"What should I do?"

Take it slow, or just go for it...

I recently crossed a small issue... A small unexpected heartache, nothing special, but special for me to make it a big deal out of it. When am I not making a big deal out of a love story or love issue?  It might actually be my hopeless romantic side of me kicking in each time something is happening, each time I get attention from a guy, a sweet guy.

To get back on track of the post, it's about this person who doesn't have the best reputation around town, not the best past when it comes to relationships, nor have the best current health. Sadly, when you hear things from friends, you tend to back off a little which doesn't give a good impression to the other person. Listening to everyone doesn't give you everything on the person you are interested in, and even if you know it yourself, your friends' judgments are important as well as your own because you want to trust them.
In my case, I'm still trying to make my own judgment, my own thoughts, and even if I see good in him, I have my friends around with their own sayings. Despite the fact that I adore learning more about someone by myself, I like to have some background on the person, knowing some dirt, and this time the dirt isn't that bad. And yet...

Should I listen to everyone? Should I listen to every bad comment? Every little thing everyone has to say about the person when I know my own reputation isn't the best either?
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Everyone is entitled to share them with you, but the good news is that it is up to you if you want to take everything or not. Opinions are based on interpretations, people's interpretations. So why do we listen to them, why do we take them into consideration? Why do we care this much? Because humans care, humans need other's approbation and even if you try to ignore it, deep down you know you want to please others as well.
I personally try not to please everyone as I know I won't be able to do so, can't be liked by every single person on the planet, but what my friends say have to affect me in some ways. I get affected because I put some kind of trust in them, trust that wasn't easy to gain in the first place as I don't trust anyone. If you are one who takes it personally, please don't, it's unnecessary as I don't even trust my own mother, well, not entirely. 

Hard to make your own opinion when you hear, listen to people, when you are living in a small town where everyone, almost everyone knows each other. When half of the population love to gossip around. My little issue is knowing that the guy who I appreciate and trust enough, isn't liked by my friends, isn't understood and somehow, despite the fact that everything is against him, my mother nor one of my bartender don't seem to have something against him at all. Well, to be fairly honest, it's my bartender who introduced me to him. Yes, my bartender, the one who doesn't want to see me leave the country, doesn't want me to go back home. The same bartender who is looking for my future husband, the same one who is always asking "When are you getting married?"
It is his fault if this guy and myself are always trying to see each other when we are at certain bars. It's the same bartender who has to tease me and the guy when we are sitting next to each other, telling us how a perfect couple we are in front of other customers. Talk about intimacy and friendship... That's nearly impossible when your bartender has to come in the way, teasing us nonstop about our relationship, the one which isn't there yet!

Indeed, my mother met the guy, (let's call him Connor even though it's completely different). My mother never saw anything bad about Connor, thought a good shave and a good haircut would make him look more handsome, his posture needs some improvement, but other than that, she saw something else... Something much deeper than appearance. My mother always needs to see what's behind the appearance. See what's makes the person themselves. The sweetness, the gentle way he had to look at me and her, the charming little smile he gave her as he shook her hand, shy and a bit sad. All she saw was the pain he had to endure. Not sure how she got that from seeing him for thirty minutes. I guess body language is more powerful than words. The entire time, my mother was sitting across from me, next to my friend, observing Connor, observing his every move, seeing how he was, how he observed back at us at certain moments. My mother doesn't come off as easy, just nice, too nice and trustworthy. She trusts too easily as well that's why I tend to not show her anyone, never make her meet that many people especially around my group of friends. But this time, she took all her energy not to trust Connor, to have a harder opinion of him, harder first impression.

Now, my opinion, my thoughts are in between two chairs. On one side, my friends who are harder to impress, harder on Connor, and then, the others who try to see the 'why' behind his actions, the more understandable ones. I'm between two different opinions, different views, and mine just happen to be blurry. Completely blurry. Making it difficult to see the right and the wrong. 

Then again, you can't rely on anyone's judgements except yours as you will have to live with your own choice, not anyone else. 

"A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follow the public opinion." 

~Bella