Lisa Hannigan

I know it's been a while since I posted about songs. But I've been going back to my roots, my Celtic music, the one I used to danced to at festivals with my mum. Nothing anyone would want to listen so I waited to finally get something anyone can appreciate either it's the instrumental part or simply the lyrics...

Let's begin by telling you a little bit of where I came across the singer in the first place...

Ondine... A romantic Irish movie about a woman who got caught in a fishnet, a drunk fisherman who is divorced, has a beautiful daughter who turned out to be sick (saddest thing ever), and the mystery brought by the famous selkies. 

Side note: Selkies are said to live as seals in the sea but shed their skin (coat) to become human on land. The legend plays an important role in Scandinavian, Irish and Scottish mythology. Their myths are romantic tragedies, a common theme for land/sea romances, however, it is the Selkies who suffer rather than their human lovers and spouses. 

In the movie, the young woman fished out of the sea in Ireland, sings to the fish, and gives much luck to her fisherman... But like every romantic story, there's a pitch of sadness... And that is up to you to find more by watching the movie yourself.

I quite loved it, it brought me back "HOME".

And that is the backstory of where I came into listening to Lisa Hannigan. One of her song, the one right below, came at a good part... 

Lille- 

Sea Song- 

Fall- 

Snow-

Lisa Hannigan is an Irish singer, songwriter, and musician. Bright in every way, I fell in love with her songs, the way she writes, and how peaceful it is... Compare to everything else I may have on my Itunes, this is by far what I would listen if I want to fall asleep to "home" or read a book. 

Now, I don't expect everyone to love it, like it or even bare with it, but I just thought I would share what I have been in love for a couple of days now. 

Next time, you may have to deal with what I grew up with, and trust me it won't be as peaceful or English for that matter...  Irish Gaelic, Scottish Gaelic, and Breton are old languages which usually brings me back home no matter where I am... So until next time! 

" My music will tell you more about me than I ever will." 

~Bella

Happy New Year...

The new year is finally here! Happy 2018 everyone!

Excited? I'm sure you are ready to start this year all fresh with plenty of more goals...

Goals? Really?

Well yes! I'm sure you all have this one little thing you want to stop doing, or start doing something?

Don't get me wrong, I never go through any of my plans for the coming year, but a lot of my acquaintances have been thinking about things to do or stop doing.

*One big goal, one I've been hearing for the past month is...
"I'll stop drinking for a month"
Let's all go through a detox phase. Not a bad idea if you are one to drink every night or day. A month may not seem a lot, and if you are ready for round 2, please do it for as long as you can!

*The other goal I've been hearing almost as much as the drinking goal is,
" I will go to the gym every day!"
Please, don't put too much pressure on yourself, baby. Every day is a lot especially if you haven't gone to check the gym out in a while. Take it slow and steady! Twice or three times is already enough, baby steps!

*One more common one... 
"I swear, I'll make myself more available to meeting new people." 
Sorry to break it to you, but unless that is what you truly want, it will be nearly impossible to achieve especially if you have social anxiety. You will always find an incredible excuse to escape a meeting. I would know, thank you to many of my precious excuses, the ones I cannot live without! 

*"I'll smile more! I'll be happy all the time!" 
Are you trying to lie to everyone else or just yourself? You are entitled to have a bad day! A sad day! It happens! 

*"Bedtime is back on! Trust me this time, not after midnight!"
Until you pass by your bar and that will be the end of it! 

*"True love is right around the corner! I can smell it!" 
Please, enlight me on how you are managing to smell it! I want the same thing!

*"I'll show you my fashion! It will be amazing!"
Sadly, not everyone will agree with what you are wearing! Not everyone can have the same taste in fashion, what could be amazing to you may not be amazing to someone else! 

*"I'm going to start saving money!"
Before you or anyone can do that, it's called getting yourself out of debt, then... Sure, save all you want!

*"It's the year I need to adopt a cute puppy!"
Are you ready for such engagement? Did you ask yourself all possible questions? 

*" This year is the year I'll finally know how to cook pasta!"
If you can't make pasta in the first place, I'm sorry but there's little hope for you in the cooking department! 

Obviously, I'm being negative cause I don't believe new year resolutions/ goals are needed! If it works for you, go for it! I hope I gave you ideas on what you could start doing better or want to do. 
For me, it's simple, each year is the same, try not to fall for anyone... And each year, I get my heart broken and broken and broken... Funny! I don't seem to have learned any lessons! Maybe this year I'll either give up on any love or find the real one! 

Meanwhile, 

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOUR SAVAGES! Go enjoy this year like it's your last! Don't waste your precious time overthinking about negativity! Try and smile all you want, don't forget about being yourself!

"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one." - Brad Paisley

~Bella

What to do in this situation...

Alright, don't imagine some crazy post about a story gone wrong... It's about what I do when I get my heart shattered into millions of pieces, broken down, hurt. I came up with the idea as I was scrolling down Instagram... Sounds a little pathetic when I write it down. 

Anyways,

As I was saying I'm an odd person when it comes to my own broken heart. I don't sit down with a jar of ice cream and listen to sad songs all day/night long. At least I'm not doing that anymore. I evaluate to the next level, jumped into something different. I don't watch the same movie as I usually would do even though 50 first dates is an amazing movie and I continue to watch it every four month or so. And I surely don't cry like a baby anymore I cry rivers instead of oceans. But now what I do is quite ... Well, I'll let you judge for yourself! 

~ Let's ignore the fact that I'm currently hurting, emotionally hurting. Why bother with all these unwanted feelings, emotions? Why deal with them when you know that it will only make you hurt? They could potentially destroy you. 

~Instagram fanatic! As many of you I have Instagram, andI post almost everyday, and go on there whenever I've got time to do so! I scroll down and I like photos like everyone else. Now, when I have a broken heart, the photos go more for attractive tattooed guys. I start to fantasize on good looking guys, ones I'll never have, at least I know so it's keeping me sane, kind of sane. It keeps me away from thinking about the boy who broke my heart into million of pieces. 

~Go to coffee shops or bookstore! Safe heaven for me as I'm a bookworm who prefers to be left alone. Great places to ignore everyone around me. Also a great place to get some writing done even though I'm people watching half of the time. Going to grab a coffee, sitting down with a book, a notebook, a pen, and phone on the side just in case, makes me feel better because I'm alone without being alone as there's people around. 

~Read to escape reality. I'm into every type of books, but when I'm heartbroken a good thriller, crime, mystery novel keeps me from thinking about love, so I stay away from romantic, cheesy stories. A hint of mystery is always nice, it keeps your mind occupied on what's coming next!

~Baileys Irish Cream on rocks at my favourite bar. If you have never heard of this alcohol it's technically an Irish whiskey and cream based liqueur which only has 17% alcohol so you can have plenty of it without getting drunk. In my case, I never get drunk out of it and I do get teased for drinking it. People either look at me and wonder what my drink is as many are drinking tequila or vodka or my friends are work there are calling it the adult chocolate milk. Just because it doesn't have much alcohol doesn't mean it's bad. It actually taste amazing and you should try it. 

Despite the fun I have ignoring my emotions, lying to myself on how great I'm feeling, focusing my thoughts on either work or writing or on someone else, the broken heart is still there. Appearing on certain occasions. Instead of dealing with the feelings, I bottle all them up and close it tight enough until the day I explode. That day hasn't come yet, but I can feel it coming as my anxiety has been quite tough to deal with. Each couple I see on the street makes me want to vomit or on the contrary makes me wonder if I'll ever have that again. Sadly, I ain't the positive type of person when it comes to myself and negativity takes over my entire self. Destroying each chance of happiness. 

As you can tell, I don't or barely socialize, probably not the best thing you could be doing in this situation but that's what I do and it's working fine for now. I close up entirely which makes me feel lonely after a while, but I prefer to feel this way instead of being around a bunch of people who are fake enough to lie straight to my face saying things such as, " He wasn't cute anyways." or " Girl, you will find a new guy in no time."  We all know these white lies that our friends tell us to make us feel better, but deep down we know it ain't true. So I highly prefer the "unsocial me" over the "social me".

Over the course of a year, my ideas, my views of life, love, and everything else have changed, dramatically changed. I'm not into the same things, I mature up in ways I wouldn't thought I would even though I'm still the same person, I don't do what I would do a couple years back when I had a broken heart, and on the contrary, now, it's difficult to get over someone, to find someone new, to trust again. Not that I trust easily in the first place. I'm more distant than I already was. That's all. 

I'm the type of person who destroys herself without the help of anyone. I'm the type of young woman who's vivid imagination make up scenarios who aren't pleasant which usually lead to a slight depression, a mini depression. I suggest you don't let your brain control too much of your thoughts and let your imagination derive too much either in case you drown into your own despair. 

"Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser." 

~Bella

How can you write for so long?

When someone asks me about my writing, my heart skips a beat, I become vulnerable enough to lose my words. Giving me the opportunity to talk about my passion is a gift, an occasion to develop my love for writing to people, make them understand where I'm coming from.
I can write for a long time and people have been asking for an explanation... So hopefully this will help you understand me a little more, don't get your hopes up, I ain't easy to comprehend, I ain't the easiest person out there.
Let's start with the obvious...

"I don't have time to write."

"My writing is awful so why start?"

"Being a writer means being published."

We always have time to write, there is no such thing as bad writing, and everyone is a writer.
All these phrases people have to express are wrong, myths of a sort and people believe these sayings.
Before being a good writer, we are"bad writers" who jots down ideas to make it a whole new story later on.

So let's back up a little to you imagining a pizza, one you bought on the corner of the street. Too crusty in your opinion, but flavour is still here as well as the little Italian taste. The pizza may have some defaults such as too crusty in your taste, the amount of tomato sauce, cheese makes it delicious enough to make you forget about the crust.

Now think about yourself facing a blank page; you are starting to write ideas, but you think it's bad... Remember the pizza! Defaults, sure, there's always going to be them, but there's always something underneath, looking to come out. Your piece of writing needs work, and you can delete to rewrite it all, all over again. Chasing perfection will get you nowhere, so why chase something nearly impossible, something without depth?
So when someone asks me about my writing, my thoughts go straight to different places! There's so much to talk about.

Like I can write for hours. Yes, everyone is capable of writing, if I can, anyone can! I have two jobs, family issues to attend to, editing a novel, a blog to keep track of, housemates who aren't capable of paying rent on time or doing their dishes. I sound like a whiny child, I apologize for it, sadly, it's all true. Even with a busy life, I manage to get some time to write. After all, I shouldn't complain, people have it worse than me, some go to school even with two jobs, if you are one of these people, you should be proud of yourself.

Having two jobs is tough, and if you are in this situation you will know what I'm talking about, goodbye long nights out, and parties, welcome showers, bedtime, unsocial life. Yet, I manage to write, still. I don't wait around for time to show up at my door, knock, "Hey are you ready to hang out?"

Instead, I steal away some time.

Have you ever heard, " If they are in love with you, they will find time for you. If they don't then their love may not be that existent." Well, surprise, it's the same for writing. If you adore writing as much as you claim, you find time for it just like you find time for someone. You always see me with a pen in my hand, in my hair, a notebook in my purse, at one of my job, receipts with notes on, napkins full of writing on... Because no matter where I am if I've got some idea, I have to write it down. 
I live through my writing, and despite the fact that it is a passion, it's starting to feel more like a way of living. For instance, right now, I'm sitting down at my favourite coffee shop, having a warm cappuccino, a chocolate twist, and a notebook, pen, and a book. 
A man sitting across from me, a couple of tables away, have been writing as well. Looking out the window at times, drinking his coffee at others. Two empty cups next to him already, and a ring around his finger which can only mean, married. He is grabbing my intention not because of how good looking he is but because he is writing down on a notebook with a pen. As far as I see it, it's rare, usually, people are typing away on their laptops not writing with a pen on a notebook, welcome sore wrist. 
He hasn't stopped writing except to look out the window on his right, probably daydreaming like most of us in the coffee shop. Re reading past pages. He does interest me, surprise me. I don't see many men writing away in a notebook, drinking coffee after coffee, at least not in my favourite coffee shop. Or they are around when I'm not around. That's also a possibility. 
I could watch this stranger for hours without getting bored. Between his facial expressions, his hand on his notebook, and his concentration... He's the perfect person to draw some character ideas from. 

See... I'm writing about my private moment with my thoughts, proves that it's not that complex to write. After this, anyone can write if you stop trying to chase perfection. Writing a draft, something "bad", something you came up with is a start, a draft to a better art piece. Anyone can find the time if one give themselves a chance. 
What I find funny in this situation is the fact that I didn't feel like writing today! I forced myself to do so and that's the magic with writers. You give them a notebook or piece of paper, a pen and some tea or coffee next to them... SURPRISE! A couple of minutes later, they are writing away from a piece of art. No need for a certain mood to come and sweep you off the floor to write away what comes to mind. Magic no? 
It's a luxury to want to write, and yet, you don't need to have this specific mood. A simple sentence may throw you right back into something much more deeper, developed than just an idea in the back of your head. In certain cases, it won't work, but the bribe is on. Yes, like you do with children, I do it to myself. " If you write for at least 30 minutes or write a least one article, you will be able to go eat dinner!" 
Sounds stupid right? Guess what though... It works! Cause, believe me, or not when I miss a day of writing my mood switch off to kind of good to run away far from me. I'll be irritable, almost annoying ( I'm already am but double it up). 
Being able to sit down at your favourite spot, enjoying a cup of cappuccino or tea, writing down whatever comes to mind is a satisfying feeling. Like many writers say, you need a room, your space to write. For me, it's my favourite coffee shop or train station despite the fact that I mostly work at one of y job between customers. They are sort of a creative poison, feeding me drama to write about. Mix my own vivid imagination and facts of the day, the idiotic comments of customers. After all, writers need some source of inspiration no matter what or who it is. 

The 'why' I write for so long is only because it keeps me sane, keeps me from doing something wrong. It keeps me on track, daily. Writing gives me a sense of becoming who I truly am. Sounds completely lunatic and yet... 
The more I write, the easier it gets, and I finally know what I'm doing. It's becoming obvious, simple to approach. But 'how' can I write for so long, constantly writing? Let me be straightforward with you... I don't constantly write or else you wouldn't see me doing much. I would constantly have my nose stuck to my laptop, phone or notebook. I write when I can find the time and I force myself to do so. What keeps me going is walking. You might be confused by my answer and I apologize. I walk pretty much EVERYWHERE. From home to work to bars to friends' place to grocery shopping. When I walk, my earphones are in and songs are playing. If I lived in a bigger city, I would continue walking because it makes me think about everything, makes me analyze situations. And by letting me breathe some "fresh" air, it keeps my thoughts, ideas flowing. 
So yes, instead of parties or doing whatever kids my age would be doing, I read, watch football (soccer) games, help my friends in need, and write. Go figure, I'm an odd individual. 

When you don't make writing a big idea, it becomes a way of living and not some task that you are forced to do. It becomes your long lost love, one who will never cheat on you, one you will always count on to make your crappy day a delightful one. 
Thinking of it, my own writing is pretty much my boyfriend. An Italian flirty, lovable one who's also part Irish making him the most loyal and protective one out there. 
That also helps me recognize the fact that writing is just like a relationship! You have to make time, steal away some time to make memories, to make the relationship flourish. You have to work for it, with it. 

"A writer is simply a photographer of thoughts." 
~ Bella

Top News! Big News!

Big news!

Let's start with the fact that I've got another job which adds to me having two separate jobs.  No, I don't count my writing as a job as I do not receive any financial advance on this, but it is a job as I do spend time on every article and my novel.
As normal as it sounds, I'm not used to having two separate jobs and I'm surely not used to the fact that I have to work long, long hours, non-stop.  Many of us have to get two jobs to survive in this city, and I needed to bow down to the expectation. One step at a time...

As it does take a lot more of my time, I don't have the same amount of time to write unless I write at night time, taking away my TV show or reading time. I can't just give up on these little "me" moments even though I write constantly, multitasking half the time.
I've decided to change my schedule around, post only twice a week starting in August. It will throw off my schedule around for sure, but I will make each post better, improve the contains.

This idea has been hanging on me for quite sometimes now but I wanted to begin next year, 2018. Sadly, I can't keep up with every post, and being overwhelmed by this new change had made me want to have some time off for my novel as well.

Big news on my part as I'm finally getting my life slightly together. Slightly! Not fully, but partially.
Don't think I've got everything figured out because I'm far from it. I have a roof over my head, food in order to survive, clothes for every day, my little evenings at the bar, and some "me" moments, but I still don't have a love life, financially...Let's not even begin, I'll have to stop spending money on books so much. And as my friends at the bar, I'm a 40 years of age woman in a body of 21 years old young lass. Seems like I don't have anything figured out except for my drinking... I'm laughing as I'm writing this because I'm supposed to be pouring down drinks and instead I'm drinking responsibly. I shouldn't be complaining as it is something I'm secretly proud of. 

Anyways, twice a week will be the limit, every Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Hopefully, each of my posts will keep you interested. 

"Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route." - Doug Larson

~Bella

Art Therapy... Psych 101...

ART THEORY

The art of getting better

Art is an extremely expressive medium. It can help people communicate, aid in dealing with stress, and can let someone discover and study the different parts of their own personality. In psychology, art is used to improve a person's mental health and can even be used to treat psychological disorders. This is referred to as art therapy.

By integrating the creative process that is required to create art with psychotherapeutic techniques, art therapy can allow an individual to resolve their problems, decrease the amount of stress they face in their life, manage their behavior, improve their interpersonal skills, and strengthen their self-awareness and self-control.

Art therapy first began to emerge as a distinct form of therapy in the 1940s, when psychiatrists took interest in the paintings created by mentally ill patients and educators began to realize that developmental, cognitive, and emotional growth could be seen in the artwork of children. 

WHEN TO USE ART THERAPY

There are groups of people who have been shown to respond very positively to art therapy. Some of these groups include: 

• Adults that are struggling with severe stress
• Children that are struggling with learning disabilities
• People who have undergone a traumatic experience
• People that have mental health problems
• People that are struggling with a brain injury
• Children that are struggling with social problems and behavioral problems at home or at school
• Anyone suffering from depression, anxiety, or domestic abuse

What Art Therapy Isn't

Art therapy is not a recreational activity or a time to teach someone how to make art, and no previous experience in art is needed for an individual to partake in this type of therapy. Most importantly, art therapy does not involve the therapist interpreting the patient's artwork. Art therapy is about teaching someone how to heal through his or her art. 

HOW ART THERAPY WORKS

Art methods involved in art therapy include painting, drawing, collage, and sculpture. Once in an environment that makes the patient feel safe, an art therapist will either provide the topic for the patient to work from, or the patient will be invited to work without any direction. 

As the patient creates art pertaining to their life experiences or an event, the process of making art allows the patient to think about their experience on a deeper level and transform what is in their head into symbols and metaphors. By making these images on their own terms, which is an important part of recovery and self-discovery. The patient is the only person who knows and has the ability to explain what these symbols represent.

This process of taking and experience from the person's "inner-self" and putting it out into the world as a physical object helps the individual become distant to the experience, which in turn makes him or her fell safer about talking about their problems directly, which can be very difficult for them to do, they can talk to the therapist about the artwork they have made. Gradually, this process increases a person's understanding, self-acceptance, and self-awareness. 

OTHER BENEFITS FROM ART THERAPY

Along with increasing self-awareness and self-acceptance, there are many other benefits that an individual can gain from art therapy. 

• Being forced to actively participate in the process, which fights boredom, alienation, and feelings of apathy
• Decision-making and choices are encouraged
• Creativity is nurtured, and this can then allow an individual to react differently towards situations that may be difficult
• Catharsis, a cleansing of negative feelings, can occur
• Interpersonal and social learning can occur

Not Just Painting

There are also versions of art therapy in music, dance, writing, drama (known as creative art therapy), and even the performing arts (known as expressive art therapy).

What is truly exceptional about art therapy is that an individual has the ability to take an active role in the therapeutic process. By expressing thoughts through artwork and symbols, a person can recover and become self-aware on his or her own terms.

"Art therapy is about the creation and the discussion of the intent of the client. It's a different way of sharing. No matter how healthy, verbal expression is the hardest thing to do." - Kelly Roberts.

~Bella

Friday nights are for what?

Everyone or almost everyone waits for Friday nights, impatiently enough to be grumpy at the beginning of the week. 

I used to wait for it all week when I was back at school, the weekend meant, no socializing and fake smiling, no drama, no studies (listening to a teacher talk). Now, it's just another day, I usually work or writing my blog, novel. I don't think much about going out with friends or watch a movie, go on dates... Friday nights are just like other nights. I get home, pass out right after I caught up on the latest TV show episode or YouTuber. When I put it like this, it sounds pathetic, almost sad as well as boring. Don't worry, I ain't complaining cause my Friday nights are amazing, away from too many responsibilities (after work). 

But if you are the quit person who prefers to stay home, cozy under a blanket instead of running wild like most college kids on Friday night, here is some proposition... Some things to make you think about what you should do on a Friday night! 

#1. Harry Potter or Pirates of the Carribean marathon
This one used to be my favourite thing to do. I watched the Harry Potter movies many many times just like Pirates of the Carribean. Can't get enough of them. I ain't into Star Wars (never watched it either)but if you are definitely into this series, please go and watch it all night long. 

#2. Netflix
Everyone will agree on this! Netflix has amazing movies, old as well as new. Tv shows, animation, different genre, I mean, they go it all, almost. You won't get bored out of Netflix!

#3. Get that cooking skills of yours on
Why not take the time to cook a home meal. You can put TV on, music... Fake it until you make it! Keep practicing this lasagna that you have been trying to perfect for the last three weeks instead of ordering out. 

#4. Cocktail time
You may be by yourself in front of a good movie, but having a glass of wine or a martini doesn't hurt. You are already home, no need to drive back to your place. Just make sure you remember to lock the door before going to bed. 

#5. Bath time if you are lucky enough to have one
Get candles going, a sweet music playlist in the background, and slowly get in the warm, bubbly bath. Enjoy that freedom, enjoy the moment of relaxation in a warm soapy bath. 

#6. Skype, write letters,  catch up with friends
You had a long week, no time to get that phone call, call back friends, now is a perfect time. Make sure, they are free but get that free time to catch up with family, friends... 

#7. Reading time
I know, it sounds boring, but if you are a bookworm like me, it will be the perfect night. Hot chocolate, candles, and a good book, the one you have been meaning to read for months, and didn't have the time to do so! 

#8. Too tired, bags under your beautiful sleepy eyes...
Sleep early, try to catch up on sleep if you had sleepless nights. Boring, again, yet, we all need that time, and if you cannot nap during the day, a good night sleep may do the trick!

#9. Paint these nails of yours
If you are a woman, girl, why not treat yourself right with beauty masks, nail treatment... 

#10. Organize yourself
Sometimes, we forget birthdays, we forget to send cards, we forget important dates, phone numbers... Why not take that valuable time to write everything down, neatly in case another birthday is coming up. That messy closet of yours has plenty of old clothes, then clean it out! 

Friday nights aren't always about going out with friends, party until dawn, or get overly drunk, blackout and wake up the next morning naked in a stranger's bed.  Whether plans got canceled or you just don't feel like spending money on a bar, there is always a way to make your Friday night on... Some people are more into getting some studies back on track, reading a novel, watch a movie with a glass of wine... Friday nights are perfect if you want to treat yourself right, but then again, I believe the perfect night is when you know you don't have studies or work the next working. 

"Friday night! I have a date with my bed... We're totally going to sleep together!"

~Bella

Welcoming the new year with such a big smile...

Happy Early New Year... 

Saturday is our last day of 2016... Such a terrible nightmare of a year it was for about almost everyone. We are all happy to know it's over soon! Hopefully, 2017 will be a better year, cause somehow without any doubt it was a quite inventful year!

The New Year, what a time to get all your projects on, start getting those specific goals set for the upcoming year! I know I've got my list already, in my head, but there are a few things that really needs to be done... Somehow these few things make a single goal...
Finish this novel of mine to end these ten years of constant pain, heal from these scars, make my mum proud. 

As many of you know already, I have been writing a novel, a fictional novel which consists of a family secret, mafia, and a young determined, stubborn young lady who is in search of the truth behind her mother's past. That past that no one ever mentioned! 

I've started this project about two years ago. The first year was mostly research, a lot of character development, and a lot of notes taken down as I was concentrating on read about Sicilian mafia or watching movies, documentaries. You may find it boring, I always thought it was entertaining and full of interest! The second year was an on and off writing course. Juggling family issues and trying to develop my novel; I'm talking as if this famous year is over... My novel isn't finished, I'm still writing chapters while writing articles for this blog. Talk to me about boring, I sound like a morbid already old person who doesn't live her life to the fullest. When I'm talking about all this, I sound insane about an unfinished story. No wonders why I'm single... 

A few people, who got interested in my novel, have asked me a ton of questions, where was the inspiration came from, why start writing about the Sicilian Mafia, what made you write in the first place... And the list goes on! 
I'm a writer just like my mother, it's in my genes, can't do anything about it. I've always kept a journal /diary since I can write, and today, I keep a blog, journal, and writing a book with another one on my mind. These questions make me think quite a lot, I never thought about them before being asked to answer. I usually respond briefly, not thinking much about it, but then, later on, they stab me in the back, hard. Why did I write, why did choose such an ending... 

Well, here's more details! 
Writing, for me, has always been a way to escape the real world just like reading, also a good reason why I'm such a bookworm! Writing has always helped me keep up with my thoughts, desires, wishes, my pain, breakups, and a lot more. So when I decided to write a novel, it was mostly to escape the reality that at the time was unbearable. I was going through a lot more than I could deal with and seized the opportunity to write a novel, which now sounds cool to some people. But, let's be honest, deep down, I started a novel, a fictional story based on real characters was to end my own story. To end what is now ten years of my life that I have to heal from, let go and move on. I took the chance of writing a fictional story based on me to help me realize how in pain I was. Don't judge that too quickly, I'm alright, honest, and I'm quite happy with life, but there's a part of me that has been hurt for a very long time, and I've always pushed the memories deep down inside instead of letting them go so I could move on. My back tattoo which is my quote in Italian, give me another reason why I needed to write a novel in the first place. "Writing is giving someone else an opportunity." It pretty much means that when someone writes a character based on a real person, the writer is giving an opportunity for that person to be a better one or just a monster, to give that real person the chance to become someone else, to re-live. 

Every writer has some issues, either it's family problems, breakups, anxiety, or even because they lost someone close, they write for a reason. And when people say writers are sad people who drink, it's not half way false, there's a part of truth behind it!
Writers are people who can sit in front of a blank page for hours, staring at it and think about the next adventure they will write. Writers will talk to their characters like they are real people. No matter who the writer is, whatever they write will have some part of the truth, part of experience behind the story, the plot, behind the characters. No matter what, writers always find a way to express themselves through stories just like a painter who take their anger out on canvas to express how they feel. 
So this new year, 2017, hopefully, will bring me to terms with some people, start new adventures with new exciting friends or even more... 

"Writers aren't people exactly. Or, if they're any good, they're a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

~Bella

Writing or talking...

Talking... A form of communication that I do not like to practice much, especially in certain cases!

This is a topic that I dislike to discuss in general as it can be tough at times.
I'm not even sure how to begin this post, I just thought that writing about communication would make me want to talk to my dear friend a lot more... As he is trying his hardest to make me talk!


Everyone is different, meaning some prefer to talk while others prefer to write.

Throughout my life, I thought that talking was just annoying; highly preferred to write everything down with a pen. On the plus side, when you write everything down, you can come back at it later on, and read it all over again like it was the first time.


In psychology you learn that talking makes everyone feel better, it's also why there are therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists... They are here to listen to you and help you out. Everyone needs someone to talk to, even if that means a relative or just a close friend or even a complete stranger. 
Have you ever felt better after a moment of talking to someone else? I know I have. I can't deny the fact that I do, indeed, feel a lot better, but somehow, it feels wrong. I feel like if I talk to someone, they might just not listen and pretend to make me smile afterwards, or I'll just feel like I'm annoying them! I know it's not good to feel this way, but that's how I feel most the time. I don't want to bug people with my life, I know everyone has issues to deal with... People come to me for help, so I got used to helping others, and I love it! But I come after everyone else, so if I can help someone before myself, I will... It's just me though! You may feel entirely different about the subject! 

Talking to someone may help you figure a lot out, but it can also make you feel uncomfortable. There are some pros and cons. You just have to know your limits when it comes to certain people. 
In my experience, I learned one thing, you cannot trust anyone, you have to be really careful on who you talk to, especially if you want to share some issues with that person. Just make sure she is the right one to talk about the subject before you make a fool of yourself. 

Back in junior high, I had a close friend, kind of a like a little sister who was very similar to me. We both shared our life stories, our problems, everything. I would go to her place almost every week, and we were always or almost always together at school... She was like the best friend I could have gotten. Sadly, things happened, high school happened, and we went our separate ways. Not that I don't look back at a few things and wish I had done thing differently, but without this experience I wouldn't have learned anything. She became bitter when it came to me, wasn't looking at me, talking to me and even started rumors, the worse possible ones, it was part of why I went in homeschooling as well. A year after I left the high school, I started receiving messages, long ones, mean and insulting ones. The ones where she would say that no one likes me, that my father disliked me for good reasons, and if she was him, she would have done the same, that my mother only loved me because I was a translator and that was all, that I should just jump off a bridge, die alone because that's what I deserved. 

I cried in front of everyone in the class, and started to breath badly, not understanding what could have happened because I hadn't talked to her in two years. I didn't even tried to stay in touch, blocked on every social media, blocked her number, her friends, and just cried. She was a friend at some point of my life, I was there when she needed it, and just like that gone.... It was like that never happened! She used my family issues against me, to make me feel bad, to make me jump and die, that's probably what she wanted at some point. I just don't understand why some people are cruel to others who don't even talk to them. All I know is that she had family issues of her own, and she might have wanted to have



someone to be mean to, to take all that anger out, and it had to be me. I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer what I had to, so somehow I'm glad this little episode happened. It taught me to be careful on what I say to people. 

Talking is a great help, it liberates you from inner demons, and it makes you see clearer. I know that I can talk to my friend, not about everything but a lot of it... Just be careful on who you talk to, how much you talk and if that person isn't going to back stab you later on in life. If I were you, I would stay on my guards! You never know what's coming... And don't forget that talking doesn't just mean talking about problems but also your joys! 

"People are going to talk about you. Just smile and make them miserable."

~Bella

Where's the little voice?

As you may know, I'm a writer, and I'm currently working on a novel... It's been two years, and writer's block as comes multiple times, showing unexpectedly, turning my life into a real nightmare. 

Writer's block usually happens when you have a fear of something, afraid to put down ideas, to see a critic afterwards. Being a perfectionist! If you are a perfectionist, you will struggle, wanting to always have the right word, the right phrase, and if you don't even write, you have to get your ideas straight in your head, you'll never be writing a thing. Timing is a big issue, you may be in front of your computer or page and nothing comes to mind because it's just not the right time. Your ideas may come not yet, though, it sometimes takes a little more time to get your ideas straight! 

Writers tend to have a little voice, an imaginary friend they talk to. I've heard myself talk to myself, not conversations, but like "Oh I shouldn't put that up there, should I?" 
When we say we got writer's block, we are mostly talking about our imaginary friend who isn't talking to us... Everyone of us, writers, have to struggle with it, and don't pretend like you haven't had to deal with it! 

A year ago, I bought a little book about writer's block, and I recently looked back into it and discovered that it actually helps a little. So, I wanted to share a few notes from my tiny book with you, and maybe help with writer's block! 

They aren't phrases, tips, or anything like that... It varies into 3 categories :
1. Writing Challenges: short assignments to get you writing as quickly as possible, no more than a minute or two. It helps you think as you write. 
2. Spark Words: A word with a photograph! Carries different meanings for different people. It wants you to create a scenario or a scene about the word and the picture. 
3. Writing Topics: From choosing a title and selecting an opening line to cope with negative criticism, these topics feature advice and exercises from legendary and contemporary writers. Just write!

So let's start now:

Imagine that you could wake up tomorrow in someone else's body. Whose would it be? How would your life change? What are some of the first things you'd do? (writing topic)

Flirting (spark word)

Begin in the Middle
Good stories hit the ground running--- and you can accomplish this by "beginning in the middle." Consider the first sentence of Raymond Carver's "Elephant": " I knew it was a mistake to let my brother have the money." Or the opening line of Mario Puzo's The Godfather: "Amerigo Bonasera sat in New York Criminal Court Number three and waited for justice; vengeance on the men who had so cruelly hurt his daughter, who had tried to dishonor her." ... Write your own opening line that begins in the middle. Establish characters, situations,and conflicts with a few choice words. Then drop your readers right smack in the center.  (writing challenge)

Discipline (spark word)

Write about your earliest childhood memory. (writing topic)

I got to do a few little challenges on there, but then I tend to want more than just one little piece. I want to write a book about it. That becomes my issue, but it helps you write about something. So instead of staring at a blank page, trying to get your imaginary friend back without trying to write something... Isn't going to help you at all. 


" All writing problems are psychological problems. Blocks usually stem from the fear of being judged. If you imagine the world listening, you'll never write a line. That's why privacy is so important. You should write first drafts as if they will never be shown to anyone." - Erica Jong (Authors Publish)

~Bella