The Book of Symbols 5...

Kiss

Over the doorjamb of the womb-chamber of the Konārak temple in Southern India, and among the images in niches on its facade, are small, erotic sculptures of ardent couples, or mithuni. Their flowing bodies melt together in a passionate embrace, evoking the sexual play of both gods and mortals, and, paradoxically, the release from it in the union of the self and Supreme Self within a single being. Rapturously, the figures kiss. And here, under the arched brows and interlocked noses of two who are one, the lips merge in a state of bliss that knows nothing of a within or without, and in which there is no longer separation, desire or grief (Brhadaranyaka Upanishad IV:3:21; ARAS, 7Ao.044). 

A kiss of passionate longing may be shunned on the 

chaste movie screens of contemporary India, but it is

openly depicted in the sacred temple sculpture of the 

13th century. Sandstone, Surya Temple, Konārak, 

Orissa, India. 

Behind sealed lips, we protect one of the most personal spaces of the body; we part our lips to draw in the breath of inspiration or to speak intimate feelings into the beloved's ear, finally surrendering the private self in the loving convergence of one's own lips with the lips of the other. Even when not romantic, the kiss implies affection, blessing, recognition and reconciliation. Thus the psalmist intones, "Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other" (Psalm 85:10). The comparable climax of the Muslim hajj to the Grand Mosque in Mecca is the pilgrim's kiss upon the Black Stone of the Kaaba, an act of reverence first performed by Muhammad. In these religious traditions, kissing is a ceremonial act, a sign of the bond between kin, or respect to holy relics, prayer shawls or altars or homage to one's ruler (kissing his feet) or to one's conqueror (licking the dust beneath his feet). With the bridal kiss, Western culture bridged the sacred and the romantic, although such European fairy tales as "Sleeping Beauty" or "Snow White" mark the approach of true love by a kiss that awakens the soul, rather than kindles sexual libido. 

Through the identity and meaning of many of the 

characters in Bronzino's mannerist allegory are still

debated, this detail is unequivocally of Venus and her 

adolescent son Cupid engaged in an amorous, 

incestuous kiss. Venus, Cupid, Folly, and Time, detail, 

oil on panel, 1544-5, Italy.

However, the sensuous, unseemly kiss between Bronzino's Cupid and Venus, his mother-  slipping the tip of the tongue into her son's lips- portrays a sly, incestuous carnality. To some cultures, the public display of kissing is considered scandalous, for its signals the opening act of coitus, and casual, devouring tongue-kissing has even suggested cannibalism. Jung, in fact, disagreeing with Freud that all libido was sexual, noted the pleasure infants take in sucking and observed that "kissing derives much more from nutrition than from sexuality" (CW 5:652). The empty "air-kisses" of celebrities or the shallow "spit-swapping" of teenagers can seem to cancel out any encounter between two halves of a single soul that we can still feel in the secular sculpture of Rodin's The Kiss. The songbirds whose crossed wings surrounded Aengus, the Celtic god of love, deteriorated into the banal "x's" that close sentimental love letters. Modern Valentines- whose puckering smooches even use kisses to veil hostility- anticipate the chilling intentions of such phrases as "kiss off" (to dismiss a stale lover), "kiss up" (to display shameless obsequiousness) and "kiss and tell" (to betray matters shared in confidence). More stunning is the submissive "kiss of shame" upon the devil's anus (or that of his masked proxy). Here, the disciple kisses the "nether-lips" at the opposite end of the body than the mouth, a practice of medieval Satanists at their black Sabbaths, which often inverted conventional ritual. Similarly, the "kiss of death," such as Judas kissing Jesus, reverses, in the perfidious intimacy of betrayal, all that is signified by the kiss of love. The kiss can also convey a different kind of reversal. Francis of Assisi placed squarely on the lips of a fearsome leper the "kiss of peace," communicating a spiritual love that drew the most reviled being of the age into the saint's most personal interior. 

~Bella

Don't be afraid of asking...

How many of you just ignore your own problems?

I'm not going to lie, I ignore them like nothing ever happened, preferring to deal with other people's issues. Managing people's life is simple and doable...

When I have an issue, I turn my back on it, focus on someone else, and try to forget or leave it in a tiny place away from my thoughts! I don't recall a time when I actually dealt with something really painful, always trying to avoid the pain as much as possible. Doesn't sound healthy if you ask me, but what can I do?

Ask someone for help or just to listen to me talk about what's troubling me?
Try a make a list of what bothers me?
Listen to someone's advice?
I don't ask for anything except football jerseys or Nutella, I've made lists but I left them in the back of a lost notebook, and listening to someone's advice isn't my thing, I do listen but I don't really try to do as I am told because I'm too afraid of doing it alone. So I lock myself away from issues, from people's advice, from my own feelings and emotions. Again not healthy! I shouldn't bottle everything, I should ask for help, advice, support from someone I trust entirely, and give myself completely to the person I love instead of putting walls around me.
I look like someone who isn't brave enough, courageous enough to look at my problems, deal with them, and look at the possibilities that may end miserable situations! The stubbornness is beyond explanation, I went through really hard times before and it seems like I don't want to end up in the same dilemma, depression, sadness, crying, no sleep, no food in my stomach... You get the point!

To make sure people don't get tired of hearing about me, I knew someone who was in the same dilemma! He was so busy trying to keep his pride up, never asking for support, never wanted anyone to be around that he never really dealt with anything. He ignores and moved on, pretending everything was alright! Fake it until you make it? I suppose! This person preferred to give up on amazing moments just so it wouldn't hurt the other person. Caring? Yes, but unfair! If someone wants to help, begging you to stay, don't ignore them and accept with a smile, it's not every day you get that!

Support is here to help you get through rough times, to prove you that you aren't alone in your own mess. You might be the reason why you are in that mess in the first place, but you have to realize that you can't go through it all by yourself. You'll end up losing your mind, you'll lose yourself and others on the way. Stop thinking that accepting help or support from someone is a sign of weakness. Stop thinking that people will judge you based on what you say. I've learned that you can't please everyone, no matter how much you try, there will always be someone to think you are a bloody imbecile! In this case, they will judge your problem, but you can't do much about it, try to move on, everyone isn't the same, some will listen and help while others will not care one bit.
Asking for help is a sign of courage, character, and strength, not many have it now a day! By asking help, you are accepting the fact that you are vulnerable, and don't think you will get rejected, 99% of the time people are glad that you ask for their help. Moving out of your comfort zone can be an incredible thing.
It helps us shape who we are as human being, we stand tall and grow each day because of one simple thing, help. Look at babies, for instance, they are constantly in need of something and they aren't afraid to show they need help and support. What do we do in return? We give them love, help them every step of the way, they aren't afraid to give us the real them , vulnerability is part of us all, so even if we grow up, we should be able to show the good, the bad, the strong part as well as the weak part. Sadly, society is horrible, now people take advantage, judge more gives us reasons to hide a part of us. We can't show our vulnerability. But I believe that we all can with the people we truly love and admire.

This is just my opinion, and you don't have to agree at all. I'm open minded, I won't mind judgments... We rise together, we work best together, the pyramids weren't built by one man but many. We ask for help, we ask others to give us support and we arrive at a stronger, more powerful bond. This is why I love watching football (soccer), they actually give us the meaning of a team, the family, and they win for their family. They are better together as a team than alone. Love gives us the opportunity to be better with someone else by our side. It shouldn't be denied, shouldn't be rejected, but embraced! 

"We are one of a kind, irreplaceable..." - Avicii (Waiting For Love)

~Bella

She's always a woman to me...

Not long ago, I discover this kid on YouTube, Britain's Got Talent... He was so talented that it brought me to tears. I knew the song, She's Always A Woman To Me from Billy Joel, but it never affected me as much as this kid did! I'm not personally the only one who thought this kid had talent, everyone did!

She's Always A Woman To Me

She can kill with a smile

She can wound with her eyes

She can ruin your faith with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child

But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love

She can take you or leave you

She can ask for the truth

But she'll never believe

And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free

Yeah, she steals like a thief

But she's always a woman to me

Chorus: 

Oh, she takes care of herself

She can wait if she wants

She's ahead of her time

Oh, and hse never gives out

And she never gives in

She just changes her mind

She will promise you more

Than the Garden of Eden

Then she'll carelessly cut you

And laugh while you're bleedin'

But she'll bring out the best

And the worst you can be

Blame it all on yourself

Cause she's always a woman to me

Chorus

She is frequently kind

And she's suddenly cruel

She can do as she pleases

She's nobody's fool

But she can't be convicted 

She's earned her degree

And the most she will do

Is throw shadows at you

But she's always a woman to me.

"I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we're from, everyone loves music." -Billy Joel

~Bella

Start being happy...

Every morning, the sun rises, or rain crash on your window. We hear kids going to school, laughing one another... 

Waking up happy isn't what we do. 
We are allowing anxiety, fears, regrets and resentments take over our actions. Even though coffee or showers may help, but it doesn't solve everything.

The good news is that there are many things we can do to help us grow stronger, move away from pain and get the negativity and mental habits that clutter our minds leave us. 

How to let go of the past... Not an easy question to answer, but I had the experience to actually use a few ways to let it all go and start being happy. It's difficult, I'm still learning, but I promise if you try to really do it and take it seriously, you will make it out alright! 

Little one:
Your childhood dreams back to childhood! We all dream of becoming a knight, a princess, a cowboy, a teacher... But we most likely won't make these dreams come true, we grow up from these.Until you let go and let them be just a souvenir, they will tug at you! Some dreams are possible, wanting to go watch your favorite sports team play or hike in the mountains. It doesn't cost too much time nor money, so go for it! Take chances, releasing the charge will be a happier experience than the experience itself. Otherwise, write down your childhood dream on paper, let it flow down the stream or burn it, free yourself from your past!

Little two:
Kick perfectionism out the door! Perfect is the enemy of pretty good. And good is what gets up forward. Perfection doesn't exist, you make it happen by accepting flaws. Move forward, don't try to search for perfection! 

Little three:
Stop trying to impress everyone! What's the catch? It's not you, it's a mask that covers your true self. Some people are either going to be too hard to impress, or they will be too easy to do so, but they aren't worth your efforts. So you want to impress someone, impress yourself.

Little four:
Get your buttom working out! Go run, speed walk, jump up and down, go dance, or the gym. Release anger, stress, to increase happy hormones (endorphins). It's legal, free, and healthy! Go ahead!

Little five:
Speak your own truth! You can speak up and speak your mind, indeed, but don't push it! Find a safer way to express what you are feeling, write it down or truth a friend, someone you can really talk to about everything without worrying about judgments. Blow off all that roiling angry energy and clear your mind so you can make positive, helpful choices in your life. You don't need any poison in your life! 

Little six:
Stop putting yourself down! As a wise man said, "Do not complain about the things you cannot change. And the things you can change? Do not complain about them either". To make it clear, if there are aspects of your personality or life you'd like to change, release condemning yourself and simply take steps to start changing it. Action inspires self-love, motivation, and joy.

Little seven:
Put yourself in other's shoes! Your perspective is highly different than others as we commonly think differently. Try to imagine yourself in someone's life! You'll grow wiser as well as more compassionate! You'll feel so much better about yourself, your life, and you will appreciate what is around you.

Little eight:
Get serious, real when it comes to love! It's only an idea that you have one "soul mate". Even if you went through a really tough breakup or lost someone, there's no reason not to believe you are capable of loving another. G.S Saw said about marriage, that it's "based on the exaggeration of one woman's value about all others."

"One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul." -Brigitte Nicole

~Bella

Sorry, not a happy one...

I apologize but I don't know if I'm going to be writing much this week, I'll try to keep on posting things that I wrote in advance, though. 

You know when you think everything goes well, but then somehow everything crashes down, everything gets thrown out like nothing happened... It is a horrible feeling. It's an empty feeling which consumes you entirely without explanation. It kills you slowly, makes you cry like never before, and it makes you realize how stupid you are for believing something could be good, ever good enough. That throwing up feeling you get from anxiety and crying too much that keeps coming back without warning... 
I don't know how people go through so much heartbreak and still stand up, I can't move, frozen, numb and destroyed. Barely breathing under these giant tears that are running down my face. I don't even know how to explain myself, I'm so ... I don't know. 
It's like that song "Give Me Love" from Ed Sheeran, I just want to hold on, but just like the song, I can't have love, it's not possible! That song is just going to repeat itself for a while, a long time cause honestly I can't do anything right now. Cupid can give love to others, but can't receive it. Cupid can make others be happy, make them feel loved, but he can't get it for himself. 

Why are we ready to go through hell and back for someone who doesn't want that to happen and prefers to leave? Why do we keep suffering? What's the catch? Are we suppose to feel this pain forever? 
Funny thing is I'm actually realizing that I'm a complete mess, worse than ever before, I don't even know who I am anymore. I gave myself away and now it's over in an instant. Now I'm supposed to trust people? How can someone go through this? I applause them, if you can stand tall in this situation, you are brave and strong! All I'll be doing is drink up, cry, fall back into depression, watch 50 First Dates, and listen to the same sad song... No more sleep, no more eating.... 

If you are one of these people that manage to get through a painful situation without falling into a deep depression, I admire you! You are beyond courageous! You have a strong personality, the level of emotion is under your control, that's amazing! Mine are all over the place, completely out the door, 

Anyways, sorry about this short post, and a sad one! It wasn't expected at all. This week might be boring :/ I apologize. I don't know when I'll be posting happy ones as I am entirely off track. If you are in the same situation right now, please keep in mind that it won't happen all the time (hopefully), that next time keep these walls up, don't give in, sex can wait, and don't develop feelings at all. Or just don't fall in love at all! The pain is beyond unbearable. I can't tolerate at all, being dumped isn't fun. 

~ Bella

Psych 101... Love, Listening to your heart...

Love may be one of the most complex human emotions, but also possibly the most central too. There are many different theories regarding love and while psychologists agree that love is central human emotion, they are still unsure exactly why it happens, or how. At present, there are four primary theories that attempt to explain love, emotional attachment, and liking. 

RUBIN'S SCALES OF LIKING AND LOVING

Psychologist Zick Rubin was one of the first people to create a method of empirically measuring love. Rubin believed that romantic love was composed of three elements: attachment, caring, and intimacy.

• Attachment: The need to be with another person and be cared for. Important components of attachment include approval and physical contact. 
• Caring: Valuing the happiness and needs of the other person just as much as you value your own. 
• Intimacy: Communicating your private desires, feelings, and beliefs.

Rubin then created two questionnaires that would be able to measure these elements. According to Rubin, the difference between liking someone and loving someone can be seen in how we evaluate the other person. Rubin's questions were then created to measure feelings of liking another person and feelings of loving another person, and then these results were compared. When Rubin gave the questionnaire to a group of participants, he told them to base their answers on how they felt about a good friend and how they felt about their significant other. He found that, while the scores regarding significant others rated high on the loving scale. Thus, Rubin was able to successfully measure feelings of love. 

ELAINE HATFIELD'S PASSIONATE AND COMPASSIONATE LOVE

Psychologist Elaine Hatfield claimed that there was only two forms of love: passionate and compassionate love, 

• Passionate love: Feelings of intense sexual arousal, attraction, affection, emotion, and a strong urge to be with one another. Passionate love tends to be short-lived, lasting from six to thirty months, but can lead to compassionate love. 
• Compassionate love: Feelings of attachment, respect, trust, affection, and commitment. Compassionate love lasts longer than passionate love. 

Hatfield also differentiated between reciprocated love, which leads to feelings of elation and fulfillment, and unreciprocated love, which leads to feelings of desperation and despair. She believed there were certain key factors that had to exist for compassionate and passionate love to occur. These include: 

• Timing: When an individual is ready to fall and be in love.
• Similarity: A person has the tendency to fall passionately in love with an individual that is similar to him or herself.
• Early attachment styles: Long-term and deeper relationships are often the results of people who are strongly attached to one another, while people who fall in and out of love often generally do not have a strong attachment or connection.

"Studying psychology is fun because you're always looking for the same things.." 

~Bella

Let's change everything about you...

"You sure you want to dress like this?" He asked with a fake smile on his face making me want to vomit. 

This situation had sadly happened to me a few times, and even though I'm quite headstrong, when it's your boyfriend asking you this, you change your clothes immediately! It starts like this, little comments, then it becomes like this:

"Oh, your opinion doesn't count, you aren't a professional, you don't know what you're talking about. You should just stay quiet!" 

This happened to me many times... I lost count after 11... To tell the truth, I would have rather have forgotten about how many times these types of comments affected me dearly. 

I don't want to generalize everyone so do NOT take it personally! If you do, though, maybe you should take a good look at yourself... 

To debut, I have to say that it affects women and men! Both gender not just women, but since I'm one, obviously my experience might slightly be different than what a guy might experience! 

I've done this once, only once... 

I have been in a relationship with a sweet guy, who were complimenting me enough and made me smile. At first, everything seems perfect (don't try and deny it, we all know that's true), then slowly, both people open up, are more themselves... In my case, I was always myself, I didn't try to hide or fake something. But after a couple months, little comments like the first phrase began to come up a lot more than usual. It would be casual, but still, it was there. So I did what others in love young woman would do, change the way I was dressed or how I put my hair up or down... Started as little... Then the comments would be more around my personality. " You should be quiet..." or " I didn't like how you smiled at the waiter, it was too flirty..." Like really? 

Comments like these are just annoying, and it shows that the other person wants to change you. It's not right, and no one should try to change another human being! 
I'm not trying to tell you to just be quiet, not tell the other person that something bothers you, but there are ways to say these things! Don't aggress, or make the person feel terrible for what they may have done! 

Tell them calmly, don't try to push anything, you can't change anyone, but if that person wants to ameliorate their ways of doing things, they will under their own time, not yours. Don't push it or else you will ending pushing them away, losing them. We wouldn't want that to happen! Communication is key, yes, but don't try and control the other person, they aren't your property to rule over, there are no laws in love, so don't make any! 
For example: 
If you have trouble with the way the other person is dressed, don't say, "Don't wear that" or " You look like a sl**" Don't insult, just be like, "Honey, I don't think this fits well, do you have anything you can wear. I don't think it's appropriate for the occasion." 
It's that simple, but don't overdo it either, after all, people are free to say and do as they want! 

Now, there are some good changes in life and relationships! 

You can change into someone better, ameliorate your ways of expressing yourself (that's a big issue of mine). When you are changing your way of living, leaving the past behind you and concentrate on your future. Or even when you change the way you view ideas... These are the good changes, and it's wonderful. The more you grow up, mature up, we all evolve in our ways and time. We change perspective, change our views, change our destiny in a way! Just don't try and change your partner because you don't like something! They aren't yours, they aren't your property, you have no rights to try to change or even help someone change without approval. 

Just be yourself and let them be, accept and keep growing as a couple! We all deserve to be happy so don't destroy something beautiful because you have a clear idea of how you want your other half to be like. There is no one like you imagine, take the good instead of trying to find perfection. 

"Don't let anyone change who you are, to become what they need." - Margott

~Bella