Does your phobias should matter ? (11)

Phobias....

Yes and no!

Let's start by saying that phobias are important and your partner should definitely know about them; you never know if they want to surprise you for your birthday. They aren't these easy things you can move from, and this is specifically why you should let your partner know about them, soon enough into the relationship to keep away from the wrong situation. 

Now if your partner has some type of fear of relationships, commitment, or love in general, don't back away, retreat, and ignore them for the rest of your life. It's not contagious, it's a common fear which many of us suffer from. 
Here are things you can do instead of running away, cowardly, and acting like the victim. 

First, don't blame them even if it's easy to build a case against the person, it's not a solution. We often use their flaws against them, and sadly, we fail at seeing what the person is all about. Leaving us seeing their weaknesses instead of their strengths. When this happen, our behavior changes. Yes, it does, unconsciously most of the time, but it does and it may result in you being angry all the time or falling out of the love. I don't think you started a relationship just to end it as soon as something wasn't right. Staying compassionate and open-minded is best to be towards your partner. Simple you may think, that's nothing, but simple things make people happy, and in this case, your partner will most likely feel safer in your arms if you act this way.

Second, before looking at them, look at yourself. At some point, your partner pulls away, and your instinct is to say that it's their fault, something is wrong with them. Maybe there is, maybe not. Before someone pulls away from a relationship, something had to be done, said. You might have to look at yourself, see where you went wrong, what you may have said that was too hurtful, go back to situations and see if you could have gone another way. Not an easy task especially if you are not the type to apologize and see your own errors, take responsibilities for your mistakes. 

Third, communicate but don't get heated. As I've previously said in a couple of my posts, communication is key. Don't go overboard by accusing your partner of every mistake in the relationship because of their fear. Don't you have fears yourself? So, stop accusing them and talk about issues with compassion. We should have an open dialogue with our partner, where we aren't just talking but also listening to what they are saying. Take into consideration their fears, what they saw when it comes to the relationship. Developing some compassion for each other.  Try to understand where their fear comes from instead of putting them down, making them feel like something is wrong with them. 

Fourth, don't act like the victim or make them the victim. People struggle, people make mistake, people can act like victims, rather normal to say the least. No matter what is going on with your relationship, you shouldn't feel hopeless, and if your partner is having a tough time, don't take it personally! Be a strong person, learn to stand your ground, and be secure with yourself. When a partner struggles, we can learn to be compassionate rather than feeling victimized or cynical. Instead of saying something which starts like this, " You make me..." start by saying something like this, "When you do that, I feel..." which place no blame but instead invites your partner to know you more fully. 

Relationships are based on love and kindness, loyalty and respect, not provoking or reactive. We should be able to work on ourselves and listen to our partner to help them overcome their fear. 
To end this post, phobias shouldn't matter at first, your love isn't based on their phobias or not. And they do matter because they may affect their lives as well as yours in the long run. Being a couple means two people, not one person, working things out together is the best way you can go to help grow a relationship. 

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." - Kenneth Blanchard

~Bella

Phobias To Say The Least...

Phobias... 

The meaning of phobias, according to the dictionary is a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it.

After studying psychology, reading the books that talked about the subject, I realized that I developed a lot more phobias than I thought I had. Most phobias originate from extreme past traumatic experiences. Highly sensitive people are more prone to get phobias...

Here are the ones I have and maybe that you have as well.

*Agliophobia*

Fear of pain, Unwarranted, persistent irrational fear of pain.  

*Thantophobia*

Fear of death or dying. In my case, it's more losing someone because of death. 

*Kainotophobia*

The morbid fear of anything new and changes. Not knowing how to deal with anything uncommon. 

*Eremophobia*

Fear of being alone or of loneliness. 

*Altophobia*

Fear of heights.

*Pistanthrophobia* 

The fear of trusting people due to bad experiences with prior lovers. 

*Bathophobia* 

Fear of depths, associated with the sea or water bodies of various type. Bathophobics are also known to fear mountain valleys, cave or even tunnels. My phobia mostly consists of bodies of water like the sea and caves. 

*Atychiphobia*

The abnormal, unwarranted, and persistent fear of failure.

*Atelophobia* 

Fear of not being good enough. An anxiety disorder where the afflicted person feels like all they do is wrong. 

*Hemophobia*

Irrational fear of blood. Which may cause physical reactions that are uncommon in other fears, fainting.

*Autophobia*

Fear of abandonment and issues related to it. It may be extreme in some cases. Some will live in constant fear that their 'world will collapse' if their protectors or loved ones abandon them. In my case, it isn't extreme, but it is a phobia that I developed at a young age. 

The last one isn't considered a phobia, but more a fear...

*FOMO*

Fear of missing out. 

A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, that build up quickly caused mostly by traumatic experiences, panic attacks may be frequent. Children who have a close relative that developed anxiety will most likely develop some type of phobia. A traumatic event like drowning experience may cause the person to fear water, deep water. 

There are many phobias, over 100, and every single one of them may impact your life. The common ones are:
Social Phobias which is also referred to as "social anxiety disorder." This is extreme worry about social situations that can lead to self-isolation. ( I went through it and to get out of it, it's impossible by yourself, you need others to be better).
Specific Phobias which mean that people dislike certain situations or objects, but to be a true phobia, the fear must interfere with your daily life. 
Agoraphobia which is a fear of places or situations that you can't escape from. Some fear of being in large crowds or trapped outside the home.
Substance abuse and depression may also be the cause of many phobias. I had a close friend who became an addict of a certain drug, and he developed a few phobias because he was using. He would always look behind him in fear someone would come up from behind to kill him. He has help now, but at the time, it was impossible to talk to him without him freaking out about the government listening to our conversations. Imagine how difficult it must be to live with these phobias, to be fair he didn't have much of a life, he was always afraid, always on his guard, always seeing the worse in people. 


If you have a phobia that keeps you from living, from going outside, I suggest you talk to someone close to you or get help with a stranger. I don't recommend you stay in these fears. 

"Having a phobia has changed me." - Willard Scott

~Bella