... The one I will write about... Stay alert, more to come next week... 





"When you turn 21. You legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 15." 



~Bella

Does your phobias should matter ? (11)

Phobias....

Yes and no!

Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation. 

Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from. 
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim. 

First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.

Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes. 

Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other.  Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them. 

Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully. 

Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear. 
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship. 

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard

~Bella

Take it or leave it...

Have you ever tried to give yourself a good talk? 

If you have tried once before, you'll know how it just does not work. It's terrible to admit, but it is the truth. Giving yourself some words of encouragement doesn't work this easily. 
"Oh, don't cry, not in public. You are all good, no need to cry over something this little."  Or "Don't give up. You are pretty enough to a boyfriend." Or "Remember there's always tomorrow." 
Who are you kidding? Deep down we know we are hurting, we want to give up, we want to believe the words we are telling ourselves. But before you can listen to your own words, you may want to try and listen to other's advice. 
When you have learned it, then, you may found it easier to listen to yourself. Now that said, listening to our own advice is difficult no matter how big or small it is. 
When I first started getting interested in psychology, I learned plenty in self-confidence. Obviously, I never took much of my own advice, but I did end up helping people. Psychology is fascinating in its own particular way, and when I first tried to give myself some words of advice, I heard them but didn't take the effort to listen to them. They were just simple words spoken by me, heard by me. A mistake which still to this day is highly regretful. After a few years, I came up with the "genius" plan... Advice to my future self. It's rather popular and it's quite resourceful. I ended up listening to myself, only a little more than before... 
Here is a couple of advice I came up with which may be useful to you, reader... 

I. Keep dreaming
What's better, dreams or reality? You can be anyone you wish when you dream while the reality is just you. The good news is if you are determined enough, you have the capacity of developing these dreams and make them a reality. 

II. Remember who raised you. 
It's simple to forget and not talk to your parents/family member especially if an argument breaks out, blaming the person close to you... But at the end of the day, who was there for you, raised you? And blood relatives aren't always there for you! I should know. 

III. Anything could happen, any second. 
That's right, we do not know what the future holds. We don't know if we are going to be alive tomorrow or not. So make today count, live like it's your last day. 

IV. It's never too late to apologize
Forgiving is important, but in order to forgive one has to apologize first. Sadly, not many of us found the courage to apologize to the ones who deserve it. If you have the chance to do so, give yourself the opportunity to say, " I'm sorry."  You have no idea how much a simple apology can do to an entire situation, it may impact someone a great deal. 

V. Think of the future, not the past! 
What can you do to change the past? Not much right? But what about the future? If you are thinking about past failures, please do yourself a huge favour and stop right there! I said it, STOP! The past has been written, and cannot be rewritten. The future, on the other hand, is freshly new and it does need some writing so go ahead and begin your journey! Move forward not backward. 

VI. Never stop asking questions
If kids do it, it's for a reason! It may be annoying over time but this is how you get knowledge, curiosity! The beauty of it all is that there is absolutely no age to learn something new and exciting. Learning is essential, it makes you grow as a person. 

VII. Don't compare your life or yourself to someone else's 
We are unique, there is no one exactly like you so why bother comparing yourself to your next door neighbor? Just because they seem to have the perfect doesn't make it true. Live for yourself, live your life and not someone else's. 

VIII. Accept rejection
You won't be liked by everybody and not everyone will agree with your opinion. Rejection is bound to happen at some point, but don't worry you aren't alone going through it. Everyone feels rejection in their life. 

IX. You are not better than everyone else
Who made you better? Who told you, you were inferior to others? What gave you the right to determine this? Well, let me be brutally honest with you! You are just as important as your crazy neighbor, your old high school math teacher, or a homeless person who's addiction to heroin is becoming too much. There's no life more important than the other. Remember we all came from somewhere, we are all human no matter what! 

And the final piece of advice of the day... 

X. Trust that feeling of yours. 
Sounds idiotic when written down, but it's the truth. I listen to my feelings, my guts. It never failed me; when I do not get a good vibe or I don't like a person in a second of seeing them, it's because I get a bad vibe which doesn't make me want to know them. Give your "guts" some credit. 
Advice to future self is useful especially when you look back on the list later on in life. It's never too late to ameliorate yourself; give yourself the opportunity to listen to your own words, voice. 

"Listen to your own voice, your own would, too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves." 

~Bella 

Bipolar Disorders... Psych 101...

BIPOLAR DISORDERS

When an individual suffers from a bipolar disorder- once referred to as manic- depressive illness- they experience extreme mood swings between depression and mania. The symptoms of mania include: 

• Feeling irritable
• Being extremely energetic
• Feeling high
• Feeling grandiose and having a very large self-esteem
• Feeling agitated
• Speaking in a fast manner
• Not needing to sleep in doing activities that bring pleasure, even if that means these activities can have harmful consequences
• Being impulsive
• Possibly having paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations

There are several types of bipolar disorder. These include:

Bipolar I Disorder

In bipolar I disorder, manic episodes or manic and depressive episodes last for at least seven days, or an individual will have such a strong manic episode that hospitalization is required. When people suffer from bipolar I disorder, they will generally also have depressive episodes that last for two weeks or longer. 

Bipolar II Disorder

This is a milder type of bipolar disorder where episodes of hypomania and depression are not as severe.

Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (BP-NOS) 

This is when an individual suffers from symptoms of bipolar disorder- exhibiting symptoms that clearly stray from how the individual normally behaves- but does not meet the criteria needed to be diagnosed as having bipolar I or bipolar II. Symptoms in BP-NOS may last for too short an amount of time, or the individual may have too few symptoms. 

Cyclothymia

This is a less severe type of bipolar disorder. While a person with cyclothymia will experience the same symptoms of bipolar I disorder, they will never be in a total manic state or have a major depressive episode. In order to be diagnosed as having cyclothymia, an individual must have these symptoms for at least two years. 

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - Carrie Fisher

~Bella

What are you? A Bookworm..

Welcome back to little me...

Last week was Thanksgiving, hopefully, everyone had a good time with their family.

As I've mentioned a week before, I needed a tiny break from posting, to gather some articles that may be enjoyable to read, and yesterday, out of the blue, before going to work, I had this idea!

If you do not know already I'm quite a bookworm. I love reading, I love escaping the real world to get into a completely imaginary one, not mine yet an amazing one! When I read, I tend to imagine some scenarios, the setting, the characters. Seeing them in my head makes me be a part of the story. 
I bought a few books, read all of their last paragraphs or sentences, and fell in love with the books... You would think nothing is wrong... But... Sadly, there is...

I cannot read any book! 

I've tried to get into books, I've tried, but I always end up putting each book down. This situation has been bugging me, giving me some issues for a couple of months now. My last book was a novel in French called "Le dernier voyage du Valentina" or "The Last Voyage of the Valentina" written by Santa Montefiore.
Amazing plot, wonderful character descriptions, extraordinary writing, and a full mind-blowing story! At least to me...

The setting is based in London, but later on in Italy where the protagonist has to learn about family secrets, mysteries involved in the whole plot. 

I'm not going to go into details, but I absolutely fell in love with the book, with the plots, with the characters! I couldn't get enough, read it in one setting, and when I finished the book, I didn't let go easily! Since then, I haven't read anything, no books, and it's not because of the lack of them, I've got plenty! No lack of books whatsoever, I just cannot get into one, and it's becoming a real issue! My hopeless romantic side always gets me, always make me feel like I've read an amazing unforgettable book, but this time, this novel hit me hard, very hard that it is always on my mind. I don't believe it's the story, it's more the characters that made me realize a lot about life, about human reactions and believes. Since then, I've got the issue of not getting into any books, even the ones I find interesting or the ones that intrigue me. 

Bookworms are people who are fans of reading, getting into someone's imagination, to learn about someone's point of view. They also have some issues, some problems that only book lovers can understand!
Here are some...

* When someone asks us what is our favorite book, we don't know... We've got plenty of them, don't ask, please. It's uncomfortable, I would know, I never really give an answer. 

*When books become movies and the plot changes from the novel. When they get everything wrong, it's just awful! Get it right!

*When you start liking someone and they tell you they don't like to read, don't like books. It makes you think about starting a relationship twice! 

* You forget to eat or drink, go to the bathroom or ignore everything and everyone around. If you are reading a novel in one setting, you forget your real life, you are involved in the book, you live in it, so the rest comes after. 

*That moment when you thought your favorite character will live forever and dies on you all the sudden and you pretend that they are still alive, but obviously it's not the same... Hate that moment, the box of tissue is needed! 

*Reading these bloody awful reviews on the novel you love gets you mad, your happy smile disappears! 

*When you finish the first book of a sequel but you have to wait another year to get it... It's frustrating. But it could be worse, some authors just stop the series and then it's just not frustrating anymore, it's murder! Finish the bloody series, don't let us hang! 

*When someone looks at you and says "You read too much." Well at least I'm getting smarter, I'm making my neurons work not like the others who don't even pick up a book! 

Anyways, hopefully, I will get into a book that I enjoy reading soon because I miss having my alone time with a good novel. 

"Books are a uniquely portable magic." -Stephen King

~Bella

Let's change everything about you...

"You sure you want to dress like this?" He asked with a fake smile on his face making me want to vomit. 

This situation had sadly happened to me a few times, and even though I'm quite headstrong, when it's your boyfriend asking you this, you change your clothes immediately! It starts like this, little comments, then it becomes like this:

"Oh, your opinion doesn't count, you aren't a professional, you don't know what you're talking about. You should just stay quiet!" 

This happened to me many times... I lost count after 11... To tell the truth, I would have rather have forgotten about how many times these types of comments affected me dearly. 

I don't want to generalize everyone so do NOT take it personally! If you do, though, maybe you should take a good look at yourself... 

To debut, I have to say that it affects women and men! Both gender not just women, but since I'm one, obviously my experience might slightly be different than what a guy might experience! 

I've done this once, only once... 

I have been in a relationship with a sweet guy, who were complimenting me enough and made me smile. At first, everything seems perfect (don't try and deny it, we all know that's true), then slowly, both people open up, are more themselves... In my case, I was always myself, I didn't try to hide or fake something. But after a couple months, little comments like the first phrase began to come up a lot more than usual. It would be casual, but still, it was there. So I did what others in love young woman would do, change the way I was dressed or how I put my hair up or down... Started as little... Then the comments would be more around my personality. " You should be quiet..." or " I didn't like how you smiled at the waiter, it was too flirty..." Like really? 

Comments like these are just annoying, and it shows that the other person wants to change you. It's not right, and no one should try to change another human being! 
I'm not trying to tell you to just be quiet, not tell the other person that something bothers you, but there are ways to say these things! Don't aggress, or make the person feel terrible for what they may have done! 

Tell them calmly, don't try to push anything, you can't change anyone, but if that person wants to ameliorate their ways of doing things, they will under their own time, not yours. Don't push it or else you will ending pushing them away, losing them. We wouldn't want that to happen! Communication is key, yes, but don't try and control the other person, they aren't your property to rule over, there are no laws in love, so don't make any! 
For example: 
If you have trouble with the way the other person is dressed, don't say, "Don't wear that" or " You look like a sl**" Don't insult, just be like, "Honey, I don't think this fits well, do you have anything you can wear. I don't think it's appropriate for the occasion." 
It's that simple, but don't overdo it either, after all, people are free to say and do as they want! 

Now, there are some good changes in life and relationships! 

You can change into someone better, ameliorate your ways of expressing yourself (that's a big issue of mine). When you are changing your way of living, leaving the past behind you and concentrate on your future. Or even when you change the way you view ideas... These are the good changes, and it's wonderful. The more you grow up, mature up, we all evolve in our ways and time. We change perspective, change our views, change our destiny in a way! Just don't try and change your partner because you don't like something! They aren't yours, they aren't your property, you have no rights to try to change or even help someone change without approval. 

Just be yourself and let them be, accept and keep growing as a couple! We all deserve to be happy so don't destroy something beautiful because you have a clear idea of how you want your other half to be like. There is no one like you imagine, take the good instead of trying to find perfection. 

"Don't let anyone change who you are, to become what they need." - Margott

~Bella