Pillow Thoughts - Courtney Peppernell

Christmas 2017...

A remarkable one which gave me the opportunity to have amazing friends who apparently knows me a little too well... Thank you to my really good friend T, I received an unexpected gift, a really cute book called "Pillow Thoughts" by Courtney Peppernell. 

At first, it was intriguing to read, and then it became more and more interesting that I have to read at least a page or two every day. 
So despite the fact that this little book is one of my favourites and I do not want to share it with anyone, I thought it would be nice to share a few lines or a few pages!

Here it goes... Hope you enjoy! 

*If you are Dreaming of Someone*

"You're covered in all these broken promises
from people who said they would never leave. 
Sometimes afraid of your own skin
and the scars that run deep in your veins. 
Are you ready
Are you ready
for someone who could turn you inside out?
No one dares to peel back all the layers of your skin
All this damage,
you're a mess.
Are you ready
Are you ready
Because I want your damaged skin. "

"We cannot all be artists
and I must admit I do not know how to paint
But if I were to take a palette
all my colors would be of you"

*If you are in Love*

"You remind me of home, 
of all the simple things in life, 
of light and love and the reasons, I am not alone.
You remind me of hope,
of the sea and the sky,
every hug and every kiss from your lips to your thighs, 
I have flown around the world and met no one like you
because you are all the things I keep coming back to."

"You know sometimes it's the little details 
that take up the most room in your heart.
How nervous they get
when you tell them you think they're beautiful,
the way they laugh
even if it's not supposed to be funny,
the way they reach for you and they find you through the dark
even if their eyes are 
closed."

"It's the last day of the year
and I still lose myself
in good books
and warm tea,
those quiet nights
and writing your name
on my windshield."

*If you are heartbroken*

"Perhaps it's just easier to smile and predent everything is 

fine, rather than admit my heart's a little swollen from losing

something that wasn't even mine. "

"You didn't have to say anything that night; you did everything

with your body and your eyes. The way you sat next to me, you

were close enough to reach but too far to touch. And your eyes,

those eyes that once said you'd love me forever, now spilled 

tears that this wasn't worth the fight anymore.

When did you become so tired of us?"

*If you are lonely*

"she's the type of girl

that has a place in her heart

for all the lonely people to go

with their forgotten footprints

in the snow"

"There are little pieces of happiness and they are scattered 

through your day. So take a basket with you as you step outside,

fill it up with all the little pieces, and bring it back inside. Take

a moment, just by yourself, take out all the pieces, and place

them on your shelf."

*If you are sad*

"It's exhausting to be locked in your head with all these thoughts

that tie you down. Just for one moment, try with all your might

to let go of all the things that stop you from being you."

"My soul is numb, and I am desperate to feel. In times of distress

and sadness, mornings are no longer forgivable and waking up

isn't ideal."

"Even sadness needs someone in its corner."

*If you are missing someone*

"We are standing at the edge of the world and yet we still do not

meet. You are soaked in daylight and I am covered in the night.

My heart yearns for our eclipse."

"You were always miles away. Maybe you were just always meant 

to be miles away. The distance saw us together in a dream and 

though we were better off without all the mess."

*If you need encouragement*

"emotional and messy

sometimes lost and confused

but if you only realized

the wisdom behind those eyes

with a heart that never lies

would you storm the world

like you haven't a thing to lose?"

"Maybe you're running scared because running is better than

letting someone else in. But the truth is, you can't spend your

whole life running. It's exhausting living in fear. Slow down. 

Chances and risks keep life interesting."

"You just have to surround yourself with people who have the 

same heart as you."

*If you are soul-searching*

"But I am so deeply lost in my own soul, how can I expect

anyone else to understand me?"

"They always say that transitions happen with big events. Like

a wedding, your birthday, or your graduation. But maybe it's

really in the smaller moments, like when you look at yourself 

in the mirror and realize how far you've come or how far you

still, have to go."

"It's so hard to know what to say

To someone who feels so lost,

So I'll stand here for you

In the wind and the rain

And I'll be the lighthouse you need.

Take my hand and breathe again

And I will guide you home."

*If you need a reason to stay*

"Things might not get better tomorrow. You may have many

tomorrows and nothing changes. But that is not the point. The

point of moving through all these tomorrows is to get to the 

one tomorrow that finally does get better."

*These are for you*

"I can't remember what it was like not to know you. I am not

sure if this is because we have met before. As though we have

seen each other in a different time and life and maybe your

soul is the one soul I keep running into. Or maybe it's just

because my life before you wasn't nearly as exciting. All I know

is when we met, we spent the afternoon in front of a beautiful

view, and yet all I could do was look at you."

"I wish there were a better way to tell you how much I love you.

To write it in the sky or dip all my feelings in gold. But the

truth is, it's much simpler than all of those things. All I know is 

is that I wake up each morning and I can never find the words

to explain how much I feel for you."

Hope you enjoyed a few lines from each chapter... Each chapter for a special moment in life! 

I know a little thought like these always makes me think twice about my own self. 

" Make a cup of tea and let yourself feel."- Courtney Peppernell

~Bella

Not just a friend, a best friend!

I'm sure you know what a best friend is, right?


For as long as I could remember, we go through experiences, difficult times and there's always that one person that happens to be here for you no matter the cost. Even though I'm sure we all lost a few best friends throughout our lives, there will be that one person that comes into your life, and stays, obviously to bug you. Just kidding... 

When I was a child, I had the most amazing best friend ever, she was more like a sister than anything. We would do everything together from going to the same school to spending hours playing around her family farm and help out when we could. Sadly life has downs, changes that make you lose these types of friendships. Then I came to the US... For a European coming to the US, trust me it's difficult to make friends. You have different life views, different jokes, different everything. So, 6th grade... Made a few friends, and a French girl who lived in California longer than I had, became my friend and a really close friend, even became best friends. Life continued and I lost her as well...
I could go on forever.
When you think you have an incredible friend you can count on, something dramatic happens and you lose them...

People tend to take everyone for granted, especially the ones that are close to us. Yes, you aren't alone, I, myself sometimes take granted people that love me. It's not my intention, but I still do it, realizing it too late. Do not take anything in the wrong way, I'm blaming myself as well because we all make mistakes! Best friends are here for you no matter what the cost is, they may seem harsh when they want to be serious, but at the end of the day, even after a fight, they will come back to you like nothing ever happened! They look passed your flaws, your determination of being yourself, and they don't try to change who you are!  

My best friend... He might be the opposite sex, and he might live far, but trust me, I know I can count on him to tell me the truth! My best friend picks me up from the lowest possible point to a higher ground because he knows how to talk to me. I've had plenty ups and downs, couldn't really deal with anything by myself, went downhill in a matter of days, seconds, and now I own my best friend a lot! Being able to tell a person everything without being scared of judgements that will never come in between the friendship, that's just a real friendship!

This past month and a half have been a very difficult time for me, didn't know what to do, who to turn to, or even do with all these feelings that came rushing up to the surface. How many times I kept things for myself,bottling everything so I could just ignore it all, and how many times I had to call my best friend and cry over the phone asking for help because I wasn't capable of thinking straight... We think we are strong, but we always need someone close to keep your head up! I would have probably ended up doing something really stupid, something I wouldn't come back if my best friend wasn't here reassuring me everything will be ok, that I can't give up on hope. Even though I wasn't easy to talk to at the time, and might have argued many, many times, at the end, I was still listening to some advice he had given me over the phone. 

I've always heard " You know who your best friend is when you are at the lowest point of your life." They were right about that! While some just don't give a f***, some actually do and don't let you go ahead that easily! They might not message you every day or weeks, but they are still here for you! They don't hurt you! 

If you have a best friend, tell them how thankful you are to have them in your life. Best friends are precious and you don't want to lose them! Just know how to pick them and trust them before calling them your BFF! 

" Best friends are people you don't need to talk to every single day. You don't need to talk to each other for weeks, but when you do, it's as if you'd never stopped talking." 

~Bella

Do you have a twin because I technically don't have one...

Twins are either of two people closely related to or closely resembling each other...

I do have siblings, but I'm the oldest and sadly, I ain't a twin. I wish, though!

A couple weeks ago, I realized that I do have a twin, well technically nota twin but a friend that is kind of just like me, when it comes to love!
Despite the fact that I'm very angry at him, and even though, he is all the way in Italy, I cannot stop thinking how similar we are when it comes to love. 
He once told me "Chi si definisce ultimo romantico, crede nel''amore vero, quello che dura per sempre. Crede che quando ci si innamore si hanno occhi solamente per quella persona... Un amore passionale, sfrenato, portato al limite ma con una base di rispetto reciproco." 
Which pretty much roughly translate as, " Who defines the ultimate romantic, believes in true love, the one that lasts forever. He believes that when you fall in love you only have eyes for that person... A passionate love, unbridled, brought to the limit, but with a base of mutual respect." 
Now I skipped a few passage of the message because it didn't seem that important. 

He calls it the ultimate romantic while we call it the hopeless romantic. Either way, it means the same thing. I've always defined myself as a hopeless romantic, and it won't change anytime soon as I love, love itself. What it means, is it's a person who is in love with love, who believes in fairy tales and happy endings. They are defined as sentimental dreamers that spend their time thinking about spending the rest of their lives with a person. To them, it's not just about one person being loved, it's about giving and receiving love. Hopeless romantics give 100% of their time. 

They are to the person they love, and they hope for the same in return. 

My friend, who is Italian, happen to be the exact same way! Let's start by saying that we love to give and receive flowers, a box of chocolates, it may seem old style, but we love it! 
We give everything we have to the person we care and love, then we are the one to get brutally hurt. Being a hopeless romantic isn't easy at all, it usually ends in heartbreaks and disappointments. I've seen heartbreaks many times before, but the ones that are the hardest to overcome are the ones who are deeply, romantically involved! They hold on to the hope that things will get better, that love will conquer all, and overlook the truth, believe that their partner is better than they really are. Sadly, it's just a fantasy of them. 

I've been dealing with my friend and his broken heart for over a month now and trust me it's the most difficult thing to do. You can't just tell a hopeless romantic "It's over, move on, she wasn't good enough for you, you're better off without her around..." It will make it worse for them as they still hold on to that hope of something working out! Being careful around them and giving your time to try and make them happy is all you can do. They will realize what you are saying, but it does take time. I see myself in him, a lot, and it opens my eyes to the fact that hopeless romantic are meant to be with other hopeless romantics. I'm glad to have him as a friend because we can understand each other and help one another through difficult times. We know we can count on each other for little sweet messages... It's not every day that your Italian friend says, "Ricevere il tuo messaggio questa mattina è stata una delle cose più belle che mi siano capitate negli ultimi tempi..." " Receving your message this morning was one of the best things that happened in recent times."
Heartbreaks and being a hopeless romantic is one of the most difficult obstacles of life.
After being heartbroken so many times before, I bottle every bit of my feelings inside, nothing gets let out. Holding on to a hope that disappear each minute that passes by. I'm sure all my feelings are going to explode, one day, and it will be a huge disaster that I won't be able to control of. Romance... Such a beautiful and terrifying thing. 

Quick note, don't think we don't have any issues, here's some that only hopeless romantics have to deal with once in their lives. 
1. Santa, Cleopatra, we give ourselves completely to the other person and give 100% of what we have to the relationship! 
2. We wear our heart on our sleeves, we give it too easily and so openly that it gets broken in an instant! 
3. If someone says something cute, romantic or cheesy, it stays with us for the rest of our lives. We don't forget what you have said, it's still in our mind! Watch out we might bring it up to you. 
4. We already know what our wedding will be like! Yes, we have been thinking about it, and us, girls already looked for a wedding dress... 

See we've got issues :P 

Don't try to change or destroy a hopeless romantic. Let them be who they are, but don't try and change yourself either, if you aren't a romantic, just don't it push! 

"I will always be the hopeless romantic, more often pathetic than heroic."- Chris Lowell

~Bella