Does Your Film Genre Should Matter? (6)

Movies... Genres...

A film genre would be romantic, comedy, scary, adventure, action, fiction... And we usually go towards a specific genre when we are feeling a bit sad, happy or even in a loving mood. A genre is given to movies to describe them, to give us an idea of what to expect before watching it.
Genres are, in my opinion, your moods, your personality of the day or night. Comfort moods, one day you will go more for an action movie and the next, you might go for a romantic drama when instead of getting pumped for some shooting, you will cry your eyes out because two people cannot be together.
I know, I have my moods, sometimes I'll be more cheesy than other days, but I will definitely go for a mystery, thriller anytime of the day because it catches my intention a lot more than anything else.
Finding your genre is like choosing your type of food... There are many choices, and most of the time, everything looks good.

So when you are in a relationship...

Watching a movie together on the couch or in bed happens, doesn't it?

I know I love to be next to my love when I watch a show or a movie. Cuddle around, being comfortable in a safe place. It sounds amazing...  But the difficult part of it is when you have to choose one movie that your partner will like as well. Tough decision if you both have different preferences. Lucky me, I enjoy every genre, yes, I prefer some on certain night or day, but I'm easy to please even if I have my favorite movies like Amelie or This Beautiful Fantastic. Both odd, indie movies that I cannot put a specific genre on.

Having a special, preferred genre makes it easier for your partner to understand and choose a movie for you. Going to the cinema/ movies will be easier, no stress, no worries because if you know what the other person is into, the movie will most likely be a good choice. Obviously, movies are quite hard to know if it will be a good choice or not, the trailer may give you false hope. I, personally, got disappointed plenty times, the trailer made the film good, interesting and then when you finally watch it, pay to enter the movies, and the film is horrible, the disappointment comes along.

When you first enter a relationship, you don't like the person who will like the same film genre as you, yes, you may end up asking which movie is their favorites, but you won't fall in love based on what they like to watch. It could be a plus, something to add up to the reasons why you love the person, but it won't decide if you are in love or not.

The funny thing about movies and relationships... Is .... The fact that couples do weird things while watching movies... 

"Those who are happy are not without pain, they just know how not to be controlled by it." - Love and Other Drugs

~Bella

Psych 101... Love, Listening to your heart, continue...

JOHN LEE'S SIX STYLES OF LOVE

John Lee believed the different styles of love were similar to the rules of a color wheel. Much like the way a color wheel features three primary colors, Lee believed that love could be broken down into three basic primary styles. These are:

• Eros: Loving the ideal of a person both physically and emotionally.
• Ludos: A type of love that is played like a game or conquest (and might result in many partners at one time). 
• Storge: Love that stems from a friendship over time.

Just like the primary colors of a color wheel can be combined and create complimentary colors, so too can the primary love styles. The result is three secondary styles of love:

• Mania: A combination of Eros and Ludos, Mania is a style of love that is obsessive. This includes emotional highs and lows, jealousy, and very possessive feelings. 
• Pragma: A combination of Ludos and Storge, Pragma is a love that is practical. Lovers go into the situation with the hopes of reaching their final goal. Expectations of the relationship are thought about practically and realistically. 
• Agape: A combination of Eros and Storge, Agape is a love that is all-encompassing and selfless 

ROBERT STERNBERG'S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE

In this 2004 theory, Robert Sternberg proposed that love could be broken down into three parts: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

• Intimacy: Closeness, supporting one another, sharing with one another, and feeling loved.
• Passion: Feelings of sexual arousal and attraction, and euphoria. This is what drives two individuals together.
• Commitment: The desire to remain loyal to another person and stay in a long-term relationship.

From these three components, seven different combinations can be created. The easiest way to understand this is by looking at it as a triangle. In the triangle, intimacy, passion, and commitment are the vertices, and the seven combinations are the connections between these vertices. 

Alternatively, here is another way to look at it: 

• Liking or Friendship: This represents a friendship where there are closeness and a strong bond, but there is not any passion or commitment present. 
• Infatuation or Limerance: This is what a person feels when he or she experiences "love at first sight." Because there is no commitment or intimacy, infatuation can be fleeting. 
• Empty Love: This is when a love has lost intimacy and passion, but there is still a strong commitment between the two people. 
• Romantic Love: Romantic love features intimacy and passion, meaning there are sexual arousal and an emotional bond, but there is a lack of commitment.
• Companionate Love: This is a type of love where passion does not exist or no longer exists, but there is still a great commitment and deep affection for one another. This type of love is found among family members, close friends, and can even be found in marriages.
• Fatuous Love: This is a type of love that only features passion and commitment, but lacks intimacy. An example of fatuous love is a brief or impulsive marriage. 
• Consummate Love: This is the ideal form of love, and it features intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg claimed that once consummate love was achieved, it would be even harder to maintain and that it may not be permanent. If for example, passion becomes lost with the passage of time, then the consummate love would turn into companionate love. 

During the lifespan of a relationship, Sternberg believed that the balance between intimacy, passion, and commitment would shift. Understanding the three components of love and the seven types can help couples recognize what they need to improve upon, what they should avoid, and even when it might be time to end the relationship. 

" The purpose of psychology is to give us a completely different idea of the things we know best." - Paul Valery

~Bella

Watch out for the wall...

As you already know if you read my very early on posts, I'm a hopeless romantic...
http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2016/05/do-you-have-twin-because-i-technically.html

Sadly, I've been keeping all my feelings away, locked behind walls to protect myself from outside pain, love. The internal pain has been eating me alive, but I'm dealing with it... Hopefully.

That protection wall you build after many heartaches or just a single one... The one that keeps you from getting attached too quickly, feeling all these emotions too easily, deeply falling in love with someone before knowing them a bit more than after just a few questions. I've learned to keep a lot to myself instead of letting myself go completely!
You would think it's smart, and it is, indeed. Instead of getting attached to someone who is here to play around, you move on quickly! It's just slightly annoying and frustrating, especially when you have an extraordinary person in front of you, proving you every day that he didn't come into your life to hurt you, but to make you happy!

We often mistake the wall around us, thinking it's there to guard us, to keep the pain away, but all it does it keep love away! You don't want to let your true self out, the wall keeps who you are away from others, it has nothing to do with your heart! Sadly, keeping up a wall doesn't do much good, in order to start liking, loving someone, you need to take down some bricks. 

In order to take this wall, brick by brick, you have to know what YOU want! You can be shy, guarded, have low self-esteem, but you have desires. Don't be scared of asking for what you truly want! Take the risk of becoming who you truly want! For instance, to make it more clear, you WANT to be courageous, you like that person, but you keep your distance away, it's understandable, you're shy and you probably already have that rejection scenario in your head, but what you want is to get courageous enough to go out there and tell the girl you like her! Take that risk, if you don't go out there, you will never know if it could work! 
Look at me, I want a relationship, but I don't let go and tell them, I back away, afraid... I don't let my desires come up to the surface, and I'm missing out on the opportunity of something beyond amazing! 

We believe that things will never change and that our past predicts our future. We think we will be rejected because it happened once or twice before. We are wrong! Sorry, but we are, people change, people grow up, each person is different, so don't think that every situation will end the same way! 
I have the same issue! I've been so afraid of guys becoming my father's image, that each time I see something they do or say that my father has said or did in the past, I back away and think they will be just like him. I don't want to compare anyone to him, but I do it unconsciously. Indeed, we have similarities, but each human being is different, act, think, say things differently. One similarity doesn't make everyone the same! I understand how each one of us is unique, but somehow I manage to overlook this important fact and let my past control my present and future at the same time. Don't make the same mistake as I am doing right now. 

In order to let go of that wall, start saying NO! 
In relationships, I used to give details to each of my answers, I would talk in circles, but ended up losing my partner in the middle of the conversation. The NO and YES answers are easier to answer, and it gets your point across a lot quicker! Walls protects us from sharing back stories. You don't want to share just say, "No" or "Yes". You never have to explain something to someone if you don't feel like it! Walls are here to hide who we are away from other people. We are afraid to answer straightforward questions so we push or avoid getting too close to anyone who might ask questions like these...
"Do you like me?"
"Do you want a relationship?"
"Why are you still single?"
Start saying these simple two words instead of sharing things you don't want to share at the moment, it's destroying you slowly, hurting you. Not healthy if you ask me! You may have had a traumatic experience in the past and you don't want to share, it's understandable, so say," No, I don't want to answer at the moment." Less painful, trust me! And if you are the person who asks these questions, don't try and force someone to answer in more details, you will end up making them run away!

Start choosing love over fear! 
Seeing someone as dating can be scary, and love... Terrifying! 
After my breakup, I was shattered, completely numb, empty from feelings. I did put all my walls back up because I gave all of myself to my ex, and he did hurt me. In my head, I was like, "I gave every bit of me to a person who destroyed me in a matter of a second, why should I take the risk of getting hurt again?"
A lot has come my way since then! Now, I have an amazing, wonderful, understanding, patient, loving person in front of me, trying to tell me he wants to take the risk of loving me, and I'm backing away, choosing fear over love! I became creative in order to keep that person away, I was brutally honest, spoke my mind freely instead of watching out for what I

was saying, I even became mean (when I'm the opposite)! He stuck around, though... Surprisingly! I did everything I could think of to get this guy to run away... And he was managing on staying! I don't know how he stayed, honestly, I wouldn't have! Funny thing is... I had two sides in my head, one saying he needs to back off, run away, and the other was saying, please let this guy in, let him love you like you want to love him... I'm difficult! 
In order to feel love, and be in love, you need to stop running away from pain, you need to let people in. Just because someone did hurt you before doesn't mean this one will hurt you the same way or even hurt you at all. Pursue pleasure, pure pleasure and only give yourself completely to the people that you think can give that pleasure to you. And anyone who can give that pleasure should be welcomed! 

To conclude, putting walls is smart, but if you have that one little voice in your head telling you, "Let him [her] in", open up, and let yourself go bit by bit! If you don't, you might regret it later on. Passing by a great love story and have that happy ending is a choice, you have to choose love over fear! 

Don't be like me! I think I don't deserve to be happy, to have a love story because I didn't do anything to get that! So I'm passing by opportunities, one by one, choosing to keep these walls around, not letting all my feelings out... And instead of being happy, I'm destroying myself. I keep telling myself how stupid I am for believing an amazing guy, like the one in front of me, will ever be interested in someone as idiotic, destructive as me. The painful part of it all is the fact that all the feelings that I have for the guy is beyond anything I experienced before. I always thought I did love the other people, but I never truly did, and I feel it now... It's scary, indeed, but I shouldn't let that fear rule me. I should start loving and be completely myself because what I'm feeling is actual love. 

"Sometimes all you need is one person that shows you that it's okay to let your guard down, be yourself, and love with no regrets."

~Bella

Do you have a twin because I technically don't have one...

Twins are either of two people closely related to or closely resembling each other...

I do have siblings, but I'm the oldest and sadly, I ain't a twin. I wish, though!

A couple weeks ago, I realized that I do have a twin, well technically nota twin but a friend that is kind of just like me, when it comes to love!
Despite the fact that I'm very angry at him, and even though, he is all the way in Italy, I cannot stop thinking how similar we are when it comes to love. 
He once told me "Chi si definisce ultimo romantico, crede nel''amore vero, quello che dura per sempre. Crede che quando ci si innamore si hanno occhi solamente per quella persona... Un amore passionale, sfrenato, portato al limite ma con una base di rispetto reciproco." 
Which pretty much roughly translate as, " Who defines the ultimate romantic, believes in true love, the one that lasts forever. He believes that when you fall in love you only have eyes for that person... A passionate love, unbridled, brought to the limit, but with a base of mutual respect." 
Now I skipped a few passage of the message because it didn't seem that important. 

He calls it the ultimate romantic while we call it the hopeless romantic. Either way, it means the same thing. I've always defined myself as a hopeless romantic, and it won't change anytime soon as I love, love itself. What it means, is it's a person who is in love with love, who believes in fairy tales and happy endings. They are defined as sentimental dreamers that spend their time thinking about spending the rest of their lives with a person. To them, it's not just about one person being loved, it's about giving and receiving love. Hopeless romantics give 100% of their time. 

They are to the person they love, and they hope for the same in return. 

My friend, who is Italian, happen to be the exact same way! Let's start by saying that we love to give and receive flowers, a box of chocolates, it may seem old style, but we love it! 
We give everything we have to the person we care and love, then we are the one to get brutally hurt. Being a hopeless romantic isn't easy at all, it usually ends in heartbreaks and disappointments. I've seen heartbreaks many times before, but the ones that are the hardest to overcome are the ones who are deeply, romantically involved! They hold on to the hope that things will get better, that love will conquer all, and overlook the truth, believe that their partner is better than they really are. Sadly, it's just a fantasy of them. 

I've been dealing with my friend and his broken heart for over a month now and trust me it's the most difficult thing to do. You can't just tell a hopeless romantic "It's over, move on, she wasn't good enough for you, you're better off without her around..." It will make it worse for them as they still hold on to that hope of something working out! Being careful around them and giving your time to try and make them happy is all you can do. They will realize what you are saying, but it does take time. I see myself in him, a lot, and it opens my eyes to the fact that hopeless romantic are meant to be with other hopeless romantics. I'm glad to have him as a friend because we can understand each other and help one another through difficult times. We know we can count on each other for little sweet messages... It's not every day that your Italian friend says, "Ricevere il tuo messaggio questa mattina è stata una delle cose più belle che mi siano capitate negli ultimi tempi..." " Receving your message this morning was one of the best things that happened in recent times."
Heartbreaks and being a hopeless romantic is one of the most difficult obstacles of life.
After being heartbroken so many times before, I bottle every bit of my feelings inside, nothing gets let out. Holding on to a hope that disappear each minute that passes by. I'm sure all my feelings are going to explode, one day, and it will be a huge disaster that I won't be able to control of. Romance... Such a beautiful and terrifying thing. 

Quick note, don't think we don't have any issues, here's some that only hopeless romantics have to deal with once in their lives. 
1. Santa, Cleopatra, we give ourselves completely to the other person and give 100% of what we have to the relationship! 
2. We wear our heart on our sleeves, we give it too easily and so openly that it gets broken in an instant! 
3. If someone says something cute, romantic or cheesy, it stays with us for the rest of our lives. We don't forget what you have said, it's still in our mind! Watch out we might bring it up to you. 
4. We already know what our wedding will be like! Yes, we have been thinking about it, and us, girls already looked for a wedding dress... 

See we've got issues :P 

Don't try to change or destroy a hopeless romantic. Let them be who they are, but don't try and change yourself either, if you aren't a romantic, just don't it push! 

"I will always be the hopeless romantic, more often pathetic than heroic."- Chris Lowell

~Bella