That's the crazy thing you put me through...

Being a Celt!

More pros than cons if you are one like me!  We are quite mysterious, aren't we?

Can't stay away from what you are, where you are from and where you were raised into... Cause let's be honest between the music, the tales, and the festivals, the food and old languages you are supposed to know, I have lots to tell you about being a Celt!

Depending on which part you are from and being from different countries, everyone is highly similar, look at the Irish and the Scottish with the kilt. No judgments here, I was born around that so I can't say anything bad about it or be judgmental!

I'm sure you have heard about Celtics, the way they are, what they believe in, what they listen to and drink... Wear and talk... I mean Gaelic is quite popular and guess what, there are multiple old languages like this one!

I'm sure you also heard about druids? Oh these badasses people who might have done sacrifices, they did some pretty neat stuff too, such as advising chiefs with new laws, got to judge people for their crimes... They were considered the wisest people out there, so twenty years in training to get to their position was needed! If you don't know anything about druids, you should go and learn a bit more cause it's actually pretty interesting!

You know the roads? The ones that are EVERYWHERE, well we always thought Romans made this idea come true... Think again cause the Celts did it first and they were amazing at developing the great idea.
And gender didn't matter! Women could become warriors, chiefs, druids and thinking how Celts are, I'm not surprised, I don't understand why not everyone took this great situation, our world would be so much more equal by now! But sadly not because everyone else thought Celts were just like the Vikings, uneducated and barbarians. Not true, but that's how it turned out! Can't change what people thought and still may think about these people.

Now, despite what they may have done or not in the past, it is in the past. Today, being a celt means you are from either Ireland, Scotland, Brittany, Wales, Cornwall and Isle of man. Six nations to show that the 'Celtic nations' are still here even after much history to separate even destroy it all.
And somehow this makes me proud to be Celtic!
We are a tough crowd, may seem cold, lack of trust in others, but loyal friends who can drink for days and party all night long without worries.

When I talk about partying all night, I'm talking about the festivals!
Festivals...
Ireland has Fleadh Cheoil (and Gaelic Céilidh)
Scotland has Mod
Brittany has Fest Noz
Cornwall has Troy
and Wales has Eisteddfod.

Festivals show everyone who goes the music, the traditional clothes, the language, the food, drinks, and dances. The Celtic Media Festival is one of the biggest festivals which is an annual three-day event that promotes everything and it's been running since 1980. Quite a festival if you ask me. It's like the birthdays of the most important Celtic Saints... We either celebrate Saint Patrick's Day in Ireland, Saint David's Day in Wales, Saint Andrew's Day in Scotland, Saint Piran's Day in Cornwall, Saint Maughold's Day in Isle of Man and Fete de la St-Yves and Grand Pardon of Sainte-Anne-d'Auray in Brittany. Le pardon, being one of the popular celebrations in where I grew up, I had to see my mother dress like the old times, making me wants to participate and trust me... It's not easy to wear what they had to, we have it rather easy now.
A funny side note is even though it's all about celebrating, drink, dance around, it's also about religion. Born and raised Celtic isn't always easy...

You may drink a lot, but church is part of it all as well. The legends, the mythology, literature, the fantasy behind leprechauns or korrigans... Fairies... Magical forests... I mean you name it, we are full of mystery. Full of legends, stories to keep you up at night because you want to learn more about it all. I sure stayed long nights watching movies, reading books on the subject, and despite never seeing a magical creature, it's part of the Celtic ways... And just because you are Celtic doesn't mean you have a pot of gold waiting for you in your garden!


Despite the fact that Celtics were around years ago, it is still alive, and we are proof! 

"May you always find three welcomes...  In a garden in the summer, at a fireside during winter and, whatever the day or season, in the kind eyes of a friend." 

~Bella

Cartoons? Hell yes!

Little Throwback number I... 

CARTOONS!

If you didn't know, I was raised in Europe, specifically in France, and to be fairly honest, I was quite good at watching TV, cartoons during breakfast, lunchtime (cause I went back home for lunch), and right after homework! So you can imagine I had quite the knowledge of what was good at what time! 

Despite the love I once had for these cartoons, I don't personally watch them anymore, but I do remember the soundtrack of each one of them! They stick to you like glue, like phone numbers you had to remember and somehow still remember after years... 

I wanted to share a little about the cartoons I loved as a child and hope my future "children" will have the chance to watch themselves...

Let's get started...

*Il était une fois la vie*  or *Once upon a time... Life*
A French-Italian-Japanese-Spanish-Swiss animated series about the human body! Alright, doesn't sound appealing, but trust me despite the fact that the first episode was on the air in 1987, the series went on and on for generations! It was funny, cute, and educational! You would learn a lot more than any other cartoons. I mean I learned about vaccines, flue, and so much more. Now, this series had many other ones such as Once upon a time... Space or Once upon a time... Man and so on. You would learn about life in general by watching something funny on TV. Plus the generic is catchy to the point where it will get stuck in your head for hours. 

*Les Malheurs de Sophie* or * Sophie's Misfortunes*

Cartoon based on a French children's book that I had to read as a child. Since I was a cheeky child (probably still is), I loved the series! I loved watching and making my little brother watch it with me despite the fact that he hated it! I might have traumatized my dear brother with it, but it was worth it all! Every little girl loved the song and every story, every misfortune! It was full of love, passion, sadness. If I have a girl, she will be watching it! 

*Scooby-Doo*

I believe Scooby-Doo is INTERNATIONAL! If you don't know about it, something is wrong with you, you lived under a rock! It's old, amazing and the soundtrack is AWESOME! You get monsters, laughs, spies, mysteries, crime. One of my favourite cartoon! I don't think I need to go into details about this one or else I will talk about my crush of Fred...

*Pokemon*

Just like Scooby-Doo, it's INTERNATIONAL! Somehow, the French version of the cartoon, each Pokemon had their own new name. Sorry, they didn't have the same name as the English ones! Not sure how many of us had either the cards or the karaoke down, but we all knew about it. Recess had become wonderful. 

* Titi et Grosminet* or *Tweety and Sylvester*

Old TV show, first episode aired in 1942. I loved this show between the little side stories of the bird and the cat, there was the old woman who would spend her time investigating crimes. I couldn't stop laughing or watching the show no matter how many times my mother had to say "Beli, it's time." 

*Tintin* or *The Adventures of Tintin*

Based on a series of 24 Belgium comic albums which was most popular in Europe! Comic books first then the show! And trust me the mysteries, the background stories, the history and the fun you have by trying to solve the mystery yourself will make you love this show. I know what I'm talking about and it doesn't matter what your age is, or where you are from. Tintin is by far one of the favourites! 

Nonetheless, all the other good shows that were on the air growing up, my mum always made us watch Disney movies. And I have to admit she was right to make us watch them because to this day, I will surely watch the Lion King if I'm sad, Mulan if I want to remember that everything is possible and rules are meant to be broken, Tarzan to remind me that you don't need to be blood to have a family, Peter Pan to make dream of a far away land that you don't have to be a grown-up, Mary Poppins to sing along cause let's be honest they are amazing songs... And Pixar's are just as good as Anastasia! 

When I think about my childhood, I think about what my mother let me watch, made me watch, and I'm grateful now, thinking about doing the same in the future if I ever have children. TV might not be good for kids, that too much of it makes them stupid, but you can't go wrong with a good show! 

If you have recognized a few shows or even heard of them, I'm glad I got to let you go back in time for a short moment! Hopefully, good souvenirs emerged. 

"My Grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel."

~Bella

Pillow Thoughts - Courtney Peppernell

Christmas 2017...

A remarkable one which gave me the opportunity to have amazing friends who apparently knows me a little too well... Thank you to my really good friend T, I received an unexpected gift, a really cute book called "Pillow Thoughts" by Courtney Peppernell. 

At first, it was intriguing to read, and then it became more and more interesting that I have to read at least a page or two every day. 
So despite the fact that this little book is one of my favourites and I do not want to share it with anyone, I thought it would be nice to share a few lines or a few pages!

Here it goes... Hope you enjoy! 

*If you are Dreaming of Someone*

"You're covered in all these broken promises
from people who said they would never leave. 
Sometimes afraid of your own skin
and the scars that run deep in your veins. 
Are you ready
Are you ready
for someone who could turn you inside out?
No one dares to peel back all the layers of your skin
All this damage,
you're a mess.
Are you ready
Are you ready
Because I want your damaged skin. "

"We cannot all be artists
and I must admit I do not know how to paint
But if I were to take a palette
all my colors would be of you"

*If you are in Love*

"You remind me of home, 
of all the simple things in life, 
of light and love and the reasons, I am not alone.
You remind me of hope,
of the sea and the sky,
every hug and every kiss from your lips to your thighs, 
I have flown around the world and met no one like you
because you are all the things I keep coming back to."

"You know sometimes it's the little details 
that take up the most room in your heart.
How nervous they get
when you tell them you think they're beautiful,
the way they laugh
even if it's not supposed to be funny,
the way they reach for you and they find you through the dark
even if their eyes are 
closed."

"It's the last day of the year
and I still lose myself
in good books
and warm tea,
those quiet nights
and writing your name
on my windshield."

*If you are heartbroken*

"Perhaps it's just easier to smile and predent everything is 

fine, rather than admit my heart's a little swollen from losing

something that wasn't even mine. "

"You didn't have to say anything that night; you did everything

with your body and your eyes. The way you sat next to me, you

were close enough to reach but too far to touch. And your eyes,

those eyes that once said you'd love me forever, now spilled 

tears that this wasn't worth the fight anymore.

When did you become so tired of us?"

*If you are lonely*

"she's the type of girl

that has a place in her heart

for all the lonely people to go

with their forgotten footprints

in the snow"

"There are little pieces of happiness and they are scattered 

through your day. So take a basket with you as you step outside,

fill it up with all the little pieces, and bring it back inside. Take

a moment, just by yourself, take out all the pieces, and place

them on your shelf."

*If you are sad*

"It's exhausting to be locked in your head with all these thoughts

that tie you down. Just for one moment, try with all your might

to let go of all the things that stop you from being you."

"My soul is numb, and I am desperate to feel. In times of distress

and sadness, mornings are no longer forgivable and waking up

isn't ideal."

"Even sadness needs someone in its corner."

*If you are missing someone*

"We are standing at the edge of the world and yet we still do not

meet. You are soaked in daylight and I am covered in the night.

My heart yearns for our eclipse."

"You were always miles away. Maybe you were just always meant 

to be miles away. The distance saw us together in a dream and 

though we were better off without all the mess."

*If you need encouragement*

"emotional and messy

sometimes lost and confused

but if you only realized

the wisdom behind those eyes

with a heart that never lies

would you storm the world

like you haven't a thing to lose?"

"Maybe you're running scared because running is better than

letting someone else in. But the truth is, you can't spend your

whole life running. It's exhausting living in fear. Slow down. 

Chances and risks keep life interesting."

"You just have to surround yourself with people who have the 

same heart as you."

*If you are soul-searching*

"But I am so deeply lost in my own soul, how can I expect

anyone else to understand me?"

"They always say that transitions happen with big events. Like

a wedding, your birthday, or your graduation. But maybe it's

really in the smaller moments, like when you look at yourself 

in the mirror and realize how far you've come or how far you

still, have to go."

"It's so hard to know what to say

To someone who feels so lost,

So I'll stand here for you

In the wind and the rain

And I'll be the lighthouse you need.

Take my hand and breathe again

And I will guide you home."

*If you need a reason to stay*

"Things might not get better tomorrow. You may have many

tomorrows and nothing changes. But that is not the point. The

point of moving through all these tomorrows is to get to the 

one tomorrow that finally does get better."

*These are for you*

"I can't remember what it was like not to know you. I am not

sure if this is because we have met before. As though we have

seen each other in a different time and life and maybe your

soul is the one soul I keep running into. Or maybe it's just

because my life before you wasn't nearly as exciting. All I know

is when we met, we spent the afternoon in front of a beautiful

view, and yet all I could do was look at you."

"I wish there were a better way to tell you how much I love you.

To write it in the sky or dip all my feelings in gold. But the

truth is, it's much simpler than all of those things. All I know is 

is that I wake up each morning and I can never find the words

to explain how much I feel for you."

Hope you enjoyed a few lines from each chapter... Each chapter for a special moment in life! 

I know a little thought like these always makes me think twice about my own self. 

" Make a cup of tea and let yourself feel."- Courtney Peppernell

~Bella

Happy New Year...

The new year is finally here! Happy 2018 everyone!

Excited? I'm sure you are ready to start this year all fresh with plenty of more goals...

Goals? Really?

Well yes! I'm sure you all have this one little thing you want to stop doing, or start doing something?

Don't get me wrong, I never go through any of my plans for the coming year, but a lot of my acquaintances have been thinking about things to do or stop doing.

*One big goal, one I've been hearing for the past month is...
"I'll stop drinking for a month"
Let's all go through a detox phase. Not a bad idea if you are one to drink every night or day. A month may not seem a lot, and if you are ready for round 2, please do it for as long as you can!

*The other goal I've been hearing almost as much as the drinking goal is,
" I will go to the gym every day!"
Please, don't put too much pressure on yourself, baby. Every day is a lot especially if you haven't gone to check the gym out in a while. Take it slow and steady! Twice or three times is already enough, baby steps!

*One more common one... 
"I swear, I'll make myself more available to meeting new people." 
Sorry to break it to you, but unless that is what you truly want, it will be nearly impossible to achieve especially if you have social anxiety. You will always find an incredible excuse to escape a meeting. I would know, thank you to many of my precious excuses, the ones I cannot live without! 

*"I'll smile more! I'll be happy all the time!" 
Are you trying to lie to everyone else or just yourself? You are entitled to have a bad day! A sad day! It happens! 

*"Bedtime is back on! Trust me this time, not after midnight!"
Until you pass by your bar and that will be the end of it! 

*"True love is right around the corner! I can smell it!" 
Please, enlight me on how you are managing to smell it! I want the same thing!

*"I'll show you my fashion! It will be amazing!"
Sadly, not everyone will agree with what you are wearing! Not everyone can have the same taste in fashion, what could be amazing to you may not be amazing to someone else! 

*"I'm going to start saving money!"
Before you or anyone can do that, it's called getting yourself out of debt, then... Sure, save all you want!

*"It's the year I need to adopt a cute puppy!"
Are you ready for such engagement? Did you ask yourself all possible questions? 

*" This year is the year I'll finally know how to cook pasta!"
If you can't make pasta in the first place, I'm sorry but there's little hope for you in the cooking department! 

Obviously, I'm being negative cause I don't believe new year resolutions/ goals are needed! If it works for you, go for it! I hope I gave you ideas on what you could start doing better or want to do. 
For me, it's simple, each year is the same, try not to fall for anyone... And each year, I get my heart broken and broken and broken... Funny! I don't seem to have learned any lessons! Maybe this year I'll either give up on any love or find the real one! 

Meanwhile, 

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOUR SAVAGES! Go enjoy this year like it's your last! Don't waste your precious time overthinking about negativity! Try and smile all you want, don't forget about being yourself!

"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one." - Brad Paisley

~Bella

One poem at a time...

A Christmas Childhood

One side of the potato-pits was white with frost-

How wonderful that was, how wonderful!

And when we put our ears to the paling-post

The music that came out was magical.

The light between the ricks of hay and straw

Was a hole in heaven's gable. An apple tree

With its December-glinting fruit, we saw-

O you, Eve, were the world that tempted me. 

To eat the knowledge that grew in clay

And death the germ within it! Now and then

I can remember something of the gay

Garden that was childhood's. Again.

The tracks of cattle to a drinking- place, 

A green stone lying sideways in a ditch,

Or any common sight, the transfigured face

Of beauty that the world did not touch.

My father played the melodeon

Outside at our gate;

There were stars in the morning east

And they danced to his music.

Across the wild bogs his melodeon called

To Lennons and Callans. 

As I pulled on my trousers in a hurry

I knew some strange thing had happened. 

Outside in the cow-house my mother

Made the music of milking;

The light of her stable-lamp was a star

And the frost of Bethlehem made it twinkle.

A water-hen screeched in the bog, 

Mass-going feet

Crunched the wafer-ice on the pot-holes, 

Somebody wistfully twisted the bellows wheel.

My child poet picked out the letters

On the grey stone, 

In silver the wonder of a Christmas townland, 

The winking glitter of a frosty dawn. 

Cassiopeia was over

Cassidy's hanging hill, 

I looked and three whin bushes rode across

The horizon- the Three Wise Kings. 

And old man passing said:

' Can't he make it talk-

The melodeon.' I hid in the doorway

And tightened the belt of my box-pleated coat. 

I nicked sick nicks on the door-post

With my penknife's big blade-

there was a little one for cutting tobacco.

And I was six Christmases of age.

My father played the melodeon, 

My mother milked the cows, 

And I had a prayer like a white rose pinned

On the Virgin Mary's blouse. 

- Patrick Kavanagh

Christmas Month!

December has come, finally!

Gingerbread, the pine scented candles, the hot chocolates with marshmallows, the songs... I could go on and on about what's happening during Christmas month, the cold breeze coming around nighttime which makes you want to get into a hot, steamy shower and get in your warm, cozy bed. 

This time, I'm not talking about the goodies that December has to offer us, but I'm going to talk about my favourite films. The ones I watch every year. Some are more recent films, year after year, I added a few more to the list. Do not worry it isn't going to be the longest list even though, I would add a lot more if I had the time. Being an adult means less time to get around my "me" time. Struggling with friends, family, and work... 

So I thought I would share this famous list of mine with you. Hopefully, I will give you a new film to watch! 

Little one...

"Love Actually" (2003)

Number one movie that I cannot get over, cannot stop crying over, and since it's British, I love it even more! How can someone hate it? I don't understand you if you have never seen it or dislike it? Go watch it now! Little plus, the actors are amazing... Hugh Grant, Keira Knightley, Liam Neeson, Andrew Lincoln, Colin Firth, Bill Nighy, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Martine McCutcheon, Rowan Atkinson, and many others as good as the other. 

Number two...

"The Santa Clause" (1994)

"The Santa Clause 2" (2002)

"The Santa Clause 3" (2006)

I've been watching them since I was a child, in French, but I would watch them all the time. It's part of my childhood.

Little three...

"Elf" (2003)

I believe it's people's favourite... It's such an amazing story, a great film that each year since it came out, it's all over the internet, mugs, I mean Americans go all over this movie each time Christmas is coming. 

Number four...

"The Polar Express" (2004)

I know it's a kid's movie, but how can you not want to watch such a beautiful film? The hot chocolate song always gets me! Give it a shot! 

Little five...

"Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (2000)

I recently got my head around watching it a couple of months ago and I was far from disappointed! The little girl in the movie cannot be more perfect, caught my heart fast! 

Number six...

"A Christmas Carol" (2009)

First time, I ever watched it I was in France, and oh my... It brought me to tears. The movie shows great life lessons. 

Little seven...

"A Child's Christmas in Wales" (1987)

Brings me back to a childhood dream of mine... A snowglobe, rain instead of snow, bedtime stories... Couldn't get better than this film... 

Number eight... 

"Home Alone" (1990)

As a baby in the 90's I couldn't get away from this movie despite being born in Europe! 
I believe it's more a classic movie that anyone could fall in love with at any age. 

Enjoy my list if you are ready to watch any of them. I know, I will make sure to get on the list even if it's much longer than what I gave you! 

Christmas isn't here yet, but trust me when I write this...
I will talk about Christmas a lot! So GET READY!

"What if Christmas, he thought doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more." - Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

~Bella

Little by little...

Apologizes to everyone for not blogging for two weeks... Two busy weeks which turned into a living nightmare when I got to meet new people. Nightmare wouldn't be the best word to describe it as I was the happiest person on Earth at the time...

Meeting new people could be terrifying, awfully terrifying.

Not too long ago, I had to meet new people, talk to them, drink and eat with them... Not in a million years, I would have imagined myself getting interested in knowing more about a family, and yet, I got interested.
Not in a million years, I would have thought about getting involved in such a complex story... And yet, here I am getting myself attached! 

Complexity should be my middle name, each time, I try to put myself out there, be there for certain people, something stupidly emerge from the shadows to destroy what I try my hardest to do or not do.

I strongly believe it's part of that curse, the one I talked about a few articles ago.

Meeting these new people made me realize how much I was homesick. Homesick for Europe, the food, the conversations, the jokes, the drinks, the pubs, the people, everything... Homesick ...

Despite the fact that I've been living in California for over 9 years, I don't feel like home, not fully. I feel out of place half the time, even though I enjoy lots of things around the beautiful city I live in, it's not the same. It's not me. Not my culture, my view on life, my ways of saying or doing things... I even try to stop my accent from ruining my day, afraid to have someone ask me to repeat many many times what I just said.
I don't believe I've been this homesick for a while, nor ever before. I always contained the feelings which would rush in, unexpectedly. But now, more than ever before, I miss everything, the people mostly, but everything in general. And being around Europeans is far from helping. How can I not miss where I'm from? I feel like I'm myself when I'm around Europeans, no more restrictions, no more stupidity... I can say whatever I wish and no one argues or diminishes me. It's fantastic but being homesick is far from being a nice, warm feeling.

When you are living in a country that isn't yours, that doesn't feel like you belong there, the ties you once had with your hometown becomes stronger. You start missing everything, little by little.

I wouldn't write about the subject if I wasn't crying my eyes out. Sounds pathetic when I say it this way, but I can't just lie about what's going on. Since Monday the 27th, everyone I met before Thanksgiving left back to their countries, leaving me to my thoughts. These horrible, one-way thoughts. The ones who try very hard to make you move away from the city you are currently living in. Don't pretend like you've never had a strange feeling of just leaving everything behind to start all over again? Or else I look insane... Cause that is what I want to do right this moment. 

Don't believe I have no friends around, I do, but it's not the same, not the people I feel like I can call "home" in a way. I'm quite lucky to have certain people in my life such as my good friend T... I don't know what I would do without her, we are kind of like an old couple at times, but that makes us be special in certain ways. I love it and I would hate myself for leaving in such a hurry without her. However, I wasn't born and raised in California or the USA. I was raised in Europe, born there, and my mentality is full on European. I have more enemies than friends, I say whatever comes to my head and even though I believe America has many opportunities, I still don't understand half of what Californians do (not even close to understanding).  

Even with many reasons behind me, supporting me on staying in California, a part of me just says, "Leave the place, you are far from being happy. Move away, start again, meet new people and create a new life where you can build something happy for yourself." 
Sounds amazing, leaving behind the past, the pain, the rumors, the hate, people who prefer to hate you instead of understanding you. Sounds fantastic and yet... 

I don't belong in this country, but how am I going to move away? Should I leave without thinking of the future first? Should I just wait and see if I meet the right person where I am at the moment? Should I just forget everything and everyone and do my own thing, wishing it will be the best decision? 

So many questions, and no answer...

"I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while."

~Bella