Let me give you some credit...

Most of the time, we don't realize how far we have come, between the experiences and life itself, preferring not to give ourselves the credit we deserve. We are still alive, breathing, so why not see how much we are doing? Cause being realistic about ourselves either make us look like narcissist people or we have judgments about ourselves. 

Before we acknowledge the fact that being real with ourselves can be difficult, there's something else that keeps us from being proud of what we have achieved. Staying humble. 
Why do we have to be humble? Why does society teach us to stay in the shadows, quiet, vulnerable enough to be afraid of others views. To be open to the next adventure but not to talk about any success. It teaches us to be a beginner, an observer. Story short, society wants us to stay strong enough to take on criticism. How are we suppose to be strong and vulnerable at the same time? How are suppose to survive? 

I blame social media for a lot of things, but let's be honest, we are the cause of such disaster. And sadly, we are the only one who can do something about it all. Repairing what's been done to our generation. But how are we suppose to come back to morals, values when all you can see is fake everything? How do we come back to the time when being humble also meant being able to recognize who we are and what we deserve? 
So being humble is to see what we can do without putting someone else down. To show a little too much and make the others feel terrible. Easy to say, hard to do for certain people who would highly prefer to show off a little too much and make some people uncomfortable. 
For instance, many have said that I come off as humble because I don't really talk about any accomplishments, show off what I'm capable of doing. Despite the fact that I did have some accomplishments, that I learned a lot more than others my age, I know deep down that someone else has had a harder life, more accomplishments, bigger things. So why trying to show off my things when they aren't important, big enough. At the end of the day, it's more low self-esteem than being humble. But I'll take the compliment because it's given to me for free. 

Experiences have been shaping us since the start, shaping us into individuals, good or bad, these experiences are parts of us. And you should give yourself some credit for surviving each day cause this world isn't the best place. Every time you enter a situation, remind yourself that no matter what you should value it. Even though I'm a poor example, I apologize in advance. 
But be honest for a second, do you view yourself with accuracy? Do you look in the mirror and see yourself like everyone else sees you? 
We are far more interesting, better than we acknowledge. Valuing our experiences isn't "Tell the whole world about them!" It's about being the best version of yourself, using your experiences to create something beautiful. Valuing each situation in order to make you proud of what you have accomplished. 
Now that I think and write about it all, I've had tiny yet important experiences that helped me grow into he person I am today. I never cared about them until now... It shows that I'm as good as anyone else. 
It also proves me how blind we are to walk pass by experiences, deaf enough to not hear our own voice. That we care a little too much about other's approval when you are supposed to listen to yourself. Because at the end of the day, you are the only one who has to deal with your unpleasant thoughts, cause, after all, people can be jealous and that leads to disrespectful, horrific comments. Humans have the tendency to judge others, I know I do even if I try my best not to do so.
As one writer said, " Lint is picking, is focusing on the small imperfection rather than seeing the greater glory of the whole."  This writer made me think about what people have been saying, what I've been saying to myself and it is far from pretty. We believe, most of us at least, we deserve nothing, that we haven't being doing much to deserve something. On the contrary, we deserve a whole lot more than what we see. I'm not saying everyone does, there are some insane people whose humanity have left them with a cold heart. 
Remember that not everyone can quit smoking or drinking alcohol. Not everyone can public speak in front of millions of people. Not everyone is capable of cooking dinner every night after work. Not everyone is capable of moving to another city because they don't know anyone there. 
As small as it may get, remember that it helped you grow into the person that you are today. Look at me... 

I've moved from one continent to another, moved into a country with a different language. Despite the fact that I did learn it at school for a few years, I couldn't speak it enough or understood enough to make friends. 
I've been supporting my family in tough times, even became sick because of it. 
I've written a novel, finished writing the first draft. 
I've been keeping a blog for over a year now and still going. 
Managed to get two jobs and still find the time to write, hang out with people I appreciate and love. 
 They might seem boring, idiotic, uninteresting experiences to lots of you, but they have made me who I am today. They are still accomplishments to me and I wouldn't be the person that I am without them. 

Do I keep a lot to myself? Yes, it won't change anytime soon! Do I finally value my experiences? Yes, but I still stay quiet about it. 
Now if you don't believe in yourself, I would suggest you write down a list of things you have done, it will help you recognize how much of a person you are. But keep in mind that being able to see what we truly are means keep being yourself, many of us don't like cocky people. 

"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. " 
~ Bella 

Another place...

Short Sunday Post:

Moving out, what a process...

I've been watching the "SACCONEJOLY's" vlogs, the old ones, and I came across them moving houses and country. From Ireland to England. It is a big change, something new, exciting but also scary. I learned so much about myself throughout their vlogs and experiences. They show us what they are going through every day, making me realize a lot... It's special!

The SacconeJoly family made me think about all the times I moved houses, city, country. The feelings that come along each time I made boxes, gave up on a lot of my stuff, papers, the happy and sad feelings...

The vlogs really moved me to the point of asking myself how I felt each time I moved places. Most the time I was afraid of the changes. I think I spent a lot more time moving, changing school after my mother's first divorce. That time was a moving experience that wasn't the best... Now after divorcing my stepfather, we have to move again, second time already. Next week will be another experience.
I don't want to lie, but I'm actually tired of moving so much, afraid of the change, terrified even.

The end of September is time for new experiences, autumn came around, and I got a job training tomorrow... The perk of the job is that I'll get enough time to write as well which makes me extremely happy. The job part makes me a little nervous, it's always a change. I'm just afraid my anxiety gets the best out of me.
This coming week is busy between the boxes, the paperwork, the job training, all of my thoughts... Not that exciting!

I don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow morning, but around late afternoon as I'll be either at work or filling out paperwork.

I'll try to talk about the move throughout the week, and if you like to comment your moving story below or by private message, I'll be happy to read and write a post about other people experiences.

"You're going to get surprised as a new river. You're going to have heart-stopping experiences." - Steve Meyers

~Bella

First love...

Who remembers their first love?

First loves are the most special love!
The one you'll never forget, the one that made your world turn upside down...
Our first love happens when we are still young, innocent, pure, and it makes the relationship just as more powerful as your real love!
It's that one love that isn't picture perfect (oh no, far from it),that may end up in heartbreaks you'll never forget about, even after years away from that person! Your feelings will be there, somewhere, hiding away, but each you'll think of your first love, these feelings come rushing out... The one you "let slip" through your fingers!

When we say first love we refer to the first time you actually felt love running through your body. The one that you cared a lot more than most people, the one that made you feel butterflies in your tummy each time they would look into your eyes...
The one that made your excitement feel more powerful than ever before!
It's the first time you don't know what you are actually doing, the one that you have no control whatsoever! The first time when you feel lost because you don't know how to not fall in love! It's that one love that you want to spend your entire life with, every moment with that one person!
First love is innocent, pure, silly, crazy, unrealistic, But then they walked away, talking all your first times with them, away. It becomes an adventure, a crazy ride through feelings, emotions,
You may be happy today, thinking you completely forgot about that person, that it is just a memory, a long lost souvenir, yet it is haunting you. Trying to recreate that powerful first love is nearly impossible, that's why it's such an amazing and yet saddest moment, feeling! No matter what you may try to do to make it happen once again, it doesn't work. What's gone is gone! Love will never feel as excited as your first one!

Now when you "look" for love , you are more cautious, trust less, become almost untouchable. The uncertainty of belonging in a love like your first made you feel like is now just a feeling of losing yourself in a cautious path. That first love made you fall, fall hard. It turned you to into this pragmatic being who weighs every possibility,

analyses every situation, believing in only what you see, thinking a million times before letting your feelings come out. It might actually end up making you wiser than you were already! More careful to what might come ahead of you! It created a hole in your sole, and it won't fill it again! 

No matter how much you want that love back it just won't come around again, it will haunt you forever. Don't try to recreate that love, look ahead, stop thinking that you find that other half! If it was meant to be you would still be in that relationship! 

Look ahead :)

"Your first love will always have that special place in your heart!"

~Bella

Ice cream or movie?

We are all different, so we deal with issues differently. 

Breakups are one these issues. 

I've currently had to deal with a breakup myself, and sadly, I'm still ignoring every feeling. When you happen to be with a person for a while and things go wrong... You become lost. It happened to me. I could see it coming for a month, so I had begun to put up walls around me to make me stop feeling any type of emotions. I was numbing everything with alcohol and a lot of pastries. I couldn't stop eating or drinking, too anxious of feelings all these emotions. I couldn't deal with the fact that it was over. I deleted every photo of us both on my Facebook, deleted my Instagram and made a new one. Put away everything that belongs to me in my closet. I couldn't bare the thought of us over, so seeing pictures would be a constant reminder, I blocked everyone on everything so I could ignore what happened and move on. I prefer to ignore when I know I wouldn't be able to survive the issues. That's what happened, even to this day I try to avoid songs, movies, games or even places we went because deep down it's still painful. 

When I deal with breakups, it simple, and I'm usually doing the same thing each time, but this one was an uncommon breakup and it's more painful. 
First I go through ice cream or gelato (what's in the freezing...)
Second I lock myself in my room for a couple days, crying, sleeping, crying...
Third I drink and pretend nothing happened.
Fourth I try to get out and see people.
Fifth I hide everything that belongs to that person, pictures and everything that reminds me of them. 
Sixth I make a list of everything I hate about that person. It's a great way to stop thinking they are angels. 

I can't believe I don't just deal with breakups like normal people, have a talk, reasons, and explanations. No, not in my case, I break down, get lost, completely lose it, become unsocial and the best one, I ignore... It's like turning off every feeling and emotion. 

The best thing that happens whenever I have to deal with something painful, I write. I escape reality with my characters, the ones I created throughout the stories. I don't get writer's block when breakups happen so maybe I should get hurt all the time in order to write more and probably better. Because when I write, I feel full, I feel like I'm complete. The more I look at it the more I see that no matter what I do, breakups are part of life, we can't avoid them. Even if we try hard enough. I mean there are plenty movies, TV shows, music about breakups to get you through it all. Even though you shouldn't watch or hear anything about it, it's natural, we all go through it and watch it all. 

Things you should never do after a breakup from my experiences...
Pretend you are fine that everything is alright. Don't do as I do. Pretending isn't good, you should accept the fact that it is over. 
Don't point fingers! I have personally never done that but on multiple occasions, they would blame me for everything. In a relationship, there are two people, meaning there will be errors on both sides. Don't point fingers, there's no point! 
Stop the drama! If I talk about the breakup to everyone and get into details, you look like a lunatic, just stop! It's annoying for yourself, but for everyone else around you, trying to keep up with your idiotic conversations that no one really cares about. It's good to talk, but don't exaggerate! 
Don't write about it on Facebook or any social media! I've seen it plenty times with others, it never goes well! 

So when it happens, try your best to accept and move, I'm harsh, I don't do it well myself, but it's the only way to actually find happiness. 

"No girl should ever forget that she doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her." -Marilyn Monroe

~Bella