Coming back to Europe

What a few months I had... But I'm back in Europe, tired but I'm "home" after over nine years. 

I could start with the good that is happening but that may lead to a novel just like stating all the negatives and I don't feel like writing too much about it. So I thought it would be an eye-opening for some people if I talked about how it is to be in my early twenties, living in France and how financially, relationship wise, and how my view of certain things have changed over the course of a few months. I'm positive that many young people have either experienced or are experiencing my current situation. And to be fairly honest, it's always needed to hear that we aren't alone in a current matter. We never are! 

I'm in France, living with my friend and her housemate with a cat, needy, cuddly cat. Close enough to about everything, and despite my "I don't want to get out", I still go out on occasions (mostly grocery shopping or the rare drinking at the pub nights). Great location, enough space, and I'm free to do as I wish which is always a little plus! 
France wasn't my first choice, my choice at all, but a needed one. I don't regret it but the homesick feeling, the simpler life back in Ireland is missed, greatly missed. Between the people, the drinks, and the little towns where everything is easy to get to is missed. I'm not saying France doesn't have little towns, but I just miss the feeling of home. But right now, I'm in France and I have my own choices to make! 

First, my living situation! Either I stay in France, look for a cheap apartment close to downtown, to everything, or I try to move back to Ireland. Sounds simple, I mean obviously I would pick Ireland, but is it in my best interest at this current moment or should I wait until I have a lot more money?  This leads to number two...

Second, financially... I'm in my early 20's, meaning saving up money is nearly impossible especially in my case. Coming from California, you have to realize that you cannot save up any money because rent is above expensive and the living accommodations aren't always cheap either (groceries, bills...)
I already got it bad by living in California and spending money on rent, but when you start living around, try to please yourself with little things, or buy people things, it could end up being a nightmare. A real nightmare. Money goes away faster than it comes in... So right now, living at my friends, helping out with rent could be the best solution, for the time being. It's not like I don't have a job, I do have one and I'm sure I'll get a better pay soon enough. But by living in France, I kind of want my own little studio or one bedroom apartment. A way to have people over without worrying if it's going bother anyone not that it will... This lead to number three...

Third, relationships... I mean friendship as well... Any relationship is very complex at the moment and I believe it's my fault. Care too much, make mistakes, say whatever I think maybe at the wrong time, and instead of explaining things I just ignore and leave. Somehow I managed to have low energy in this category. Don't feel like meeting new people, don't feel like rebuilding. It's hard to trust again, and when I think I did with someone, I had to mess things up. Doesn't seem like it matters much if it was a friend or more than a friend. I will mess everything up. Talk about having a power, I believe I just discovered mine, the destructor. Coming back to France made me think a lot about friends, how I'm supposed to speak to EVERYONE in French even though it is a pain at times, I'm more comfortable in English. It feels more like I'm closing myself, completely, shutting myself off, slowly but surely. 

They say, "You are young, you've got your whole life ahead of you..." but expect you to have it figured out. Make important decisions and expect you to follow through without issues. I'm young, yes, I ain't denying it, but I never truly felt that young, preferring to make my own decisions, making tons of mistakes. But this time, I'm tired, not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to be an adult without assistance, without a support, an aid. And shutting yourself isn't a solution, I know it's not and yet it's exactly what I'm doing. Funny thing is I'm the one who should listen to my own advice, look myself in the mirror and tell myself how everything will be okay.  
Do we ever take our own advice? 
For people who have been asking me when I'm coming back to California, I'm not going back. Stop asking, there's no reason for me to go back. 
For the people who keep asking me what's my plan... I don't know, I still haven't figured it out yet, and I don't believe I will anytime soon. Give me a good reason to stay in France? Give me some reason to go back home to Ireland? Give me some advice maybe you'll be helping me see things through instead of trying to force something that isn't coming. 

If you are in a similar situation, don't take any advice from people who only want to be selfish. Listen to yourself as well, make mistakes, learn from them, and be smile because it's not the end just yet... It's only the beginning!

~Bella

Let's leave the family home...

As you know, I moved out from my mum's place. Leaving behind my brothers as well as my dear mum. One of the best decision ever. I'm beyond ecstatic about the change in my life, the new acquaintances, the new friends. I don't think I would ever want to go back home after this experience; moving out made me see the world in a different way, and the experience is rather adventurous. 

Now, I could talk about all the experiences that I came across since I moved in, but I wanted to talk more about the one thing which keeps on surprising me every single day.

The New Family!

Technically not my family, but having roommates is like having a second family especially if you are close to each one of them. Having roommates could be stressful, annoying, and a lot of sacrifices to be made as each one has different schedules, different ways of living. Not easy when I put it this way, but there is something intriguing about living with people your age, same sex, or having roommates' boyfriends who come around. Making sure the house stays clean enough to walk around barefoot, to make sure the dishes are washed before someone complains there are no more forks to use or making sure no one steals food so you put your initials on the packaging. It's a lot of work when roommates aren't ones to wash their dishes or forget to buy toilet paper so you end up buying it all the time... (I don't have the toilet paper to deal with, but the dishes, I'm always cleaning up after them). 

Having roommates is fun, to say the least... You are never alone, bored, and you know you can count on them if you want something or have support. It's like having a second family! 

I have more than two siblings, but I'm only close to two of them and they are my baby brothers. One is 17, turning 18 next year, and the baby one is 8 years of age. Not babies, but still younger than me, and  somehow I still look at them like they are babies. Since I'm the eldest, I had to deal with teaching them how to get in trouble, hide the candies, taught them how to protect each other. But the youngest, I taught him how to read, count, I changed his diapers. So we know I had enough experience with babies, but when you have roommates living under the same roof, it's like having babies. And if you are responsible and mummy like, give up on trying to get away from cleaning, making sure people are alright, and keep everyone happy by giving hugs when needed. It's insane how having roommates is like having a second family. You build up a friendship which is more a family than simple friends. Cause let's be honest, you act like siblings who talks about almost everything, share the bathroom when one is in the shower and you brush your teeth, you cook, drink together. It's honestly another free family... 

What surprise me the most is the fact that I left my own family to live like 12 miles away from them and end up being motherly, still, with the roommates... How can I go from living the family house to another one? Don't get me wrong it's still highly different, I cook my own thing, buy my own groceries, go to work like a big girl, walk around town anytime I want, go to coffee shops, wake up at all hours, go to bed whenever I feel tired, eat in front of the TV, go out and enjoy drinking... I mean it's nice to be an adult, but then there is the family, back home which you miss. So to me making a new family after leaving another one is actually nice. 

If you don't have any roommates, and want to move out from the family home, choose to live with people you have no idea who they are, complete strangers. I moved into a house with complete strangers and they ended up being the nicest people with flaws and amazing qualities. 

"I have the best roommates in the world! It creates a fun sense of family... And that's really important to me. Things can get so lonely without it." 

~Bella