A few days ago, as I was walking home from downtown, I was stopped by two young men who ended up being interesting, funny, sweet and quite charming to say the least.
Before I go into the story let me remind you that no matter what, I have a hard time trusting people, and I wouldn't throw myself in a dangerous situation! It's not my style to hang out with strangers, but I know the street of the city, the people and if something has to happen, I'm sure I would know what to do.
So that said let's begin....
But first let's call the first guy, the guy who complimented me, Matteo( Cause it's my favourite name), and the second guy, the friend, Stephano (cause that's the only name I could come up with)! I don't want to put their names down, that's just disrespectful and I didn't ask their permission to put them either way...
I was walking home, earphones in, music loud enough to stay in my little world, keeping the outside world away from me and my thoughts. A red light hit, making me stay on the side of the road, waiting patiently for the green light to turn on. Two guys were on my left, talking to each other and others on my other side, behind. I crossed the street, seeing the two guys in the corner of my eyes stay put. I didn't think of much at the time, and then next thing I know, I see Matteo trying to talk to me from the side, " I like your shirt."
What a starter.
I thanked him and we started talking to the point where his friend, Stephano, came along, saying that Matteo, who to be honest was brave enough to talk to a random girl on the street, had found me cute. I blushed inside, I didn't know if this was real or just a prank. My imagination can make up scenarios, good enough to make me be skeptical about everything.
After a good five minutes of chitchat, I left to go back home, but something inside stopped me from doing so. I turned around, looked if they were still at the spot, and walked back, determined to know what they wanted, what made them want to chat with me. Surprise on their faces made me believe it wasn't a prank, it was just something I cannot describe!
We ended up talking for hours, grab dinner well only Stephano had dinner, and I got to be brought home, safe and sound.
It might sound odd, hanging out with two random guys, one that came up and complimented my shirt, tattoo. It's odd, I ain't disagreeing with it. I don't exactly know what came up to me to go back and give my number to the guy, hang out with them, trust them in a car, trust them at all. The feeling I had with them was nothing negative, I was myself, no makeup on (not that I actually wear makeup anyways), messy hair (like usual), and I was trying to hide my accent which I believe I was failing badly at. I don't know what overcame me to give my phone number, give them my time (I had nothing planned for the night but still...)
Which I don't fully understand is the fact that I did felt incredibly good in Matteo's arms. It's that weird feeling which cannot be explained, that feeling of security. It's rare for me to feel secure and yet... I still felt it when I was trying to get him warm.
To be honest, now, it's about the thoughts that keep popping up, the ones which don't leave me alone. The ones that are stubborn enough to make me make scenarios in my head. The funny thing is I know I should not be thinking about the night, thinking about the guy which made me feel good, which brought a smile on my face when I was too preoccupied understanding why I had walked back up to them, added my phone number to one's phone. I shouldn't because it was only a night, and if I do have news from them again, that will be a miracle, something I'm far from believing.
Now, all I can do is wait, patiently.
"Smile at strangers and you just might change a life." - Steve Maraboli
~Bella
Friday, 16 June 2017
Wednesday, 14 June 2017
Does your phobias should matter ? (11)
Phobias....
Yes and no!
Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation.
Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from.
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim.
First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.
Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes.
Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other. Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them.
Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully.
Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear.
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship.
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard
~Bella
Yes and no!
Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation.
Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from.
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim.
First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.
Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes.
Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other. Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them.
Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully.
Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear.
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship.
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard
~Bella
Monday, 12 June 2017
Take it or leave it...
Have you ever tried to give yourself a good talk?
If you have tried once before, you'll know how it just does not work. It's terrible to admit, but it is the truth. Giving yourself some words of encouragement doesn't work this easily.
"Oh, don't cry, not in public. You are all good, no need to cry over something this little." Or "Don't give up. You are pretty enough to a boyfriend." Or "Remember there's always tomorrow."
Who are you kidding? Deep down we know we are hurting, we want to give up, we want to believe the words we are telling ourselves. But before you can listen to your own words, you may want to try and listen to other's advice.
When you have learned it, then, you may found it easier to listen to yourself. Now that said, listening to our own advice is difficult no matter how big or small it is.
When I first started getting interested in psychology, I learned plenty in self-confidence. Obviously, I never took much of my own advice, but I did end up helping people. Psychology is fascinating in its own particular way, and when I first tried to give myself some words of advice, I heard them but didn't take the effort to listen to them. They were just simple words spoken by me, heard by me. A mistake which still to this day is highly regretful. After a few years, I came up with the "genius" plan... Advice to my future self. It's rather popular and it's quite resourceful. I ended up listening to myself, only a little more than before...
Here is a couple of advice I came up with which may be useful to you, reader...
I. Keep dreaming
What's better, dreams or reality? You can be anyone you wish when you dream while the reality is just you. The good news is if you are determined enough, you have the capacity of developing these dreams and make them a reality.
II. Remember who raised you.
It's simple to forget and not talk to your parents/family member especially if an argument breaks out, blaming the person close to you... But at the end of the day, who was there for you, raised you? And blood relatives aren't always there for you! I should know.
III. Anything could happen, any second.
That's right, we do not know what the future holds. We don't know if we are going to be alive tomorrow or not. So make today count, live like it's your last day.
IV. It's never too late to apologize
Forgiving is important, but in order to forgive one has to apologize first. Sadly, not many of us found the courage to apologize to the ones who deserve it. If you have the chance to do so, give yourself the opportunity to say, " I'm sorry." You have no idea how much a simple apology can do to an entire situation, it may impact someone a great deal.
V. Think of the future, not the past!
What can you do to change the past? Not much right? But what about the future? If you are thinking about past failures, please do yourself a huge favour and stop right there! I said it, STOP! The past has been written, and cannot be rewritten. The future, on the other hand, is freshly new and it does need some writing so go ahead and begin your journey! Move forward not backward.
VI. Never stop asking questions
If kids do it, it's for a reason! It may be annoying over time but this is how you get knowledge, curiosity! The beauty of it all is that there is absolutely no age to learn something new and exciting. Learning is essential, it makes you grow as a person.
VII. Don't compare your life or yourself to someone else's
We are unique, there is no one exactly like you so why bother comparing yourself to your next door neighbor? Just because they seem to have the perfect doesn't make it true. Live for yourself, live your life and not someone else's.
VIII. Accept rejection
You won't be liked by everybody and not everyone will agree with your opinion. Rejection is bound to happen at some point, but don't worry you aren't alone going through it. Everyone feels rejection in their life.
IX. You are not better than everyone else
Who made you better? Who told you, you were inferior to others? What gave you the right to determine this? Well, let me be brutally honest with you! You are just as important as your crazy neighbor, your old high school math teacher, or a homeless person who's addiction to heroin is becoming too much. There's no life more important than the other. Remember we all came from somewhere, we are all human no matter what!
And the final piece of advice of the day...
X. Trust that feeling of yours.
Sounds idiotic when written down, but it's the truth. I listen to my feelings, my guts. It never failed me; when I do not get a good vibe or I don't like a person in a second of seeing them, it's because I get a bad vibe which doesn't make me want to know them. Give your "guts" some credit.
Advice to future self is useful especially when you look back on the list later on in life. It's never too late to ameliorate yourself; give yourself the opportunity to listen to your own words, voice.
"Listen to your own voice, your own would, too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves."
~Bella
If you have tried once before, you'll know how it just does not work. It's terrible to admit, but it is the truth. Giving yourself some words of encouragement doesn't work this easily.
"Oh, don't cry, not in public. You are all good, no need to cry over something this little." Or "Don't give up. You are pretty enough to a boyfriend." Or "Remember there's always tomorrow."
Who are you kidding? Deep down we know we are hurting, we want to give up, we want to believe the words we are telling ourselves. But before you can listen to your own words, you may want to try and listen to other's advice.
When you have learned it, then, you may found it easier to listen to yourself. Now that said, listening to our own advice is difficult no matter how big or small it is.
When I first started getting interested in psychology, I learned plenty in self-confidence. Obviously, I never took much of my own advice, but I did end up helping people. Psychology is fascinating in its own particular way, and when I first tried to give myself some words of advice, I heard them but didn't take the effort to listen to them. They were just simple words spoken by me, heard by me. A mistake which still to this day is highly regretful. After a few years, I came up with the "genius" plan... Advice to my future self. It's rather popular and it's quite resourceful. I ended up listening to myself, only a little more than before...
Here is a couple of advice I came up with which may be useful to you, reader...
I. Keep dreaming
What's better, dreams or reality? You can be anyone you wish when you dream while the reality is just you. The good news is if you are determined enough, you have the capacity of developing these dreams and make them a reality.
II. Remember who raised you.
It's simple to forget and not talk to your parents/family member especially if an argument breaks out, blaming the person close to you... But at the end of the day, who was there for you, raised you? And blood relatives aren't always there for you! I should know.
III. Anything could happen, any second.
That's right, we do not know what the future holds. We don't know if we are going to be alive tomorrow or not. So make today count, live like it's your last day.
IV. It's never too late to apologize
Forgiving is important, but in order to forgive one has to apologize first. Sadly, not many of us found the courage to apologize to the ones who deserve it. If you have the chance to do so, give yourself the opportunity to say, " I'm sorry." You have no idea how much a simple apology can do to an entire situation, it may impact someone a great deal.
V. Think of the future, not the past!
What can you do to change the past? Not much right? But what about the future? If you are thinking about past failures, please do yourself a huge favour and stop right there! I said it, STOP! The past has been written, and cannot be rewritten. The future, on the other hand, is freshly new and it does need some writing so go ahead and begin your journey! Move forward not backward.
VI. Never stop asking questions
If kids do it, it's for a reason! It may be annoying over time but this is how you get knowledge, curiosity! The beauty of it all is that there is absolutely no age to learn something new and exciting. Learning is essential, it makes you grow as a person.
VII. Don't compare your life or yourself to someone else's
We are unique, there is no one exactly like you so why bother comparing yourself to your next door neighbor? Just because they seem to have the perfect doesn't make it true. Live for yourself, live your life and not someone else's.
VIII. Accept rejection
You won't be liked by everybody and not everyone will agree with your opinion. Rejection is bound to happen at some point, but don't worry you aren't alone going through it. Everyone feels rejection in their life.
IX. You are not better than everyone else
Who made you better? Who told you, you were inferior to others? What gave you the right to determine this? Well, let me be brutally honest with you! You are just as important as your crazy neighbor, your old high school math teacher, or a homeless person who's addiction to heroin is becoming too much. There's no life more important than the other. Remember we all came from somewhere, we are all human no matter what!
And the final piece of advice of the day...
X. Trust that feeling of yours.
Sounds idiotic when written down, but it's the truth. I listen to my feelings, my guts. It never failed me; when I do not get a good vibe or I don't like a person in a second of seeing them, it's because I get a bad vibe which doesn't make me want to know them. Give your "guts" some credit.
Advice to future self is useful especially when you look back on the list later on in life. It's never too late to ameliorate yourself; give yourself the opportunity to listen to your own words, voice.
"Listen to your own voice, your own would, too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves."
~Bella
Friday, 9 June 2017
Bipolar Disorders... Psych 101...
BIPOLAR DISORDERS
When an individual suffers from a bipolar disorder- once referred to as manic- depressive illness- they experience extreme mood swings between depression and mania. The symptoms of mania include:
- Feeling irritable
- Being extremely energetic
- Feeling high
- Feeling grandiose and having a very large self-esteem
- Feeling agitated
- Speaking in a fast manner
- Not needing to sleep in doing activities that bring pleasure, even if that means these activities can have harmful consequences
- Being impulsive
- Possibly having paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations
There are several types of bipolar disorder. These include:
Bipolar I Disorder
In bipolar I disorder, manic episodes or manic and depressive episodes last for at least seven days, or an individual will have such a strong manic episode that hospitalization is required. When people suffer from bipolar I disorder, they will generally also have depressive episodes that last for two weeks or longer.
Bipolar II Disorder
This is a milder type of bipolar disorder where episodes of hypomania and depression are not as severe.
Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (BP-NOS)
This is when an individual suffers from symptoms of bipolar disorder- exhibiting symptoms that clearly stray from how the individual normally behaves- but does not meet the criteria needed to be diagnosed as having bipolar I or bipolar II. Symptoms in BP-NOS may last for too short an amount of time, or the individual may have too few symptoms.
Cyclothymia
This is a less severe type of bipolar disorder. While a person with cyclothymia will experience the same symptoms of bipolar I disorder, they will never be in a total manic state or have a major depressive episode. In order to be diagnosed as having cyclothymia, an individual must have these symptoms for at least two years.
"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - Carrie Fisher
~Bella
Wednesday, 7 June 2017
Does your favourite food should matter? (10)
Favourite food or not, this shouldn't matter in any circumstances.
In what world would your favourite food should matter in a relationship? You aren't having a life with the food but the person. This should work for everything from a political point of view to your favourite color.
You are thinking about marriage, sure, but who are you marrying? The slice of pizza or the woman/ man? You are thinking about children, sure, but who are you going to be pregnant with? The bowl of cereal or the woman/ man?
Don't get me wrong, I wish we could marry anything we wanted like a jar of Nutella, but it wouldn't sound correct, it would sound wrong!
Favourite food is important, in my opinion, your significant other should know what type of dish you like when sad, angry, or depressed. They should know in case they need to cheer you up or apologize for the idiot thing they have said to you. Food doesn't fix everything, but at least if your partner makes the effort to cook your favourite dish, they deserve a chance to explain themselves, to forgive them for their horrible behavior. It shouldn't happen all the time, it may get old and boring after a while, but once in a while being served your type of food to cheer you up is nice, quite pleasant. Can't say no to food.
Now, remember this: relationships aren't based on what you like and dislike! Yes, it is a plus to know what your partner eat, but it is necessary? Will you marry the person because they adore pasta or chocolate cake just like you? I don't think so!
"Don't put a ban on your favourite foods. Enjoy the food you love in moderation, getting fit isn't a punishment."
~Bella
In what world would your favourite food should matter in a relationship? You aren't having a life with the food but the person. This should work for everything from a political point of view to your favourite color.
You are thinking about marriage, sure, but who are you marrying? The slice of pizza or the woman/ man? You are thinking about children, sure, but who are you going to be pregnant with? The bowl of cereal or the woman/ man?
Don't get me wrong, I wish we could marry anything we wanted like a jar of Nutella, but it wouldn't sound correct, it would sound wrong!
Favourite food is important, in my opinion, your significant other should know what type of dish you like when sad, angry, or depressed. They should know in case they need to cheer you up or apologize for the idiot thing they have said to you. Food doesn't fix everything, but at least if your partner makes the effort to cook your favourite dish, they deserve a chance to explain themselves, to forgive them for their horrible behavior. It shouldn't happen all the time, it may get old and boring after a while, but once in a while being served your type of food to cheer you up is nice, quite pleasant. Can't say no to food.
Now, remember this: relationships aren't based on what you like and dislike! Yes, it is a plus to know what your partner eat, but it is necessary? Will you marry the person because they adore pasta or chocolate cake just like you? I don't think so!
"Don't put a ban on your favourite foods. Enjoy the food you love in moderation, getting fit isn't a punishment."
~Bella
Monday, 5 June 2017
Time Apart...
Little side note to my dear mother who's birthday was yesterday, Happy Birthday!
Can spending time away from your partner help your relationship, save it from destroying itself?
A question which doesn't have a concrete answer, nothing to prove it will fix a relationship, everyone deals with important situations differently.
Throughout the little experience I had and seeing lots of relationships fail, I can consider myself lucky enough to have seen how taking time for ourselves may help fix a few issues that you may have in your relationship.
Taking a break doesn't mean go back on a hunting ground, sleep with others. If you want to look for someone else, it will be a breakup and not a break. Wanting to sleep somewhere else, not wanting to take some time off to gather around your mind just means you want to break away from the relationship, so now it's up to you either you want to end the relationship or take some time off.
I would personally take some time off the relationship when the apologies, sweet words, compliments don't work anymore. We all make mistakes and apologizing is a big deal, not many of us can take responsibility for their actions. If my partner wouldn't take it in consideration then, it's time for a break.
Next, the "miss" emotion that you once had is gone. The things you used to do, cute messages before bedtime, the few moments spent together before going back home to deal with other things. When you live with your partner, the "miss" feeling fades away, and sometimes we need to miss the other person to understand how much they mean to you!
Obviously, there is that moment when arguments are louder than your apologies. Fights take over your life, and you two no longer hear each other talk. Arguments happen, we can't always be on the same page, but when the only thing you do is fight, constantly point the finger on the other, making them feel horrible, take a break. No need for a breakup, but let some time to pass by, get your calm back, focus on what really matters may help. Not hearing your partner is a sign of a bigger issue.
Taking some time off is helpful! Having some alone time is appreciated, but we forget how much we need this special time because we have been with our partner for so long. In order to gather around our train of thoughts, our feelings back together can only be done when you are far from your relationship. Being away from your partner could end up being beneficial. I ain't telling you to move on and sleep around, party all night long! I'm telling you to go out, take some time off, be with yourself, ask yourself questions such as "Do I miss him/her?", see your flaws, your wrongs, and what you can do to make the relationship better.
It sounds simple when I put it down on a blank page, but on the contrary.
Taking time off from a relationship, from your loved one is harder than it seems. It takes courage to tell them that you need to gather yourself for a bit, away from the relationship.
Have you ever looked at your partner and felt tired, bored? It does happen after a long time, especially if you let the routine run your life. It will most likely ruin the fun you once had. Boredom is a sign of getting tired of either your partner's behaviors or the situation which keeps happening. So when I think about a break, I think about the set of new fresh eyes, the new perspective to give to the relationship.
Now, the issue about taking breaks is being on the same page, being understandable, and making sure that a break doesn't mean a breakup. Establishing some ground rules, making sure that's what you really want and not just a way to escape the reality. And you have to accept the fact that taking a break may take you a step closer to an actual breakup. It may seem like it could help bring a couple closer, but in fact, it can do the opposite especially now with our society and the temptations which keep coming at us.
Make sure you communicate the boundaries, what the next step will be, and be determined to stay together.
If you are both on the same page, communication happen, there is a pretty good chance that the break will do a lot more good than bad.
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Khalil Gibran
~Bella
Can spending time away from your partner help your relationship, save it from destroying itself?
A question which doesn't have a concrete answer, nothing to prove it will fix a relationship, everyone deals with important situations differently. Throughout the little experience I had and seeing lots of relationships fail, I can consider myself lucky enough to have seen how taking time for ourselves may help fix a few issues that you may have in your relationship.
Taking a break doesn't mean go back on a hunting ground, sleep with others. If you want to look for someone else, it will be a breakup and not a break. Wanting to sleep somewhere else, not wanting to take some time off to gather around your mind just means you want to break away from the relationship, so now it's up to you either you want to end the relationship or take some time off.
I would personally take some time off the relationship when the apologies, sweet words, compliments don't work anymore. We all make mistakes and apologizing is a big deal, not many of us can take responsibility for their actions. If my partner wouldn't take it in consideration then, it's time for a break.
Next, the "miss" emotion that you once had is gone. The things you used to do, cute messages before bedtime, the few moments spent together before going back home to deal with other things. When you live with your partner, the "miss" feeling fades away, and sometimes we need to miss the other person to understand how much they mean to you!
Obviously, there is that moment when arguments are louder than your apologies. Fights take over your life, and you two no longer hear each other talk. Arguments happen, we can't always be on the same page, but when the only thing you do is fight, constantly point the finger on the other, making them feel horrible, take a break. No need for a breakup, but let some time to pass by, get your calm back, focus on what really matters may help. Not hearing your partner is a sign of a bigger issue.
Taking some time off is helpful! Having some alone time is appreciated, but we forget how much we need this special time because we have been with our partner for so long. In order to gather around our train of thoughts, our feelings back together can only be done when you are far from your relationship. Being away from your partner could end up being beneficial. I ain't telling you to move on and sleep around, party all night long! I'm telling you to go out, take some time off, be with yourself, ask yourself questions such as "Do I miss him/her?", see your flaws, your wrongs, and what you can do to make the relationship better.
It sounds simple when I put it down on a blank page, but on the contrary.
Taking time off from a relationship, from your loved one is harder than it seems. It takes courage to tell them that you need to gather yourself for a bit, away from the relationship.
Have you ever looked at your partner and felt tired, bored? It does happen after a long time, especially if you let the routine run your life. It will most likely ruin the fun you once had. Boredom is a sign of getting tired of either your partner's behaviors or the situation which keeps happening. So when I think about a break, I think about the set of new fresh eyes, the new perspective to give to the relationship.
Now, the issue about taking breaks is being on the same page, being understandable, and making sure that a break doesn't mean a breakup. Establishing some ground rules, making sure that's what you really want and not just a way to escape the reality. And you have to accept the fact that taking a break may take you a step closer to an actual breakup. It may seem like it could help bring a couple closer, but in fact, it can do the opposite especially now with our society and the temptations which keep coming at us.
Make sure you communicate the boundaries, what the next step will be, and be determined to stay together.
If you are both on the same page, communication happen, there is a pretty good chance that the break will do a lot more good than bad.
"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Khalil Gibran
~Bella
Friday, 2 June 2017
Roommates situation!
Story short, I decided to move out from my mum's place when she moved into a new place herself!
No, I'm not trying to stay away from anyone, especially family members, but the opportunity came along, might as well catch it while it's there.
I moved out to move in with roommates, close enough to work as well as downtown. Perfect for me as I love to walk places.
Now, before moving in, the room search was beyond stressful, and I cannot describe it to you. If you have been in this situation, where you have to look for a place, you will understand what I mean.
Looking for a place to move into is one of the most stressful time. I actually hated it, made me anxious half the time, frustrated all the time, and the lack of sleep became frequent! Don't get me wrong, I do worry, get anxious most of the time, but this situation was highly different, made me think about it all, about my decisions!
The frustration part of it all is the obvious lack of response that many decided to ignore! Responding to people is a respectful, honorable act. I will have the benefit of the doubt when I know that sometimes, it happens, emails get thrown into the spam section, and we don't always look in the box, and again the internet may malfunction.
After a month or two, I started feeling hopeless, out of energy, stressing over the little things, procrastinating on cleaning everything, making boxes, clearing my room, finding a home for my kittens... Then I receive a message from one person explaining how I could come visit! You can't imagine how happy I was until I actually saw the place, saw what it was all about. Nothing great, on the contrary, it was a catastrophe. There was no way I would have moved in with so many people in the same room (only one girl, the rest of them were guys). Depression came quickly after, making me even more anxious about the situation. I had no answers after that one except a young girl telling me about her moving out of the apartment where she was sharing it with other girls. No option, but to go, meet her and see the place.It was cute from outside, smelled like someone was smoking inside the living room, but cute rooms, messy but cute. It had its charm so I kept in touch and got the room, but wanted to be all good with paperwork. Sadly, the office isn't the perfect place to get paperwork done. I waited for three weeks in order to move in the place, and yet, I don't have anything when it comes paperwork. How fancy, right? I still can't believe I'm off track with my file.
At the end, I live in a cute place, big enough to have lots of people live in, and not too far from my work which is perfect for me. I get along with most of the people living around, and half of the time, I'm rather too busy doing my own things to even talk to many of them, sadly. There is also a kitten which manages to come along and snuggle to wake you up or to annoy you!
Having found a place to live, even if it's temporary, is hard, complex to say the least, but when you arrive at the point in your life where you are with amazing roommates then everything is fine!
"What I love most about my home is who I share it with."
~Bella
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