Does your phobias should matter ? (11)

Phobias....

Yes and no!

Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation. 

Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from. 
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim. 

First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.

Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes. 

Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other.  Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them. 

Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully. 

Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear. 
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship. 

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard

~Bella

Does Size Should Matter? (1)

Last month, I talked about starting a series of " Should It Matter?", and today is the first day! 
I'm excited to actually start something big like this, well for me is! 

Size! Don't start thinking about the dirty part of the size... We all know that somewhere along the way, the size of a man's private is quite important to women; now many will refuse on telling the truth as it could be disappointing to many people, men to be exact. Sadly, it is not what I'm talking about... 

Size as in someone's height. 

Have you ever come across a couple where the woman is slightly taller than the man? I know I have, frequently, and I always wondered how and why would a man prefer a taller woman? But when it comes to having the man being taller than the woman, it seems as it is just "normal", almost commonly known to be completely "normal". Usually, we see the woman being shorter than her man, but the opposite happens!
It shouldn't annoy or bother anyone, height shouldn't determine a relationship status. Commonly known, women are trained to see that taller men are more respected, more of everything, yet it's entirely false, but that could be an "agree to disagree" type of subject! 
Short men had to deal with bullying, got insulted, and humiliated by how short they are... Come on now, should we categorize short men as just shorties who aren't protective enough. 

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and preferences, I personally prefer a taller man, not that it would be hard because I believe everyone is taller than me. Tall men usually attract me more than shorter guys because somewhere along the way, they seem more protective, and most likely to be a little more respected. It is quite wrong, but unconsciously our society subconsciously made women believe that taller men are more respected, more attractive and rewarded. Untrue, indeed, yet, women still believe it... 
Can't judge anyone for being sexually attracted to taller people and preferring a certain height. 


Women seem to be more concentrated on height while men don't care much! After all, sexually, no matter the height of someone, it works! However, size matter to some people! 
After a few studies that were made, it may seem that physical features such as height are not the dominant rule, especially with females. 
Some data suggest that the main reason females prefer a tall partner are for protection and feminity. 
It's just like I said above, protection, and when you can wear heels and still be shorter, it's quite the advantage for many women. 

Usually, people go for similar height so it would be easy to kiss, hold hand and do other activities with the partner. 

Many studies happened, yet each time, women prefer taller men and men prefer to be in a relationship with shorter women. It proves that society encourages men to be dominant and women to be submissive, having the image fo tall men hovering over short women reinforced this value. The masculine ability to offer physical protection is clearly connected to the gender stereotype. We all heard about men being the one hunting and protecting the family while the woman is here to get birth. It's a traditional societal expectation! We can't do much about it, but we can stop embarrassing shorter people especially men! 

In my opinion, height, size shouldn't matter especially when it comes to love. But it seems like I've always been drawn to taller guys, I feel more secure in their arms... Even though I could feel totally protected with a shorter man, yet, taller is more attractive to me. Again, if a woman is taller than her man, the relationship isn't worse or better, as long as if they are both happy, the height doesn't to any of them! 

Let's stop judging, and let's love continue its course! Let's everyone go with whoever they are attracted to. 

"It doesn't matter what size or shape you are. Burlesque is about feeling positive about who you are, about knowing how to shake what you have and being proud of it." -Baby Doe

~Bella