John Lee believed the different styles of love were similar to the rules of a color wheel. Much like the way a color wheel features three primary colors, Lee believed that love could be broken down into three basic primary styles. These are:- Eros: Loving the ideal of a person both physically and emotionally.
- Ludos: A type of love that is played like a game or conquest (and might result in many partners at one time).
- Storge: Love that stems from a friendship over time.
Just like the primary colors of a color wheel can be combined and create complimentary colors, so too can the primary love styles. The result is three secondary styles of love:
- Mania: A combination of Eros and Ludos, Mania is a style of love that is obsessive. This includes emotional highs and lows, jealousy, and very possessive feelings.
- Pragma: A combination of Ludos and Storge, Pragma is a love that is practical. Lovers go into the situation with the hopes of reaching their final goal. Expectations of the relationship are thought about practically and realistically.
- Agape: A combination of Eros and Storge, Agape is a love that is all-encompassing and selfless
ROBERT STERNBERG'S TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE
In this 2004 theory, Robert Sternberg proposed that love could be broken down into three parts: intimacy, passion, and commitment.- Intimacy: Closeness, supporting one another, sharing with one another, and feeling loved.
- Passion: Feelings of sexual arousal and attraction, and euphoria. This is what drives two individuals together.
- Commitment: The desire to remain loyal to another person and stay in a long-term relationship.
From these three components, seven different combinations can be created. The easiest way to understand this is by looking at it as a triangle. In the triangle, intimacy, passion, and commitment are the vertices, and the seven combinations are the connections between these vertices.
Alternatively, here is another way to look at it:
- Liking or Friendship: This represents a friendship where there are closeness and a strong bond, but there is not any passion or commitment present.
- Infatuation or Limerance: This is what a person feels when he or she experiences "love at first sight." Because there is no commitment or intimacy, infatuation can be fleeting.
- Empty Love: This is when a love has lost intimacy and passion, but there is still a strong commitment between the two people.
- Romantic Love: Romantic love features intimacy and passion, meaning there are sexual arousal and an emotional bond, but there is a lack of commitment.
- Companionate Love: This is a type of love where passion does not exist or no longer exists, but there is still a great commitment and deep affection for one another. This type of love is found among family members, close friends, and can even be found in marriages.
- Fatuous Love: This is a type of love that only features passion and commitment, but lacks intimacy. An example of fatuous love is a brief or impulsive marriage.
- Consummate Love: This is the ideal form of love, and it features intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg claimed that once consummate love was achieved, it would be even harder to maintain and that it may not be permanent. If for example, passion becomes lost with the passage of time, then the consummate love would turn into companionate love.
During the lifespan of a relationship, Sternberg believed that the balance between intimacy, passion, and commitment would shift. Understanding the three components of love and the seven types can help couples recognize what they need to improve upon, what they should avoid, and even when it might be time to end the relationship.
" The purpose of psychology is to give us a completely different idea of the things we know best." - Paul Valery
~Bella
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