Sorry for not writing as much as I used to, but summer has arrived, birthdays have indeed come around, and personal dramas have entered my life faster than anything else...
Living in California is making me want to jump off a bridge... No, do not worry it's only a metaphor, overly dramatising the situation! I won't be jumping but I'm trying to get paid for writing articles... And on a lucky day, I discovered a website...
https://vocal.media/
Check it out as much as possible! Amazing articles are on there and I'm trying to publish mine... So hopefully this will bring some money to the table and it will make me known a bit more!
I'll get back hopefully soon enough if you want to be noticed on when I post I suggest you subscribe to me on the side column. You won't regret it and it won't annoy you with email, just one when I post an article!
Hope you enjoy your summer!
~Bella
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Sunday, 17 June 2018
Wednesday, 25 April 2018
Ghostly Feelings
What do I mean by Ghostly Feelings?
I mean the little flashbacks, the memories, the odd feeling that brings you back to a certain moment of your life. I mean seeing someone next to you when you know they aren't really there! I mean seeing something which isn't right in front of you... That one feeling you cannot fully describe but know is around, still cannot explain it to anyone who wants to understand what you are going through.
I personally couldn't get away from the feeling when my friends from Europe came to Santa Barbara back in November 2017. That year wasn't easy for me, between searching a new place to stay, starting two jobs, juggling bars, and work, personal time as well as friend time. Editing a novel and trying to keep track of my blog. The list could go on but I believe you know where I'm going with it.
So when I see friends, meet people from Europe in California, I feel like "home" again, I feel like I'm with real people, real friends. I can't think of anything bad to say about them except my friends... They didn't stay as long I would have hoped so, as they do have their lives back in either London or Edinburgh. Yes, Britain and Scotland, far away land... Still "home" to me because as a European, I know that no matter where I go in Europe, I will feel like "home". Our views on life and what is respectable as a society is the same, we all can relate, our education, our role in society. In the States, everyone has a different perspective on life, different laws from state to state, so when someone from Europe come, they don't relate to anyone.
Point made, my ghostly feeling, at the moment is concerning my friends, the ones who left back home. Sounds pathetic and yet, I cannot help myself have this feeling. I cannot help myself think about every piece of memory I have with them. It's like a missing feeling.
Here are some thoughts about the feeling...
Material things become important!
I ain't-a material person, I wouldn't mind not having a bed (I've done it before, I have indeed slept on a mattress and nothing more, it works well enough), but when it comes to memories... There's a whole new story to write. I have a bench, a simple, bus bench along side of the main street of Santa Barbara. A simple bench that holds long nights talks, long conversations about everything and anything. Sounds like nothing to many of you, but when these conversations went deeper than just small talks, you become aware of everything, little as it may sound or look. Each time I pass by that bench, everything comes to mind, little or not.
A pack of cigarettes in my bag just to remind me of a certain thing...
Every sad song or movie coming up will be a reminder...
When we are sad, we tend to push ourselves closer to sad songs, dramatic movies, things that will make us cry. It's human of us, instead of watching a comedy or listening to happy songs, we just pull ourselves to everything sad, similar to what we are feeling at that moment.
You go to places and all the sudden you think of them...
I have two bars where I still see them around playing pool, drinking old fashions, or smoking cigarettes outside on the patio. I still see my friend getting along with my bartender, the one who hates everyone. Go figure, my bartender finally approved of one guy, and that same guy had to leave. Deep down I know he wasn't fully accepting him, the day he will accept a guy it will be snowy in downtown Santa Barbara.
Think about other people? Forget about it...
Not as easy to do when all you can think of is their voices in the background. Yes, when I'm around in my bar, I still look for a sign that they are around, still looking for another Guinness next to mine (despite the fact that some of my friends do drink the same thing I do).
Not sure how to describe such a feeling without explaining my own experiences, my own thoughts on the subject. Not entirely sure how to express myself without pouring my feelings down, without crying on my keyboard, on the book which currently sits on my laps. You have to feel it yourself before understanding where I'm coming, but if you have indeed come across such a feeling, just know you are far from alone in this situation. Tricky situation. I know the pain of not putting words into my feelings, so if you are having issues with it, talk to someone!
"Ghost
It happens. they forget the sound of your voice, the shape of
your eyes, and the curve of your smile. When you left, you
tried to leave traces of yourself behind. But your smell on their
sweater eventually fades, and your things in their drawers get
pushed to the back, and suddenly you aren't real anymore.
So you are replaced with someone who is. You are a ghost, a
shadow, only a memory. So much that you wonder if you even
existed to them at all." - Courtney Peppernell
~Bella
I mean the little flashbacks, the memories, the odd feeling that brings you back to a certain moment of your life. I mean seeing someone next to you when you know they aren't really there! I mean seeing something which isn't right in front of you... That one feeling you cannot fully describe but know is around, still cannot explain it to anyone who wants to understand what you are going through.
I personally couldn't get away from the feeling when my friends from Europe came to Santa Barbara back in November 2017. That year wasn't easy for me, between searching a new place to stay, starting two jobs, juggling bars, and work, personal time as well as friend time. Editing a novel and trying to keep track of my blog. The list could go on but I believe you know where I'm going with it.
So when I see friends, meet people from Europe in California, I feel like "home" again, I feel like I'm with real people, real friends. I can't think of anything bad to say about them except my friends... They didn't stay as long I would have hoped so, as they do have their lives back in either London or Edinburgh. Yes, Britain and Scotland, far away land... Still "home" to me because as a European, I know that no matter where I go in Europe, I will feel like "home". Our views on life and what is respectable as a society is the same, we all can relate, our education, our role in society. In the States, everyone has a different perspective on life, different laws from state to state, so when someone from Europe come, they don't relate to anyone.
Point made, my ghostly feeling, at the moment is concerning my friends, the ones who left back home. Sounds pathetic and yet, I cannot help myself have this feeling. I cannot help myself think about every piece of memory I have with them. It's like a missing feeling.
Here are some thoughts about the feeling...
Material things become important!
I ain't-a material person, I wouldn't mind not having a bed (I've done it before, I have indeed slept on a mattress and nothing more, it works well enough), but when it comes to memories... There's a whole new story to write. I have a bench, a simple, bus bench along side of the main street of Santa Barbara. A simple bench that holds long nights talks, long conversations about everything and anything. Sounds like nothing to many of you, but when these conversations went deeper than just small talks, you become aware of everything, little as it may sound or look. Each time I pass by that bench, everything comes to mind, little or not.
A pack of cigarettes in my bag just to remind me of a certain thing...
Every sad song or movie coming up will be a reminder...
When we are sad, we tend to push ourselves closer to sad songs, dramatic movies, things that will make us cry. It's human of us, instead of watching a comedy or listening to happy songs, we just pull ourselves to everything sad, similar to what we are feeling at that moment.
You go to places and all the sudden you think of them...
I have two bars where I still see them around playing pool, drinking old fashions, or smoking cigarettes outside on the patio. I still see my friend getting along with my bartender, the one who hates everyone. Go figure, my bartender finally approved of one guy, and that same guy had to leave. Deep down I know he wasn't fully accepting him, the day he will accept a guy it will be snowy in downtown Santa Barbara.
Think about other people? Forget about it...
Not as easy to do when all you can think of is their voices in the background. Yes, when I'm around in my bar, I still look for a sign that they are around, still looking for another Guinness next to mine (despite the fact that some of my friends do drink the same thing I do).
Not sure how to describe such a feeling without explaining my own experiences, my own thoughts on the subject. Not entirely sure how to express myself without pouring my feelings down, without crying on my keyboard, on the book which currently sits on my laps. You have to feel it yourself before understanding where I'm coming, but if you have indeed come across such a feeling, just know you are far from alone in this situation. Tricky situation. I know the pain of not putting words into my feelings, so if you are having issues with it, talk to someone!
"Ghost
It happens. they forget the sound of your voice, the shape of
your eyes, and the curve of your smile. When you left, you
tried to leave traces of yourself behind. But your smell on their
sweater eventually fades, and your things in their drawers get
pushed to the back, and suddenly you aren't real anymore.
So you are replaced with someone who is. You are a ghost, a
shadow, only a memory. So much that you wonder if you even
existed to them at all." - Courtney Peppernell
~Bella
Thursday, 19 October 2017
New schedule
I know I changed my schedule around, but since two jobs and having a social life is quite difficult to balance, writing blog posts are becoming harder.
You can comprehend how difficult it is to be a responsible adult who balances social life, work life, and some alone time until you live it yourself. I never understood until I started doing it myself.
Since I'm struggling to write, to keep up with my writing, and my ideas for a second novel, I decided that only one day a week would be best, each Wednesday. It sounds pathetic, and I apologize in advance, but like I said, balancing life itself is tough so don't blame me for wanting to write less on the blog. I'll post each week, try to make better content and hopefully, I'll be able to get back to my normal schedule, two days a week.
So I'll see you all next Wednesday for a new post!
~Bella
You can comprehend how difficult it is to be a responsible adult who balances social life, work life, and some alone time until you live it yourself. I never understood until I started doing it myself.
Since I'm struggling to write, to keep up with my writing, and my ideas for a second novel, I decided that only one day a week would be best, each Wednesday. It sounds pathetic, and I apologize in advance, but like I said, balancing life itself is tough so don't blame me for wanting to write less on the blog. I'll post each week, try to make better content and hopefully, I'll be able to get back to my normal schedule, two days a week.
So I'll see you all next Wednesday for a new post!
~Bella
Wednesday, 27 April 2016
What does it feel to start fresh...?
As a friend once said, technically reading a quote,
" Don't be afraid to start over. It's a new chance to rebuild what you want."
I named this blog "One More Cupid To The List" after I realized that I was good at one little thing, giving love, and my friend who I thank for this, gave me "Love" as my new second name... Even though I already have two middle names... This blog will mainly be about my life stories, memories, and advises, but also movie, tv show, and even book reviews. Talk about music and lyrics, I'm a huge fan! Ideas of trying new products or sharing life experience about baking may also be shared with you.
I needed a fresh start, and I'm getting the chance to have one, so I'm taking it. Don't mind the little expressions I may throw out there like Santa Cleopatra, which is just like Oh my gosh or Mamma Mia... Thanks to the movie Johnny Stecchino (Italian movie or what I call my new addiction). I may use some Italian or French words now and there just because I can so I'm sorry in advance.
My plan is to write every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. If I cannot write on one of those days be sure to read a note of apology explaining the cause of my absence. I'm not doing this to annoy people, just for fun and to share some stories.
Hope you'll enjoy it as much as I will enjoy writing it... ~ Bella
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