Short indeed...

Last time I had long hair, a couple of weeks ago. My dear mum decided to play around with my hair, trying to do something different, she succeeded, but sadly, it failed on letting my long hair be. I wanted to keep my beautiful, wavy hair at the same length. It's all short NOW!

I don't remember the time when my hair was that short, I must have been in my toddler years. 

Come on now, long hair has been my little thing, not short hair! Never have been and never will! 

Long, wavy hair has been a part of me since I could remember. 

So let's get into the juicy details. After feeling like I should cut my hair, I asked my mum like always, and let her cut them. I could feel something different, I could feel the air on my back, that wasn't normal! Not at all! I began to tear up, to the point where I was feeling guilty for asking a haircut. Breaking down completely, thinking of the worse possible outcome. In other words, I was in shock. You have to know what it feels to understand how difficult and shocking it was for me. A disaster, the world ending... To make it quicker I broke down crying, making my mum feel bad, guilty for playing around and make it short. She was feeling so horribly for it, I couldn't keep on being mad, but I was frustrated to the point of not talking to her or even let her kiss my head. I wanted her to feel terrible, but she is still my mum and I can't stay mad at her forever. 

I've been living with the short hair for a while now, and to be fair I'm getting used to it, slowly but surely! Baby steps into the short hair world! I do miss my braid, long ponytail, or even messy bump I would have on most the time, I can't lie about that! Although, I miss all these little things, having short hair is amazingly nice! Less time on washing it, dry fast, easy to brush (I don't bother brushing it), and no need of a ponytail just have clips and you are good to go! 

They needed to be cut to grow faster, stronger, healthier! It's always good to cut them short once in a while. So I've heard! Now it's your choice if you want to believe it or not, suit yourself to your own opinion! It's my first time, but I'll make sure to keep you posted about my terrible short hair experience. I'm exaggerating! It's not that terrible. Many people have liked it, and complimented me on it. Compliments are appreciated and build me some confidence about the hair style. Then I think about how Rapunzel had the longest hair, difficult to keep it healthy, and when she cut them, she looked cute! No need to worry after all!


It's a "new me", a new beginning, a new chapter of my life. I actually feel a little more mature with shorter hair making my face look normal size as I do have a small face. Can't hide it much anymore! 
I feel like you can see my back shoulder tattoo a bit more, and I'm proud of it! 
The only little issue is the bed hair in the morning. It exists, and it's the first time I'm experiencing it! Not a joy! Simple to fix, though, throw a bit of water and pat.




"When you have short hair, there's just a feeling of here I am. What you see what you get. And there's a confidence that comes with wearing short hair and I like the way that makes me feel." -Halle Berry


~Bella

PS: I will post something tomorrow so don't forget to come read! 

Will I defeat you?

After watching a few YouTubers play this Akinator game online...
http://en.akinator.com/

I decided to mind control the little genie!

First I thought of Claudio Marchisio, my favorite football player who plays for my favorite football team, Juventus. Now, he plays at a midfielder, and he isn't THAT famous compare to Messi or Ronaldo or even Buffon (goalkeeper). I thought I was going to get him lost, and I did, he missed up! He guessed a random Spanish football player, and no he was wrong, so I decided to keep him playing and guessing, after another series of questions, 46 questions later, he guessed Claudio Marchisio... After 46 questions! I felt proud, he usually guesses rather quickly, this time... It was AMAZING!

Second guess... I'm thinking of Miniminter, my favorite YouTuber...
The little genie was on the right track until he guessed Comedyshortsgamer which is the brother of KSI, not at all Simon Minter! Guess what? I kept him going... After 50 questions he guesses, once more, and got it wrong AGAIN! Haha, this time, he came up with Icrazy Teddy / Icrazyteddy. I've never even heard of him. Who is that kid? Honestly? Really? So I went again, continued making him feel bad... and his face was just RED!

Alright, after 78 questions, he comes back with a completely different guess, not even a YouTuber anymore, it's Jade Dernbach, a cricketer, I don't even watch cricket. I was laughing my bumps off! 

After all... 

Hell YES!!!! Take that in your face! 

The third attempt, just for fun and see if he was going to go faster on guessing...

I'm thinking of Benito Mussolini because he was famous for being a horrible person and a fascist.

After only 12 questions he came up with an answer and the correct one!

Honestly, the one I didn't expect to win so quickly was the dictator, how weird!

Anyways, I was proud of myself and you should try to defeat that little weirdo!

~Bella

Psych 101... Social Learning Theory...

I was reading a few pages from my Psych 101 little book and came across an interesting social learning theory. I thought I would share it with you...

" One of the most influential learning theories in psychology, Albert Bandura's social learning theory of 1977 states that instead of acquired behavior being strictly a matter of rewards or reinforcements, it can be brought about through observational learning. He states that people grasp how to behave based on the behavior of the people around them. 
People are surrounded by models that can be observed, be it a person's parents, peers, teachers, or even characters on a TV show. These models provide both masculine and feminine behaviors that can be observed or encoded, and then later imitated or copied. A person will be more likely to imitate a behavior of someone who he or she feels more similar to. Often, this means a person of the same sex. There are three main concepts to Bandura's social learning theory:

1. A person can learn behavior through observation: This can be from a live model (an actual person performing the behavior), a verbal model that provides instructions (an explanation or description of a particular behavior), or a symbolic model (behaviors portrayed in books, television, and film).

2. The mental state is an important aspect to learning: While environmental reinforcement is one aspect of learning a behavior, it is not the only one. Satisfaction, pride, and feelings of accomplishment are examples of what Bandura called intrinsic or internal reinforcement. In other words, internal thoughts can play an important role in learning a behavior. 

3. Learning does not mean that a behavior will necessarily change: Behaviorists believed that learning a behavior led to a permanent change in the individual's behavior, but Bandura shows that with observational learning, a person can learn the new information without having to demonstrate this behavior. Conversely, just because a behavior is observed does not mean it will be learned. For social learning to be a success, there are certain requirements: 

• Attention: To learn, one must pay attention, and anything that diminishes attention will negatively affect observational learning.
• Retention: One must be able to store the information, and hen at a later time be able to pull it back up and use it.
• Reproduction: After paying attention and retaining information, the observed behavior has to be performed. Practice can lead to improvement of the behavior.
• Motivation: The last part to successfully learning an observed behavior is that a person must be motivated to imitate the behavior. It is here where reinforcement and punishment come into play. If an observed behavior is reinforced, one might wish to duplicate that response; while if an observed behavior is punished, one might be motivated to not do such an action.

THE BOBO DOLL EXPERIMENT

To show that children observe and imitate behaviors around them, Bandura created the famous Bobo doll experiment. In conducting his experiment, Bandura found that children who watched the aggressive models generally imitated a good deal more of the responses toward the bobo doll that the children in the control or the children in the group who watched the nonaggressive models. He also found that girls who watched the aggressive model expressed more verbally aggressive responses when the model was the woman, and more physically aggressive responses when the model was the man. The boys imitated physically aggressive acts more than the girls did, and they imitated the same-sex model more often than the girls did. Through the Bobo doll experiment, Bandura was able to successfully show that the children learned a social behavior, in this case, aggression, by watching the behavior of someone else. With the Bobo doll experiment, Bandura was able to disprove a key notion of behaviorism that stated that all behavior is the result of rewards and reinforcement. 

EXPERIMENT                           Conducting the Bobo doll 

                                                     experiment

1.This experiment utilizes thirty-six boys and thirty-six girls ranging from three to six years old.

2.The control for the experiment is a sub-group of twelve boys and twelve girls.

3.The role models in the experiment are one adult man and one adult woman. 

4.Twenty-four boys and girls are allowed to watch as the man or woman aggressively attack a toy called the "Bobo doll." Among other things, they hit it with a hammer and throw it in the air while screaming things like, "Pow, boom," and "Sock him in the nose."

5.Another group of twenty-four boys and girls are exposed to a model who is nonaggressive toward the Bobo doll. 

6.Lastly, the control group is not exposed to any model.

"Studying psychology is fun because you're always looking for the same things I think a writer should be looking for, which is the story behind the story." - Chris Cleave

~Bella

New simple little piece of joy...

Alvaro Soler- Sofia

I ain't a fan of Spanish, it actually gives me headaches, yet when sings, I actually don't mind it at all. It's quite different from my taste of music, more my mum's, yet I'm starting to really enjoy what he sings! Born in Barcelona, Spain, half German-Spanish, he moved to Japan at the age of 10 till he was 17 years of age. Located in Berlin, Germany, he made his recent career, being number 1 in Switzerland, Italy, and famous in Germany, France, Spain... 
To be honest, I do find him quite pleasant to look at and doesn't look like other singers who are womanisers. This guy is simply refreshing, good looking, sings amazingly well (if I can follow and repeat the lyrics, he must be good). His songs make me want to dance around, makes me feel like I'm in a great mood. I just love it...

Alvaro Soler- El Mismo Sol

This song as become number 1 in many countries and it made up to a new version with J-Lo with some English incorporated in the Spanish song. What a mix! 

" Songs are emotions, expressed in such a way that only the soul understands."

~Bella

First love...

Who remembers their first love?

First loves are the most special love!
The one you'll never forget, the one that made your world turn upside down...
Our first love happens when we are still young, innocent, pure, and it makes the relationship just as more powerful as your real love!
It's that one love that isn't picture perfect (oh no, far from it),that may end up in heartbreaks you'll never forget about, even after years away from that person! Your feelings will be there, somewhere, hiding away, but each you'll think of your first love, these feelings come rushing out... The one you "let slip" through your fingers!

When we say first love we refer to the first time you actually felt love running through your body. The one that you cared a lot more than most people, the one that made you feel butterflies in your tummy each time they would look into your eyes...
The one that made your excitement feel more powerful than ever before!
It's the first time you don't know what you are actually doing, the one that you have no control whatsoever! The first time when you feel lost because you don't know how to not fall in love! It's that one love that you want to spend your entire life with, every moment with that one person!
First love is innocent, pure, silly, crazy, unrealistic, But then they walked away, talking all your first times with them, away. It becomes an adventure, a crazy ride through feelings, emotions,
You may be happy today, thinking you completely forgot about that person, that it is just a memory, a long lost souvenir, yet it is haunting you. Trying to recreate that powerful first love is nearly impossible, that's why it's such an amazing and yet saddest moment, feeling! No matter what you may try to do to make it happen once again, it doesn't work. What's gone is gone! Love will never feel as excited as your first one!

Now when you "look" for love , you are more cautious, trust less, become almost untouchable. The uncertainty of belonging in a love like your first made you feel like is now just a feeling of losing yourself in a cautious path. That first love made you fall, fall hard. It turned you to into this pragmatic being who weighs every possibility,

analyses every situation, believing in only what you see, thinking a million times before letting your feelings come out. It might actually end up making you wiser than you were already! More careful to what might come ahead of you! It created a hole in your sole, and it won't fill it again! 

No matter how much you want that love back it just won't come around again, it will haunt you forever. Don't try to recreate that love, look ahead, stop thinking that you find that other half! If it was meant to be you would still be in that relationship! 

Look ahead :)

"Your first love will always have that special place in your heart!"

~Bella

Who's that girl.. Who's that girl... It's... Jess

If you didn't see where I was going with the title of this post, you certainly don't know about the TV show "New Girl"...

It's been on the air for quite some time now, since 2011, and it has conquered my heart with a bit of hilarious, sweet, life lessons. I know I've talked about F.R.I.E.N.D.S. but this is a new series that I enjoy watching!

Jess, a young, eccentric school teacher living with three completely different guys makes me, at least, wondering and teach me a lot of life itself as well as love. 

Here're some life and love lessons that I learned throughout the show! 

Having periods can be described well! 

You can have that cocky moment once in a while, it doesn't hurt! 

Mistakes are part of life and Winston knows! 

Breakups... 

Being different is fun don't hide who you are...

You are on this planet for a reason so make the best out of it! 

Usually, I don't fall in love with TV shows but this one reminds me of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

It's by far one of the most funniest show out there and people should watch it! If you don't, you are missing out! Because of this show, I learned to give second chances, even though it's not granted to everyone, I try my hardest to make exceptions. 

This show cannot get old, you cannot find an easy way to just forget about it, it's just not possible! You laugh, you cry, you feel guilty, you experience so many emotions by watching it that I don't think you can be mentally ready to say goodbye to it! I hope it goes on for a long time! Without it, I would have been a complete disaster after my breakup! 

"I like being weird." -Jess

~Bella

Thank you technology!

Who's for it and who's against it?

It's a mix feeling when it comes to my opinion! 

I wasn't born with DVD players, MP3, or iPads. Later on it did cross my path, but I was born in the 90's and kids had different games, life at the time. The world has changed and seriously, the technology has evolved so much that in the past 10 years we have seen much more than expected. Kids nowadays know how to use a phone, a tablet, they spend hours on it instead of playing with their friends, outside. It's a change, for sure. 
It's has pros and cons... Like about everything else. 

I'm not much of a technology type of person, but I do love my laptop and iPhone! I cannot live without them now, but at the same time, if I didn't have them, I wouldn't be writing a blog for the world to see. 
Technology might, indeed, take a lot of our time between texting each other from across the room or car (that happened when I was younger), and take up our social life more. Look at restaurants, people are either on their phones playing or texting someone else. No more communication between the people in front of us. That's part of the "new generation", or whatever you may call it. 

The internet is addictive, you may spend hours watching YouTube without realizing what's going on outside your windows, it's rather scary. I do it myself, especially after dinner. I go to my bedroom and watch movies, series, or YouTube and I don't see the time fly by. You don't realize what time it is until your eyes start itching. We all do it, and there's nothing to lie about. It happened to everyone, even kids. 
It's also a great way to bully people now! Cyber bullying now exist, and it's awful. It really needs to stop, but some people just have to be cruel to others. The internet is public, people see what you post on someone's social media... It could lead to suicide! Technology didn't bring bullies, but it's easier to target innocents online. You could hide your identity a lot more, and pretend to be their friends and stab them in the back later on. There's movies with internet corruption, and how scary internet can be. You have to be careful who you talk to! Please! 

Now we can't just say the internet or technology is awful. Yes, there are a lot that might contradict the good, but we can't deny how much good it brought. Now we can travel and stay in touch with family members from a distance, you can call and message each other without difficulties. Alright, this happened a few times already, but I've been trying to get every text message across to someone, and that person has a difficult time receiving them. Some issues have to be fixed, soon, or else I'm going to be on someone's bad side! 
My family members have left me in the States, while they went back to Europe... Without internet, my iPhone, or Skype, I don't know how I would survive without news. I need news almost all the time... That's a lie, I could go a week without news, but that's like mission impossible with my dear mother who text or call me EVERY DAY. Good thing there is 9 hours differences because I would have her on my back 24/7 if we were at the same time. On a side note... I have a missing book! Maybe there is something else to add to the list of missing objects. If you are new, my younger brother has left for Europe and since then I've been missing quite a lot, especially my toothbrush! I'm still investigating!
We wouldn't meet new people and stay in touch with some if it wasn't for technology. I must say thank you to the internet for letting me meet amazing people. Being careful is still on my top priority because you never know what might show up, but so far it's been all good. I can't complain much about the internet. 
It is letting  me have a blog and a schedule... Let me type my novel and maybe a second on its way... 

Technology has a lot of defaults, and you have to careful on how you use it! On the bright side, there is plenty qualities to talk about when it comes to the internet or just technology! It has saved a lot of lives, relationships, and time (instead of getting lost on your way to a restaurant, you can check it up online, save some time).

"Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master." -Christian Lous Lange

~Bella

Let's go teams!

Another football/soccer post, annoying yes, but I can't help it! I've been asked these questions more than 8 times already and I'm tired of repeating the answer!
Who are your teams? Who do you support? How come you go them?

After a good amount of reflexion time, I decided to share the teams I support. Don't judge, if you don't like them, it's alright, but I have reasons to like them even though some reasons are just random and idiotic!

Before I can start with the teams I follow, I'll talk about formations and if you don't know or understand them, here's a little quick note that helped me visualize when I watch my teams play. 
A formation describes how the players in a team are positioned on the field. Some are more attacking or defensive soccer style. They say that if you want to be good at football you must be able to ay in all possible formations... No one can rely on one single formation so it's quite a game! 
Example:  4-4-2 is a formation with 4 defenders, 4 midfielders, and 2 forwards, it's the most common formation today. 
The 4-3-3 is a classic one that was taken by great teams, actually, Germany won the World Cup of 1974 with that formation! F.C Barcelona adopted this formation quite well... 
The 3-4-3 is an offensive formation with little defense thinking and it mostly focuses on attacking. It's not a formation that is used quite often, rather rare to see a coach use it. 
The 4-3-3 with a triangular midfield puts a holding central midfielder above the four defenders with two offensive midfielders behind the center forward and two wingers. I've seen Italy use this one often! 

So there you have a few ideas on how to view formations, it's only positions and how they affect the game! 

Let's start off with my first team I ever supported and it has to be Liverpool F.C. from Liverpool, England. The Reds! 
This team was the very first team I really loved watching mostly because the Spanish player, Torres even though I don't like Spanish teams or players much. I know most of my teams are based on the players... And the club's anthem is "You'll Never Walk Alone". I always thought it was a good one! They had amazing players like Suarez from Uruguay, Steven Gerrard from England ... I mean the team had some really good players and still to this day! Balotelli, Italian, arrogant player but still wonderful in his own way... 
The formation that I saw worked was 3-5-2, 4-2-1-3 or a 4-3-3 depending on how Rodgers wants to dictate the game. They made me happy by winning against Arsenal on Sunday 14th of August! You should watch them, they deserve some support! 

The second team I absolutely loved was and still Manchester United F.C, well obviously from Manchester, England. Also known as The Red Devils. The first game I watched them, they were playing against Southampton, another British team. Then I realized they had Rooney, the captain! At the time I don't think it was him, but I started to love them! I mean each game, they gave everything they had. Now, they also have Matteo Darmian and Italian defender who I absolutely love... And they are getting Paul Pogba which used to be on my favorite team, Juventus. Manchester United has to be one lucky team to have him in the squad! It's going to be a game changer! To be fair for the formation they do 4-2-2-2 and I don't know... Not really what I wanted to see... 

Chelsea F.C, London, England... The Blue Lions, or The Blues... 
Their current manager, Antonio Conte is Italian... I was happy about that! He is really good, they got lucky on that one! At the moment, the team has amazing players counting, Oscar, a Brazilian, Hazard, a German and a lot more players! I got interested in the team when a friend of mine wanted to watch them in my presence, I didn't oppose as they looked amazing on the field. At the time, Lampard was playing... Then Drogba, Mata...Anyways, the team definitely has great players. The formation has to be 4-2-3-1...

More recent team and my FAVORITE team, JUVENTUS from Torino (Italy). 
I didn't start liking them because they were good! At the beginning, I actually had no idea how good they were. A few years ago, I was watching a game on TV.  As a matter of fact, my favorite player, Claudio Marchisio is a midfielder for the team, so I watched a whole lot of Juventus game, followed them, got into the history, the formations... Everything! Juventus is an amazing team with wonderful players. They have one the best goalie out there, Buffon is incredible. They know how to really play and be a team, family. I'm number one fan, I mean I have jerseys, a scarf, a little blanket, a jacket... I'm just in love with the team. For the formation, I'm a bit lost at the moment, Marchisio went out because of an injury, and Pobga left for Manchester United, so I'm rather lost on how it's going to play out. They do have Dybala as a striker, center forward, so I'm pretty convinced that they have a chance of doing something good! 

A.C Milan from Milano, Italy... Il Diavolo (The Devil)! 
I follow them slightly before Juventus but it's around the same time. I was watching the Serie A, it's like the Premier League but in Italy. They aren't that amazing, but they had something that caught my eye, plus they have cute players like Mattia De Sciglio who is a defender, Manuel Locatelli, younger than me, but Santa Cleopatra, so cute, a midfielder, and Andrea Poli, midfielder as well... 4-3-3 might have to be the best formation they could use. I honestly don't know much about the style, all I know is I started following them for the players, the cute ones. Please do not judge! 

The last team I support is Leeds United F.C from Leeds, England. The Peacocks! 
Just a few months ago after watching my favorite YouTuber, miniminter, I decided to watch the team he goes for, Leeds! Now, I barely ever saw them play, only against Liverpool and Manchester United, so I never really watched how they do play. But I was open-minded to watching and I was surprised. I mean it's far from the best team out there, they are nothing like Chelsea or another great team! It's new so I'm learning the history, how the coach works, the each player style of play, and so much more. Can't talk much about them! 

Hope this long post will help you realize that even if I will always go for Juventus, I love and support other teams! I'm very open-minded when it comes to either Irish, Scottish, British and Italian teams. I ain't a fan of Spanish teams at all, neither Germans or French! Even though there's a lot of good teams! I have a few more that I do follow but I needed to stop the post at some point, you have much more to do on this Monday than reading some blog! 


If you want to learn more about football, let me know in the comments below or via social media! 

"Anyone who thinks sunshine is happiness has never played football in the rain."

~Bella

Q&A time!!!!

After having, the same questions asked plenty times to me... I wanted to write the answers down and share a few of them with you! I know YouTubers do them, and I also know that you learn a lot with Q&A. 

First and the most popular question I've gotten so far: Why do you write? 

I write because it makes me feel alive. If I stop writing, I feel like I'm losing myself to reality, and that my friend is boring, too normal for me. I write because it gives me something to live for... (That has to be talked about in person...) But I've written a post about writing so if you are interested in reading more... Go ahead! 

http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2016/04/as-real-first-one.html

Second and far the most popular question out there, even though I've written so much about it... It still comes up : Why do you love soccer/ football so much, what is it about the game?

As I've said before, I call it football, and it's part of my culture. I was born and raised around it. The game itself is, to me at least, a sport that is about the team, about the position and how each player has a talent. I love the players, how they control the ball, how they can make the team the best. Soccer is a part of me, I used to play it with my brother all the time, my cousins, friends at school. We didn't care how bad or good we were, we were still playing. I was always a center midfielder. I ain't sure why, but it worked! So at the end of the day, it's a passion, it's a sport that makes me feel better, that makes me who I am. It's like writing, it's a part of me. Without writing or football, I would be a tiny part of me. 

Here are two posts about football that I've written before: 

http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2016/06/why-not-going-for-your-birth-country.html

http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2016/07/what-squad.html

Third question and by far the most personal one: What was your most embarrassing moment? 

It used to be very difficult to answer it as I never really been in an embarrassing moment in my life. Then, I thought about it more and more to the point of a headache. My most embarrassing moment has to be when I was at school in California for the first time! I came to America without knowing much English, I mean I had the basic down like the animals, the food, the numbers, letters... But I couldn't understand much and the speaking part was beyond explanation. I felt ashamed for speaking another language and not understanding what other kids my age would say. Only words without full sentences, I felt like a baby... Embarrassing for sure! But I grew out of it, and in high school, I was one of the students who happen to have good marks on essays! Which I'm proud of, it made me feel more confident about my writing! 

The fourth question that comes up either often is : How come you aren't in a long lasting relationship?

This one, I mean, why would you even ask, what's on your mind when you ask such a question!  I can't even answer straight away without really thinking about it. I don't want to blame everything on the guy, but I have bad luck when it comes to relationships! It's a family curse, my grandmother had a hard time with men, while my mum had terrible husbands who treated her like she was nothing. It seems like I'm following a path. Plus I've got terrible flaws, I'm complicated, and if you aren't patient or stubborn enough to make me open up, it's a lost cause. Cherry on top, being a hopeless romantic doesn't help much, I expect things to go a certain way and it fails completely, making me look like a fool in love with love itself. So to answer, a long lasting relationship will happen when I find the right person to be with and build, a person who will make me feel like I deserve a lot more than I have. I will be in a long lasting relationship when I know I'm comfortable enough to trust a man who will be a supportive and understanding person with tons of flaws that will make me love him more and more each single day! 

Fifth... Odd and personal question: How come you don't have that many friends? 

I don't know how to properly answer this question either. It's out of my control, with complete honesty, I don't know how to explain how I don't have "that" many friends. Do we need many friends? I believe that we need close friends, the ones that won't leave at important times, the ones that will be there at the toughest times. Being European in America is one of the most difficult thing ever. Foreigners in a country that is completely different from their own is difficult! I'm sure it happened to many people before me. Having a different culture, different view about love and life, being the opposite of them can be challenging. I had a tough time at school, I wouldn't want to be in just one group of people, I wanted to be friends with everyone meaning guys as well... I've always played or talked to girls and boys, so I did what I always did, talk to both genders, but it wasn't appreciated, especially with the girls. I got bullied for that. So now, friends, I can obviously count them on one hand! Real friends will always be there for you, I guess I don't have those real friends!  I don't want fake friends that will talk behind my back... 

Sixth and old question..: Why don't you come or go to parties?

Somehow this question came up a lot when I was younger when people would invite and I would cancel. I don't do well in a group of people, my anxiety doesn't allow me to be around too many people, it's scary! I feel uncomfortable, it's not pleasant, and I have to watch my back all the time just in case of something happening. I'm not a party person, I would prefer a nice quiet evening, I don't mind parties, but if I can cancel, I will. Younger, the issue of alcohol and drugs would be related to my lack of wanting to go. I've been drinking for a long time now, but I ain't like the others, I don't go and try to be as drunk as possible to the point of blacking out. It happened to me once and it was this year at a close friend's house. I knew I would be taken care of if I had too much to drink. I'm more the mother around the group of friends, who knows what to do in certain cases, who cares too much, protective and taking care of people that need it. I don't do drugs, so seeing all that, it ain't my thing! Parties in Europe are different, from what I've seen. People here will invite their friends who invite their own friends, it's nonending situation, while in Europe we kind of do that, but we ask permission before inviting others, so the parties usually end up in a small group of friends who know each other well. And we don't really need a backup person who will take care of everyone! I love parties, I will go to parties, but I'm afraid of something bad happening. I don't trust American parties, especially at my age of younger. They have no self-control whatsoever! 

Final question for the day: What made you decide to write a novel? And when it's done are you planning on writing more?

Not asked many times, but enough to make me realize that I need to share the answer with all of you! I decided to start writing a novel when I was younger! When I was six years old, I started writing my own journal, then I've never really stopped, it's when I started to write! After my parents' divorce, I was going through a really tough time, I wasn't myself, I had issues, and things happened that I ain't proud of! I begin writing about my life. The novel never had an ending or a first chapter, it was too hard to write about. I'm not ready to write my past experience. The memories and scars aren't healed yet! Then I've got my mum who also happens to write! She wrote a series of children's books, The Adventures of Enzo (that's my youngest half brother). She was my inspiration... Two years ago, I decided to write a novel about the mafia. Now don't think it's all about it, it's mostly about a family secret that reveals itself during the novel... (I'll write a post about my novel later)... My mum helped me with the construction, and I started the novel. The first year was tons of research, between phone calls, movies, TV series, newspaper articles, books. Then, this year, I really started writing a lot more! It got me through a lot of hard times. My life made me decide to write and hide away from life itself, reality. Whenever I write, I 'm part of my novel, I'm a character in the story. Now, when I finish this novel, I am planning on writing another one! I actually started writing another one, only the basics like the characters, the story itself. I want to continue writing even if I don't get published, I want to write down what's on my mind. I'm not doing it to be famous or to gain money, even though it would be great to live out of my novels, I want my writing to be out there for people. I'm going to keep on writing no matter what life throws at me! 

Hope this few questions and answers will provide you with a bit of myself. I know it's a long post, but writing about yourself isn't a paragraph! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask in the comments or message on Instagram, Facebook or whatever. I'm very open to any questions, sometimes I don't have the answer right away, but I usually do! 

"Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you." 

~Bella

The Book of Symbols 3...

Pomegranate

Pomegranate Seed, by Elizabeth J. Milleker, 

gouache and sumi-ink painting, 2003, United States

A maiden kneeling on half a pomegranate holds her cloak in a gesture that signifies epiphany. The presence of winged Eros at her shoulder denotes that the one who discloses herself is divine- here, the goddess Persephone (Kerényi, 144). The smooth, hard, rosy shell of the pome granate, or "seedy apple," crowned by a golden aureole, opens up to reveal blood-red fruit and numerous seeds, the basis for the pomegranate's mythic dynamism throughout the ancient Mediterranean. According to a Phrygian myth, a fertilized stone phallus engendered a hermaphroditic being, Agditis, who, castrated by the gods, became the goddess Cybele (Daniélou 90); from the blood of the castration sprang the first pomegranate tree. The priests of Attis, a castrated son-lover of the earth goddess carried pomegranates in their hands or wore them on their heads in wreaths (Kerényi, 136). Along with the fig and apple, the pomegranate is associated with the underworld and the mysteries of the death, conception and rebirth of vegetation, personified by divine young men or maidens. The pomegranate's seeds and blood-colored flesh were emblematic of this eternal renewal of the life of the world in which the human initiate might also participate. The pomegranate was sacred to Hades, who seized Persephone, the daughter of the grain goddess Demeter, into the land of the dead. When Demeter in grief withheld the grain from the earth, Zeus agreed to have Persephone returned to her mother. But Hades gave the maiden "a single sweet pomegranate seed," which meant that she must spend a third of the year with him as his spouse and the Queen of the Dead (ibid, 133). The pomegranate played a part in the Eleusinian Mysteries, honoring the two goddess as the feminine source and continuity of life, and also in the phallic, Dionysian Holoa festival and the Thesmophoria. In some rites, the initiate was allowed to eat nothing except this seeds of the pomegranate; in others, the eating of this fruit was forbidden. As a votive offering to the subterranean aspect of the Great Goddess in particular, the pomegranate suggests, in the psychological sense, the bitter depths and majestic forces of the unconscious encountered in the taking of the fertile, dreadful seeds of the self. 

A girl with Eros kneeling on a half-pomegranate, 

terra-cotta, ca. 400-323 B.C.E., Greece.

~Bella