Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Saturday, 8 July 2017

Helping Others Help Themselves... Psych 101...

Carl  Rogers was born on January 8th, 1902, in Oak Park, Illinois, to a strict Protestant family. As a teenager, he and his family moved to Glen Ellen, Illinois, where Rogers took an interest in agriculture. In 1919, Rogers started attending the University of Wisconsin, where he decided to major in agriculture. He would later change his major to history, and then once again to religion. 
During his junior year at the University of Wisconsin, Rogers and ten others were chosen to participate in an international Christian youth conference in China for six months. From this trip, Rogers began to question his choice of career. Following graduation in 1924, he attended the Union Theological Seminary, but transferred 1924, he attended the Union Theological Seminary but transferred to Teachers College, Columbia University, 1926. It was while at Teachers College, Columbia University, that Rogers took his first psychology courses. 

After earning his Ph.D. in psychology, Rogers worked at Ohio State University, the University of Chicago, and the University of Wisconsin. While working at the University of Wisconsin, Rogers developed one of his most significant contributions to the world of psychology: client-centered therapy. Believing that a client or patient was ultimately in charge of their happiness, Rogers changed the role of the therapist from a mere technician into someone that would be able to guide a client towards happiness. The therapist was to embody empathy, congruence, and positive regard. In addition to this, Rogers created his "self-theory," which provided a description of how a client viewed him or herself, and how therapy would be able to change this view. 
Today, the work of Carl Rogers would be considered "humanistic psychology." His ideas of how psychology should work focused less on diagnosing and more on how a person could help him or herself, with the ultimate goal to become what Rogers referred to as a "fully-functioning person." Carl Rogers died on February 4th, 1987. 


SELF- ACTUALIZATION
Clar Rogers rejected the claims of both behaviorism (which claimed behavior was the result of conditioning) and psychoanalysis (which focused on the unconscious and biological factors), instead theorizing that a person behaves in certain ways because of how he or she perceives a situation and that only people themselves can know how they perceive things. Rogers believed that people have one basic motive, the propensity to self-actualize. 
In its most basic form, self-actualization can be understood by using the metaphor of a flower. A flower is constrained to its environment, and only under the right conditions will it be able to grow to its full potential. 
Of course, humans are much more complex than flowers. We develop according to our personalities. Carl Rogers posited that people were inherently good and creative, and only became destructive when external constraints or a poor self-concept superseded the valuing process. Rogers claimed that a person with high self-worth, who has come close to attaining their ideal self, would be able to face the challenges they encountered in life, accept unhappiness and failure, feel confident and positive about his or herself, and be open with others. In order to achieve high self-worth and a degree of self-actualization, Rogers felt one must be in a state of congruence. 

CONGRUENCE
If someone's ideal self is similar to or consistent with their actual experience, then they are experiencing a state of congruence. When there is a difference between someone's ideal and their actual experience, this is known as incongruence. 
It is very rare for a person to experience a complete state of congruence; but, Rogers states, a person has a higher sense of worth and is more congruent when the self-image (how one sees oneself) approaches the ideal self that a person is striving for. Because people want to view themselves in ways that are compatible with their self-image, they may begin to use defense mechanisms like repression or denial to feel less threatened by feelings that might be considered undesirable.

Rogers also emphasized the importance of other people in our lives, believing that people need to feel that they are regarded positively by others because everyone possesses an inherent wish to be respected, valued, loved, and treated with affection. Rogers broke his idea of positive regard into two types: 

1. Unconditional positive regard: When people are loved and respected for who they are, especially by their parents, significant others, and therapists. This leaves a person unafraid to try new things and to make mistakes, even if the consequences of these mistakes are not good. When a person can self-actualize, he or she usually receives unconditional positive regard.
2. Conditional positive regard: When people receive positive regard not because they are loved and respected for who they are, but because they behave in ways others think are correct. For example, when children get approval from their parents because they behave the way their parents want them to act. Someone who always seeks approval from others most likely experienced conditional positive regard when he or she was growing up. 


~Bella


Friday, 28 October 2016

Phobias To Say The Least...

Phobias... 

The meaning of phobias, according to the dictionary is a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.

After studying psychology, reading the books that talked about the subject, I realized that I developed a lot more phobias than I thought I had. Most phobias originate from extreme past traumatic experiences. Highly sensitive people are more prone to get phobias...

Here are the ones I have and maybe that you have as well.

*Agliophobia*
Fear of pain, Unwarranted, persistent irrational fear of pain.  

*Thantophobia*
Fear of death or dying. In my case, it's more losing someone because of death. 

*Kainotophobia*
The morbid fear of anything new and changes. Not knowing how to deal with anything uncommon. 

*Eremophobia*
Fear of being alone or of loneliness. 

*Altophobia*
Fear of heights.

*Pistanthrophobia* 
The fear of trusting people due to bad experiences with prior lovers. 

*Bathophobia* 
Fear of depths, associated with the sea or water bodies of various type. Bathophobics are also known to fear mountain valleys, cave or even tunnels. My phobia mostly consists of bodies of water like the sea and caves. 

*Atychiphobia*
The abnormal, unwarranted, and persistent fear of failure.

*Atelophobia* 
Fear of not being good enough. An anxiety disorder where the afflicted person feels like all they do is wrong. 

*Hemophobia*
Irrational fear of blood. Which may cause physical reactions that are uncommon in other fears, fainting.

*Autophobia*
Fear of abandonment and issues related to it. It may be extreme in some cases. Some will live in constant fear that their 'world will collapse' if their protectors or loved ones abandon them. In my case, it isn't extreme, but it is a phobia that I developed at a young age. 

The last one isn't considered a phobia, but more a fear...

*FOMO*
Fear of missing out. 


A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, that build up quickly caused mostly by traumatic experiences, panic attacks may be frequent. Children who have a close relative that developed anxiety will most likely develop some type of phobia. A traumatic event like drowning experience may cause the person to fear water, deep water. 

There are many phobias, over 100, and every single one of them may impact your life. The common ones are:
Social Phobias which is also referred to as "social anxiety disorder." This is extreme worry about social situations that can lead to self-isolation. ( I went through it and to get out of it, it's impossible by yourself, you need others to be better).
Specific Phobias which mean that people dislike certain situations or objects, but to be a true phobia, the fear must interfere with your daily life. 
Agoraphobia which is a fear of places or situations that you can't escape from. Some fear of being in large crowds or trapped outside the home.
Substance abuse and depression may also be the cause of many phobias. I had a close friend who became an addict of a certain drug, and he developed a few phobias because he was using. He would always look behind him in fear someone would come up from behind to kill him. He has help now, but at the time, it was impossible to talk to him without him freaking out about the government listening to our conversations. Imagine how difficult it must be to live with these phobias, to be fair he didn't have much of a life, he was always afraid, always on his guard, always seeing the worse in people. 


If you have a phobia that keeps you from living, from going outside, I suggest you talk to someone close to you or get help with a stranger. I don't recommend you stay in these fears. 

"Having a phobia has changed me." - Willard Scott

~Bella

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Let's change everything about you...

"You sure you want to dress like this?" He asked with a fake smile on his face making me want to vomit. 

This situation had sadly happened to me a few times, and even though I'm quite headstrong, when it's your boyfriend asking you this, you change your clothes immediately! It starts like this, little comments, then it becomes like this:

"Oh, your opinion doesn't count, you aren't a professional, you don't know what you're talking about. You should just stay quiet!" 

This happened to me many times... I lost count after 11... To tell the truth, I would have rather have forgotten about how many times these types of comments affected me dearly. 

I don't want to generalize everyone so do NOT take it personally! If you do, though, maybe you should take a good look at yourself... 
To debut, I have to say that it affects women and men! Both gender not just women, but since I'm one, obviously my experience might slightly be different than what a guy might experience! 

I've done this once, only once... 

I have been in a relationship with a sweet guy, who were complimenting me enough and made me smile. At first, everything seems perfect (don't try and deny it, we all know that's true), then slowly, both people open up, are more themselves... In my case, I was always myself, I didn't try to hide or fake something. But after a couple months, little comments like the first phrase began to come up a lot more than usual. It would be casual, but still, it was there. So I did what others in love young woman would do, change the way I was dressed or how I put my hair up or down... Started as little... Then the comments would be more around my personality. " You should be quiet..." or " I didn't like how you smiled at the waiter, it was too flirty..." Like really? 
Comments like these are just annoying, and it shows that the other person wants to change you. It's not right, and no one should try to change another human being! 
I'm not trying to tell you to just be quiet, not tell the other person that something bothers you, but there are ways to say these things! Don't aggress, or make the person feel terrible for what they may have done! 
Tell them calmly, don't try to push anything, you can't change anyone, but if that person wants to ameliorate their ways of doing things, they will under their own time, not yours. Don't push it or else you will ending pushing them away, losing them. We wouldn't want that to happen! Communication is key, yes, but don't try and control the other person, they aren't your property to rule over, there are no laws in love, so don't make any! 
For example: 
If you have trouble with the way the other person is dressed, don't say, "Don't wear that" or " You look like a sl**" Don't insult, just be like, "Honey, I don't think this fits well, do you have anything you can wear. I don't think it's appropriate for the occasion." 
It's that simple, but don't overdo it either, after all, people are free to say and do as they want! 

Now, there are some good changes in life and relationships! 



You can change into someone better, ameliorate your ways of expressing yourself (that's a big issue of mine). When you are changing your way of living, leaving the past behind you and concentrate on your future. Or even when you change the way you view ideas... These are the good changes, and it's wonderful. The more you grow up, mature up, we all evolve in our ways and time. We change perspective, change our views, change our destiny in a way! Just don't try and change your partner because you don't like something! They aren't yours, they aren't your property, you have no rights to try to change or even help someone change without approval. 

Just be yourself and let them be, accept and keep growing as a couple! We all deserve to be happy so don't destroy something beautiful because you have a clear idea of how you want your other half to be like. There is no one like you imagine, take the good instead of trying to find perfection. 

"Don't let anyone change who you are, to become what they need." - Margott


~Bella