Let's leave the family home...

As you know, I moved out from my mum's place. Leaving behind my brothers as well as my dear mum. One of the best decision ever. I'm beyond ecstatic about the change in my life, the new acquaintances, the new friends. I don't think I would ever want to go back home after this experience; moving out made me see the world in a different way, and the experience is rather adventurous. 

Now, I could talk about all the experiences that I came across since I moved in, but I wanted to talk more about the one thing which keeps on surprising me every single day.

The New Family!

Technically not my family, but having roommates is like having a second family especially if you are close to each one of them. Having roommates could be stressful, annoying, and a lot of sacrifices to be made as each one has different schedules, different ways of living. Not easy when I put it this way, but there is something intriguing about living with people your age, same sex, or having roommates' boyfriends who come around. Making sure the house stays clean enough to walk around barefoot, to make sure the dishes are washed before someone complains there are no more forks to use or making sure no one steals food so you put your initials on the packaging. It's a lot of work when roommates aren't ones to wash their dishes or forget to buy toilet paper so you end up buying it all the time... (I don't have the toilet paper to deal with, but the dishes, I'm always cleaning up after them). 

Having roommates is fun, to say the least... You are never alone, bored, and you know you can count on them if you want something or have support. It's like having a second family! 

I have more than two siblings, but I'm only close to two of them and they are my baby brothers. One is 17, turning 18 next year, and the baby one is 8 years of age. Not babies, but still younger than me, and  somehow I still look at them like they are babies. Since I'm the eldest, I had to deal with teaching them how to get in trouble, hide the candies, taught them how to protect each other. But the youngest, I taught him how to read, count, I changed his diapers. So we know I had enough experience with babies, but when you have roommates living under the same roof, it's like having babies. And if you are responsible and mummy like, give up on trying to get away from cleaning, making sure people are alright, and keep everyone happy by giving hugs when needed. It's insane how having roommates is like having a second family. You build up a friendship which is more a family than simple friends. Cause let's be honest, you act like siblings who talks about almost everything, share the bathroom when one is in the shower and you brush your teeth, you cook, drink together. It's honestly another free family... 

What surprise me the most is the fact that I left my own family to live like 12 miles away from them and end up being motherly, still, with the roommates... How can I go from living the family house to another one? Don't get me wrong it's still highly different, I cook my own thing, buy my own groceries, go to work like a big girl, walk around town anytime I want, go to coffee shops, wake up at all hours, go to bed whenever I feel tired, eat in front of the TV, go out and enjoy drinking... I mean it's nice to be an adult, but then there is the family, back home which you miss. So to me making a new family after leaving another one is actually nice. 

If you don't have any roommates, and want to move out from the family home, choose to live with people you have no idea who they are, complete strangers. I moved into a house with complete strangers and they ended up being the nicest people with flaws and amazing qualities. 

"I have the best roommates in the world! It creates a fun sense of family... And that's really important to me. Things can get so lonely without it." 

~Bella

Does your family should matter? (9)

Are you in a serious relationship and your parents don't agree with the person you are dating?
Are your parents disagreeing on your love choices?

These situations do happen a lot more than what you can imagine. Parents know best, but do they try to control your love life, not letting you go live your life?
Parents do know what you may deserve but I believe we are entitled to choose our destiny, make our mistakes, learn from poor experiences.

Now, I understand you don't want to disappoint your parents, but I don't think you should just end your relationship because of their opinions on your partner.
Here are a few things that helped me get through a few awkward situations...

I. 
If you are in a serious relationship and you want your parents to meet the person, you are going to have to talk about them. Showing up to your parents with a new partner without talking about them may not be such a good idea and I suggest you stay on your guards. Do NOT complain to your parents about your partner, it will give them one more reason to dislike them. So positive details! 

II.
It's time to introduce your loved one to your dear parents. You may not feel comfortable doing so because you know exactly how your parents are, so why not staying away from certain conversations, and play board games to keep everyone occupied. 

III.
Let your parents see who your loved one is like, then listen to what they thought. Don't take anything too personal because parents always believe you will deserve much better. Listen to their advice, listen to what they have to say. Next thing you could do is agree with them as well as telling them your opinion. 

IV.
Understand your parents' role! They are here to protect you, and if they don't like your partner there must be a good reason why. Look at their point of view! 

V. 
Make sure you make compromises. If they have issues with the way they dress or speak, do a little effort making them more proper in order to make your parents appreciate the effort! 

Lastly, if your parents disagree on your relationship, your choice of partner, the only way you could change their beliefs is to talk. Communication fixes quite plenty, but you have to understand that if you wish to talk to one another, one must be ready to listen and try to comprehend what the other person says! It's not easy and arguments may end up coming your way... Remember though... You are the one in a relationship, if you make a mistake it's in your hands, not your parents, if you wishes to not listen to them, it's your responsibility!

"I want a relationship where they know of us, but nothing about us."

~Bella

Don't be afraid of asking...

How many of you just ignore your own problems?

I'm not going to lie, I ignore them like nothing ever happened, preferring to deal with other people's issues. Managing people's life is simple and doable...

When I have an issue, I turn my back on it, focus on someone else, and try to forget or leave it in a tiny place away from my thoughts! I don't recall a time when I actually dealt with something really painful, always trying to avoid the pain as much as possible. Doesn't sound healthy if you ask me, but what can I do?

Ask someone for help or just to listen to me talk about what's troubling me?
Try a make a list of what bothers me?
Listen to someone's advice?
I don't ask for anything except football jerseys or Nutella, I've made lists but I left them in the back of a lost notebook, and listening to someone's advice isn't my thing, I do listen but I don't really try to do as I am told because I'm too afraid of doing it alone. So I lock myself away from issues, from people's advice, from my own feelings and emotions. Again not healthy! I shouldn't bottle everything, I should ask for help, advice, support from someone I trust entirely, and give myself completely to the person I love instead of putting walls around me.
I look like someone who isn't brave enough, courageous enough to look at my problems, deal with them, and look at the possibilities that may end miserable situations! The stubbornness is beyond explanation, I went through really hard times before and it seems like I don't want to end up in the same dilemma, depression, sadness, crying, no sleep, no food in my stomach... You get the point!

To make sure people don't get tired of hearing about me, I knew someone who was in the same dilemma! He was so busy trying to keep his pride up, never asking for support, never wanted anyone to be around that he never really dealt with anything. He ignores and moved on, pretending everything was alright! Fake it until you make it? I suppose! This person preferred to give up on amazing moments just so it wouldn't hurt the other person. Caring? Yes, but unfair! If someone wants to help, begging you to stay, don't ignore them and accept with a smile, it's not every day you get that!

Support is here to help you get through rough times, to prove you that you aren't alone in your own mess. You might be the reason why you are in that mess in the first place, but you have to realize that you can't go through it all by yourself. You'll end up losing your mind, you'll lose yourself and others on the way. Stop thinking that accepting help or support from someone is a sign of weakness. Stop thinking that people will judge you based on what you say. I've learned that you can't please everyone, no matter how much you try, there will always be someone to think you are a bloody imbecile! In this case, they will judge your problem, but you can't do much about it, try to move on, everyone isn't the same, some will listen and help while others will not care one bit.
Asking for help is a sign of courage, character, and strength, not many have it now a day! By asking help, you are accepting the fact that you are vulnerable, and don't think you will get rejected, 99% of the time people are glad that you ask for their help. Moving out of your comfort zone can be an incredible thing.
It helps us shape who we are as human being, we stand tall and grow each day because of one simple thing, help. Look at babies, for instance, they are constantly in need of something and they aren't afraid to show they need help and support. What do we do in return? We give them love, help them every step of the way, they aren't afraid to give us the real them , vulnerability is part of us all, so even if we grow up, we should be able to show the good, the bad, the strong part as well as the weak part. Sadly, society is horrible, now people take advantage, judge more gives us reasons to hide a part of us. We can't show our vulnerability. But I believe that we all can with the people we truly love and admire.

This is just my opinion, and you don't have to agree at all. I'm open minded, I won't mind judgments... We rise together, we work best together, the pyramids weren't built by one man but many. We ask for help, we ask others to give us support and we arrive at a stronger, more powerful bond. This is why I love watching football (soccer), they actually give us the meaning of a team, the family, and they win for their family. They are better together as a team than alone. Love gives us the opportunity to be better with someone else by our side. It shouldn't be denied, shouldn't be rejected, but embraced! 

"We are one of a kind, irreplaceable..." - Avicii (Waiting For Love)

~Bella

Is it true or just a crush?

It's been a while since my last love advice post, I know I haven't been giving much advice, too preoccupied with other "things". So... Today, I decided to write and express my feelings towards a question that popped up really often, and it happened to me as well...

How do you know if you are in love with someone? 

Sounds difficult to know, but trust me, there're a few ways you can tell that it isn't just a crush!
Falling in love is one of the greatest, exciting but also scary thing out there. 
Loving someone is different for everybody. We love a certain way like for your family members you may love them a different way then you may love your best friend.We love

people in different ways at different times!  

So here is some ways that helped me and a few of my friends to really know if we loved or just had a simple crush on the person. 

When you wake up, it's the first person you think about! It's the first person that pops into your head when something good happens to you; you have to go tell them the news. When something terrible has happened, you seek support and comfort from that same person! 

These quotes about love being selfless and putting the love of your life above yourself?! Well, it's true, look at what Olaf from Frozen said, "Some people are worth melting for." Take this example into consideration: you are both sick in bed, but instead of leaving her/him do everything, you take charge into helping or doing everything for her/ him. Their needs become a priority, take a more important place than your own needs. 

Human beings are far from perfect, we all have flaws, look in the mirror! I, myself, have tons of flaws, being over caring is one of them! When you are in love, your lover's imperfections become qualities. You look above these little flaws, but when you are in love you accept the person's flaws and qualities. Love is the ability to accept and learn how to love imperfections (unique flaws). 

The best part of your day is when you hear from them (your special someone), and you look forward to that part of the day! They bring a smile on your face! Seeing them is better than being alone, and you prefer being with them than anyone else. 

You stay closer to the person you love when around others. You don't back away from cuddles or kisses, public affection. When in a group of people, you may go ahead and talk to someone across the room, far from your partner, but you check up on them in the corner of your eye and go back directly to them as soon. 

And finally imagine a future where the person you "love" isn't around! How will you react? Will you cry yourself to sleep at night, and dream of having them around, or will you just say, "Wasn't meant to be, there's plenty fish in the water." ? 
That simple question may answer a lot! Ask yourself questions like: 
- If something happens to them, they are at the hospital, will you rush out there or wait the next or couple days to go see how things are going?
- Do you see yourself with that person for the next year or so?
- Can you be yourself around them? (If you are yourself it means you aren't afraid to show your true self, and it means a lot more than just a crush).
- Can you go on days without talking to them or can't at all?

Don't assume these are just the ways to know, I'm sure there are other ways, don't jump to any conclusion! I'm interested in knowing what are your ways, I'm always open to opinions! 

Loving someone isn't a game, it's your feelings, emotions that are attached to that one single person! You can just not talk to them, can't just ignore them and pretend they don't exist! When you love, you do everything in your power to be there for them, to love them unconditionally, to protect them from the bad things. Now, we are humans and humans are rather stupid and blind when in love... If I were you, I would be careful on who you say I love you to...

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

~Bella