A few days ago, as I was walking home from downtown, I was stopped by two young men who ended up being interesting, funny, sweet and quite charming to say the least.
Before I go into the story let me remind you that no matter what, I have a hard time trusting people, and I wouldn't throw myself in a dangerous situation! It's not my style to hang out with strangers, but I know the street of the city, the people and if something has to happen, I'm sure I would know what to do.
So that said let's begin....
But first let's call the first guy, the guy who complimented me, Matteo( Cause it's my favourite name), and the second guy, the friend, Stephano (cause that's the only name I could come up with)! I don't want to put their names down, that's just disrespectful and I didn't ask their permission to put them either way...
I was walking home, earphones in, music loud enough to stay in my little world, keeping the outside world away from me and my thoughts. A red light hit, making me stay on the side of the road, waiting patiently for the green light to turn on. Two guys were on my left, talking to each other and others on my other side, behind. I crossed the street, seeing the two guys in the corner of my eyes stay put. I didn't think of much at the time, and then next thing I know, I see Matteo trying to talk to me from the side, " I like your shirt."
What a starter.
I thanked him and we started talking to the point where his friend, Stephano, came along, saying that Matteo, who to be honest was brave enough to talk to a random girl on the street, had found me cute. I blushed inside, I didn't know if this was real or just a prank. My imagination can make up scenarios, good enough to make me be skeptical about everything.
After a good five minutes of chitchat, I left to go back home, but something inside stopped me from doing so. I turned around, looked if they were still at the spot, and walked back, determined to know what they wanted, what made them want to chat with me. Surprise on their faces made me believe it wasn't a prank, it was just something I cannot describe!
We ended up talking for hours, grab dinner well only Stephano had dinner, and I got to be brought home, safe and sound.
It might sound odd, hanging out with two random guys, one that came up and complimented my shirt, tattoo. It's odd, I ain't disagreeing with it. I don't exactly know what came up to me to go back and give my number to the guy, hang out with them, trust them in a car, trust them at all. The feeling I had with them was nothing negative, I was myself, no makeup on (not that I actually wear makeup anyways), messy hair (like usual), and I was trying to hide my accent which I believe I was failing badly at. I don't know what overcame me to give my phone number, give them my time (I had nothing planned for the night but still...)
Which I don't fully understand is the fact that I did felt incredibly good in Matteo's arms. It's that weird feeling which cannot be explained, that feeling of security. It's rare for me to feel secure and yet... I still felt it when I was trying to get him warm.
To be honest, now, it's about the thoughts that keep popping up, the ones which don't leave me alone. The ones that are stubborn enough to make me make scenarios in my head. The funny thing is I know I should not be thinking about the night, thinking about the guy which made me feel good, which brought a smile on my face when I was too preoccupied understanding why I had walked back up to them, added my phone number to one's phone. I shouldn't because it was only a night, and if I do have news from them again, that will be a miracle, something I'm far from believing.
Now, all I can do is wait, patiently.
"Smile at strangers and you just might change a life." - Steve Maraboli
~Bella
Showing posts with label stubborn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stubborn. Show all posts
Friday, 16 June 2017
Wednesday, 14 June 2017
Does your phobias should matter ? (11)
Phobias....
Yes and no!
Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation.
Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from.
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim.
First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.
Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes.
Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other. Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them.
Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully.
Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear.
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship.
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard
~Bella
Yes and no!
Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation.
Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from.
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim.
First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.
Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes.
Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other. Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them.
Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully.
Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear.
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship.
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard
~Bella
Friday, 21 April 2017
Enzo's Birthday... Another brother...
Happy Birthday to my younger brother, Enzo, turning 8, today!
My favourite number, and my toughest school year...
I was back in France for 2nd grade or what we call, CE1. The year where I couldn't stand the teacher much, the same year where I started to stop doing my homework, where I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I grow up... The same year where I started to "love" a boy. I wasn't the easiest kid around, even if I kept amazing grades, succeeding each exam, my stubbornness overcame me all the time.
It was the year where the only thing I wanted to do is watch tv shows about crime and lawyers, law and detective work. Being able to defend the victims, bring justice and some peace to people. That's all I wanted, maybe I was relating my private life through what I wanted to do, but all I knew was that I was the only kid who thought about such a complex job. The drawing surprised the teacher... It was the same year, where I would read adult books while kids my age were still trying to figure out how to read correctly.
I was a stubborn little 8 years old girl, hopefully, my brother will be less of a stubborn kid.
My favourite number, and my toughest school year...
I was back in France for 2nd grade or what we call, CE1. The year where I couldn't stand the teacher much, the same year where I started to stop doing my homework, where I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I grow up... The same year where I started to "love" a boy. I wasn't the easiest kid around, even if I kept amazing grades, succeeding each exam, my stubbornness overcame me all the time.
It was the year where the only thing I wanted to do is watch tv shows about crime and lawyers, law and detective work. Being able to defend the victims, bring justice and some peace to people. That's all I wanted, maybe I was relating my private life through what I wanted to do, but all I knew was that I was the only kid who thought about such a complex job. The drawing surprised the teacher... It was the same year, where I would read adult books while kids my age were still trying to figure out how to read correctly.
I was a stubborn little 8 years old girl, hopefully, my brother will be less of a stubborn kid.
"Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer."
~Bella
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