One Mystery at the Time...

Since I've been living out of my mum's, I've been walking pretty much everywhere which helped me keep fit, and since then, I've seen the same old people from town.

I do live in a small town and since I've been living on my own (with housemates),  the city has become smaller, making it difficult to not see the same people, and working two jobs, downtown isn't helping either. Sounds like a village than a town or city. It is far from bothering me when it comes to one specific person, someone who is a complete stranger.

I don't pay much attention to many people especially after knowing that half the people are either tourists, college kids who've got no brain, customers, and people I prefer to ignore. So having someone catch my eyes... Well, it's quite unexpected!

He was walking up the street while I was walking down, unaware of anyone around me. Thin silhouette with dark messy hair, backpack on and a bike next to him. Nothing different if you compare him to other people, and yet, I saw him. I saw him around others and somehow that's making him different. Why? Why him and not someone else? And yet, I'm here, still talking about him, wondering so many questions.

That was about four months ago.

Four months later, I'm still seeing him almost everywhere, thinking of who he is, and finally dreaming of what his name is. I'm dreaming of the perfect stranger whose name is unknown. Is it just my hormones working out, playing tricks or just something pulling me, telling me to go forth and ask for a name?

Why think of him? Why dream of him? 

When I think of it, I'm throwing myself into a dangerous story, putting myself out in a strange world, the world that ain't mine but this stranger's one.

So a few weeks ago, I end up coming home a little late, walking towards my street when I saw him on a skateboard which is already odd enough, but what makes it weirder is I called him out, waving at him so he could come to me. Funny thing, he did come towards me, wondering what I wanted. We ended up talking for about two to three hours. Learned quite a lot, and despite the fact that he doesn't hang around the people who will support him, pull him out of the wrong path, he hangs out with people who are bringing him down.

Now, I understand how frustrating is it to not know how to to get away from people who've been around for you when you have been in a tough position, but at some point, you'll have to know there's more to it than just them than just what you know.

What I've learned from trying to help someone who's got his life quite disastrous is that no matter what happens, it's never too late for a second chance.
That's right, a second chance...
Believe me when I say that I do not give second chances and somehow this guy came into my life and showed me wrong. I personally didn't give him a second chance as it was his first chance with me.
He might not be the guy you would expect to have a brain much larger than the others, and yet he surprised me. Smarter than half the people I know or talked to, quite refreshing to say the least. Much more interest to listen to, talk to, no boring moment. Despite the fact that I wanted to help out, not everyone can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and he believes I came a little too late.

I laugh at it when I'm writing this post, but trust me I wasn't at the time. I've always believed it's never too late to do things, to believe in some happy ending, and he crushed it in a matter of seconds.
When I thought I was going to help out, someone who deserves it, someone who I believed in because I saw beyond the appearances, saw what he was truly capable of doing, he rejects it. Refusing to take the help even though I did hit a nerve to show him the positive is quite painful to accept! 

At least, now, whenever I see him and he sees me, I know I can count on a smile which means a lot already! He also knows he can count on me if he wants to talk, freely talk. 

"Listening is often the only thing needed to help someone."

~Bella

Time Apart...

Little side note to my dear mother who's birthday was yesterday, Happy Birthday!

Can spending time away from your partner help your relationship, save it from destroying itself?

A question which doesn't have a concrete answer, nothing to prove it will fix a relationship, everyone deals with important situations differently. 
Throughout the little experience I had and seeing lots of relationships fail, I can consider myself lucky enough to have seen how taking time for ourselves may help fix a few issues that you may have in your relationship. 

Taking a break doesn't mean go back on a hunting ground, sleep with others. If you want to look for someone else, it will be a breakup and not a break. Wanting to sleep somewhere else, not wanting to take some time off to gather around your mind just means you want to break away from the relationship, so now it's up to you either you want to end the relationship or take some time off. 

I would personally take some time off the relationship when the apologies, sweet words, compliments don't work anymore. We all make mistakes and apologizing is a big deal, not many of us can take responsibility for their actions. If my partner wouldn't take it in consideration then, it's time for a break. 
Next, the "miss" emotion that you once had is gone. The things you used to do, cute messages before bedtime, the few moments spent together before going back home to deal with other things. When you live with your partner, the "miss" feeling fades away, and sometimes we need to miss the other person to understand how much they mean to you!
Obviously, there is that moment when arguments are louder than your apologies. Fights take over your life, and you two no longer hear each other talk. Arguments happen, we can't always be on the same page, but when the only thing you do is fight, constantly point the finger on the other, making them feel horrible, take a break. No need for a breakup, but let some time to pass by, get your calm back, focus on what really matters may help. Not hearing your partner is a sign of a bigger issue. 

Taking some time off is helpful! Having some alone time is appreciated, but we forget how much we need this special time because we have been with our partner for so long. In order to gather around our train of thoughts, our feelings back together can only be done when you are far from your relationship. Being away from your partner could end up being beneficial. I ain't telling you to move on and sleep around, party all night long! I'm telling you to go out, take some time off, be with yourself, ask yourself questions such as "Do I miss him/her?", see your flaws, your wrongs, and what you can do to make the relationship better. 
It sounds simple when I put it down on a blank page, but on the contrary. 
Taking time off from a relationship, from your loved one is harder than it seems. It takes courage to tell them that you need to gather yourself for a bit, away from the relationship. 

Have you ever looked at your partner and felt tired, bored? It does happen after a long time, especially if you let the routine run your life. It will most likely ruin the fun you once had. Boredom is a sign of getting tired of either your partner's behaviors or the situation which keeps happening. So when I think about a break, I think about the set of new fresh eyes, the new perspective to give to the relationship. 

Now, the issue about taking breaks is being on the same page, being understandable, and making sure that a break doesn't mean a breakup. Establishing some ground rules, making sure that's what you really want and not just a way to escape the reality. And you have to accept the fact that taking a break may take you a step closer to an actual breakup. It may seem like it could help bring a couple closer, but in fact, it can do the opposite especially now with our society and the temptations which keep coming at us. 
Make sure you communicate the boundaries, what the next step will be, and be determined to stay together. 

If you are both on the same page, communication happen, there is a pretty good chance that the break will do a lot more good than bad. 

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Khalil Gibran

~Bella

Does Religion Should Matter? (3)

Debates... Agree to disagree once again...

The should it matter is another way to start giving our opinions, and this one isn't easy!

As you may alright know, some subjects are far from easy-going nor pleasant to converse such as politics but as well as religion!

When I think about religion I think about my own, I was born Catholic even though I do not practice or have a difficult time believe in it all, it's still part of who I am. Now, it never came as an issue to anyone nor my ex-boyfriends. None of them asked or been bothered by what I believe in, which is technically not a specific religion.

Being in love with someone who read a different religious book than you, may affect the way you may want to raise your children in, later in life. But, if you both know how to manage both religions, I believe there is a great future for you and the family.
Now, before jumping into the future conclusion of the difficulties of what should your children believe in, let's start at the beginning of the story!

Falling in love is easy! Falling in love with someone who's religion is the opposite of yours is possible! A happy relationship will happen, religion doesn't make you sadder or happier, it's what you believe in. It could lead to lots of arguments especially if you are not open-minded and accept your partner's religion. It takes a lot to accept someone's flaws so religion wise, it could be difficult especially when you practice your religion to the letter.
Members of one religion could value the same things, so how could partners get along when they have different morals, believes... Arguing, being closed-minded, stubborn enough to not let go of your determination of what people should believe in. It's similar to a couple who are fighting on either they will go out for dinner or stay home to dine. Fixing issues or disagreements is easy when you both talk,  so why should it be otherwise with religion? Why can't we talk and see what's best to do instead of raising our voices? Why should we get into violent arguments over the subject?

Religions have been, in fact, one of the reasons for wars. Wars need reasons to happen, money and religion are usually the cause of it. Today, we see it with Muslims. Because of a few of the religion (so they say they believe in), we have to think they are all bad. Should we start defining who a person is by what they believe in? If that's the case then Christianity has done a lot more, how many did we kill for the Christ? How many people fought for what they believed in? Plenty, but is there any writing saying you should kill for what you believe in? Is there any Bible, Quran or any other religious books that state you should kill another human being? People who use their religion to explain their behaviors, saying or actions are not everybody. These people are in fact not religious or else they wouldn't do what they do. 
Faith isn't murder, it might be a difficult subject to talk about, but that's only human beings aren't open-minded. People are now determined to stick with their own story, not wanting to hear anyone's opinion, and then you complain about wars, well maybe if we listened more, things would differ! 
Relationships are exactly the same. If two people don't communicate, don't listen to one another, how will the relationship grow, how will you be happy? Without communicating no one can understand what the other person think. If you live with each other, discussing religions, carefully, is one way to avoid arguments. Surely, being open-minded to another alternative would make a relationship grown instead of letting if fall apart. 

As Orin, a YouTuber said: 

It doesn't matter what you believe in, it's about the person you are. 

In a relationship, the only way to figure it all out, you both have to talk to find the right way to let the relation grow. Religion isn't politic, isn't a crime, and it's only the faith you put into someone or something, it's what makes you, you. No one should judge you for what you believe in if they do... Maybe you should revise the situation.... No one wants to have an unhappy relationship where both people have to hide who they are, what they believe in. 

"In every religion, there is love, yet love has no religion."

~Bella

What are you? A Bookworm..

Welcome back to little me...

Last week was Thanksgiving, hopefully, everyone had a good time with their family.

As I've mentioned a week before, I needed a tiny break from posting, to gather some articles that may be enjoyable to read, and yesterday, out of the blue, before going to work, I had this idea!

If you do not know already I'm quite a bookworm. I love reading, I love escaping the real world to get into a completely imaginary one, not mine yet an amazing one! When I read, I tend to imagine some scenarios, the setting, the characters. Seeing them in my head makes me be a part of the story. 
I bought a few books, read all of their last paragraphs or sentences, and fell in love with the books... You would think nothing is wrong... But... Sadly, there is...

I cannot read any book! 

I've tried to get into books, I've tried, but I always end up putting each book down. This situation has been bugging me, giving me some issues for a couple of months now. My last book was a novel in French called "Le dernier voyage du Valentina" or "The Last Voyage of the Valentina" written by Santa Montefiore.
Amazing plot, wonderful character descriptions, extraordinary writing, and a full mind-blowing story! At least to me...

The setting is based in London, but later on in Italy where the protagonist has to learn about family secrets, mysteries involved in the whole plot. 

I'm not going to go into details, but I absolutely fell in love with the book, with the plots, with the characters! I couldn't get enough, read it in one setting, and when I finished the book, I didn't let go easily! Since then, I haven't read anything, no books, and it's not because of the lack of them, I've got plenty! No lack of books whatsoever, I just cannot get into one, and it's becoming a real issue! My hopeless romantic side always gets me, always make me feel like I've read an amazing unforgettable book, but this time, this novel hit me hard, very hard that it is always on my mind. I don't believe it's the story, it's more the characters that made me realize a lot about life, about human reactions and believes. Since then, I've got the issue of not getting into any books, even the ones I find interesting or the ones that intrigue me. 

Bookworms are people who are fans of reading, getting into someone's imagination, to learn about someone's point of view. They also have some issues, some problems that only book lovers can understand!
Here are some...

* When someone asks us what is our favorite book, we don't know... We've got plenty of them, don't ask, please. It's uncomfortable, I would know, I never really give an answer. 

*When books become movies and the plot changes from the novel. When they get everything wrong, it's just awful! Get it right!

*When you start liking someone and they tell you they don't like to read, don't like books. It makes you think about starting a relationship twice! 

* You forget to eat or drink, go to the bathroom or ignore everything and everyone around. If you are reading a novel in one setting, you forget your real life, you are involved in the book, you live in it, so the rest comes after. 

*That moment when you thought your favorite character will live forever and dies on you all the sudden and you pretend that they are still alive, but obviously it's not the same... Hate that moment, the box of tissue is needed! 

*Reading these bloody awful reviews on the novel you love gets you mad, your happy smile disappears! 

*When you finish the first book of a sequel but you have to wait another year to get it... It's frustrating. But it could be worse, some authors just stop the series and then it's just not frustrating anymore, it's murder! Finish the bloody series, don't let us hang! 

*When someone looks at you and says "You read too much." Well at least I'm getting smarter, I'm making my neurons work not like the others who don't even pick up a book! 

Anyways, hopefully, I will get into a book that I enjoy reading soon because I miss having my alone time with a good novel. 

"Books are a uniquely portable magic." -Stephen King

~Bella

Don't be afraid of asking...

How many of you just ignore your own problems?

I'm not going to lie, I ignore them like nothing ever happened, preferring to deal with other people's issues. Managing people's life is simple and doable...

When I have an issue, I turn my back on it, focus on someone else, and try to forget or leave it in a tiny place away from my thoughts! I don't recall a time when I actually dealt with something really painful, always trying to avoid the pain as much as possible. Doesn't sound healthy if you ask me, but what can I do?

Ask someone for help or just to listen to me talk about what's troubling me?
Try a make a list of what bothers me?
Listen to someone's advice?
I don't ask for anything except football jerseys or Nutella, I've made lists but I left them in the back of a lost notebook, and listening to someone's advice isn't my thing, I do listen but I don't really try to do as I am told because I'm too afraid of doing it alone. So I lock myself away from issues, from people's advice, from my own feelings and emotions. Again not healthy! I shouldn't bottle everything, I should ask for help, advice, support from someone I trust entirely, and give myself completely to the person I love instead of putting walls around me.
I look like someone who isn't brave enough, courageous enough to look at my problems, deal with them, and look at the possibilities that may end miserable situations! The stubbornness is beyond explanation, I went through really hard times before and it seems like I don't want to end up in the same dilemma, depression, sadness, crying, no sleep, no food in my stomach... You get the point!

To make sure people don't get tired of hearing about me, I knew someone who was in the same dilemma! He was so busy trying to keep his pride up, never asking for support, never wanted anyone to be around that he never really dealt with anything. He ignores and moved on, pretending everything was alright! Fake it until you make it? I suppose! This person preferred to give up on amazing moments just so it wouldn't hurt the other person. Caring? Yes, but unfair! If someone wants to help, begging you to stay, don't ignore them and accept with a smile, it's not every day you get that!

Support is here to help you get through rough times, to prove you that you aren't alone in your own mess. You might be the reason why you are in that mess in the first place, but you have to realize that you can't go through it all by yourself. You'll end up losing your mind, you'll lose yourself and others on the way. Stop thinking that accepting help or support from someone is a sign of weakness. Stop thinking that people will judge you based on what you say. I've learned that you can't please everyone, no matter how much you try, there will always be someone to think you are a bloody imbecile! In this case, they will judge your problem, but you can't do much about it, try to move on, everyone isn't the same, some will listen and help while others will not care one bit.
Asking for help is a sign of courage, character, and strength, not many have it now a day! By asking help, you are accepting the fact that you are vulnerable, and don't think you will get rejected, 99% of the time people are glad that you ask for their help. Moving out of your comfort zone can be an incredible thing.
It helps us shape who we are as human being, we stand tall and grow each day because of one simple thing, help. Look at babies, for instance, they are constantly in need of something and they aren't afraid to show they need help and support. What do we do in return? We give them love, help them every step of the way, they aren't afraid to give us the real them , vulnerability is part of us all, so even if we grow up, we should be able to show the good, the bad, the strong part as well as the weak part. Sadly, society is horrible, now people take advantage, judge more gives us reasons to hide a part of us. We can't show our vulnerability. But I believe that we all can with the people we truly love and admire.

This is just my opinion, and you don't have to agree at all. I'm open minded, I won't mind judgments... We rise together, we work best together, the pyramids weren't built by one man but many. We ask for help, we ask others to give us support and we arrive at a stronger, more powerful bond. This is why I love watching football (soccer), they actually give us the meaning of a team, the family, and they win for their family. They are better together as a team than alone. Love gives us the opportunity to be better with someone else by our side. It shouldn't be denied, shouldn't be rejected, but embraced! 

"We are one of a kind, irreplaceable..." - Avicii (Waiting For Love)

~Bella

Where's the little voice?

As you may know, I'm a writer, and I'm currently working on a novel... It's been two years, and writer's block as comes multiple times, showing unexpectedly, turning my life into a real nightmare. 

Writer's block usually happens when you have a fear of something, afraid to put down ideas, to see a critic afterwards. Being a perfectionist! If you are a perfectionist, you will struggle, wanting to always have the right word, the right phrase, and if you don't even write, you have to get your ideas straight in your head, you'll never be writing a thing. Timing is a big issue, you may be in front of your computer or page and nothing comes to mind because it's just not the right time. Your ideas may come not yet, though, it sometimes takes a little more time to get your ideas straight! 

Writers tend to have a little voice, an imaginary friend they talk to. I've heard myself talk to myself, not conversations, but like "Oh I shouldn't put that up there, should I?" 
When we say we got writer's block, we are mostly talking about our imaginary friend who isn't talking to us... Everyone of us, writers, have to struggle with it, and don't pretend like you haven't had to deal with it! 

A year ago, I bought a little book about writer's block, and I recently looked back into it and discovered that it actually helps a little. So, I wanted to share a few notes from my tiny book with you, and maybe help with writer's block! 

They aren't phrases, tips, or anything like that... It varies into 3 categories :
1. Writing Challenges: short assignments to get you writing as quickly as possible, no more than a minute or two. It helps you think as you write. 
2. Spark Words: A word with a photograph! Carries different meanings for different people. It wants you to create a scenario or a scene about the word and the picture. 
3. Writing Topics: From choosing a title and selecting an opening line to cope with negative criticism, these topics feature advice and exercises from legendary and contemporary writers. Just write!

So let's start now:

Imagine that you could wake up tomorrow in someone else's body. Whose would it be? How would your life change? What are some of the first things you'd do? (writing topic)

Flirting (spark word)

Begin in the Middle
Good stories hit the ground running--- and you can accomplish this by "beginning in the middle." Consider the first sentence of Raymond Carver's "Elephant": " I knew it was a mistake to let my brother have the money." Or the opening line of Mario Puzo's The Godfather: "Amerigo Bonasera sat in New York Criminal Court Number three and waited for justice; vengeance on the men who had so cruelly hurt his daughter, who had tried to dishonor her." ... Write your own opening line that begins in the middle. Establish characters, situations,and conflicts with a few choice words. Then drop your readers right smack in the center.  (writing challenge)

Discipline (spark word)

Write about your earliest childhood memory. (writing topic)

I got to do a few little challenges on there, but then I tend to want more than just one little piece. I want to write a book about it. That becomes my issue, but it helps you write about something. So instead of staring at a blank page, trying to get your imaginary friend back without trying to write something... Isn't going to help you at all. 


" All writing problems are psychological problems. Blocks usually stem from the fear of being judged. If you imagine the world listening, you'll never write a line. That's why privacy is so important. You should write first drafts as if they will never be shown to anyone." - Erica Jong (Authors Publish)

~Bella