What a start...

If you have read a few of my last posts, I mentioned how I was looking for an apartment...

Well, good news! Someone has accepted me as of last month. The end of February has been about trying to get furniture for the place and where I could get the cheap but good ones.
Moving at the end of March, and I couldn't get more excited.

Despite the obvious relief I have, the stress hasn't left entirely. I need to figure out the finances aspect of the situation as well as get myself to work but also get the apartment figured out. Not a huge problem, but it does affect my anxiety as it is tax month pretty soon (it has been tax month since January for me). I've got my taxes to pay, all the furniture, groceries, and rent for the current place as well as the down-payment for the new place.
Enough about money...

The new apartment is 46m2 which is pretty big for one person but since I work from home, I might as well take the advantage of having the possibility of a big apartment. White floors, each room disposition is perfect and there are enough windows to let some light in. Big enough kitchen since I love to cook, I will take pleasure in my kitchen. And then there is the bathroom which has a bathtub... Candles and a good glass of wine will take the edge off for sure.
The bedroom leads to a small room which I will make my office! I cannot wait to turn the place into a cosy, quiet, modern but yet classy with books everywhere.

This apartment will be my very first one, one that I won't have to share with someone else and I cannot wait to decorate as I please. Eat whenever and whatever I want. To shower whenever, and to sleep full nights.
Like I said, I cannot wait...

It's not just an apartment, it's a new start, a way to get something fresh, something good in my life without worries. And maybe it will be a way for me to start asking for help, to do things with others instead of dealing with it all by myself. Get checked up by a doctor for my health which was not doing good at all.
I would never imagine myself set myself in France for a while before going back to my "home". Seems like I needed to get back to France first and finish a few things before starting my real life back in Ireland...

I will post a few photos as soon as I move into the new place...

~Bella

Let me give you some credit...

Most of the time, we don't realize how far we have come, between the experiences and life itself, preferring not to give ourselves the credit we deserve. We are still alive, breathing, so why not see how much we are doing? Cause being realistic about ourselves either make us look like narcissist people or we have judgments about ourselves. 

Before we acknowledge the fact that being real with ourselves can be difficult, there's something else that keeps us from being proud of what we have achieved. Staying humble. 
Why do we have to be humble? Why does society teach us to stay in the shadows, quiet, vulnerable enough to be afraid of others views. To be open to the next adventure but not to talk about any success. It teaches us to be a beginner, an observer. Story short, society wants us to stay strong enough to take on criticism. How are we suppose to be strong and vulnerable at the same time? How are suppose to survive? 

I blame social media for a lot of things, but let's be honest, we are the cause of such disaster. And sadly, we are the only one who can do something about it all. Repairing what's been done to our generation. But how are we suppose to come back to morals, values when all you can see is fake everything? How do we come back to the time when being humble also meant being able to recognize who we are and what we deserve? 
So being humble is to see what we can do without putting someone else down. To show a little too much and make the others feel terrible. Easy to say, hard to do for certain people who would highly prefer to show off a little too much and make some people uncomfortable. 
For instance, many have said that I come off as humble because I don't really talk about any accomplishments, show off what I'm capable of doing. Despite the fact that I did have some accomplishments, that I learned a lot more than others my age, I know deep down that someone else has had a harder life, more accomplishments, bigger things. So why trying to show off my things when they aren't important, big enough. At the end of the day, it's more low self-esteem than being humble. But I'll take the compliment because it's given to me for free. 

Experiences have been shaping us since the start, shaping us into individuals, good or bad, these experiences are parts of us. And you should give yourself some credit for surviving each day cause this world isn't the best place. Every time you enter a situation, remind yourself that no matter what you should value it. Even though I'm a poor example, I apologize in advance. 
But be honest for a second, do you view yourself with accuracy? Do you look in the mirror and see yourself like everyone else sees you? 
We are far more interesting, better than we acknowledge. Valuing our experiences isn't "Tell the whole world about them!" It's about being the best version of yourself, using your experiences to create something beautiful. Valuing each situation in order to make you proud of what you have accomplished. 
Now that I think and write about it all, I've had tiny yet important experiences that helped me grow into he person I am today. I never cared about them until now... It shows that I'm as good as anyone else. 
It also proves me how blind we are to walk pass by experiences, deaf enough to not hear our own voice. That we care a little too much about other's approval when you are supposed to listen to yourself. Because at the end of the day, you are the only one who has to deal with your unpleasant thoughts, cause, after all, people can be jealous and that leads to disrespectful, horrific comments. Humans have the tendency to judge others, I know I do even if I try my best not to do so.
As one writer said, " Lint is picking, is focusing on the small imperfection rather than seeing the greater glory of the whole."  This writer made me think about what people have been saying, what I've been saying to myself and it is far from pretty. We believe, most of us at least, we deserve nothing, that we haven't being doing much to deserve something. On the contrary, we deserve a whole lot more than what we see. I'm not saying everyone does, there are some insane people whose humanity have left them with a cold heart. 
Remember that not everyone can quit smoking or drinking alcohol. Not everyone can public speak in front of millions of people. Not everyone is capable of cooking dinner every night after work. Not everyone is capable of moving to another city because they don't know anyone there. 
As small as it may get, remember that it helped you grow into the person that you are today. Look at me... 

I've moved from one continent to another, moved into a country with a different language. Despite the fact that I did learn it at school for a few years, I couldn't speak it enough or understood enough to make friends. 
I've been supporting my family in tough times, even became sick because of it. 
I've written a novel, finished writing the first draft. 
I've been keeping a blog for over a year now and still going. 
Managed to get two jobs and still find the time to write, hang out with people I appreciate and love. 
 They might seem boring, idiotic, uninteresting experiences to lots of you, but they have made me who I am today. They are still accomplishments to me and I wouldn't be the person that I am without them. 

Do I keep a lot to myself? Yes, it won't change anytime soon! Do I finally value my experiences? Yes, but I still stay quiet about it. 
Now if you don't believe in yourself, I would suggest you write down a list of things you have done, it will help you recognize how much of a person you are. But keep in mind that being able to see what we truly are means keep being yourself, many of us don't like cocky people. 

"When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. " 
~ Bella 

Another place...

Short Sunday Post:

Moving out, what a process...

I've been watching the "SACCONEJOLY's" vlogs, the old ones, and I came across them moving houses and country. From Ireland to England. It is a big change, something new, exciting but also scary. I learned so much about myself throughout their vlogs and experiences. They show us what they are going through every day, making me realize a lot... It's special!

The SacconeJoly family made me think about all the times I moved houses, city, country. The feelings that come along each time I made boxes, gave up on a lot of my stuff, papers, the happy and sad feelings...

The vlogs really moved me to the point of asking myself how I felt each time I moved places. Most the time I was afraid of the changes. I think I spent a lot more time moving, changing school after my mother's first divorce. That time was a moving experience that wasn't the best... Now after divorcing my stepfather, we have to move again, second time already. Next week will be another experience.
I don't want to lie, but I'm actually tired of moving so much, afraid of the change, terrified even.

The end of September is time for new experiences, autumn came around, and I got a job training tomorrow... The perk of the job is that I'll get enough time to write as well which makes me extremely happy. The job part makes me a little nervous, it's always a change. I'm just afraid my anxiety gets the best out of me.
This coming week is busy between the boxes, the paperwork, the job training, all of my thoughts... Not that exciting!

I don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow morning, but around late afternoon as I'll be either at work or filling out paperwork.

I'll try to talk about the move throughout the week, and if you like to comment your moving story below or by private message, I'll be happy to read and write a post about other people experiences.

"You're going to get surprised as a new river. You're going to have heart-stopping experiences." - Steve Meyers

~Bella