Oh, genius...

I turned 21 years of age in July of 2017, this year, not long ago and yet, it feels like it was an eternity ago. Since July, either I've been going to both my favourite bars or recently one more, the one I disliked on my birthday. It ain't that bad when you know people who work there. 

Each bar I go to is quite unique, different from one another which makes it difficult to only choose one. Everyone knows each other, and you become familiar to people who work at each place. Even become friend with a few. Get phone numbers and an amazing time cause despite what people say, some people are actually quite interesting.  
What I do best is people watch, analyze whoever I fancy, who attracts my eyes. 
As a writer, I take my ideas from daily life, from people I watch at bars, from work ( thank you to a number of stupid customers I have to deal with). And most of the time, I get disappointed by how idiotic people can act.  It's just painful to see how people react and when they open their mouths, what comes out is the trash... 

What I found amusing is the fact that people don't know how to drink and be themselves. It's one of the differences I have with many of them. I'm not going to pretend anything, say what the other person wants to hear, and usually, I make more enemies than friends. It doesn't stop me from being myself though... And it seems like I'm appreciated for it. 
For example, I was sitting at the bar eating some fries and talking to my friend who was working in front of me.  A young woman in her late twenties was standing beside me with a tall guy in his mid-thirties on the other side. They were conversing quite loud so I couldn't help but hear the conversation even though it was rather boring in my opinion. I kept wondering what these two had in common... So I kept listening, wondering, analyzing the best I could. He was barely paying attention to her as his eyes wandered around the room a little too much, staring at women across the room. She kept continuing with her speech which wasn't interesting at all. 
When someone doesn't seem interested you either stop talking or change the subject. It wasn't the case in this situation. 

Then I looked again at both of them, he was tall, fit, well dressed while she looked basic, a lot of makeup, mini dress where we could have seen everything if she bent down. Either she is the easy girl who wants to marry a rich husband, or she is the opposite, a little too serious and thought she would have an enjoyable time by dressing so poorly. Either way, it was funny to watch. 
Another example which I see quite often between one person to the next is the " same thing" type of person. This time, a guy was sitting behind me with a young woman, both drinking vodka mules, probably on a date, and both seem like they were enjoying themselves. Throughout the hour they were sitting at the table, their conversation was more than ordinary, nothing alarming except one slight detail... Everything they had to say to each other was " same with me" or " I can't believe you listen to them as well". 

Don't get me wrong, many of us have similarities but to have everything in common is quite rare. Don't you want to be unique? Be liked for who you are and not because you have common grounds with the other person? Neither of them showed their real personalities which made me wonder if a relationship which starts like this one ever go far. 
I might not show much enthusiasm when sitting at the bar, drinking, but I'm far from being fake. I don't hide who I am, why would I? Where will it lead me? So at the end, not many will talk to me, not many will show their interest in me, but I will have shown what a genuine person looks like.

"It takes nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone." -Hans F Hansen

~Bella

Cookies and Cream and Little Buggies...

You must be wondering what the title means and to be fairly honest I'm with you on this one. Not sure what I wanted to called today's post so I ended up with my Coffee Bean order and my slight annoying issue that I've been having since I became friends with one of the worker there. What a love story but that's for other day... So it ended up being Cookies and Cream for my order, and little buggies for my own love life... 

So today's post has a personal twist in it, and questions that I've been having for years, unanswered questions, obviously or else it wouldn't be fun. 

Curse- to use a word or expression that is not polite and shows that you are very angry. 

Curse- magic words that are intended to bring bad luck to someone.

Curse- a cause of trouble and unhappiness. 

As you may have guessed it, today's post is about a curse, one specific curse which is getting all the women in my family in trouble especially from my grandmother to my mother to me. Three generations of unpleasant love stories, and I'm only starting my life... So start imagining the worse for me.  ( I'm currently laughing as I'm writing this, but trust me, deep down, I'm crying an ocean). 
Don't get me wrong, I have a hard time believing in curses especially love curses. When I hear the word curse, I automatically go for witches and magic spells, the stuff that are in fairytales. Laugh all you want cause I'm laughing at this idiotic thing myself. But when I look at the love experience between my grandmother, my mother and a few other women in my family and how embarrassing their love lives are... You can only believe a curse is upon the women of the family. There is obviously some couples who are doing great, but most are beyond sad and the women fall for the wrong guys. Talk about bad luck! 

It started with my grandmother who passed away a few years back. After that, my mother talked to me a bit more about the woman who I had never seen in my life and won't ever be able to. My grandmother had no luck when it came to love, to find the right man and to be a strong independent woman. Love makes you blind and she was the best example for it! 

Little side note: French guys, especially back in the 1970's until 2000, were known to be a little too "superior" compare to woman who were to believed to be in the kitchen taking care of the household and the kids. Somehow, even after the woman got more power, the men are still known to act like jerks to their women. Old fashion style to make it simpler. That is also the reason why I try my hardest to stay away from French guys, plus after seeing the world and living in a different country makes me realize that no matter what, I will never really get along with a French guy.

So to go back to my grandmother, she had no luck, and her choice was poor concerning her life style as well as her love life. From walking away type of guys to physically/emotionally violent guys. Well, I'm sure you can imagine these types of guys. 

Choosing or falling in love with the right person seems to be nearly impossible for us, and even if I only started, I'm afraid to fall into the same cycle as my grandmother as well as my own mother. They both endure sad moments, no luck with guys, and both never gave me a good example, so being scared of falling for the wrong guys in obviously there!

Despite the fact that we have no luck in love, I don't want to get through the same bullocks of my grandmother nor my mother's. It would be too hurtful, and last time I check I was far from being my mother, not that strong. 

Now, the only thing I want to understand is why we have no luck, why do we attract the same type of guys, and why don't we go for the people who are suppose to make us happy? 
Is it because we have no positive male figure around us? Is it because we trust too much (can't be right for me since I don't trust people)? Are we too nice (maybe yes for my mother)? 
Too many thoughts, too many ideas to keep up with. Is the curse even real? Because all I  know is that it's just some bad luck that is running through family members. 

"It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply."

~Bella

Women... What We Think and What We Have to Admit...

Us, women, have issues with the why and how a man just cannot be into us. We make up excuses to defend a person that shows no interest in us, whatever the case may be.

Men know how to use a phone, cell phone, no worries on that. A simple text message, a call doesn't take the entire day. Sure, they can be busy, but come on now, drop the bullshit, the bloody idiotic excuse that you keep on telling yourself. They can find some time for you in their crazy day. Cell phones is a genius invention, saves us lots of precious time, and yet we still manage to keep excusing people for not calling. If we can butt dial a person, we can take two minutes of our day to message. The worst part is when they promise or tell you that they will call later, but doesn't call or message whatsoever. Please give yourself credit, you deserve a lot more than this piece of garbage that doesn't bother talking to you at all. Forgetting to call you excuse... Give me a break, he hasn't because he is not into you. The only way someone could deserve such an excuse is somehow that person had an emergency, someone close died, or car accident and they are in the hospital, or natural disaster suddenly broke out and managed to mess up the internet/connection. Usually, if someone is interested in you, they will contact you a way or another... Forgetting isn't a good excuse, forget that and not the person!

Men know how to be sober around their family members, their bosses, their friends, so they can be sober around you! Indeed, drinking and eating are fun... I mean who doesn't like to party, sometimes, a drink is just for the fun of it, but it's not a necessity. Yes, at times, we need to unwind from a long, hard day of work, but if it's the only moment they reach out to you, compliments you or give you affection, then that's the wrong guy, he doesn't care much. He is just not that into you. Anyone can drink just like anyone can be sober. Don't let your desire to be loved and feel affection cloud your judgment. Alcohol doesn't make a person, just because they act normally after taking five shots of tequila or smoked weed before going to bed, doesn't mean a thing! The substance is still there! A bad boy is a bad boy, they aren't serious and you deserve better!

Men know how to touch you, quite easy if you ask me! They are great at using certain parts of their bodies while that brain of theirs, not so much! If a man likes you, he will kiss you! Then he will most likely imagine what you look like in your undies. That's how men work... No logic into that but that's how it is and there's nothing to do about it! You had sex, plenty times but he had stopped. You have been seeing each other for about two months now and he stopped... It doesn't happen unless it's not working out for him. Too many excuses are given to people who fear intimacy, commitment. There are many people reading about the specific subject, others got to therapy to understand themselves. Fear happen, but if yu truly like someone, the fears should disappear, eventually... Then there are the men who don't have sex with you at all, preferring to eat ice cream, popcorn and watch movies all night long, each time you see each other. I mean sure once in a while, but if it's all the bloody time, he is either homosexual or just not into you. Being happy without doing anything is alright as long as it is not each time. Even as a long-term relationship, things do slow down, but it never stops! It's considered a gift, a joy, and everyone should enjoy it, have the right to have a fantastic sex life.

Women have a hard time seeing what's obvious, they hope for the best when clearly, the man doesn't care as much as the woman wanted him to. No interest in them whatsoever. He is just not into you! It doesn't matter if the person might seem interested, if he is, everything will be about you, messages would come along more often than expected, and they would ask you out for dinners, cinemas...They will bring you closer towards them instead of letting you go off in your own ways. Women keep hoping for things that will never come around; when a man isn't interested it's obvious, but we are blinded by the faith that he might, just slightly, might like us, be interested in us...

There's a movie which came out a few years back about how men were not into women and vice versa. Chick flick for sure, no doubt about that, but it was a good slap because even though I might see the obvious thing, know how men may act most of the time, it's still complicated to know when it's concerning me. I still keep a little place in my heart for some hope which may never come.
Women are quite different from men, Mars vs. Venus! We've always been interested in knowing how we both think, but both genders have their faults and truths. Are we suppose to change who we are? No! It's who we are, how our hormones work, and sadly, all we can do is understand one another in order to make it work!

" Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember."- Albert Einstein

~Bella

Does Size Should Matter? (1)

Last month, I talked about starting a series of " Should It Matter?", and today is the first day! 
I'm excited to actually start something big like this, well for me is! 

Size! Don't start thinking about the dirty part of the size... We all know that somewhere along the way, the size of a man's private is quite important to women; now many will refuse on telling the truth as it could be disappointing to many people, men to be exact. Sadly, it is not what I'm talking about... 

Size as in someone's height. 

Have you ever come across a couple where the woman is slightly taller than the man? I know I have, frequently, and I always wondered how and why would a man prefer a taller woman? But when it comes to having the man being taller than the woman, it seems as it is just "normal", almost commonly known to be completely "normal". Usually, we see the woman being shorter than her man, but the opposite happens!
It shouldn't annoy or bother anyone, height shouldn't determine a relationship status. Commonly known, women are trained to see that taller men are more respected, more of everything, yet it's entirely false, but that could be an "agree to disagree" type of subject! 
Short men had to deal with bullying, got insulted, and humiliated by how short they are... Come on now, should we categorize short men as just shorties who aren't protective enough. 

Everyone is entitled to their opinions and preferences, I personally prefer a taller man, not that it would be hard because I believe everyone is taller than me. Tall men usually attract me more than shorter guys because somewhere along the way, they seem more protective, and most likely to be a little more respected. It is quite wrong, but unconsciously our society subconsciously made women believe that taller men are more respected, more attractive and rewarded. Untrue, indeed, yet, women still believe it... 
Can't judge anyone for being sexually attracted to taller people and preferring a certain height. 


Women seem to be more concentrated on height while men don't care much! After all, sexually, no matter the height of someone, it works! However, size matter to some people! 
After a few studies that were made, it may seem that physical features such as height are not the dominant rule, especially with females. 
Some data suggest that the main reason females prefer a tall partner are for protection and feminity. 
It's just like I said above, protection, and when you can wear heels and still be shorter, it's quite the advantage for many women. 

Usually, people go for similar height so it would be easy to kiss, hold hand and do other activities with the partner. 

Many studies happened, yet each time, women prefer taller men and men prefer to be in a relationship with shorter women. It proves that society encourages men to be dominant and women to be submissive, having the image fo tall men hovering over short women reinforced this value. The masculine ability to offer physical protection is clearly connected to the gender stereotype. We all heard about men being the one hunting and protecting the family while the woman is here to get birth. It's a traditional societal expectation! We can't do much about it, but we can stop embarrassing shorter people especially men! 

In my opinion, height, size shouldn't matter especially when it comes to love. But it seems like I've always been drawn to taller guys, I feel more secure in their arms... Even though I could feel totally protected with a shorter man, yet, taller is more attractive to me. Again, if a woman is taller than her man, the relationship isn't worse or better, as long as if they are both happy, the height doesn't to any of them! 

Let's stop judging, and let's love continue its course! Let's everyone go with whoever they are attracted to. 

"It doesn't matter what size or shape you are. Burlesque is about feeling positive about who you are, about knowing how to shake what you have and being proud of it." -Baby Doe

~Bella

Psych 101...The Psychology of Women

KAREN HORNEY'S THEORY OF NEUROSES

Karen Horney's theory of neuroses in one of the best-known theories on the topic. She believed that interpersonal relationships created basic anxiety and that neuroses developed as a method to deal with these relationships. Horney identified three categories that neurotic needs could be classified under.  If an individual is well-adjusted, he or she will be able to apply all three categories. A person only becomes neurotic when one or more of these are overused. The categories are:

Needs that move an individual towards other people

These are neurotic needs that will make an individual seek out the acceptance, help, or affirmation from others in order to feel worthy. These type of people need to be appreciated and liked by those around them and may come off as clingy or needy. 

Needs that move an individual against other people

In an effort to feel good about themselves, people will deal with their anxiety by trying to force their power onto other people and control those around them. People that express these needs are seen as unkind, selfish, bossy, and controlling. Horney stated that people would project their hostilities onto others in the process she referred to as externalization. The individual would then be able to use this as a justification for his or her sometimes cruel behavior. 

Needs that move an individual away from other people

These neurotic needs are responsible for antisocial behavior, and a person may appear indifferent to other people. The mentality behind this approach is if an individual does not get involved with other people, then other people cannot then hurt the individual. This can lead to feelings of emptiness and loneliness.

Horney then identified ten neurotic need within these categories:

* Moving Towards Other People

        1. The need for affection and approval: This is the desire to meet other people's expectations, make others happy, and be liked. Those that experience this need is afraid of hostility or anger from other people, and are very sensitive to any rejection or criticism. 

        2. An individual's need for a partner that will control his or her life: This need involves a strong fear of being abandoned, and the belief that having a partner in one's life can resolve any trouble or problems that he or she may be having.

* Moving Against Other People

       1. The need to have power: Individuals with this need control and dominate others because they hate weakness but admire, and are desperate for, strength.

       2. The need to exploit other people: Individual with this need are manipulative and believe people exist to be used. Associations with other people are only used to attain things such as control, sex, or money.

       3. The need for prestige: These are individuals that need acclaim and public recognition. Social status, material possessions, professional accomplishments, personality traits, and even loved ones are judged based on prestige, and there is a fear of public embarrassment. 

       4. The need for personal achievement: Pushing oneself to achieve is perfectly normal. However, neurotic individuals may become desperate to achieve, and push themselves as a result of their own insecurities. There is a fear of failure, and the need to always accomplish more than others.

       5. The need for personal admiration: These are individuals that are narcissistic and wish to be viewed based off of an ideal version of themselves, instead of who they actually are.

*Moving Away from Other People

       1. The need for perfection: An individual with this need will commonly be in fear of personal flaws, and will search for these flaws so that he or she can quickly conceal or change them. 

       2. The need for independence: In an effort to not depend on, or be tied down to, other people, an individual exhibiting this need might distance him or herself from others. This creates a "loner" mentality. 

       3. The need to limit one's life so that it remains within narrow borders: The preference for individuals with this need is to go unnoticed and remain inconspicuous. These individuals will often undervalue their own skills and talents, will not demand much, will not desire material objects, are content with very little, and regard their own needs as secondary.

Karen Horney was incredibly influential to the world of psychology. Her views on neuroses as a way to deal with interpersonal relationships and her identification of neurotic need were truly groundbreaking, and by breaking away from the male-dominant views set forth by Sigmund Freud, Horney established herself as a strong voice for woman and female psychology.

"Life itself remains a very effective therapist."- Karen Horney

~bella

What Would Jane Do? (4)

Did you look yourself in the mirror this morning? Did you take a good look? This coming chapter is for everyone! Don't always look at the word "women", if you are a guy and reading this, please take it for yourself as well!

Chapter IV. Check Yourself, Dear

It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us. Women fancy admiration means more than it does. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
I make no apologies for my heroine's vanity. If there are young ladies in the world at her time of life more dull of fancy and more careless of pleasing, I know them not. - Sanditon (1817)
Such squeamish youths as cannot bear to be connected with a little absurdity are not worth a regret. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
Where youth and diffidence are united, it requires uncommon steadiness of reason to resist the attraction of being called the most charming girl in the world. - Northanger Abbey (1817)
But that is one great difference between us. Compliments always take you by surprise, and me never. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
One is apt, I believe, to connect assurance of manner with coquetry, and to expect that an impudent address will naturally attend an impudent mind.- Lady Susan (1794)
Vanity working on a weak head produces every sort of mischief. - Emma (1815)
Pictures of perfection as you know, make me sick and wicked. - Letters
Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken. - Emma (1815)
Sense will always have attractions for me. - Sense and Sensibility (1811)
I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.- Northanger Abbey (1817)
Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. - Emma (1815)
Wisdom is better than wit, and in the long run, will certainly have the laugh on her side.- Letters
[She] is one of those young ladies who seek to recommend themselves to the other sex by undervaluing their own... But, in my opinion, it is a paltry device, a very mean art. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then. It is something to think of, and give her a sort of distinction among her companions. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
All the privilege I claim for my own sex... Is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone. - Persuasion (1817)
Her character depends on upon those she is with, but in good hands, she will turn out a valuable woman. - Emma (1815)
In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
She denied none of it aloud and agreed to none of it in private. - Emma (1815)

I hate to hear you talking... As if women were all fine ladies instead of rational creatures. We none of us expect to be in smooth water all our days. - Persuasion (1817)
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. - Pride and Prejudice (1813)
A lady, without a family, was the very best preserver of furniture in the world.- Persuasion (1817)
It sometimes happens that a woman is more handsome at twenty-nine than she was ten years before. - Persuasion (1817)
The woman is fine for her own satisfaction alone. No man will admire her the more, no woman will like her the better for it. - Northanger Abbey (1817)
Give a girl an education and introduction her properly into the world, and ten to one but she has the means of settling well, without further expense to anybody. - Mansfield Park (1814)
She was sensible and clever but eager in everything; her sorrow, her joys, could have no moderation. - Sense and Sensibility (1811)
She was determined, as she felt it be her duty, to try to overcome all that was excessive. -Mansfield Park (1814)
She felt that she could so much more depend on upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or a hasty thing, than of those whose presence of mind never varied, whose tongue never slipped. - Persuasion (1817)
Do not consider me now as an elegant female intending to plague you but as a rational creature speaking the truth from her heart. -Pride and Prejudice (1813)
The enthusiasm of a woman's love is even beyond the biographer's. - Mansfield Park (1814)

See you next chapter... Which seems to be more for women, sorry, but please come and read! 


"Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings." - 

~Bella