You don't go? Really?

If you are new on here, you don't know about my situations my school situation. Many of you are probably thinking, " She looks like she's university age."

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't go to school anymore, at least not since I graduated from high school a few years ago. Yes, I'm still in the university age, and yet, I don't go! Should I be judged for it?
After high school, I planned on taking a year off, a year to give me time to think about my future, think about the subject which would lead to my future career and well... To have a break from school.

Before I start explaining a few things you have to know that school isn't for me. No, I don't mean like I'm smarter than everyone and I do not need school. I mean, I cannot stand being at school.

Back in high school, I couldn't concentrate enough to listen to any teachers except maybe one. I would either listen to music or fall asleep in the back of the classroom. Sounds pathetic now that I'm looking back to my high school years, but I wasn't interested in anything except history. And sadly, I couldn't just take history classes. So after two years in Santa Barbara High School, I decided to go into homeschooling with the Olive Grove program. I do not recommend it if you aren't independent and love to teach yourself, read textbooks. For me it was perfect. I was managing my time quite well, reading nonstop, taking notes and I got to choose multiple classes despite the obvious ones. I got to get psychology, criminology, criminal justice, law, art classes... And the list is long as I took multiple psychology classes as well as criminology ones. Alright, it felt like I was in university but yet it was different cause I was home, I was doing everything on my own terms, no teachers.
You are probably wondering why I didn't continue my education and doing what everyone else was doing. But have you ever asked yourself why people didn't go to college or universities? Because you may end up getting a few surprises.
Alright, some won't go because of reasons, but other cannot go at all because they have specific reasons, or some won't go because they are too lazy and think it's a waste of time.

Don't get me wrong, if I really wanted to go I would go, but again, I dislike being like everyone else. Being the outsider suits me well...
I do have reasons though...

First, I hate going to school, sit in a classroom with over twenty people, being around strangers for over an hour and a half, listening to teachers who don't even like their job anymore. 
Second, financially, you need to be capable of supporting yourself and pay for school. I'm European and back home, school is highly different, it's free education while in America it cost double what you got in your bank account. And please don't state City College, it might be cheaper but it is still costly. 

Third, priorities, yes, I have them and no, they aren't about me. I don't think much about myself, and it is wrong. Some of these priorities are keeping me from going. Can't just ignore the family for my education. I guess I'm more family orientated than anything else. 
The fourth reason is the fact that I'm still unsure what I want to end up doing career-wise as well as where I want to go in a few years. I ain't planning on staying in California anymore. I think I got tired of living here, well, surviving. Santa Barbara is getting too small for me, plus I prefer cloudy sky, gloomy days instead of nonstop sunshine. East coast sounds better... Closer to Europe, and to be honest, I could end up staying in California, who knows, I may end up falling in love with a man who wants to stay in California. 

My reasons may seem idiotic for certain people, but to me, with my anxiety, they are good enough reasons. I do not need you to agree with me. I just need you to try to understand why someone wouldn't want to go to college. 
I'm not saying I would never go. Never say never. For now, I don't believe you need a diploma to do what you love, passionate about. A piece of paper doesn't show how intelligent you are. Some people cannot take tests but it doesn't prove they are less intelligent than the person next to them. Am I that idiotic, unintelligent? Last time I checked I was smart enough to hold a serious conversation with an older person. 

So why judge a person for not going to school, for preferring to take care of more important matters, for taking their time on choosing their future. Saving up money before using it on education. 
Stop making references and conclusions. You never know someone unless you try to comprehend them. 

"By not going to school I learned that the world is a beautiful place and needs to be discovered. " -Rutger Hauer 

~Bella

Let's leave the family home...

As you know, I moved out from my mum's place. Leaving behind my brothers as well as my dear mum. One of the best decision ever. I'm beyond ecstatic about the change in my life, the new acquaintances, the new friends. I don't think I would ever want to go back home after this experience; moving out made me see the world in a different way, and the experience is rather adventurous. 

Now, I could talk about all the experiences that I came across since I moved in, but I wanted to talk more about the one thing which keeps on surprising me every single day.

The New Family!

Technically not my family, but having roommates is like having a second family especially if you are close to each one of them. Having roommates could be stressful, annoying, and a lot of sacrifices to be made as each one has different schedules, different ways of living. Not easy when I put it this way, but there is something intriguing about living with people your age, same sex, or having roommates' boyfriends who come around. Making sure the house stays clean enough to walk around barefoot, to make sure the dishes are washed before someone complains there are no more forks to use or making sure no one steals food so you put your initials on the packaging. It's a lot of work when roommates aren't ones to wash their dishes or forget to buy toilet paper so you end up buying it all the time... (I don't have the toilet paper to deal with, but the dishes, I'm always cleaning up after them). 

Having roommates is fun, to say the least... You are never alone, bored, and you know you can count on them if you want something or have support. It's like having a second family! 

I have more than two siblings, but I'm only close to two of them and they are my baby brothers. One is 17, turning 18 next year, and the baby one is 8 years of age. Not babies, but still younger than me, and  somehow I still look at them like they are babies. Since I'm the eldest, I had to deal with teaching them how to get in trouble, hide the candies, taught them how to protect each other. But the youngest, I taught him how to read, count, I changed his diapers. So we know I had enough experience with babies, but when you have roommates living under the same roof, it's like having babies. And if you are responsible and mummy like, give up on trying to get away from cleaning, making sure people are alright, and keep everyone happy by giving hugs when needed. It's insane how having roommates is like having a second family. You build up a friendship which is more a family than simple friends. Cause let's be honest, you act like siblings who talks about almost everything, share the bathroom when one is in the shower and you brush your teeth, you cook, drink together. It's honestly another free family... 

What surprise me the most is the fact that I left my own family to live like 12 miles away from them and end up being motherly, still, with the roommates... How can I go from living the family house to another one? Don't get me wrong it's still highly different, I cook my own thing, buy my own groceries, go to work like a big girl, walk around town anytime I want, go to coffee shops, wake up at all hours, go to bed whenever I feel tired, eat in front of the TV, go out and enjoy drinking... I mean it's nice to be an adult, but then there is the family, back home which you miss. So to me making a new family after leaving another one is actually nice. 

If you don't have any roommates, and want to move out from the family home, choose to live with people you have no idea who they are, complete strangers. I moved into a house with complete strangers and they ended up being the nicest people with flaws and amazing qualities. 

"I have the best roommates in the world! It creates a fun sense of family... And that's really important to me. Things can get so lonely without it." 

~Bella

Does your hair colour should matter? (12)

Hair colour could actually matter in a relationship. Some are more attracted to a certain colour, but let's not believe that people will not go out with you because you are blond, brunette or ginger.  

I personally go, usually, for blonds but I've been in relationships with men with black, brown hair. The color did not change my feelings. We are more attracted to a certain style, and you can't do much about it. 

Now, you have to accept the fact that everyone will judge you, partially for your hair colour! 

*Blonde* 

Everyone will want to talk to you, you are rather approachable. Somehow people will also think you are idiotic, no smarts, and above all needy. And the basic belief that many people will agree on is the fact that blondes are used to get whatever they want, be treated like princesses all the time. Then again blondes are more flighty than others. 

*Brunette*

Smart you say? Is that even true? I don't believe we are smarter than you! More affectionate and more passionate? Could be true, but again, not every brunette will be the best lover. Some studies showed men photographs of brunettes, blondes, and redheads. Those who saw the brunette rated her more capable than the other ones. Higher salary! 

*Redheads*

No soul? What a joke! You are most likely to be burned by the sun, be hated by your doctors. Apparently, they have this reputation for having low pain tolerance. Not true though! Another reputation they might actually be known for is the capacity to be brave and strong in this "I'll kick your ass". 

Now, there are plenty of different colours, shades, and most of the time, we judge people for the colour. For example platinum blonde... It's extremely rare to have this natural hair, my little cousin had it, but it darkened after a few years, but it's rare for an adult to have this specific colour. 

Now, my colour is rather tough to pull as it is a deep brown almost black. Not many can pull it off, but Italians do! And guess what... I get judged for having pale skin but deep brown hair which could be black with natural highlights. "Oh you must be a good judge of character" or " You are so smart, the intelligence level must be high comparing to these blondes." 

Please, just because I've got black hair doesn't make me any smarter than the person next to me or make me nicer, warmer as a human being. Stop judging people because of the hair colour. Brunettes have issues trust me! 

I don't believe anyone should care if the next partner is a brunette or blonde. Love is love and if you can't pass it because you are attracted to a sudden brunette instead of a redhead, then you should review your personality and view!

"Sure, my life isn't perfect but my hair is."

~Bella

Chemistry... Explain Yourself!

Have you ever felt a magnetic pull towards certain individuals? Something you cannot explain in word form.

Some would call it chemistry, others would call it love at first sight. Both true as it is still undetermined, an unexplainable emotion which cannot be translated or put into words.

Let's not get confused on what chemistry is though, it's a simple yet complex emotion when two people share a special connection and it is not necessarily a sexual connection. Having chemistry with someone is still to this day an unsolved mystery. An unexpected mystery which many believe in different theories. As someone said before, "Chemistry has a purpose. It's not random, it's not a fluke." A strong attraction that many think is bad. But is it that bad?
Sure, if you want a quiet, simple life, having a strong attraction isn't for you. Wanting an uncomplicated love life is nearly impossible, it's something we all wish for, yet, we, humans are complex. Being easy doesn't seem to be on the program.
I can't talk to you about chemistry without giving you my own experience and what I've seen throughout the years.

To begin... Let's go back to the story of these two strangers on the street. If you haven't read the short, odd story, click here, http://onemorecupidtothelist.blogspot.com/2017/06/little-story.html

Like I said in the post, I felt secure with the guy. One specific person who happened to be a stranger.

As cheesy as it may seems, I had some type of attraction towards the person. Some type of chemistry, and all I could think about is "Will I ever see him again?", "Will we ever talk again?" It was an impulse which wouldn't leave me, still hasn't left.

To describe chemistry in a few words, it's a combination of basic psychological arousal combined with a feeling of pleasure. Rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and sensations of excitement that are often similar to sensations associated with danger. It's a sensation you cannot control, like the uncontrollable smile whenever you are thinking about that person... I think I'm officially making a fool of myself trying to explain what chemistry is all about. 
Having this emotion is an amazing experience, something that makes you happy, but it is also an emotion I wish no one had to deal with. Chemistry doesn't necessarily guarantee a chance of you seeing the person or talk to them again. Don't expect that, not many get this lucky. It's an emotion which may turn into a nightmare, living nightmare. I would know about it, trust me, I'm currently living this nightmare myself and ... Sadly, I cannot stop thinking or do something without thinking about a particular person... Cherry on top, I hadn't had to deal with chemistry with one stranger but two. Again, not a happy feeling as now, I'm stuck looking at people passing me by on the streets or looking at motorcycles like a kid on Christmas wishing it was the person. My thoughts are going wild, and instead of my being like my friend, I talked about it, I speak my mind. 
If you experience chemistry with someone go for it, you may be lucky, but remember that if the person has no intention calling you, texting you or anything, chemistry was only felt on your part and not on their part. 

"There is something beautiful about unforced bonds; the energy is real." 
~Bella

Art Therapy... Psych 101...

ART THEORY

The art of getting better

Art is an extremely expressive medium. It can help people communicate, aid in dealing with stress, and can let someone discover and study the different parts of their own personality. In psychology, art is used to improve a person's mental health and can even be used to treat psychological disorders. This is referred to as art therapy.

By integrating the creative process that is required to create art with psychotherapeutic techniques, art therapy can allow an individual to resolve their problems, decrease the amount of stress they face in their life, manage their behavior, improve their interpersonal skills, and strengthen their self-awareness and self-control.

Art therapy first began to emerge as a distinct form of therapy in the 1940s, when psychiatrists took interest in the paintings created by mentally ill patients and educators began to realize that developmental, cognitive, and emotional growth could be seen in the artwork of children. 

WHEN TO USE ART THERAPY

There are groups of people who have been shown to respond very positively to art therapy. Some of these groups include: 

• Adults that are struggling with severe stress
• Children that are struggling with learning disabilities
• People who have undergone a traumatic experience
• People that have mental health problems
• People that are struggling with a brain injury
• Children that are struggling with social problems and behavioral problems at home or at school
• Anyone suffering from depression, anxiety, or domestic abuse

What Art Therapy Isn't

Art therapy is not a recreational activity or a time to teach someone how to make art, and no previous experience in art is needed for an individual to partake in this type of therapy. Most importantly, art therapy does not involve the therapist interpreting the patient's artwork. Art therapy is about teaching someone how to heal through his or her art. 

HOW ART THERAPY WORKS

Art methods involved in art therapy include painting, drawing, collage, and sculpture. Once in an environment that makes the patient feel safe, an art therapist will either provide the topic for the patient to work from, or the patient will be invited to work without any direction. 

As the patient creates art pertaining to their life experiences or an event, the process of making art allows the patient to think about their experience on a deeper level and transform what is in their head into symbols and metaphors. By making these images on their own terms, which is an important part of recovery and self-discovery. The patient is the only person who knows and has the ability to explain what these symbols represent.

This process of taking and experience from the person's "inner-self" and putting it out into the world as a physical object helps the individual become distant to the experience, which in turn makes him or her fell safer about talking about their problems directly, which can be very difficult for them to do, they can talk to the therapist about the artwork they have made. Gradually, this process increases a person's understanding, self-acceptance, and self-awareness. 

OTHER BENEFITS FROM ART THERAPY

Along with increasing self-awareness and self-acceptance, there are many other benefits that an individual can gain from art therapy. 

• Being forced to actively participate in the process, which fights boredom, alienation, and feelings of apathy
• Decision-making and choices are encouraged
• Creativity is nurtured, and this can then allow an individual to react differently towards situations that may be difficult
• Catharsis, a cleansing of negative feelings, can occur
• Interpersonal and social learning can occur

Not Just Painting

There are also versions of art therapy in music, dance, writing, drama (known as creative art therapy), and even the performing arts (known as expressive art therapy).

What is truly exceptional about art therapy is that an individual has the ability to take an active role in the therapeutic process. By expressing thoughts through artwork and symbols, a person can recover and become self-aware on his or her own terms.

"Art therapy is about the creation and the discussion of the intent of the client. It's a different way of sharing. No matter how healthy, verbal expression is the hardest thing to do." - Kelly Roberts.

~Bella

First day of Summer!

As you can tell this is not part of the series but just a post about summer... Sorry if summer had to begin on a Wednesday! 
Summer...
People wait for all year long for the leisure, the parties, good times with people you love. 
Summer, summer, summer... Parties, half-naked people, the sweat that runs down your face as you are trying, desperately, to walk to your favourite coffee shop. Come on now, summer isn't all great! 
Being under the heat for hours, waiting for a perfect tan which almost never happens makes people want to have summer all year long! 

Now, to me, summer hasn't been all that great, I do hold some grudges against the season and I do not plan on rebuilding a relationship with it. All I know is that Autumn is following right after, and my big smile will be right back on my face as soon as summer time is over. There is a long journey ahead...

Summer means vacations, time off from school, work, responsibilities. It means going out of the city, village, state, country! I would go straight back to Europe if I could, but I can't, unfortunately, but it doesn't mean the rest of you can't go spend some time somewhere beautiful, full of charming streets, marvellous food, and scenery, so I gathered a few places that I believe is ideal for anyone who is hungry for an adventure! 

First stop, France! I know, I know it's my birth country, but I never or rarely say I'm French, preferring to say my origins... Why choose this specific country? Well, let me explain! France isn't just PARIS! It's bigger than just a city, yes, Paris is beautiful, full of history (museums...), great places to go eat, party, and get lost in the narrow streets of the city or the metro. But, there are other places in France you could visit, regions to discover, the friendly people from the south, the wine and cheese, the fresh air by the seaside of Brittany...  It's a rich country when you take out the poor government or the stupid idiots who cannot stop complaining about the smallest things. 

Second stop, Italy! I couldn't ignore the country, like really? I've got Italian blood in me. The olive oil, the pasta, the pastries and the sunlight against giant fields, the monuments, the amazing driving skills (sarcasm, please be careful as you try to walk to the other side of the street, especially in Rome, we don't want anyone killed on vacation), the language... I could go on like this forever, but we don't have time so let's wrap it up with... It's cheap, not too expensive to run around Italy, it will be an unforgettable adventure! 


Third stop, Ireland! Another part of me, and the best part... Between the cliffs, the green fields, the gloomy days, the beer! Can't go wrong with a relax vacation by the seaside, the legends which surrounds the entire country, the language (they have Irish Gaelic and yes, I had to learn some type of Gaelic language when I was still in elementary, it's hard, all I can remember is singing happy birthday in that language). Walking around the countryside of Ireland is beautiful, charming, plus who knows if you are lucky enough you'll get to see a leprechaun. 

Fourth stop, New Zealand! Far from pretty much everywhere, and yet, I do find it awesome! It's home to the haka. Like come on, it's impressive to watch the New Zealand All Blacks play! If you love beaches, it's not simple ones, they are 90 miles beaches! Next, the Maori culture, the performances, the arts, the sculptures... And let's not talk about the scenery, it's apparently beautiful! That's on the bucket list!

Fifth stop, Montreal, Canada! Sounds weird coming from me, but please do not judge! I've always wanted to go to Canada just not during winter, I don't think I'll be able to deal with the temperature. So summer time, please let me go and enjoy the views and the culture, and the French accent that I cannot hold the laughter in. Their French is just simply perfect if you want a good laugh! 

Sixth stop, United Kingdom! That means England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland! There are too many places to stop at between London Bridge, the Loch Ness, the castles, the pubs, the streets, everything from the countryside to city side! It's the perfect combination!  There is so much to see that one summer vacation isn't enough, but there's always next year! 

The last stop for today, Germany! I know another European country, but I'm European and having a tour of Europe would be spectacular especially with a boyfriend or someone close traveling around, making memories, oh please! So I put Germany down on the list because I believe Germany would be amazing to see even if the country itself has a hard, complex history which may cause a lot of us to freak out about. Hitler is gone though, the country has changed, dramatically changed, and we should all give the country a chance to show us the unimaginable places! 

I wish I could travel a little more, see the countries where I'm from except France, I know the country well enough to miss out on it until I have to show someone special. Summer time is definitely not my favourite season, I may end up saying I hate it for the most part, mostly because there's no cuddle weather (sorry, I'm too affectionate), and you have to say hello to getting tan, I like being white, I hate tanning, sitting out in the sun for hours, get headaches because you haven't had enough water, it's not my thing, but summer time is also travel time. Until I can go share a special adventure with someone special, I will dislike summer or someone has to prove me wrong, prove me that I can stay in town and still have fun. Good luck with that though! 

Go ENJOY summer, go have fun and put sunscreen on, we wouldn't want you to get skin cancer! 

"One benefit of summer was that each day we had more light to read by." - Jeanette Walls, The Glass Castle

~Bella
Ps: Please get over the fact that I love writing certain words the British way like colours or favourite. Stop asking why I write it that way, I like it... 

Labels, Obligations, and the Obvious...

How would you describe a relationship?

Simple yet complex question to answer. There's no right or wrong response as we are all free to think whatever we wish. A relationship may have similarities as well as differences. Each person is different making each relationship different! 

To conclude this short paragraph, there isn't a right answer to such question, and I certainly won't be the most experienced on the subject. Yet... With my own poor experiences, seeing my mother's relationships, her friends as well as mine, I can tell you a lot about it! 

Relationships may have a frightening side which may affect many of us and resulting in people not wanted to go forth with relationships.
It means commitment towards another human being and sadly, some of us aren't ready for such a situation. Thinking about two people instead of yourself, telling them whenever you have a meeting or trip, making sacrifices in order to make sure the other's happiness is on track... I mean I could go on like this, listing everything that a relationship needs, but I won't for everyone's sake.

Even though there are multiple factors against relationships, I still believe, hope (mostly), those relationships are more than obligations towards the partner/ lover. Yes, it may seem like you are obligated towards them, to hang out, to listen to them complain about their day, or obligated to tell them about your coming business trip. But when you have feelings when you let them approach you, fill you with warm loving sentiments, these so-called obligations pass as completely normal behaviors.
When you let feelings come along, respect comes along as well. Being respectful towards another human being is what society expects, so relationships expect some manners. Telling your loved one, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your wife/husband, or your partner is simply a respectful act. We are all entitled to know what's going on in our partner's life. Imagine if nothing was said to one another, catastrophic relationships would be ending every single day. Its simple communication and not obligations.
Now, hanging out or spending time with the loved one may be demanding, again, sounds like you could be obligated to see the person that you are in a relationship with. To my knowledge, when you catch feelings for someone, you do want to spend some times with the person so you don't feel like it's an obligation towards the partner, it's more normal than anything else. You feel content whenever you see the person so why not hanging out with them, make the best out of it. It can't always whenever you feel like, it's more about the two of you.
I mean, let's jump ten years from now, you are married, you have to live with another person, someone you love, do you still think it's an obligation? Does any married couple look like they are obligated? Yes, they do sacrifice quite plenty, but again, they do it out of love, pure love, nothing talks about obligations.

Then, there is the label situation, the issue that many of us, human being fear the most. Labels tend to show and tell someone else about the relationship to one another. For example, a mother and her son, they are labels and use labels. Imagine you are having breakfast and you see a woman, looking young enough, and a young male, they could be on a date for all you know, but having labels help understand who they are to one another, acquaintances or family. In this case, it's obvious that they are family, but some people either look rather young while others look quite older. We can't always establish a connection towards people, so being in a relationship means labels. In my opinion, they are just words to identify a situation that you are both ultimately in. You can't run away from labels all your life. We all have one, being the son or daughter to someone is one common label, is it obligated? No, it's just how it comes out!
We all have labels, throughout our lives, we encounter many titles that describe us. We are the child of two parents, we are students to a school, an employee, a husband or wife, a mother or a father, grandparents... Labels are just a word that describes our relationship towards another human being or a way to know what we are in the job life. It's only a word, yes, a word that we most of the time fear when it comes to love because that will mean that it is a commitment towards someone else... But I don't believe labels, obligations or anything of the sort are what we don't like, what we fear most.

Relationships aren't based on obligations, sacrifices, but on love. Either you do something out of love and respect or for obligations but if it happens, no feelings are involved!
Commitment is important, serious, and it does mark an end to the player that you may be. You can't run around, fool around, do whatever you want whenever you want so commitment can be quite difficult for some people. It's frightening to be a serious relationship, pay taxes, bills, groceries, no parents around, being an adult as well as being responsible for someone else, even if they are independent. Even with all these factors, it shouldn't be a bother to anyone because when you let your feelings carry you into a loving state of mind, nothing should bother you to the point of not committed yourself to someone else. 

Let your feelings out, it won't be killing you! Obligations are there, but the way you see it is rather different, you do it because it is respectful and "normal". They aren't there to annoy you, they're there to keep things in order. 

"You can't just give up on someone because the situation's not ideal. Great relationships aren't great because they have no problems. They're great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work." 

~Bella