Wednesday, 6 February 2019

"I'll give you that..."

February...

Short month but full of excitement! 

One, my brother's birthday, 19th birthday, still cannot believe it! 
Second, Valentine's Day which will be not sure how... Single squad!
Third, still, apartment hunting, send help!

Despite all the good energy that I've been trying to send my ways, it's hard to keep a clear mind, a positive attitude when you miss home (Ireland), when you miss friends ( I won't say names but I do miss the "Peanut" calling), when there are family issues, and when no one is helpful in the apartment hunting. 
The one thing that has been bothering me is how one of my friends left home for the air force. That one piece of news hit hard. Not sure how to view such an action especially coming from such a brilliant person. I ain't against military actions and such but when it comes to having a good friend leave... There's something that triggers a part of you to hate the military. 
How many families have been broken by their loved ones going? 
How many of them didn't return? 
How many of them did return but still struggle with PTSD? 
How many families are waiting for news?
So many questions and the only person that has left for the military is a friend, I don't know how the family can cope because I miss having my friend around. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all the way in Europe, it was already difficult to keep in touch every day, but we tried to keep in touch whenever between text messages, emails, phone calls... I could go on... 

I'm sure he is proud to serve the country any possible way, but I'm not entirely sure how to take that news myself. How to take the fact that he is gone... 

When he broke the news to me, I cried myself that night, not thinking positively at all. All I could do is just watch "Dear John". Talk about romance and broken heart and military life... Go figure, when you are sad, you watch more sad films... 

Serving your country is amazing, you should be proud if you have served or if you know someone who does. What I don't like is you see your loved ones leave... The long waiting periods for them to call, message, or come home to you. I know I would be able to endure it for love, but I hate not knowing if they are coming back or not. 
Love/ Hate relationship if you say the least. 

I guess you could say I'm starting to worry despite my own self being in a different country than him. 

People who are dealing with this type of situation should be proud of themselves and the ones who have left...

~Bella

Tuesday, 8 January 2019

January 2019

Sick on Dry January...

If you don't know what Dry January is well it's pretty much a month where you restrain yourself from drinking any alcoholic drink... I'll find a way to drink nonetheless, Dry Cider? Dry Wine? Dry Gin? 

Every year, people set goals, resolutions and I'm sure many achieve what they come up with, but I ain't one these people. I tend to mess up and give up if I write too long of a list. One at a time is best... This year, Dry January kind of came at the right time with me being sick.
I caught a bad cold that gave me a touch time with back and neck issues. Coughing, stuffy nose (I can't sleep right when my breathing isn't there). Anyways, you get what the entire "sick" part means. 
Not sure if I underestimate the weather in France, but the cold is different from where I was. And trust me, Ireland's cold is rather better a little less humid if I may say. So I had to buy myself a better scarf and two sweaters because I can live on sweaters. 


Not entirely sure what I want from 2019, I expected things to go differently in 2018 so now... I have to set my new future right, get my things organized, think about the long journey I have ahead; if you have any suggestions on how to manage it all, please feel free to comment. I want help! I need help!

All I know is that even if obstacles comes through, I'll make it alright... 
Actually, it reminds me of 'The Blind Side' with Sandra Bullock, Quinton Aaron, Tim McGraw, Lily Collins and Jae Head. The film is about a white, Christian family that takes a young coloured kid into their home, give him a family he can count on. 
Let's move on from the whole what it is about to how important and how life lessons were given. First, it's based on a real story which makes it even sadder or happier. Watch the film then you will understand how much crying will happen. 
Second, despite colour skin and different backgrounds, a family changed a young kid's life just like he changed theirs. 
And finally, despite what others may say, think or do, believe what you are doing is the right thing. The mother took a huge decision, the family had to make choices, the kid, himself, had to manage changes. That woman deserves a lot more credit, people such as this family deserve credit. It's wonderful to be there for someone who needs it. 
If you haven't watched this film, go watch it, it has to be on Netflix or stream it. It deserves a watch or read (it's also a book). I truly admire the family, admire what they achieved, how far they have come even with obstacles, they kept going...
And to keep on going can be hard at times... 

This is why 2019 may not be my year, but I will make it mine. I will give all my best to make it an 'alright' year, a successful year. Tough one ahead, but nothing good comes easy! You should remember that! 

For now, I'll try to survive this bloody cold, noisy cough, and unbearable stuffy nose. If you are sick yourself, ginger and honey help. For me, it's tea and chocolate... But if you have a pint of Guinness go ahead it will make you feel better! 

Happy New Year!
~Bella

Monday, 7 January 2019

Welcome 2019

Happy New Year!

A week already in the new year and I'm sick. Nothing too exciting, it happens every year. Normally, it's an entire week of suffering, but this time, I really don't want to go to the doctors so I'm ignoring it by drinking lots of tea and soup. I would have gone for a pint of Guinness, but France does not have good ones, so no drinking for a  while. Dry January of a sort... We'll see if it works... 


As many of you may already know, some of us are into making goals, plans for the coming year. And the rest of us, we already know that the goals we want to achieve just won't work so we just don't have resolutions... I'm in the category where we know, we just don't do it. 
Oh, don't get it wrong, I have plans, but it will take a while to do what I want to achieve. I'm not fully ready... 

For now, I'm going to get medication in my system, try to survive another few days of this sickness and I'll be back and running on the blog. 
Sorry, I caught a bad cold especially at the start of 2019.  

Hope you all had a wonderful celebration and good luck for the coming year! 

~Bella

Monday, 17 December 2018

Christmas Little Joys

Christmas is approaching faster than expected and I'm beyond EXCITED! 
As you may already know, Christmas is my favourite holiday (it hasn't come close to my favourite time of the year though, the first day of Autumn), and feeling jolly is quite a perk during December! 

Between the movies and the songs that have been playing on my laptop, phone or even outside in the streets, I've been even more homesick than usual. You cannot imagine how much I want to be in Ireland at this moment, being able to breathe fresh air (somehow the air isn't the same in France), drink my tea with a full creamy, perfect milk and being able to order a pint of Guinness knowing it's going to be amazingly delicious... Sounds horrid, pathetic, nonetheless all that, I managed to get a few things to cheer me up, it is Christmas time after all. Everyone should be happy! 

First off... A friend of mine got a tiny Christmas Tree, called him Norbert (don't ask why that name, I don't know myself... He just decided Norbert was a good idea which is entirely debatable). We couldn't get a tree at my place, my friend isn't into Christmas and we live with a cat that would have destroyed the tree no matter what. So I got a tree at my friend's place, good thing I go there enough to see it!

Then... We've got the homesick feeling that is back. I want to be back in Ireland, badly, and I can't. A friend back home was asking when I was coming back, not knowing what to tell him made me feel awful. Also a big part of why I'm so homesick these past few days. I paused the Christmas films and decided to get back on Irish TV... Laugh at me all you want but you've got to understand that Irish TV for me is pretty much, friends hanging around on the couch, drinking tea, eating cookies or crips, and watching programmes such as Gogglebox or the Naked Attraction which are both British programmes. I mean it's funny and I missed watching it in the evening when we had a long day of work. For a few days now, all I've been watching is Gogglebox and there are about twelve seasons so I'm caught up for a while which makes me happy. 

Next stop...I've been cooking again, and this time without red wine to distract me. I usually drink while cooking, either a beer or red wine just to keep me going. A way to enjoy cooking to the fullest. Made this simple spinach, artichoke and chicken recipe, it was delicious, didn't last two days like I anticipated, let's blame my dear friend who I live with... 

Christmas has been good, too much shopping for others but I don't regret one bit! Cool presents are going to be given and I'm proud of it. 
This time... I'm mostly looking forward to the new year which will be coming after Christmas Day. Getting a fresh new start sounds wonderful especially after this year. Not sure why 2017 and 2018 were terrible years between fires, mudslides, deaths, my health going bad, a dream coming to an end, and so on. I just want the year to be over so I can look forward to the next Christmas and this time... I'll be preparing my list of presents a bit earlier! No offence to the late buyers who loves the rush but I hate to not have my gifts on time! 

Enjoy your Christmas and family if you are with them. I know I'll be spending it with my friend, drinking... 

~Bella  

Tuesday, 11 December 2018

Let's sit and chat for a bit...

I don't know about you, but I've been questioned more often about the situation of France than my own situation, and if you don't know what's going on, well let me tell you a bit... 

Gilet Jaunes, Yellow vests... 
I'll make it short! It's pretty much...
A large group of protesters who are protesting against the government, against the rise of taxes and how unfair everything seems... The protest became violent as the president wasn't moving much and to be honest still doesn't move. 
Obviously, it's a bit more complex but if you are intrigued, here are some websites you can read a lot more about it all...

https://www.npr.org/2018/12/03/672862353/who-are-frances-yellow-vest-protesters-and-what-do-they-want?t=1544559157733

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-

46513189https://www.rte.ie/news/europe/2018/1208/1015963-france-yellow-vests-protests/

You will see photos and some good material! 

To make it clear I am NOT in Paris at the moment and I ain't planning on going there either. So stop asking if I'm okay because I am... This riot is far from simple to explain, I don't fully understand the taxes back in France (they are high), and I certainly don't pay attention to the political side of the country which may be a stupid bloody idea but I ain't interested at all. 
This riot shows how uneducated people can be! How bloody idiotic some people when they are under stress. The violence between civilians, students, the police and military is beyond me. I do not understand how they decided to be okay with this type of behaviour! 
I'm all up for a good revolution but this riot is far from what I can imagine! One would say I'm the peaceful type of person, but on the contrary, don't get me too mad or else little me becomes big me. It's not easy to be heard, especially when it concerns a government, but what they are doing is terrorizing people on the street, getting hurt, pushing too far and expecting nothing in return. 


How many protestors have gotten hurt? Too many to count, too many have been seen on videos. What I don't understand is how can someone expect to be treated as a good person when they are the ones pushing the buttons, pushing others to hurt them! 


I just see this whole blow up in their faces because ignorance is all over. It makes me feel sad, but then again... France is kind of like the USA, there's always something this stupid happening. There's always going to be something happening because being on the front page of social media, the news, the papers is better than being a boring safe country...

I don't expect anyone to understand my point of view, to agree with me, I don't personally care. What I care about is the fact that people are making bigger mistakes, talking about politics in front of kids, and not educate themselves before making more mistakes... 

In other words, if you want more about the Yellow vest, look it up online or talk to someone in Paris, I'm sure you'll hear stories!

~Bella 

Sunday, 2 December 2018

Christmas month... Couldn't be happier!

December has arrived and I couldn't be happier. 

It's the perfect time to be jolly, to grab hot wine, hot chocolate with Baileys, Christmas songs and movies, the Christmas shopping and the obvious Christmas market...


Edinburgh Christmas Market 2018

Since it's December and we all have to wait for Christmas Day to arrive, I went through the list of my favourite Christmas films. One for each day... I started with my all times favourite which I'm sure is a classic....


Day 1- Love Actually! 
A classic that will always take everyone into a loving, joyful mood, and how can we forget the famous dance of Hugh Grant. 

Day 2- The Nightmare Before Christmas!
Famous Tim Burton's got it right with this film. Perfect for a family film... After Halloween... It's just perfect!

Day 3- Elf!
This one is most likely to be a favourite with the humour and Will Ferrell's acting is brilliant, everyone falls for the cuteness.

Day 4- How The Grinch Stole Christmas!
If you want to fall in love with a cute movie with an adorable child who saves Christmas then this movie is for you!

Day 5- The Santa Claus!
Growing up with this film made me fall in love with Christmas and the hot chocolate! 

Day 6- The Santa Claus 2!
If you watch the first might as well continue!

Day 7- The Santa Claus 3!
After two movies, let's finish the trilogy!

Day 8- Home Alone!
Full of laughs and cute moments, it's one of the classics...



Day 9- Miracle on 34th Street!
One more classic, many versions, and all of them are just amazingly cute! A family film for sure!

Day 10- Scrooged!
The story is beautiful, the lessons are powerful!

Day 11- Angela's Christmas!
A 2018 Irish Christmas film which is beyond adorable! How can I not put an Irish film on the list? It's adorable and everyone is falling hard for it. How can you not?




Day 12- The Polar Express!
I remember watching it with my brothers when I was younger and each year we had to watch the film and read the book!

Day 13- A Charlie Brown Christmas!
An American classic, one I will surely watch for the first time... I needed to add it to the list because I found it pointless not to put it. 

Day 14- White Christmas!
Classics are always best especially during this season! 

Day 15- Home Alone 2!
Another great movie, one you cannot skip!

Day 16- The Grinch!
A 2018 movie, Dr.Seuss always had wonderful books, and the film will be just as delightful to watch. 

Day 17- A Christmas Carol!
Same as Scrooged, but more a family style film. 

Day 18- Bad Santa!
If you are looking for more adult fun, go for it!

Day 19- It's a Wonderful Life!
One classic at a time, this one deserves more credit!

Day 20- Frozen!
I mean it's not specifically Christmas but it has snow and long lasting songs. We all know how 'Let It Go' get stuck in your head for days.

Day 21- Rudolph, the Red-Nose Reindeer!
Used to watch it when I was a kid, cute cartoon that made me think about my red nose when I was sick. 

Day 22- One Magic Christmas!
It's been a while since this movie, but a Disney film nonetheless!

Day 23- Gremlins!
If you want a spooky Christmas film, this one will be perfect! 

Day 24- 
Anything you want... I know I'll probably end up watching 'Love Actually', 'Angela's Christmas', ' Angela's Ashes' or 'The Snapper', an Irish classic which if it comes on the tele, you will end up watching it again no matter.



This year, Netflix is taking down Love Actually so if you are a fan, watch it sooner than later!  But it does reserve us amazing new films, and I cannot wait to get through the list of films and songs myself... After all, even if you are an adult, you will watch cartoons and family films because Christmas has the power to let everyone become a child all over again!

~Bella

Thursday, 29 November 2018

"Aithníonn ciaróg ciaróg eile"

"A beetle recognises another beetle" or simply... "It takes ones to know one"... 

A friend of mine once told me that quote and since that day, it hasn't left me. Irish... Oh, don't I miss hearing it on the train or seeing it written on almost everything. 

I would have never thought I would be in another country when my mother was in Ireland. I would have never thought that I wouldn't be there when she was. And yet... There it was, the "never would happen", happened! 

I'm in France and she is in Ireland since November 27th when she arrived in Dublin. 
Despite my love for my dear mother, a part of me envy her. Jealous to see how she is home while I ain't, while she made a choice with my friend to make me leave the country. 
Hard to explain how something so tiny can affect you. Hard to recognise that it was for the best... 

I wouldn't change what happened, but accepting it has become harder each day.


Ireland, a country takes a whole lot of my love (don't worry, it seems like I have a big enough heart to hold a lot more), and I cannot deny it. It's only a feeling of belonging to a place where I can breathe fresh air, hold myself warm in a blanket while watching the rain outside the living room window, the smell of Guinness spilled on the pub's floor... Missing the long train rides, and the walks along the waterfront. I miss it all, but what can it do to dwell on it all? 
Keeping a good memory of it, trying to get the same tea brand back in France, the same scents which I do find when I walk by a bakery (surprisingly) and let's be honest, I do miss my fish and chips... I miss calling fries "chips" and miss speaking English or hearing it all the bloody time between the accents and the expressions... 

Funny thing is I could go on and on about everything I miss about Ireland and not get tired of it. I wouldn't mind stating every good thing and bad ones as well just to get it out of my chest... But what a boring post would that be... 

So to get back to the point of this post if does have one... I need to make a choice. To decide what's next for me, for my health, my relationships, my future. Sounds completely idiotic considering I'm still in my early twenties but trust me, if I could have been thirthy like my friend, I would! 
Choices... Hilarious... My last choice, wasn't mine, all I did was follow it through without crying my eyes out. Where should I go? Should I stay in France for a while and see where it leads me? Or should I save up every penny to move back to Ireland...? 


I can't even write a proper post. How regretable! All I can think of is how pathetic I may sound when I tell myself that everything is fine, but my facial expressions tell a different story. Because deep down, I'm completely lost. Lost between what is needed for me at the moment and what I truly desire which is a blur, a fogged out little thought that won't come through to let me make a decision. 
Why? Why is so complex to make a decision? 
Sometimes, I wish I was back in in a different time period kind of like how the TV show "Outlander" made it... Falling in love with a brave Scottish soldier, seeing something else, be someone else, start fresh and be lost ... 
What can I say, one can only dream! 

~Bella