January 2019

Sick on Dry January...

If you don't know what Dry January is well it's pretty much a month where you restrain yourself from drinking any alcoholic drink... I'll find a way to drink nonetheless, Dry Cider? Dry Wine? Dry Gin? 

Every year, people set goals, resolutions and I'm sure many achieve what they come up with, but I ain't one these people. I tend to mess up and give up if I write too long of a list. One at a time is best... This year, Dry January kind of came at the right time with me being sick.

I caught a bad cold that gave me a touch time with back and neck issues. Coughing, stuffy nose (I can't sleep right when my breathing isn't there). Anyways, you get what the entire "sick" part means. 

Not sure if I underestimate the weather in France, but the cold is different from where I was. And trust me, Ireland's cold is rather better a little less humid if I may say. So I had to buy myself a better scarf and two sweaters because I can live on sweaters. 

Not entirely sure what I want from 2019, I expected things to go differently in 2018 so now... I have to set my new future right, get my things organized, think about the long journey I have ahead; if you have any suggestions on how to manage it all, please feel free to comment. I want help! I need help!

All I know is that even if obstacles comes through, I'll make it alright... 

Actually, it reminds me of 'The Blind Side' with Sandra Bullock, Quinton Aaron, Tim McGraw, Lily Collins and Jae Head. The film is about a white, Christian family that takes a young coloured kid into their home, give him a family he can count on. 

Let's move on from the whole what it is about to how important and how life lessons were given. First, it's based on a real story which makes it even sadder or happier. Watch the film then you will understand how much crying will happen. 

Second, despite colour skin and different backgrounds, a family changed a young kid's life just like he changed theirs. 

And finally, despite what others may say, think or do, believe what you are doing is the right thing. The mother took a huge decision, the family had to make choices, the kid, himself, had to manage changes. That woman deserves a lot more credit, people such as this family deserve credit. It's wonderful to be there for someone who needs it. 

If you haven't watched this film, go watch it, it has to be on Netflix or stream it. It deserves a watch or read (it's also a book). I truly admire the family, admire what they achieved, how far they have come even with obstacles, they kept going...

And to keep on going can be hard at times... 

This is why 2019 may not be my year, but I will make it mine. I will give all my best to make it an 'alright' year, a successful year. Tough one ahead, but nothing good comes easy! You should remember that! 

For now, I'll try to survive this bloody cold, noisy cough, and unbearable stuffy nose. If you are sick yourself, ginger and honey help. For me, it's tea and chocolate... But if you have a pint of Guinness go ahead it will make you feel better! 

Happy New Year!

~Bella

Let me give you some credit...

Most of the time, we don't realize how far we have come, between the experiences and life itself, preferring not to give ourselves the credit we deserve. We are still alive, breathing, so why not see how much we are doing? Cause being realistic about ourselves either make us look like narcissist people or we have judgments about ourselves. 

Before we acknowledge the fact that being real with ourselves can be difficult, there's something else that keeps us from being proud of what we have achieved. Staying humble. 
Why do we have to be humble? Why does society teach us to stay in the shadows, quiet, vulnerable enough to be afraid of others views. To be open to the next adventure but not to talk about any success. It teaches us to be a beginner, an observer. Story short, society wants us to stay strong enough to take on criticism. How are we suppose to be strong and vulnerable at the same time? How are suppose to survive? 

I blame social media for a lot of things, but let's be honest, we are the cause of such disaster. And sadly, we are the only one who can do something about it all. Repairing what's been done to our generation. But how are we suppose to come back to morals, values when all you can see is fake everything? How do we come back to the time when being humble also meant being able to recognize who we are and what we deserve? 
So being humble is to see what we can do without putting someone else down. To show a little too much and make the others feel terrible. Easy to say, hard to do for certain people who would highly prefer to show off a little too much and make some people uncomfortable. 
For instance, many have said that I come off as humble because I don't really talk about any accomplishments, show off what I'm capable of doing. Despite the fact that I did have some accomplishments, that I learned a lot more than others my age, I know deep down that someone else has had a harder life, more accomplishments, bigger things. So why trying to show off my things when they aren't important, big enough. At the end of the day, it's more low self-esteem than being humble. But I'll take the compliment because it's given to me for free. 

Experiences have been shaping us since the start, shaping us into individuals, good or bad, these experiences are parts of us. And you should give yourself some credit for surviving each day cause this world isn't the best place. Every time you enter a situation, remind yourself that no matter what you should value it. Even though I'm a poor example, I apologize in advance. 
But be honest for a second, do you view yourself with accuracy? Do you look in the mirror and see yourself like everyone else sees you? 
We are far more interesting, better than we acknowledge. Valuing our experiences isn't "Tell the whole world about them!" It's about being the best version of yourself, using your experiences to create something beautiful. Valuing each situation in order to make you proud of what you have accomplished. 
Now that I think and write about it all, I've had tiny yet important experiences that helped me grow into he person I am today. I never cared about them until now... It shows that I'm as good as anyone else. 
It also proves me how blind we are to walk pass by experiences, deaf enough to not hear our own voice. That we care a little too much about other's approval when you are supposed to listen to yourself. Because at the end of the day, you are the only one who has to deal with your unpleasant thoughts, cause, after all, people can be jealous and that leads to disrespectful, horrific comments. Humans have the tendency to judge others, I know I do even if I try my best not to do so.
As one writer said, " Lint is picking, is focusing on the small imperfection rather than seeing the greater glory of the whole."  This writer made me think about what people have been saying, what I've been saying to myself and it is far from pretty. We believe, most of us at least, we deserve nothing, that we haven't being doing much to deserve something. On the contrary, we deserve a whole lot more than what we see. I'm not saying everyone does, there are some insane people whose humanity have left them with a cold heart. 
Remember that not everyone can quit smoking or drinking alcohol. Not everyone can public speak in front of millions of people. Not everyone is capable of cooking dinner every night after work. Not everyone is capable of moving to another city because they don't know anyone there. 
As small as it may get, remember that it helped you grow into the person that you are today. Look at me... 

I've moved from one continent to another, moved into a country with a different language. Despite the fact that I did learn it at school for a few years, I couldn't speak it enough or understood enough to make friends. 
I've been supporting my family in tough times, even became sick because of it. 
I've written a novel, finished writing the first draft. 
I've been keeping a blog for over a year now and still going. 
Managed to get two jobs and still find the time to write, hang out with people I appreciate and love. 
 They might seem boring, idiotic, uninteresting experiences to lots of you, but they have made me who I am today. They are still accomplishments to me and I wouldn't be the person that I am without them. 

Do I keep a lot to myself? Yes, it won't change anytime soon! Do I finally value my experiences? Yes, but I still stay quiet about it. 
Now if you don't believe in yourself, I would suggest you write down a list of things you have done, it will help you recognize how much of a person you are. But keep in mind that being able to see what we truly are means keep being yourself, many of us don't like cocky people. 

"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. " 
~ Bella