I don't know about you, but I've been questioned more often about the situation of France than my own situation, and if you don't know what's going on, well let me tell you a bit...
Gilet Jaunes, Yellow vests...
I'll make it short! It's pretty much...
A large group of protesters who are protesting against the government, against the rise of taxes and how unfair everything seems... The protest became violent as the president wasn't moving much and to be honest still doesn't move.
Obviously, it's a bit more complex but if you are intrigued, here are some websites you can read a lot more about it all...
https://www.npr.org/2018/12/03/672862353/who-are-frances-yellow-vest-protesters-and-what-do-they-want?t=1544559157733
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-
46513189https://www.rte.ie/news/europe/2018/1208/1015963-france-yellow-vests-protests/
You will see photos and some good material!
To make it clear I am NOT in Paris at the moment and I ain't planning on going there either. So stop asking if I'm okay because I am... This riot is far from simple to explain, I don't fully understand the taxes back in France (they are high), and I certainly don't pay attention to the political side of the country which may be a stupid bloody idea but I ain't interested at all.
This riot shows how uneducated people can be! How bloody idiotic some people when they are under stress. The violence between civilians, students, the police and military is beyond me. I do not understand how they decided to be okay with this type of behaviour!
I'm all up for a good revolution but this riot is far from what I can imagine! One would say I'm the peaceful type of person, but on the contrary, don't get me too mad or else little me becomes big me. It's not easy to be heard, especially when it concerns a government, but what they are doing is terrorizing people on the street, getting hurt, pushing too far and expecting nothing in return.
How many protestors have gotten hurt? Too many to count, too many have been seen on videos. What I don't understand is how can someone expect to be treated as a good person when they are the ones pushing the buttons, pushing others to hurt them!
I just see this whole blow up in their faces because ignorance is all over. It makes me feel sad, but then again... France is kind of like the USA, there's always something this stupid happening. There's always going to be something happening because being on the front page of social media, the news, the papers is better than being a boring safe country...
I don't expect anyone to understand my point of view, to agree with me, I don't personally care. What I care about is the fact that people are making bigger mistakes, talking about politics in front of kids, and not educate themselves before making more mistakes...
In other words, if you want more about the Yellow vest, look it up online or talk to someone in Paris, I'm sure you'll hear stories!
~Bella
I didn't know how to start this post, it is quite personal but people don't know half of what makes me, me... Not many will know what I had to go through at a young age and what I still have to deal with at my age. Yes, I'll be talking about ten year or more ago. Yes, it's going to be about me, but also how it may affect others as well. I know there's worse people than me who have to go through a lot more at a younger age. Everyone deals with situations differently, and this is how I've dealt with a few things.
To make you understand a few things, I never really lived with my father as he worked the entire week, and would come back only on weekends. I never had a father at home like most of my peers from school, and I was alright with that. I still had my mother and brother with me! Second, my parents divorced when I was about ten years of age, leaving my brother being six.
Children don't comprehend why their parents separate until the day one or both parents talk about the subject, calmly with plenty of explanation that the child will understand. It will be a stressful time for everyone, and many children react badly, abandonment, violence will be present, verbally or physically. Other kids will just be shut off, introverted, depressed, will ignore everyone and everything. And some will just live their life, leaving their parents to deal with the problem themselves.
Now, most parents will talk in front of the children, and this will be the end of the beautiful, innocence that children have as they mature up quicker. It's a fault, but not talking, telling the truth doesn't help either. Kids need some reassurance, confidence, as well as space to process what's going on, and the parents need to be open minded to the possibility of responding to questions, without being evil about the other parent.
My parents had violent fights as well as dishes being thrown, hits from my father to my mother, bloody hands, and yelling, lots of yelling especially from my father. Treats and revengeful words were thrown as well as death treats from my father to my mother.
When you hear about guns and killing your mother, trust me, you will start being afraid of the consequence, the future, what your father is capable of doing.
People don't understand why I don't trust men, why I have such a hard time being able to act "normally" around them and why I'm so distant at times. It's not a hatred against men, it's more a cautious side that shows up more often than what I anticipate. Imagine this...
You are about ten, you had your first kiss, you have a younger brother, you are finishing elementary school (In France, 6th grade is in junior high and not elementary). You play piano and teach your cat an easy song. You are a bookworm with earplugs almost all the time... Have amazing grades in literature and history, bad grades in math. You spend hours trying to fix issues with friends, listening to their problems as well as ignoring your own. Then one day, your mother decides to leave your father. That one doesn't take it slightly, making treats, being even more violent than he usually is, hits more than before, and yells all the time. You see, your mother sleep upstairs in the spare bed while your father is downstairs in the bedroom which happen to be below yours. You wake up suddenly in the middle of the night just to hear him cry or yell or making noises as he search wardrobes for whatever.
This is just a passage as you leave a few months later to live in another city, another school, and you go see your father one or two weekends each month. You feel a little better, your mother explains why she left, but you are living in fear that your father comes around to kill you and your mother, brother. Whenever you go back to his place, all he does is complain, breaks photo frame, shows you the blood that runs down his hand, even if he knows you can't see it because you either faint or throw up. He barely makes dinner so you are stuck doing it yourself, makes grocery shopping lists for the next day, you are stuck with telling your brother to go shower before dinner time. Putting your brother to bed and play with him. Stuck with the responsibility of dealing with a father that only cries, complains and pretends to be the good guy when it's the opposite. Stuck with the responsibility of protecting your brother by getting the hits yourself, by telling him to go back upstairs and lock the door in case something goes wrong...
How would you deal with all that?
How would you feel about all this?
How would you behave in this situation?
Would you still trust a man? Talk to your father?
My mother helped me a lot, supported me, but I still felt alone, and I had to mature up quicker than everyone my age. None of my friends would understand and I barely talked because, let's be honest, it's embarrassing. It's like a woman who is dealing with domestic violence, will she speak up? Will she leave? Most the time, they are too scared to do that. So a ten years old girl isn't capable of much.
I'm turning twenty-one in a couple months from now, and no, I've never really talked about it all to someone except a few things to some people who I thought would understand and listen. Sadly, people still manage to tell me that I have a problem, that I don't trust enough people, that I'm too honest, that I shut down quickly, I judge people too fast. After my teenage years, I had to deal with liars, manipulators, a father that rejected me, and you expect me to be all trusting? I don't think so. You can't expect me to not trust my gusts when I'm usually right about someone. Over the years, I learned that not every man is the same, that some are actually lovable and sweet, the opposite of my father. But, still, do not expect me to trust you, to not be cold at first, and behave differently than I am.
Traumas don't go away, they stay, heal over time, but they stay. Just like you forgive, but never forget! In my case, I won't be able to forgive a man that insulting me, hit me, proved that I was nothing to him for years, that doesn't try to explain or apologize for his action! Before you judge the way I am, try and comprehend why I became the way I am today. Instead of putting me down by insulting me, my behavior, or telling me to change, try and listen to my story.
Everyone doesn't get the chance to have a happy childhood, joyful teenage years, being the little princess or prince. Some have to deal with screams, violence, and others. We may be strong, we may strive and let the past be the past, move on, but the trauma is still here, it may affect us in a way that we cannot always control!
"It's not the future that you're afraid of. It's repeating the past that makes you anxious. "
~Bella
