Big news!
Let's start with the fact that I've got another job which adds to me having two separate jobs. No, I don't count my writing as a job as I do not receive any financial advance on this, but it is a job as I do spend time on every article and my novel.
As normal as it sounds, I'm not used to having two separate jobs and I'm surely not used to the fact that I have to work long, long hours, non-stop. Many of us have to get two jobs to survive in this city, and I needed to bow down to the expectation. One step at a time...
As it does take a lot more of my time, I don't have the same amount of time to write unless I write at night time, taking away my TV show or reading time. I can't just give up on these little "me" moments even though I write constantly, multitasking half the time.
I've decided to change my schedule around, post only twice a week starting in August. It will throw off my schedule around for sure, but I will make each post better, improve the contains.
This idea has been hanging on me for quite sometimes now but I wanted to begin next year, 2018. Sadly, I can't keep up with every post, and being overwhelmed by this new change had made me want to have some time off for my novel as well.
Big news on my part as I'm finally getting my life slightly together. Slightly! Not fully, but partially.
Don't think I've got everything figured out because I'm far from it. I have a roof over my head, food in order to survive, clothes for every day, my little evenings at the bar, and some "me" moments, but I still don't have a love life, financially...Let's not even begin, I'll have to stop spending money on books so much. And as my friends at the bar, I'm a 40 years of age woman in a body of 21 years old young lass. Seems like I don't have anything figured out except for my drinking... I'm laughing as I'm writing this because I'm supposed to be pouring down drinks and instead I'm drinking responsibly. I shouldn't be complaining as it is something I'm secretly proud of.
Anyways, twice a week will be the limit, every Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Hopefully, each of my posts will keep you interested.
"Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route." - Doug Larson
~Bella
Friday, 28 July 2017
Wednesday, 26 July 2017
Does your anxiety should matter? (16)
Anxiety...It should matter in a relationship, not the way you may think though! It shouldn't matter when you fall for the person but later on, when you are serious, trust me, anxiety is serious and it should be taken into consideration... Once again... Later on!
When you are entering a relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, you have to know a few things first. Can't throw yourself in the hole without knowing much about anxiety itself and what you will be getting into as the relationship progress...
Primo ~ Always remember that anxiety is a real battle between you and your mind. The battle may end up being heinous especially when it leaves your mind to go straight to your body becoming a panic attack. As time pass by, the anxiety gets better (most of the time), you are more prone to control it but it is a condition that your partner has to live with as well. You don't just get into a relationship with the person but with their anxiety as well.
Secondo ~ You have to remember that you being around is the only thing you can do. Panic attacks are tricky little things. Your partner may not always know how to make it disappear, make an anxiety go away. And you cannot do anything about it, you can only wait, give them your support, be there for them.
Terzo ~ Instead of shaming your partner's condition try to be supportive! Saying things such as "get over it" or "just relax" will not help us in any way. If it was this simple, everyone would have gotten over the anxiety, but it isn't, trust me, I tried multiple times before, it failed. We know our anxiety doesn't just affect us but the people we love as well, and we know how it came you feel. Would you tell a depressed person to stop being sad all the time?
Quarto ~ Don't go tell everyone about your partner's anxiety. Mental illness isn't something to take lightly. We are seen as insane people. Some people think that since we have a roof over our heads, clothes to wear and food to keep us alive should leave us with no worries. What is there to worry about? People judge and when you are in a relationship with someone you are supposed to have their backs not to stab them when you have the chance. If you want to express something about their anxiety to someone, ask for their permission.
Quinto ~ Anxiety has triggers and you may eventually be one. Being in a relationship with you adds up to our anxiety. Just because we love you and we are ready to do whatever we need to make you happy doesn't mean our anxiety will magically skip over you. Anxiety will always make us question everything, how to respond to your text message, what happen if we upset you in any way?
Even though it may seem like a lot to take in (there's more to all of this, but these are the important ones, in my opinion. You also need to never forget that we still love you no matter how our anxiety destroys us.
Should it matter?
I think you can answer the question yourself!
"I over analyze situations because I'm scared of what will happen if I'm not prepared for it."
~Bella
Ps: This is the last post on the Should It Matter little serie.
Monday, 24 July 2017
Breakups are difficult, but so is trusting again...
How many heartbreaks have you had? Or were you the one that broke hearts?
Breakups are painful, depressing, and yet, we still have to go through it cause that's life. Can't do much about it. The worse part is the trust that we lose during a breakup, it doesn't necessarily come back this easily, it's almost impossible (it feels like it is at least).
My last breakup did a lot more damage than I would have thought, even though I didn't cry over it; preferring to hide my feelings and emotions, ignored instead of dealing with the pain...Somehow, after a breakup, some people are emotionally traumatized by the behavior of their ex-lover. I somehow managed to move on, and even if I tried to connect with others, the same issue happened each time, lack of trust.
Trust can be reestablished over time, it may take some time to some and less for others, in my case, it took much more time than expected. Once you lose the trust you put into someone, it will be complex to be in a healthy relationship again.
Fear of trusting someone again is commonly known as pistanthrophobia. It does in fact exist and many of us suffer from it. I personally don't trust anyone in general, but when I get into a relationship, a serious one, I tend to give a little of my trust, and as the relationship grows, I grow along, giving more and more of the trust. Sadly, this does affect my relationship with others especially boyfriends. Not everyone has the capacity to understand such an issue, not that it is an easy one either.
People who are going through the phobia or went through it before will agree on how time-consuming it is to trust again. When trust is lost, it takes quite plenty to overcome it.
But don't worry, you have the capacity to get over it, move along, and trust again!
Do you trust yourself? Because if you don't, it will be difficult to trust someone else. It's like the saying "You have to love yourself before you can try loving someone else."
If you can't trust your gut instincts when it was trying to tell you that the person wasn't who they claimed they are or promised you the world, start trusting yourself. You never know what you may be feeling, and if you feel something wrong, trust your instinct. It is rarely wrong!
Stop being negative, not every man or woman is the same. It is a natural response to a hurtful breakup, but saying all these tiny things such as " All men can't be trusted." or " Women are born manipulative."
The Law of Attraction assumes what you're saying is the truth, so if you keep saying these things, the universe is most likely going to bring you the bad people into your life until you start saying positive things. Acknowledging one person did your wrong is one thing but holding a grudge against the same gender isn't right. Not every man or woman is responsible for this particular person's behavior.
Get some time for yourself, treat yourself right, treat yourself like you deserve it! Get that extra sleep you've been wanting to get for so long. Little things can make a difference! Listening to sad songs, watch sad movies or look at photos, it will make it all worse.
Forgive the ex-partner! Why not? Could be hard to do if you don't forgive anyone, I know I have this issue as I prefer to hold grudges, but I forgave my ex-boyfriend, it took a lot, yes, but it set me free. You aren't a victim but a survivor so show it to the world and yourself!
And the last piece of advice I can give you is to accept the brutal truth that not every relationship is meant to last. Think about the opportunity, the lessons you have learned through each relationship! Recognize that some people are only meant to be in your life for a limit amount of time, and when that unique person comes into your life, you will know exactly what to do. When that one person comes in your life, you'll be ready!
Trust, trust again!
"Once you have really hurt someone, it will always be in the back of their mind even if they still have a smile on their face."
~Bella
Breakups are painful, depressing, and yet, we still have to go through it cause that's life. Can't do much about it. The worse part is the trust that we lose during a breakup, it doesn't necessarily come back this easily, it's almost impossible (it feels like it is at least).
My last breakup did a lot more damage than I would have thought, even though I didn't cry over it; preferring to hide my feelings and emotions, ignored instead of dealing with the pain...Somehow, after a breakup, some people are emotionally traumatized by the behavior of their ex-lover. I somehow managed to move on, and even if I tried to connect with others, the same issue happened each time, lack of trust.
Trust can be reestablished over time, it may take some time to some and less for others, in my case, it took much more time than expected. Once you lose the trust you put into someone, it will be complex to be in a healthy relationship again.
People who are going through the phobia or went through it before will agree on how time-consuming it is to trust again. When trust is lost, it takes quite plenty to overcome it.
But don't worry, you have the capacity to get over it, move along, and trust again!
If you can't trust your gut instincts when it was trying to tell you that the person wasn't who they claimed they are or promised you the world, start trusting yourself. You never know what you may be feeling, and if you feel something wrong, trust your instinct. It is rarely wrong!
Stop being negative, not every man or woman is the same. It is a natural response to a hurtful breakup, but saying all these tiny things such as " All men can't be trusted." or " Women are born manipulative."
The Law of Attraction assumes what you're saying is the truth, so if you keep saying these things, the universe is most likely going to bring you the bad people into your life until you start saying positive things. Acknowledging one person did your wrong is one thing but holding a grudge against the same gender isn't right. Not every man or woman is responsible for this particular person's behavior.
Get some time for yourself, treat yourself right, treat yourself like you deserve it! Get that extra sleep you've been wanting to get for so long. Little things can make a difference! Listening to sad songs, watch sad movies or look at photos, it will make it all worse.
And the last piece of advice I can give you is to accept the brutal truth that not every relationship is meant to last. Think about the opportunity, the lessons you have learned through each relationship! Recognize that some people are only meant to be in your life for a limit amount of time, and when that unique person comes into your life, you will know exactly what to do. When that one person comes in your life, you'll be ready!
Trust, trust again!
"Once you have really hurt someone, it will always be in the back of their mind even if they still have a smile on their face."
~Bella
Friday, 21 July 2017
How To Deal With Temptations...
Human beings face lots of temptations from their surroundings, social media as well as what others do or say. It's, indeed, quite common nowadays to be lead into one temptation into another as we can see throughout our experiences.Children do it all the time, unconsciously, but so are adults! We may not be conscious of it, but temptations are rather funny little sneaky obstacles of life!
The act of tempting or the state of being tempted especially to evil is quite common, always have been!
For instance, let's come back to our teenage years!
Back in school, your friends were are getting into the gym to play basketball, when one of them decides to sneak into the other girls' restrooms. They push you towards the restroom, convincing you that the girls were changing into their P.E. clothes. The temptation of going in there to see girls changing was indeed, tempting, so you go in and give in the temptation.
Another example...
Let's bring it back to even earlier years!
You are at home with your cousins who are about the same age as you. The three of you are about six years old, sneaky and all of you love candies. You are in your house, and you know where your mother hides the jar full of candies. You tell your cousins about it, and you all plan a sneak attack on the jar. You convinced your cousins to get the candies as well! The temptation is real when it comes to sweets! Evil enough you all three did not ask to get some, you just went and take yourselves.
The last scenario happens much later on in life...
These examples are extreme, childish and common...
Children are tempted by sweets as common sayings, "Don't talk to strangers" and " Don't trust a stranger even if he gives you candies". Easy to give in the temptations when you don't fully understand the consequences of giving into temptations.
Teenagers are an easier catch! Drugs and alcohol are now commonly used in their worlds! One kid offering, other give in temptations of feeling high or drunk... And when they are underage, the danger of getting caught is just pure adrenaline.
Adults comprehend the danger of giving in temptations, yet, they still give in like children give into temptations! As we grow up, we are interested in different things, more dangerous!
Temptations aren't simple, aren't healthy or safe! You could be tempted when it comes to food, but your health is beyond horrific so your doctor advised you to have a diet, strict diet.... But the smell of fast food come from your office when you work every day. The smell makes you want to eat, but you can't, yet, it's too much, too difficult to hold back so you go and buy some food. Next thing you know, you collapse, then wake up at the hospital! The temptation caused you to collapse on the floor of your office, and you almost died from a very bad health!
I could go on like this, giving examples, showing you how dangerous temptations can be, but it would take hours, months, years, many, many, many books!
Be careful with temptations, you never know what may come!
"Temptations are as thick as the leaves of the forest, and no one can be out of the reach of temptation unless he is dead." - Robert G. Ingersoll
~Bella
Wednesday, 19 July 2017
Does your pet peeve should matter? (15)
Pet peeve...
If you do not know what it is, it's the little thing that annoys you, greatly annoys you!
Pet peeves...
These little things that keep bothering even if you try to ignore, daily...
I have a list of them, but there's always this particular one who keeps annoying you no matter how much you try to shake it.
Obviously, a pet peeve isn't something that just annoys you, it drains you with everything they got... Take my dear roommate, C, she has this incredibly annoying one which comes along each day, making her life miserable, slow walkers. C cannot stand slow walkers, the reason is simple, she walks faster than most people, I sometimes have to run up to her to catch up with her speed. Quite annoying as I'm smaller than her, but hey, at least I have fun.
So as you may imagine there are many pet peeves, some pretty insane, others are actually very common!
Alright, that said, are they important when you are in a relationship?
If your phobias are important, don't you think your pet peeve should be as important as well?!
You may also have relationship pet peeves such as "No more good nights or good mornings" or "Tells you how to drive whenever you take the wheel". These pet peeves will give you a high chance of losing interest in your partner. Getting frustrated of what they do or keep saying nonstop. It will ruin your life, but hey, guess what... You can communicate and talk about these pet peeves you have to your partner.
First, you have to let go of the slightly annoying ones and talk about the biggest ones, the ones you really cannot deal with. Priorities first, ignore the little ones.
Second, don't exaggerate and talk about the long list of your pet peeves. You will scare your partner away if you arrive with over ten of them. Go slowly, intelligently and two is recommended.
Third, don't be over dramatic when talking about the pet peeve. I mean to be responsible and compassionate about the subject. Don't be too crude.
Fourth, don't say "You're lazy", be nicer when saying these like this. Be more like, "I wish you would help more in the kitchen."
Fifth, ask and don't demand they change their behavior!
For my final piece of advice, thank them for listening and trying to change.
It takes a lot to change, to ameliorate, and being able to see how your partner's pet peeve may affect your relationship takes a lot. You should be proud if you are willing to move forward and take their pet peeve seriously. If they actually show some improvements, don't forget to let them know how grateful you are.
Pet peeves are and should be important, everyone has annoying things they hate dealing with like more roommate who cannot stand slow walkers.
I can't say I don't have any as I have an entire list of them, I blame my anxiety. Obviously, I have a few that are ruining my life in certain ways.
- When they have to change book covers depending on the country. If I buy a book from Britain, I expect to receive the same book as them not the American version! Or the movie poster on the book cover? Really? I just want the book, not the movie!
- Mystery organization in libraries. I expect to go to a library and look by the author's name or maybe the genre, but when they can't even figure the correct genre.
- Let's change their titles because we want to. I recently bought a book from Ireland, and they gave me two option the American version or the Irish one. I obviously wanted the Irish version, but somehow they wanted to change the title. I was furious!
- People who won't stop interrupting me when I'm reading. Like, you see someone reading, please don't interrupt them nonstop, they want to be left alone, to read alone not to have someone next to them, talking to them nonstop. Good thing, I know how to block people's voice when I read, but still.
Now, I know these seem to be simple things that can be ignored but when you are a reader or a writer, it is life ruining. I'm thinking about my novel if it ever gets published, I don't want my novel to have different titles except when it's in a different language.
Then again, I don't know what to expect with my pet peeves.
"I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation." - Whoopi Goldberg
~Bella
If you do not know what it is, it's the little thing that annoys you, greatly annoys you!
Pet peeves...
These little things that keep bothering even if you try to ignore, daily...
I have a list of them, but there's always this particular one who keeps annoying you no matter how much you try to shake it.
Obviously, a pet peeve isn't something that just annoys you, it drains you with everything they got... Take my dear roommate, C, she has this incredibly annoying one which comes along each day, making her life miserable, slow walkers. C cannot stand slow walkers, the reason is simple, she walks faster than most people, I sometimes have to run up to her to catch up with her speed. Quite annoying as I'm smaller than her, but hey, at least I have fun.
So as you may imagine there are many pet peeves, some pretty insane, others are actually very common!
Alright, that said, are they important when you are in a relationship?
If your phobias are important, don't you think your pet peeve should be as important as well?!
You may also have relationship pet peeves such as "No more good nights or good mornings" or "Tells you how to drive whenever you take the wheel". These pet peeves will give you a high chance of losing interest in your partner. Getting frustrated of what they do or keep saying nonstop. It will ruin your life, but hey, guess what... You can communicate and talk about these pet peeves you have to your partner.
First, you have to let go of the slightly annoying ones and talk about the biggest ones, the ones you really cannot deal with. Priorities first, ignore the little ones.
Second, don't exaggerate and talk about the long list of your pet peeves. You will scare your partner away if you arrive with over ten of them. Go slowly, intelligently and two is recommended.
Third, don't be over dramatic when talking about the pet peeve. I mean to be responsible and compassionate about the subject. Don't be too crude.
Fourth, don't say "You're lazy", be nicer when saying these like this. Be more like, "I wish you would help more in the kitchen."
Fifth, ask and don't demand they change their behavior!
For my final piece of advice, thank them for listening and trying to change.
It takes a lot to change, to ameliorate, and being able to see how your partner's pet peeve may affect your relationship takes a lot. You should be proud if you are willing to move forward and take their pet peeve seriously. If they actually show some improvements, don't forget to let them know how grateful you are.
Pet peeves are and should be important, everyone has annoying things they hate dealing with like more roommate who cannot stand slow walkers.
I can't say I don't have any as I have an entire list of them, I blame my anxiety. Obviously, I have a few that are ruining my life in certain ways.
- When they have to change book covers depending on the country. If I buy a book from Britain, I expect to receive the same book as them not the American version! Or the movie poster on the book cover? Really? I just want the book, not the movie!
- Mystery organization in libraries. I expect to go to a library and look by the author's name or maybe the genre, but when they can't even figure the correct genre.
- Let's change their titles because we want to. I recently bought a book from Ireland, and they gave me two option the American version or the Irish one. I obviously wanted the Irish version, but somehow they wanted to change the title. I was furious!
- People who won't stop interrupting me when I'm reading. Like, you see someone reading, please don't interrupt them nonstop, they want to be left alone, to read alone not to have someone next to them, talking to them nonstop. Good thing, I know how to block people's voice when I read, but still.
Now, I know these seem to be simple things that can be ignored but when you are a reader or a writer, it is life ruining. I'm thinking about my novel if it ever gets published, I don't want my novel to have different titles except when it's in a different language.
Then again, I don't know what to expect with my pet peeves.
"I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation." - Whoopi Goldberg
~Bella
Monday, 17 July 2017
Open or close...
I'm going to start by saying it never happened to me and may not happen anytime soon. This is what I had to hear from a friend, which I consider a close friend! Not my story but his, in a sort of way.
"Bella, you are not supposed to be in this generation. You are too much of an old soul, a beautiful simple pure love type of woman. Too much of a hopeless romantic." Confessed my best friend in Italy a few months ago.
Can't deny my hopeless romantic side, guess that means I'll stay single for a while!
So as I was saying this is a short fact about a friend of mine who I would have never believed it happened to him. Especially him. Not my best friend from Italy, he is like my clone when it comes to love. But another friend, one I care deeply about.
As we were conversing, he had to mention that his best relationship was an opened one. (I don't know how would you react, but I kind of had a shock attack, not believing what I was reading.) Quite the big news when he has said he's the hopeless romantic type of guy. I felt like he had been lying to me all this time and trust me I got broken into millions of pieces, shattered because I just couldn't have imagined this of him.
Don't think I started judging him, I didn't, it may have come out that way, but I can't judge something or someone when I have no experience when it comes to this particular type of relationship. Cause let's be honest it's a tricky relationship. Not something I'm into, or interested in experience it. Not my thing! After all, he is a friend, and I cannot judge his beliefs, I don't have to agree with him which I didn't and try to understand which I tried my hardest to. Probably failing at it on the way.
I couldn't talk to him naturally, couldn't stop having the same thought ' my friend saying he is loyal yet sleeping around.' Even if it was agreed with his girlfriend at the time, it isn't something I expected from him.
I can't lie and say I moved on, forgetting about this shocking news, I couldn't. My curiosity got the best of me. I asked about it. He simply answered without trying to detail anything to me, staying positive, fearless of my opinion, which I believe changed as soon as he saw I wasn't alright with it.
We discussed the situation in a simple way, I tried to keep an open mind, trying to stay away from argumentative talks.
He simply explained how being in an open relationship made him feel like he was free to do as he wished. Being in bars and not worrying about flirting or talking to girls around. He felt like it was easier to talk to the girlfriend, no secrets, honesty, and trust. Plus the bonus, the cherry on top, threesomes or Ménage à Trois if you know what I mean.
Simple answer right? A very quick answer to why he thought it was his best. Barely any drama, trust, honesty and mutual respect. They would come back to one another for love and companionship, and the others were just sexual pleasures, one night stands, fun nights.
Reading this answer made me feel sick in my stomach " a hopeless romantic"... Please give me something to make me believe that. Trying to understand where he was coming from was much more difficult than I anticipated. Sharing your partner with others, free to flirt with whoever, sleep around even if it's meaningless sex. It is quite different from what I could imagine coming from a hopeless romantic but then again... I can't judge!
But then he did say the downside of things. It is hard when a few things come into play.
Being in an open relationship is far from being easy as some would think. When two people agree to stay as a couple but still have the freedom to sleep with others, they both have to know how to trust and stay away from jealousy. When jealousy comes to play, "Oh, but you have more partners than me" or " I can't have you sleep around, I can't share", the relationship becomes harder! Then you have the lack of trust, faith in your partner, the fear of losing them completely, fear they will start loving others. So when you are in an open relationship, it could come up as harder than a "closed relationship."
That said, let me repeat myself, I'm not trying to judge anyone who agrees to have open relationships. My friend had reasons on why he went into one.
If you want to have an open relationship with someone, please do yourself a favour and check, talk to your partner a lot, get everything straight.
This little fact might have come to a surprise, but at the end of the day, I can't just ignore my friend, judge him! It doesn't define him, it shaped him as a human being, but it's not the entire him. Yes, he had an open relationship before, but he is still the same old person I've got to know over time and I'm proud to be a part of his life.
When you think of the whole story, he might have not detailed anything or explained much at first, took his time to tell me the background, but at the end, the full story showed up, explaining everything. I may not be the best person like the one he once loved, but... I'm lucky in many ways...
"Never judge a book by its cover just like don't judge a person by its appearance."
~Bella
"Bella, you are not supposed to be in this generation. You are too much of an old soul, a beautiful simple pure love type of woman. Too much of a hopeless romantic." Confessed my best friend in Italy a few months ago.
Can't deny my hopeless romantic side, guess that means I'll stay single for a while!
So as I was saying this is a short fact about a friend of mine who I would have never believed it happened to him. Especially him. Not my best friend from Italy, he is like my clone when it comes to love. But another friend, one I care deeply about.
As we were conversing, he had to mention that his best relationship was an opened one. (I don't know how would you react, but I kind of had a shock attack, not believing what I was reading.) Quite the big news when he has said he's the hopeless romantic type of guy. I felt like he had been lying to me all this time and trust me I got broken into millions of pieces, shattered because I just couldn't have imagined this of him.
Don't think I started judging him, I didn't, it may have come out that way, but I can't judge something or someone when I have no experience when it comes to this particular type of relationship. Cause let's be honest it's a tricky relationship. Not something I'm into, or interested in experience it. Not my thing! After all, he is a friend, and I cannot judge his beliefs, I don't have to agree with him which I didn't and try to understand which I tried my hardest to. Probably failing at it on the way.
I couldn't talk to him naturally, couldn't stop having the same thought ' my friend saying he is loyal yet sleeping around.' Even if it was agreed with his girlfriend at the time, it isn't something I expected from him.
I can't lie and say I moved on, forgetting about this shocking news, I couldn't. My curiosity got the best of me. I asked about it. He simply answered without trying to detail anything to me, staying positive, fearless of my opinion, which I believe changed as soon as he saw I wasn't alright with it.
We discussed the situation in a simple way, I tried to keep an open mind, trying to stay away from argumentative talks.
He simply explained how being in an open relationship made him feel like he was free to do as he wished. Being in bars and not worrying about flirting or talking to girls around. He felt like it was easier to talk to the girlfriend, no secrets, honesty, and trust. Plus the bonus, the cherry on top, threesomes or Ménage à Trois if you know what I mean.
Simple answer right? A very quick answer to why he thought it was his best. Barely any drama, trust, honesty and mutual respect. They would come back to one another for love and companionship, and the others were just sexual pleasures, one night stands, fun nights.
Reading this answer made me feel sick in my stomach " a hopeless romantic"... Please give me something to make me believe that. Trying to understand where he was coming from was much more difficult than I anticipated. Sharing your partner with others, free to flirt with whoever, sleep around even if it's meaningless sex. It is quite different from what I could imagine coming from a hopeless romantic but then again... I can't judge!
But then he did say the downside of things. It is hard when a few things come into play.
Being in an open relationship is far from being easy as some would think. When two people agree to stay as a couple but still have the freedom to sleep with others, they both have to know how to trust and stay away from jealousy. When jealousy comes to play, "Oh, but you have more partners than me" or " I can't have you sleep around, I can't share", the relationship becomes harder! Then you have the lack of trust, faith in your partner, the fear of losing them completely, fear they will start loving others. So when you are in an open relationship, it could come up as harder than a "closed relationship."
That said, let me repeat myself, I'm not trying to judge anyone who agrees to have open relationships. My friend had reasons on why he went into one.
If you want to have an open relationship with someone, please do yourself a favour and check, talk to your partner a lot, get everything straight.
This little fact might have come to a surprise, but at the end of the day, I can't just ignore my friend, judge him! It doesn't define him, it shaped him as a human being, but it's not the entire him. Yes, he had an open relationship before, but he is still the same old person I've got to know over time and I'm proud to be a part of his life.
When you think of the whole story, he might have not detailed anything or explained much at first, took his time to tell me the background, but at the end, the full story showed up, explaining everything. I may not be the best person like the one he once loved, but... I'm lucky in many ways...
"Never judge a book by its cover just like don't judge a person by its appearance."
~Bella
Saturday, 15 July 2017
21st birthday, done!
You've guessed it, I'm finally 21! Not a huge deal on my part as in Europe the drinking age is younger, but since I'm currently in California, I went to a few bars.
Being 21 years of age hasn't changed much for the few days I've been 21, but I can say that I did have a pleasant time, enjoying the night with one of my roommates. Drinks and fries, a few exchange with some people, and the night came to an end.
Someone who is 21 years of age is excited about finally drinking in bars, clubbing but half of these people didn't have any advice from their close friends or family members. I was part of the lucky ones, my dear friends as my close family has been telling me a few bits of advice over the years making it easier for me when I finally entered adulthood (in America).
I thought I would share a few of them with you especially if you are going to be 21 years old soon.
I. "Don't waste your precious time trying to get someone to like you! You can't be liked by everyone."
II. "Do yourself a favour and be yourself- forget about other's opinion."
III. "Have a passion, go find something free to do, especially if you live in a big city like Los Angeles or New York."
IV. "Take your time on your education, why rushing into the adult world."
V. "Go find yourself a real, nice man instead of chasing immature, bad boys."
VI. " Don't worry too much about money just yet, you have some time to get your saving up and running."
VII. "No future plans? Please. Live a little."
VIII. "Stop judging your life, compare it to other's and make yourself feel horrible for not having the same progress. It's your own journey!"
IX. "You are still young, stop pretending like you've got it all under control."
X." Bars are nice but don't think you have to go spend money every night. You have your entire life to do so."
Being 21 years of age didn't make much change on my part, but it does to a lot of people. For many it means you are entering adulthood, you finally able to run around town at whatever hour of the night, you are allowed in clubs, bars, get drinks without worrying about being caught. Sure, it does has its perks, but don't over exaggerate; you have your entire life ahead of you to get crazy being an adult! Enjoy the last couple of years you have to be a grown person with tons of responsibilities. Here comes the next chapter of my life... The one I will write about... Stay alert, more to come next week...
"When you turn 21. You legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 15."
~Bella
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