Breakups are difficult, but so is trusting again...

How many heartbreaks have you had? Or were you the one that broke hearts?

Breakups are painful, depressing, and yet, we still have to go through it cause that's life. Can't do much about it. The worse part is the trust that we lose during a breakup, it doesn't necessarily come back this easily, it's almost impossible (it feels like it is at least).

My last breakup did a lot more damage than I would have thought, even though I didn't cry over it; preferring to hide my feelings and emotions, ignored instead of dealing with the pain...Somehow, after a breakup, some people are emotionally traumatized by the behavior of their ex-lover. I somehow managed to move on, and even if I tried to connect with others, the same issue happened each time, lack of trust.
Trust can be reestablished over time, it may take some time to some and less for others, in my case, it took much more time than expected. Once you lose the trust you put into someone, it will be complex to be in a healthy relationship again. 

Fear of trusting someone again is commonly known as pistanthrophobia. It does in fact exist and many of us suffer from it. I personally don't trust anyone in general, but when I get into a relationship, a serious one, I tend to give a little of my trust, and as the relationship grows, I grow along, giving more and more of the trust. Sadly, this does affect my relationship with others especially boyfriends. Not everyone has the capacity to understand such an issue, not that it is an easy one either. 

People who are going through the phobia or went through it before will agree on how time-consuming it is to trust again. When trust is lost, it takes quite plenty to overcome it.
But don't worry, you have the capacity to get over it, move along, and trust again! 

Do you trust yourself? Because if you don't, it will be difficult to trust someone else. It's like the saying "You have to love yourself before you can try loving someone else." 
If you can't trust your gut instincts when it was trying to tell you that the person wasn't who they claimed they are or promised you the world, start trusting yourself. You never know what you may be feeling, and if you feel something wrong, trust your instinct. It is rarely wrong! 

Stop being negative, not every man or woman is the same. It is a natural response to a hurtful breakup, but saying all these tiny things such as " All men can't be trusted." or " Women are born manipulative." 
The Law of Attraction assumes what you're saying is the truth, so if you keep saying these things, the universe is most likely going to bring you the bad people into your life until you start saying positive things.  Acknowledging one person did your wrong is one thing but holding a grudge against the same gender isn't right. Not every man or woman is responsible for this particular person's behavior. 

Get some time for yourself, treat yourself right, treat yourself like you deserve it! Get that extra sleep you've been wanting to get for so long. Little things can make a difference! Listening to sad songs, watch sad movies or look at photos, it will make it all worse.

Forgive the ex-partner! Why not? Could be hard to do if you don't forgive anyone, I know I have this issue as I prefer to hold grudges, but I forgave my ex-boyfriend, it took a lot, yes, but it set me free. You aren't a victim but a survivor so show it to the world and yourself!

And the last piece of advice I can give you is to accept the brutal truth that not every relationship is meant to last. Think about the opportunity, the lessons you have learned through each relationship! Recognize that some people are only meant to be in your life for a limit amount of time, and when that unique person comes into your life, you will know exactly what to do. When that one person comes in your life, you'll be ready!

 Trust, trust again! 

"Once you have really hurt someone, it will always be in the back of their mind even if they still have a smile on their face." 

~Bella

More questions that got asked...

I thought it was time to respond to a few other questions that people have asked me before.
Never believed people would actually ask many questions, where do you get the answers, though?
I mean, I understand how you can ask questions, got plenty of them myself, but when it comes to answers, it becomes the tricky part... Very tough part!

Here are the questions and the answers...

What is the oddest thing you do or did?

Long answer! I hate odd numbers except 5, that one is fine, but somehow, I take number 3 in consideration. For example, if I really enjoy a novel from a writer, I have to buy at least three novels from the person. I need at least three cups of coffee a day, or more, but three is the least I'll go! Don't know exactly when I realized how odd and absurd it sounded, but I started looking at patterns. It became common to my knowledge that I was indeed getting along with the number three. Then I went back to my past, childhood, I was always with my mother and brother, so three of us. I had three best friends, not just one, and at night before bedtime, I would have to listen to the same song three times before closing my eyes. Three different bedsheets, three type of tea that I absolutely love, and other little things like that. I don't know if you have to have a certain number of certain things, but it seems like I do. Funny thing is that it doesn't happen with everything, good news for me or else I'll have three pairs of the same jacket but in three different colors. Lunatic much considering I don't have a preference with any number.  I have to say it's odd enough for me so it can be odd enough for everyone.


How come you help everyone but don't let anyone help you?

Umm, I think I've answered this question before... It's easier to help others, it makes me happy to see that I was able to help, give advice and succeeded in making someone smile. It proves I can do something nice for others instead of being brutally honest. Giving my compassion, leave in the middle of a movie to cheer a friend up, or just send a little short text message is all that may take for someone to feel better, happier. I, personally, don't like to have people feel alone in a time of crisis, it's quite horrible! 

Why do you cry so much in movies?

How many of you cry in movies? Come on... Many of us cry, I ain't the only one. It proves I care about people's emotions! It shows that I do get compassionate. Crying is part of life when something sad comes on, feelings rush in, you can't control it all the time. Like in Harry Potter, I mean it's not that sad and it's action like than a drama, it's fiction, yet I managed to cry in multiple scenes. Do I regret it, no, will I cry again, yes. I'm a human being, I let it run down my face sometimes, it's not a crime.    

Where would you love to live in the future? 

I've always loved Italy, it's in my blood, but when you talk about Italy it feels like "home" more than my birth country ever felt. Italy would be my first choice, but then again I still have Ireland in my heart as well. My Celtic blood comes around once a while and reminds me that Ireland would be the best place ever for a writer, for a lover of rain and cliffs. On one side, you've got the Italian food, the wine, the hand gestures, the history, the art, the movies, the romance... On the other side, the cliffs, the sea, the green grass, the beer, another history, the unexpected traditions, the rain and wind, the laughter, the little houses... If I could, I would live half of the time in both countries. Can't always decide these such amazing decisions. Ireland, Italy... Love and mysteries! I just love both countries mostly because I've got that home feeling attached to them both, and to add up to the fairytale, I can see myself in a little house, looking out the window, watching, and writing novels. 

Have you always wanted to be a writer?

Funny thing is I never thought I would be writing a novel in a million years. Back in second grade, the teacher asked us to draw a picture of our future job. As you may imagine, each child had firemen or police officers draw on their pieces of papers, while others had teachers, doctors... Except me. I drew a tall chair for the judge and a lawyer at the bottom, looking up. I wanted to be a judge, one to specialize in children issues. Sounds insane, completely nuts, but that's what I wanted, justice. I was obsessed with laws, but also history which also made me look deeper into other subjects. Yet, I was still hooked on the law, convinced I would be able to change someone's life. When I look back, the teacher must have thought I was crazy. That dream of mine was crushed violently when I had to deal with real lawyers, and when I arrived in California. Thank you to insane money maker school, you have to spend millions to get some type of good education to become a great lawyer, or drown yourself in debt for the good major part of your life. Law in America is different from the European one, and when you think of going back to your origins, international is the only option, yet, expensive, and forget about the years you have to spend in a school. Not for me. 

What's your point on the government at the moment?

I don't think you are ready to actually hear my opinion as it may be highly different from many of you! Like to me immigrants, refugees are human beings just like you and me but with a different lifestyle. You don't have bombs destroying your house, or getting killed because you are having a religion. They are usually running away from destroyed lives to better countries who will accept them because they are nice people. But no... Now it's only money, power, being "WHITE" and rich that counts. Let's go back to late 1930's, let's go back to WWII, let's go back to fascism, racism, and sexism. It seems like history is repeating itself, the only good thing that we didn't have back then was all the new technologies that we have now. And yes, technology is nice, but let's be honest, when were political people nice? It will be used for all the wrong reasons! The world is been destroying by our doing when we will stop?

Final question,  kisses or cuddles? 

What a silly question, I'm affectionate so kisses and cuddles. What type of person did you think I was, how can I choose? It's nearly impossible! Kisses are just as enjoyable as cuddles... It's physical touch! Come on! 


I don't think you'll learn much from these little questions, and I didn't want to write novels about them, tried to keep it simple. It makes me realize that I can write about love with more ease than my own self. 

It's Friday, I didn't want another love article to end the week, but something a little more personal. 

~Bella