Breakups are difficult, but so is trusting again...

How many heartbreaks have you had? Or were you the one that broke hearts?

Breakups are painful, depressing, and yet, we still have to go through it cause that's life. Can't do much about it. The worse part is the trust that we lose during a breakup, it doesn't necessarily come back this easily, it's almost impossible (it feels like it is at least).

My last breakup did a lot more damage than I would have thought, even though I didn't cry over it; preferring to hide my feelings and emotions, ignored instead of dealing with the pain...Somehow, after a breakup, some people are emotionally traumatized by the behavior of their ex-lover. I somehow managed to move on, and even if I tried to connect with others, the same issue happened each time, lack of trust.
Trust can be reestablished over time, it may take some time to some and less for others, in my case, it took much more time than expected. Once you lose the trust you put into someone, it will be complex to be in a healthy relationship again. 

Fear of trusting someone again is commonly known as pistanthrophobia. It does in fact exist and many of us suffer from it. I personally don't trust anyone in general, but when I get into a relationship, a serious one, I tend to give a little of my trust, and as the relationship grows, I grow along, giving more and more of the trust. Sadly, this does affect my relationship with others especially boyfriends. Not everyone has the capacity to understand such an issue, not that it is an easy one either. 

People who are going through the phobia or went through it before will agree on how time-consuming it is to trust again. When trust is lost, it takes quite plenty to overcome it.
But don't worry, you have the capacity to get over it, move along, and trust again! 

Do you trust yourself? Because if you don't, it will be difficult to trust someone else. It's like the saying "You have to love yourself before you can try loving someone else." 
If you can't trust your gut instincts when it was trying to tell you that the person wasn't who they claimed they are or promised you the world, start trusting yourself. You never know what you may be feeling, and if you feel something wrong, trust your instinct. It is rarely wrong! 

Stop being negative, not every man or woman is the same. It is a natural response to a hurtful breakup, but saying all these tiny things such as " All men can't be trusted." or " Women are born manipulative." 
The Law of Attraction assumes what you're saying is the truth, so if you keep saying these things, the universe is most likely going to bring you the bad people into your life until you start saying positive things.  Acknowledging one person did your wrong is one thing but holding a grudge against the same gender isn't right. Not every man or woman is responsible for this particular person's behavior. 

Get some time for yourself, treat yourself right, treat yourself like you deserve it! Get that extra sleep you've been wanting to get for so long. Little things can make a difference! Listening to sad songs, watch sad movies or look at photos, it will make it all worse.

Forgive the ex-partner! Why not? Could be hard to do if you don't forgive anyone, I know I have this issue as I prefer to hold grudges, but I forgave my ex-boyfriend, it took a lot, yes, but it set me free. You aren't a victim but a survivor so show it to the world and yourself!

And the last piece of advice I can give you is to accept the brutal truth that not every relationship is meant to last. Think about the opportunity, the lessons you have learned through each relationship! Recognize that some people are only meant to be in your life for a limit amount of time, and when that unique person comes into your life, you will know exactly what to do. When that one person comes in your life, you'll be ready!

 Trust, trust again! 

"Once you have really hurt someone, it will always be in the back of their mind even if they still have a smile on their face." 

~Bella

The bloody question that never get answered!

WARNING: I won't say real names because I don't think it's necessary... I don't want you to continue reading if you don't want to know about narcissism! It's only my experience, what I saw and had to endure. I don't need you to lecture me about not having a psychology degree, I don't think I need one to know exactly what I saw. I did on the other side took classes, and read many textbooks, learned from experiences as well as others. Please, don't think you are living under the same roof as a person who may seem like a narcissist, just because you act a bit like one doesn't make you one! It's like you can be distracted, compulsive and not have a disorder.

Narcissism is a personality disorder which may impact those surrounding the affected person as much as themselves just like anxiety may does. Quite difficult to notice at first, but as the disorder progresses, the symptoms and associates traits/ behaviors become more pronounced. A personality disorder is simply a pattern of thoughts or behaviors that are significantly different from those expected in a specific culture or society. Just because you may have a set of pattern doesn't mean you have a disorder!

I have lived under the same roof of a narcissistic person, and to be honest, it wasn't a piece of pie, a joyful moment. Narcissists do not do well under overwhelming emotions, or feelings, when someone tells them their issues, the words come through, but the lack of concern about their emotion isn't present. Out of these emotions, anger and fear come along, fright the narcissistic person, who will find a way to transfer or assign blame to someone or something if these emotions rush in. Somehow, if the person breaks something, they will try and blame the person who gave them the object, not taking responsibility for their action. 
There are times when we have an angry reaction, throw plates onto the wall, or punching a chair, after all, if there is some type of stress in your life, it is understandable to be angry. Now, if it becomes a normal behavior, then you may consider it a sign of "something is wrong". 
I personally had to deal with grandiosity! This is overlooked by many of us; it could seem like it's bragging, but it's more than this! 
Grandiosity is being unrealistic! It's when an individual has a very inflated view of him or herself that they then portray to the outside world. They become louder than everyone else around only to show they are, the bigger person in the room. Tendencies of dressing well, showing off to the world in case someone important comes along... Feeling superior to others, even his wife or her husband becomes real. No matter what, they will say or do, nothing is good enough for the person who suffers from narcissism. The person uses his contacts for his own deal, nothing more, nothing less. 
Humans take advantage of people in general, but somehow we also manage to give something back, in return, but narcissistic people won't do anything for anyone, yet, they will continue to take advantage, use everyone, freely. The word, "sorry" doesn't go through, it never comes up, the responsibility of their actions are denied, and apologies are forgotten! Never will they apologize.

When you live under the same roof as a person who shows a narcissist side, you begin to see everything wrong with the person, nothing goes right. It's almost as you feel insecure around them, unaware of what the person may do next. Since, most of them are unpredictable when it comes to their emotions, and how manipulative they can be if something doesn't go their way, this may result in you being afraid, frightened. Again, seeing and accepting the traits that they are showing can be complex, not always easy to recognize the behaviors. After all, narcissists are generous with their advice, time, and often even their money. If they do give you their time, advice, it's not for you, it's for themselves! It's to show how intelligent they are to you, show how good they can manage situations, time, money. They know you are going to listen to them, confident enough in their own skin to think they are unpredictable. 
Don't think they can't love or form a bond, they can indeed do, just differently from us, they form bonds based on utility. They won't call you, check up on how you are doing, they only need to converse with you to get something... Narcissism isn't an easy disorder, it may be hard to recognize mostly because each trait that make up a narcissistic person could be given to everyone else. We all feel anger, fear, use people for our own good, like to be right, feel confident enough that we feel superior to others... But if this type of behavior is becoming "normal", you may consider it narcissism. 

Living with a person who only think about themselves, only listen what they want, understand what they want, and making everyone feel horrible for mistake they did. Some questions may help you recognize if you are one or they are...

1. Do you consider yourself smarter than most, if not, all of the people around you? If so, do you also tend to change the path of conversations to the things you know, think and have?

2. DO you consider yourself above reproach? Many times, a narcissist will think - the rules don't apply to me. They are in place to keep other people in line, but I can break a rule here and there, because I understand how rules work and should be applied. 

3. Do you get angry when someone offers your constructive criticism, or do you sometimes mistake other people's words as direct criticism of your personally? 

4. Do you apologize? Many narcissists refuse to ever apologize, even when they are entirely at fault. For example, if you unknowingly hurt someone's feelings, do you offer words of apology?

5. Do you blame your emotions on others? A narcissist is often unable to cope with or accept his or her own emotions. Do you attribute your anger to the actions of others? Do you rely on others to supply your happiness, leaving them open to blame should something go wrong?

6. Do you feel that your life and well being is more important than anyone else's? A narcissist will have very little genuine interest in other people. 

Now, if you are concerned about narcissism after considering your answers to these questions, then there is probably only a 50% chance that you, personally, are a narcissist. Don't get overwhelmed by it all though... If you are concerned that you are offending others with the behaviors mentioned above, you are taking the time to consider the impact of your actions and reactions to others. 

"When a narcissist can no longer control you, they will instead try to control how others see you."

~Bella