Time Apart...

Little side note to my dear mother who's birthday was yesterday, Happy Birthday!

Can spending time away from your partner help your relationship, save it from destroying itself?

A question which doesn't have a concrete answer, nothing to prove it will fix a relationship, everyone deals with important situations differently. 
Throughout the little experience I had and seeing lots of relationships fail, I can consider myself lucky enough to have seen how taking time for ourselves may help fix a few issues that you may have in your relationship. 

Taking a break doesn't mean go back on a hunting ground, sleep with others. If you want to look for someone else, it will be a breakup and not a break. Wanting to sleep somewhere else, not wanting to take some time off to gather around your mind just means you want to break away from the relationship, so now it's up to you either you want to end the relationship or take some time off. 

I would personally take some time off the relationship when the apologies, sweet words, compliments don't work anymore. We all make mistakes and apologizing is a big deal, not many of us can take responsibility for their actions. If my partner wouldn't take it in consideration then, it's time for a break. 
Next, the "miss" emotion that you once had is gone. The things you used to do, cute messages before bedtime, the few moments spent together before going back home to deal with other things. When you live with your partner, the "miss" feeling fades away, and sometimes we need to miss the other person to understand how much they mean to you!
Obviously, there is that moment when arguments are louder than your apologies. Fights take over your life, and you two no longer hear each other talk. Arguments happen, we can't always be on the same page, but when the only thing you do is fight, constantly point the finger on the other, making them feel horrible, take a break. No need for a breakup, but let some time to pass by, get your calm back, focus on what really matters may help. Not hearing your partner is a sign of a bigger issue. 

Taking some time off is helpful! Having some alone time is appreciated, but we forget how much we need this special time because we have been with our partner for so long. In order to gather around our train of thoughts, our feelings back together can only be done when you are far from your relationship. Being away from your partner could end up being beneficial. I ain't telling you to move on and sleep around, party all night long! I'm telling you to go out, take some time off, be with yourself, ask yourself questions such as "Do I miss him/her?", see your flaws, your wrongs, and what you can do to make the relationship better. 
It sounds simple when I put it down on a blank page, but on the contrary. 
Taking time off from a relationship, from your loved one is harder than it seems. It takes courage to tell them that you need to gather yourself for a bit, away from the relationship. 

Have you ever looked at your partner and felt tired, bored? It does happen after a long time, especially if you let the routine run your life. It will most likely ruin the fun you once had. Boredom is a sign of getting tired of either your partner's behaviors or the situation which keeps happening. So when I think about a break, I think about the set of new fresh eyes, the new perspective to give to the relationship. 

Now, the issue about taking breaks is being on the same page, being understandable, and making sure that a break doesn't mean a breakup. Establishing some ground rules, making sure that's what you really want and not just a way to escape the reality. And you have to accept the fact that taking a break may take you a step closer to an actual breakup. It may seem like it could help bring a couple closer, but in fact, it can do the opposite especially now with our society and the temptations which keep coming at us. 
Make sure you communicate the boundaries, what the next step will be, and be determined to stay together. 

If you are both on the same page, communication happen, there is a pretty good chance that the break will do a lot more good than bad. 

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Khalil Gibran

~Bella

Having a difficult time resolve a conflict?

Last time we talked about flexibility for children and I thought it was a good reminder for adults... Today, we are talking about...

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Teaching kids to solve their problems. 

WHAT IS IT?

" Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it." - Dorothy Thomas

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?

Conflict is part of life. No matter what line of work your child eventually chooses, he will need to be able to wirk with others and deal with the inevitable conflicts that go along with that. Conflict is also a natural part of friendships. Your child will need the skills to deal with conflict in a safe and reasonable way. 

WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

* Uses techniques to "cool off" before speaking

* Listens when others are speaking

* Is able to express themselves clearly and calmly

* Gives reasonable solutions to the problem

How you can help your child

1. Coach them through it

Each conflict your child encounters with another child can be a learning experience. Each of these experiences, if handled well, will add up to a child who is able to resolve their own conflicts peacefully. Instead of "rescuing" or solving your child's problems, coach them through it. Support them when needed, but ultimately leave it up to them to find a reasonable solution to their problem.

2. Teach I message

When frustrated, it's easy to place blame on others. Teach your child how to give an "I" message. The format looks like this: "I feel_____, when you _____" For example, your child could say, "I feel upset when you call me by my nickname, please stop." This format places emphasis on how the child is feeling, and not on who is to blame. "I" messages may feel unnatural to your child at first, but eventually they will become second nature.

3. Show them how to apologize

There will be many times when your child will be on the offending side of a conflict. It's important that your child knows how to give a meaningful apology. Hero's a helpful format: "You felt ____, when I _____, next time I will ____" For example, your child could say, "You felt angry when I took your toy, next time I will ask before I borrow it."

4. Practice, practice, practice

Use any opportunity to discuss conflict resolution with your child. TV shows, movies, and books all open up the opportunity to talk about what each character could do to resolve their conflicts. If your child is struggling with conflict resolution, it may be helpful to "role play" how they could appropriately react to situations that they may face at school. 

Conflicts are one issue that everyone have to handle, daily. Some of us will get our anger out by shouting, others will ignore the problem and move on. We act differently when overcoming our fears, regrets and conflicts. Children are taught how to deal with them a certain way, instead of pushing or pulling another's hair, they have to communicate. Adults are the same! In my opinion, adults are pretty much like children. We never fully "grow up", there are always little things that makes us kids, inside. Look how we handle economic crisis, or disagreement on religion or oil land, we go to war, we use violence to deal with conflicts instead of talking to one another. I'm talking about big crisis, but let's see how we deal with small ones. For instance, imagine you are a calm driver, stuck in traffic to go to the LAX airport. You are peacefully listening to your music when the car behind you bump into your car. What will you do? Some will get out and start shouting, "Where is your insurance, it's your fault..." Does this sound very sweet and peaceful? No! Others will pull over on the side of the road, ask if everyone is alright, ask about what happened, the insurance, make sure that everyone is doing alright, and calmly take each other's information. Does this sound more nice? I believe so. Sadly, our society isn't all this peaceful. Some people never learned how to manage conflicts, and as adults, they still don't know.

Why wait to teach your children how to 

manager their anger, to manage situation, resolve conflicts? Why? It's never too early! Children are like sponges, they will absorb informations without difficulties, it may take practice, but at the end, you'll be proud of the work you put into teaching them such an amazing life lesson! Instead of killing someone over a slight arguement, they will be communicating and fixing the problem without shouting and making no sense of what they are saying! 

"We must teach our children to resolve their conflict with words, not weapons." - William J. Clinton

~Bella

What are you? A Bookworm..

Welcome back to little me...

Last week was Thanksgiving, hopefully, everyone had a good time with their family.

As I've mentioned a week before, I needed a tiny break from posting, to gather some articles that may be enjoyable to read, and yesterday, out of the blue, before going to work, I had this idea!

If you do not know already I'm quite a bookworm. I love reading, I love escaping the real world to get into a completely imaginary one, not mine yet an amazing one! When I read, I tend to imagine some scenarios, the setting, the characters. Seeing them in my head makes me be a part of the story. 
I bought a few books, read all of their last paragraphs or sentences, and fell in love with the books... You would think nothing is wrong... But... Sadly, there is...

I cannot read any book! 

I've tried to get into books, I've tried, but I always end up putting each book down. This situation has been bugging me, giving me some issues for a couple of months now. My last book was a novel in French called "Le dernier voyage du Valentina" or "The Last Voyage of the Valentina" written by Santa Montefiore.
Amazing plot, wonderful character descriptions, extraordinary writing, and a full mind-blowing story! At least to me...

The setting is based in London, but later on in Italy where the protagonist has to learn about family secrets, mysteries involved in the whole plot. 

I'm not going to go into details, but I absolutely fell in love with the book, with the plots, with the characters! I couldn't get enough, read it in one setting, and when I finished the book, I didn't let go easily! Since then, I haven't read anything, no books, and it's not because of the lack of them, I've got plenty! No lack of books whatsoever, I just cannot get into one, and it's becoming a real issue! My hopeless romantic side always gets me, always make me feel like I've read an amazing unforgettable book, but this time, this novel hit me hard, very hard that it is always on my mind. I don't believe it's the story, it's more the characters that made me realize a lot about life, about human reactions and believes. Since then, I've got the issue of not getting into any books, even the ones I find interesting or the ones that intrigue me. 

Bookworms are people who are fans of reading, getting into someone's imagination, to learn about someone's point of view. They also have some issues, some problems that only book lovers can understand!
Here are some...

* When someone asks us what is our favorite book, we don't know... We've got plenty of them, don't ask, please. It's uncomfortable, I would know, I never really give an answer. 

*When books become movies and the plot changes from the novel. When they get everything wrong, it's just awful! Get it right!

*When you start liking someone and they tell you they don't like to read, don't like books. It makes you think about starting a relationship twice! 

* You forget to eat or drink, go to the bathroom or ignore everything and everyone around. If you are reading a novel in one setting, you forget your real life, you are involved in the book, you live in it, so the rest comes after. 

*That moment when you thought your favorite character will live forever and dies on you all the sudden and you pretend that they are still alive, but obviously it's not the same... Hate that moment, the box of tissue is needed! 

*Reading these bloody awful reviews on the novel you love gets you mad, your happy smile disappears! 

*When you finish the first book of a sequel but you have to wait another year to get it... It's frustrating. But it could be worse, some authors just stop the series and then it's just not frustrating anymore, it's murder! Finish the bloody series, don't let us hang! 

*When someone looks at you and says "You read too much." Well at least I'm getting smarter, I'm making my neurons work not like the others who don't even pick up a book! 

Anyways, hopefully, I will get into a book that I enjoy reading soon because I miss having my alone time with a good novel. 

"Books are a uniquely portable magic." -Stephen King

~Bella

Don't be afraid of asking...

How many of you just ignore your own problems?

I'm not going to lie, I ignore them like nothing ever happened, preferring to deal with other people's issues. Managing people's life is simple and doable...

When I have an issue, I turn my back on it, focus on someone else, and try to forget or leave it in a tiny place away from my thoughts! I don't recall a time when I actually dealt with something really painful, always trying to avoid the pain as much as possible. Doesn't sound healthy if you ask me, but what can I do?

Ask someone for help or just to listen to me talk about what's troubling me?
Try a make a list of what bothers me?
Listen to someone's advice?
I don't ask for anything except football jerseys or Nutella, I've made lists but I left them in the back of a lost notebook, and listening to someone's advice isn't my thing, I do listen but I don't really try to do as I am told because I'm too afraid of doing it alone. So I lock myself away from issues, from people's advice, from my own feelings and emotions. Again not healthy! I shouldn't bottle everything, I should ask for help, advice, support from someone I trust entirely, and give myself completely to the person I love instead of putting walls around me.
I look like someone who isn't brave enough, courageous enough to look at my problems, deal with them, and look at the possibilities that may end miserable situations! The stubbornness is beyond explanation, I went through really hard times before and it seems like I don't want to end up in the same dilemma, depression, sadness, crying, no sleep, no food in my stomach... You get the point!

To make sure people don't get tired of hearing about me, I knew someone who was in the same dilemma! He was so busy trying to keep his pride up, never asking for support, never wanted anyone to be around that he never really dealt with anything. He ignores and moved on, pretending everything was alright! Fake it until you make it? I suppose! This person preferred to give up on amazing moments just so it wouldn't hurt the other person. Caring? Yes, but unfair! If someone wants to help, begging you to stay, don't ignore them and accept with a smile, it's not every day you get that!

Support is here to help you get through rough times, to prove you that you aren't alone in your own mess. You might be the reason why you are in that mess in the first place, but you have to realize that you can't go through it all by yourself. You'll end up losing your mind, you'll lose yourself and others on the way. Stop thinking that accepting help or support from someone is a sign of weakness. Stop thinking that people will judge you based on what you say. I've learned that you can't please everyone, no matter how much you try, there will always be someone to think you are a bloody imbecile! In this case, they will judge your problem, but you can't do much about it, try to move on, everyone isn't the same, some will listen and help while others will not care one bit.
Asking for help is a sign of courage, character, and strength, not many have it now a day! By asking help, you are accepting the fact that you are vulnerable, and don't think you will get rejected, 99% of the time people are glad that you ask for their help. Moving out of your comfort zone can be an incredible thing.
It helps us shape who we are as human being, we stand tall and grow each day because of one simple thing, help. Look at babies, for instance, they are constantly in need of something and they aren't afraid to show they need help and support. What do we do in return? We give them love, help them every step of the way, they aren't afraid to give us the real them , vulnerability is part of us all, so even if we grow up, we should be able to show the good, the bad, the strong part as well as the weak part. Sadly, society is horrible, now people take advantage, judge more gives us reasons to hide a part of us. We can't show our vulnerability. But I believe that we all can with the people we truly love and admire.

This is just my opinion, and you don't have to agree at all. I'm open minded, I won't mind judgments... We rise together, we work best together, the pyramids weren't built by one man but many. We ask for help, we ask others to give us support and we arrive at a stronger, more powerful bond. This is why I love watching football (soccer), they actually give us the meaning of a team, the family, and they win for their family. They are better together as a team than alone. Love gives us the opportunity to be better with someone else by our side. It shouldn't be denied, shouldn't be rejected, but embraced! 

"We are one of a kind, irreplaceable..." - Avicii (Waiting For Love)

~Bella

Writing or talking...

Talking... A form of communication that I do not like to practice much, especially in certain cases!

This is a topic that I dislike to discuss in general as it can be tough at times.
I'm not even sure how to begin this post, I just thought that writing about communication would make me want to talk to my dear friend a lot more... As he is trying his hardest to make me talk!


Everyone is different, meaning some prefer to talk while others prefer to write.

Throughout my life, I thought that talking was just annoying; highly preferred to write everything down with a pen. On the plus side, when you write everything down, you can come back at it later on, and read it all over again like it was the first time.


In psychology you learn that talking makes everyone feel better, it's also why there are therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists... They are here to listen to you and help you out. Everyone needs someone to talk to, even if that means a relative or just a close friend or even a complete stranger. 
Have you ever felt better after a moment of talking to someone else? I know I have. I can't deny the fact that I do, indeed, feel a lot better, but somehow, it feels wrong. I feel like if I talk to someone, they might just not listen and pretend to make me smile afterwards, or I'll just feel like I'm annoying them! I know it's not good to feel this way, but that's how I feel most the time. I don't want to bug people with my life, I know everyone has issues to deal with... People come to me for help, so I got used to helping others, and I love it! But I come after everyone else, so if I can help someone before myself, I will... It's just me though! You may feel entirely different about the subject! 

Talking to someone may help you figure a lot out, but it can also make you feel uncomfortable. There are some pros and cons. You just have to know your limits when it comes to certain people. 
In my experience, I learned one thing, you cannot trust anyone, you have to be really careful on who you talk to, especially if you want to share some issues with that person. Just make sure she is the right one to talk about the subject before you make a fool of yourself. 

Back in junior high, I had a close friend, kind of a like a little sister who was very similar to me. We both shared our life stories, our problems, everything. I would go to her place almost every week, and we were always or almost always together at school... She was like the best friend I could have gotten. Sadly, things happened, high school happened, and we went our separate ways. Not that I don't look back at a few things and wish I had done thing differently, but without this experience I wouldn't have learned anything. She became bitter when it came to me, wasn't looking at me, talking to me and even started rumors, the worse possible ones, it was part of why I went in homeschooling as well. A year after I left the high school, I started receiving messages, long ones, mean and insulting ones. The ones where she would say that no one likes me, that my father disliked me for good reasons, and if she was him, she would have done the same, that my mother only loved me because I was a translator and that was all, that I should just jump off a bridge, die alone because that's what I deserved. 

I cried in front of everyone in the class, and started to breath badly, not understanding what could have happened because I hadn't talked to her in two years. I didn't even tried to stay in touch, blocked on every social media, blocked her number, her friends, and just cried. She was a friend at some point of my life, I was there when she needed it, and just like that gone.... It was like that never happened! She used my family issues against me, to make me feel bad, to make me jump and die, that's probably what she wanted at some point. I just don't understand why some people are cruel to others who don't even talk to them. All I know is that she had family issues of her own, and she might have wanted to have



someone to be mean to, to take all that anger out, and it had to be me. I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer what I had to, so somehow I'm glad this little episode happened. It taught me to be careful on what I say to people. 

Talking is a great help, it liberates you from inner demons, and it makes you see clearer. I know that I can talk to my friend, not about everything but a lot of it... Just be careful on who you talk to, how much you talk and if that person isn't going to back stab you later on in life. If I were you, I would stay on my guards! You never know what's coming... And don't forget that talking doesn't just mean talking about problems but also your joys! 

"People are going to talk about you. Just smile and make them miserable."

~Bella

Where's the little voice?

As you may know, I'm a writer, and I'm currently working on a novel... It's been two years, and writer's block as comes multiple times, showing unexpectedly, turning my life into a real nightmare. 

Writer's block usually happens when you have a fear of something, afraid to put down ideas, to see a critic afterwards. Being a perfectionist! If you are a perfectionist, you will struggle, wanting to always have the right word, the right phrase, and if you don't even write, you have to get your ideas straight in your head, you'll never be writing a thing. Timing is a big issue, you may be in front of your computer or page and nothing comes to mind because it's just not the right time. Your ideas may come not yet, though, it sometimes takes a little more time to get your ideas straight! 

Writers tend to have a little voice, an imaginary friend they talk to. I've heard myself talk to myself, not conversations, but like "Oh I shouldn't put that up there, should I?" 
When we say we got writer's block, we are mostly talking about our imaginary friend who isn't talking to us... Everyone of us, writers, have to struggle with it, and don't pretend like you haven't had to deal with it! 

A year ago, I bought a little book about writer's block, and I recently looked back into it and discovered that it actually helps a little. So, I wanted to share a few notes from my tiny book with you, and maybe help with writer's block! 

They aren't phrases, tips, or anything like that... It varies into 3 categories :
1. Writing Challenges: short assignments to get you writing as quickly as possible, no more than a minute or two. It helps you think as you write. 
2. Spark Words: A word with a photograph! Carries different meanings for different people. It wants you to create a scenario or a scene about the word and the picture. 
3. Writing Topics: From choosing a title and selecting an opening line to cope with negative criticism, these topics feature advice and exercises from legendary and contemporary writers. Just write!

So let's start now:

Imagine that you could wake up tomorrow in someone else's body. Whose would it be? How would your life change? What are some of the first things you'd do? (writing topic)

Flirting (spark word)

Begin in the Middle
Good stories hit the ground running--- and you can accomplish this by "beginning in the middle." Consider the first sentence of Raymond Carver's "Elephant": " I knew it was a mistake to let my brother have the money." Or the opening line of Mario Puzo's The Godfather: "Amerigo Bonasera sat in New York Criminal Court Number three and waited for justice; vengeance on the men who had so cruelly hurt his daughter, who had tried to dishonor her." ... Write your own opening line that begins in the middle. Establish characters, situations,and conflicts with a few choice words. Then drop your readers right smack in the center.  (writing challenge)

Discipline (spark word)

Write about your earliest childhood memory. (writing topic)

I got to do a few little challenges on there, but then I tend to want more than just one little piece. I want to write a book about it. That becomes my issue, but it helps you write about something. So instead of staring at a blank page, trying to get your imaginary friend back without trying to write something... Isn't going to help you at all. 


" All writing problems are psychological problems. Blocks usually stem from the fear of being judged. If you imagine the world listening, you'll never write a line. That's why privacy is so important. You should write first drafts as if they will never be shown to anyone." - Erica Jong (Authors Publish)

~Bella