What just happened...

Do you know what it feels to have anxiety? Well, I do, and trust me it's not pleasant! Anxiety is considered a mental health disorder when I say it like this, it feels like I should be under some medication or in a mental hospital... Not going to be happening anytime soon as I'm actually afraid of hospitals. If you look up anxiety you will get multiple definitions, but the one that stands out the most, in my opinion, is this one : Anxiety is a general term for several disorders that cause nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worrying. These disorders affect how we feel and behave, and they can manifest real physical symptoms. Mild anxiety is vague and unsettling while severe anxiety can be extremely debilitating, having a serious impact on daily life.
With my experience of anxiety, I can say for a fact that it can destroy a part of you.

Today, I had a job interview, I went there confident with a big smile on my face. Sadly, I 'm not one to express everything all the sudden. I came up as shy... Or more anxious than anything else but obviously I hid it. I could feel my heart beating at the speed of light (alright it's not really that fast, but it clearly made me feel like it was), and I was a little off, in my little corner... At the end, I know I did well, I will get more information next Monday, but I'm sure getting the job. Exciting right? Well for me it is.

For someone who has anxiety like me, we experience panic attacks. It's when your heart pounds and you can't breathe normally, some people would say, "It feels like you are dying." Panic attacks are common for people who have anxiety. I just had one this morning, before leaving for the interview. Short breath, dizzy, not wanting to drink a glass of water, the panic attack that I couldn't control well. What I did was put music on, brushed my teeth, got my shoes on and a little sweater, and took a couple deep breaths. I'm saying it like it was easy as eating a bowl of cereal, but I can assure you, it wasn't! It's far from being easy. Being in control of yourself under panic attacks are the worse. Last time, I had a really bad one, I was crying on the floor, unable to breathe normally. No one will understand what you are going through unless they have experienced it themselves. If you know me, you know how stressed I am, or how worried I get. So no wonder I had a panic attack this morning.

There are multiple types of anxiety, and I'm still unsure of what mine is, as I tend to fall into every single category. Good thing, I love a couple of things, they help me get through life and anxiety... Since I was young sweets have gotten me far, and still to this day, help me overcome some fears of mine, phobias (except some phobias that I need to work on like driving and taking tests).

If you meet someone who has anxiety, don't treat them differently, just know that it's not their fault, they don't always control it.

" Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it's the loudest voice in the room. The only one you can hear." 

~Bella

A Little note: I might start writing on Saturdays or Sundays if I'm getting the job... But that I will learn more next week...