Where's the little voice?

As you may know, I'm a writer, and I'm currently working on a novel... It's been two years, and writer's block as comes multiple times, showing unexpectedly, turning my life into a real nightmare. 

Writer's block usually happens when you have a fear of something, afraid to put down ideas, to see a critic afterwards. Being a perfectionist! If you are a perfectionist, you will struggle, wanting to always have the right word, the right phrase, and if you don't even write, you have to get your ideas straight in your head, you'll never be writing a thing. Timing is a big issue, you may be in front of your computer or page and nothing comes to mind because it's just not the right time. Your ideas may come not yet, though, it sometimes takes a little more time to get your ideas straight! 

Writers tend to have a little voice, an imaginary friend they talk to. I've heard myself talk to myself, not conversations, but like "Oh I shouldn't put that up there, should I?" 
When we say we got writer's block, we are mostly talking about our imaginary friend who isn't talking to us... Everyone of us, writers, have to struggle with it, and don't pretend like you haven't had to deal with it! 

A year ago, I bought a little book about writer's block, and I recently looked back into it and discovered that it actually helps a little. So, I wanted to share a few notes from my tiny book with you, and maybe help with writer's block! 

They aren't phrases, tips, or anything like that... It varies into 3 categories :
1. Writing Challenges: short assignments to get you writing as quickly as possible, no more than a minute or two. It helps you think as you write. 
2. Spark Words: A word with a photograph! Carries different meanings for different people. It wants you to create a scenario or a scene about the word and the picture. 
3. Writing Topics: From choosing a title and selecting an opening line to cope with negative criticism, these topics feature advice and exercises from legendary and contemporary writers. Just write!

So let's start now:

Imagine that you could wake up tomorrow in someone else's body. Whose would it be? How would your life change? What are some of the first things you'd do? (writing topic)

Flirting (spark word)

Begin in the Middle
Good stories hit the ground running--- and you can accomplish this by "beginning in the middle." Consider the first sentence of Raymond Carver's "Elephant": " I knew it was a mistake to let my brother have the money." Or the opening line of Mario Puzo's The Godfather: "Amerigo Bonasera sat in New York Criminal Court Number three and waited for justice; vengeance on the men who had so cruelly hurt his daughter, who had tried to dishonor her." ... Write your own opening line that begins in the middle. Establish characters, situations,and conflicts with a few choice words. Then drop your readers right smack in the center.  (writing challenge)

Discipline (spark word)

Write about your earliest childhood memory. (writing topic)

I got to do a few little challenges on there, but then I tend to want more than just one little piece. I want to write a book about it. That becomes my issue, but it helps you write about something. So instead of staring at a blank page, trying to get your imaginary friend back without trying to write something... Isn't going to help you at all. 


" All writing problems are psychological problems. Blocks usually stem from the fear of being judged. If you imagine the world listening, you'll never write a line. That's why privacy is so important. You should write first drafts as if they will never be shown to anyone." - Erica Jong (Authors Publish)

~Bella

What a dream!

I'm not entirely sure how to even begin this post! It's rather difficult to explain what this is going to be about. But let's start off by saying...

Dreams are a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep. They mainly occur in the rapid-eye movement (REM) stage of sleep.


This all begins back when I was 6 years old. That was the year, I almost drowned at a swimming lesson and this odd dream or nightmare started a couple weeks after this accident.
Little me would sleep in the middle of the king size bed (yes, I always loved huge beds, even though I might get lost in it), with two stuffed animals by my side, and I wouldn't dare to move a foot out of the sheets, laying still on my back not wanting to fall off the bed. That lasted 2 years... Then I grew out of it, kind of had to!

The dream or whatever you may call it didn't just happen for two years, it continues, every year, every once in a while, it comes back to the surface, and I always manage to have the exact same reaction.

Let me introduce you to my subconscious that isn't at all fun!

I fall asleep and I see this:

Little me is standing in front of the movie theater where my class would go to watch movies (elementary school) in Plestin-les-Grèves, Brittany, France. I'm standing in front looking at it like I'm just zoned out... Then I feel water on my feet, rising up quickly, I'm unable to move around, the fear consuming me, the thought of dying, drowning is too powerful for me to cry for help. A young, blond, tall, blue eyed man is standing in front of the cinema, staring at me. Then the water rises up to my chest, and finally, all I can see is a hand reaching out for me... I don't take the chance to get me out of the situation and I fall down a black hole. Water is gone, and I'm on top of a cliff... (Brittany looks a lot like Ireland with all the cliffs). I'm on top, watching the horizon, wondering what's going on! The wind is blowing hard on my back, making me move out of my place. I'm a foot away from falling off the cliff, the fear is present. The young blond man from the theater is behind me, observing my every move, looking helpless. Then, as the wind blow me off the cliff, I fall and I WAKE UP!

Each time, I see the blond young man, and I always wake up at the same time. Somehow I never take the chance to survive, never take the chance of trusting the young handsome man. I prefer fall to my death than to trust him.
I'm not an expert on dreams, I don't interpret them, and I surely don't always understand them. This one on the other side... It's been coming back so many times and always goes the same way that I manage to figure a piece out or at least I think I finally understand it. I'm afraid of deep waters, I'm afraid of heights, and I don't trust people...

To summarize a little, I've been realizing that I get the dream when I'm close to trusting someone, whenever I hear about something that I'm afraid of. It happens whenever there's something really wrong in my life, it acts like a sign, telling me to watch out. It's been more than 10 years with the dream, it's not a good feeling whenever I have it. The next day, I'm a ghost, unable to talk normally, act normally, tired and in my little world. Trying to figure out what's going on with me.

Dreams are powerful, they may be very odd at times, but there's always a part of truth in, a part of your fears, your desires... You should record your dreams and look for patterns, look for meanings. You could learn something about you that you have no idea existed.

Here is a little video from youtube talking about some strange facts concerning dreams.

"Believe in your dreams. They were given to you for a reason." -Katrina Mayer.

~Bella

Oh you sound different...

An accent is the prominence of a syllable in terms of differential loudness, or of the pitch, or length, or of a combination of these. It's a way of pronunciation particular to a speaker or group of speakers. There are different accents... The phonetics, linguistics, poetry, diacritic, fallacy, in music, computers... But today I'm only talking about the way we, speakers,  pronounce words, phrases.

As I've told already, I'm from Europe so I'm getting used to the whole accent idea.

Many countries have their own different accents and languages.
I currently live in California, USA, and I can tell you already that they have an accent. I may be in the USA, but every state has their own accents. They speak differently, not a huge difference, but it is there.
I have couple friends who come from different countries, and every one of them, have a specific accent that I pick up on easily.

It's been two years now that I figured out the odd way I speak. I'm not British, far from it, and yet I sometimes have the accent. According to a few people, I sound like Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. Don't assume I'm trying to sound like her because I don't. The movies were only watched in French so I wouldn't even know how she sounds like. I'm pretty sure it's because I watch a lot of British YouTubers. They have their expressions, the pronunciation is way different from the Californians. I picked up on a New Zealand accent, thanks to the YouTuber, bennymcnugget. He makes me laugh, and his accent is beyond hilarious for me. The way he says "bed", I mean, I find it cute and now I say it just like him.

I've learned that accents define who you are and where you come from. People can figure out what country you are from and if you are into the sophisticated world or not.

Funny little story, I was at a coffee shop last week, writing, minding my own business when behind me, two women were talking, loudly enough that I can recall all of their conversation, which was pretty boring. A young man came and asked if he could take the empty chair for his friend. He had a strong accent, sounded very Persian or Iranian. I couldn't tell well, but one of the women asked politely about his accent, and he froze. He didn't respond so his friend came to the rescue and told the woman where is was from. She looked sweet yet she didn't let him take the chair because she knew where he was from. I was baffled by the injustice that I took the chair that was in front of me and gave it to the poor guy who kindly thanked me.
The funny thing is the fact that people act a certain way when they hear a different accent and won't be as sweet as they look.
I'm not a fan of those accents, and I wouldn't try to even talk to them, but I'm not going to change my attitude because they sound different and come from a certain country. Discrimination at its finest!

When I look back this little injustice, it makes me want to stop talking because I'll be afraid someone is going to put me down because of my accent. So I try to hide it as much as I can, but honestly, I shouldn't! No one should hide the way they talk, you have an accent... LOVE IT, APPRECIATE IT, it makes you be sexy and different! Normal is boring, remember that. Being different is AWESOME! Don't hide who you are, embrace the fact that you don't sound like others. You are SPECIAL!
DO NOT TAKE OTHER'S PEOPLE COMMENT SERIOUSLY, IGNORE THEM! BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE!

" I don't know what it is about accents that make me want to get undressed and high-five myself" - Chelsea Handler.

~Bella

The Book of Symbols...

A year ago, I received a book of symbols that I still read to this day. It's a pretty big book, and I've learned a lot so far. I wanted to write what they say about "Bubble". It's the most interesting one that concerns me... So read below if you want to learn about the meaning of a bubble. 

"In physical reality, a bubble exists as a watery transparent object filled with air or gas. Its smooth, glassy surface mirrors rainbow colors of light, intermingling in fluid movement. The weightlessness of the bubble allows it to float freely on invisible currents of a gentle breeze, but its fragility soon causes it to burst and dissolve into mist. 

In contrast, the archetypal symbol of a bubble exists in the psyche beyond time and space. It constitutes an invisible reality imaged by mystics throughout the ages, around nothingness that is paradoxically the primordial source of all. The unseen forces within the archetypal bubble symbolize the oneness, which can be likened to the Tao as described in the Tao Te Ching ( ch. 25 ): 

There is something formless yet complete

That existed before heaven and earth.

How still! How empty!

Dependent on nothing, unchanging.

All-pervading. Unfailing.

One may think of it as the 

mother of all things under heaven.

I do not know its name, 

But I call it "Meaning."

If I had to give it a name,

I should call it "The Great."

Throughout history, the translucent bubble has inspired contemplation of the infinite and the eternal. In ancient Egypt, the Ba-soul, or ghost that appeared after death, flew in and out of the tomb as a weightless bubble. Like the circle or sphere, the globular roundness of the bubble connotes oneness, wholesome, totality, completion and spiritual perfection. The translucency of the bubble introduces, in addition, the numinosity, ethereality, and spirituality associated with the celestial light of heaven. The painting of Kukai, founder of the Shingon school of Buddhism, illustrates the golden luminosity of the spiritualized bubble. He is shown in a devotional posture, seated on a lotus floating in a luminous circle. This image symbolizes the beginning of spiritual awareness in the divine boy. The bubble-like enclosure of the figure excludes all reference to the world beyond and imparts a timeless, supernatural quality. 

In this 15th-century Japanese hanging scroll by an unknown artist, 

Kukai is depicted as the Divine Child in the bubble-like enclosure.

Detail of Kobo Daishi (Kukai) as a boy (Chigo Daishi). 

The bubble has a shadow side as well. For example, the bubble that bursts suggests an elusive idea or delusive scheme, denoting untrustworthiness and instability. Someone lacking cogent thought is called a "bubble head," and a burp or intestinal gas may be called a bubble. And bubbling evokes the image of a boiling witch's cauldron, the frightful brew of nightmares. 

There are more positive projections than negative ones for the elusive bubble, such as flying dreams, flying golden balls, drifting vessels and colorful balloons. A happy child is filled with bubbling effervescence and bubbling laughter. Bubbles carry children to lands of make-believe, where fairies and elves represent a life of enchantment. And the song that goes "I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air" evokes a sense of lightness of spirit and a creative imaginative way of life. As the shining soap bubble soon dissolves into thin air the archetypal symbol of bubble conveys - beyond the certainty of the body's demise - the hope of the soul's eternal life. 

"Inside the Bubble of Love," detail from The Garden of Earth Delights, 

by Hieronymous Bosch,

oil-on-wood triptych, ca. 1504, the Netherlands.

"Symbols are the language of something invisible spoken in the visible world." - Gertrud von Le Fort.

~Bella

I'm bored... What should I do?

It never really hit me, but I know that it was meant to happen at some point.

A couple of days ago, I was waiting for a friend to come off work so I could get an Uber to get to his place.
I was done with dinner, the dishes, and watching YouTube. Now, usually I'll know what to do, clean up my room, closet (as it is quite messy most the time), write my novel, listen to music or even do little projects. I never really get bored, I kind of always know what to do, or at least I will figure out a few things to do. But this time, after YouTube, TV shows, getting ready, and packing a few things up, I was BORED!
Boredom hits EVERYONE! Don't lie, don't try to hide away, we all have been bored once in our life. And it happened to me a couple of nights ago while waiting on someone. Thanks to him, I got to write about it.

For some people, like my mother, they eat. It's like a stress eating, but it's called boredom eating (alright, I might have made that up, who knows)... Some may just fall asleep... I've seen people fall asleep during church time... Almost happened to me a couple of times, shameful of me. 

That night, I looked up the internet and came across this site: http://www.i-am-bored.com/
and this one : http://www.boredbutton.com/

I know it sounds weird, I didn't get to really look into the first site, but the second one blew my mind! You have to give it a try, I had to do it twice, and it has me blown away each time! 

So after thinking about it for quite a while, I decided to make a list, short one don't worry, about the things you may want to do when bored...

1. Clean up... I know it's not fun, but it takes your mind away so fast and you end up having a clean, tidy house or room...
2. Read a book! When you finally get into a book,  you won't see the time pass by at all!
3. Cook something, or bake! Invent a new recipe, bake sweets, it takes a while, especially if you are like me, just watch out for the hot stuff, you may end up burning yourself... 
4. Call your friend or text them! I know this is an obvious one, but honestly just talking to someone, in general, may end up giving you some cool time!
5. Go outside. I love to walk to my secret little hideout, and looking around, breathing fresh air is always appreciated!
6. Workout. Not something I will do, but I've heard it's nice! You should try it!
7. Prank someone! I've got two younger brothers still living with me, and to be honest it's hilarious to prank them or just scare them when they are coming out of the shower! Make a list of pranks and put them into action! It's hilarious!
8. Redecorate your room. Put more photos up the walls, or rearrange your pillows on your bed... You will like your room a lot more!
9. Write a song, and try to sing it with a background tone! It's fun!
10. Have a bubble bath, it's so relaxing and add a few candles to make it romantic...

Next time you are bored, just believe you can always do something if you set your mind to it! Life can give you times of boredom, but you have to get over the obstacle and move forward!

"The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is boredom." - Timothy Ferriss

~Bella

Poem...

Beginning - James Wright

The moon drops one or two feathers into the field.

The dark wheat listens. 

Be still.

Now.

There they are, the moon's young, trying

Their wings.

Between trees, a slender woman lifts up the lovely shadow

Of her face, and now she steps into the air, now she is gone

Wholly, into the air.

I stand alone by an elder tree, I do not dare breathe

Or move.

I listen.

The wheat leans back toward its own darkness,

And I lean toward mine. 

~Bella

Happy Birthday to my dear mother...

Happy birthday to my mother... 

Today is her birthday, yes, and no I won't say her real age, but for a bit now, every year is the same, 39 years old for the rest of her life. She cannot get older than this age, and I cannot let her become an old grumpy woman who hits people with her purse. That is just impossible, for me at least. 

My big "sister" has been having an idea of surprising my mother with a suprise birthday party, sadly she came up with the idea late. I've been stuck trying to get a reservation for a table for tomorrow, and trying to get invites... Imagine that one! I can't believe it! It wasn't my idea but I need to make all the calls and keep in touch with everyone because Miss. Big sister can't call anyone herself and invite them. Now, my mother has a new man in her life, I don't talk to him, and will not, he is just not a friend or anything when it comes to me. So first, we were all in a group message and then later on, nothing, no messages, and he doesn't do anything! No ideas were given, and I'm stuck doing all the work. Thank you for such a delightful surprise! I hate it! 

My mother has been through so much throughout her life that a surprise sounded nice, it would have been different. Sadly, I don't know how to organize parties or even make any surprises. I'm usually very upfront, and dislike surprises. I know my mother by heart, but let's be honest, there's always something new to learn about this woman. She is my heroe, my rock, the best friend, the most amazing woman I've ever met, and I got the chance to call her mum! 

I love her to death, I would do so much for her, and even though there is a few fights, at the end of the day I know I can count on her. 

So yeah, this post is quite short, but I've got to get back to my dear mother... Who is waiting for me to be done so we can watch a romantic movie. 

"Life is too short to be lived counting the years. Just enjoy the ride and make awesome memories... Happy Birthday!"

~Bella