"What should I do?"

Take it slow, or just go for it...

I recently crossed a small issue... A small unexpected heartache, nothing special, but special for me to make it a big deal out of it. When am I not making a big deal out of a love story or love issue?  It might actually be my hopeless romantic side of me kicking in each time something is happening, each time I get attention from a guy, a sweet guy.

To get back on track of the post, it's about this person who doesn't have the best reputation around town, not the best past when it comes to relationships, nor have the best current health. Sadly, when you hear things from friends, you tend to back off a little which doesn't give a good impression to the other person. Listening to everyone doesn't give you everything on the person you are interested in, and even if you know it yourself, your friends' judgments are important as well as your own because you want to trust them.
In my case, I'm still trying to make my own judgment, my own thoughts, and even if I see good in him, I have my friends around with their own sayings. Despite the fact that I adore learning more about someone by myself, I like to have some background on the person, knowing some dirt, and this time the dirt isn't that bad. And yet...

Should I listen to everyone? Should I listen to every bad comment? Every little thing everyone has to say about the person when I know my own reputation isn't the best either?
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Everyone is entitled to share them with you, but the good news is that it is up to you if you want to take everything or not. Opinions are based on interpretations, people's interpretations. So why do we listen to them, why do we take them into consideration? Why do we care this much? Because humans care, humans need other's approbation and even if you try to ignore it, deep down you know you want to please others as well.
I personally try not to please everyone as I know I won't be able to do so, can't be liked by every single person on the planet, but what my friends say have to affect me in some ways. I get affected because I put some kind of trust in them, trust that wasn't easy to gain in the first place as I don't trust anyone. If you are one who takes it personally, please don't, it's unnecessary as I don't even trust my own mother, well, not entirely. 

Hard to make your own opinion when you hear, listen to people, when you are living in a small town where everyone, almost everyone knows each other. When half of the population love to gossip around. My little issue is knowing that the guy who I appreciate and trust enough, isn't liked by my friends, isn't understood and somehow, despite the fact that everything is against him, my mother nor one of my bartender don't seem to have something against him at all. Well, to be fairly honest, it's my bartender who introduced me to him. Yes, my bartender, the one who doesn't want to see me leave the country, doesn't want me to go back home. The same bartender who is looking for my future husband, the same one who is always asking "When are you getting married?"
It is his fault if this guy and myself are always trying to see each other when we are at certain bars. It's the same bartender who has to tease me and the guy when we are sitting next to each other, telling us how a perfect couple we are in front of other customers. Talk about intimacy and friendship... That's nearly impossible when your bartender has to come in the way, teasing us nonstop about our relationship, the one which isn't there yet!

Indeed, my mother met the guy, (let's call him Connor even though it's completely different). My mother never saw anything bad about Connor, thought a good shave and a good haircut would make him look more handsome, his posture needs some improvement, but other than that, she saw something else... Something much deeper than appearance. My mother always needs to see what's behind the appearance. See what's makes the person themselves. The sweetness, the gentle way he had to look at me and her, the charming little smile he gave her as he shook her hand, shy and a bit sad. All she saw was the pain he had to endure. Not sure how she got that from seeing him for thirty minutes. I guess body language is more powerful than words. The entire time, my mother was sitting across from me, next to my friend, observing Connor, observing his every move, seeing how he was, how he observed back at us at certain moments. My mother doesn't come off as easy, just nice, too nice and trustworthy. She trusts too easily as well that's why I tend to not show her anyone, never make her meet that many people especially around my group of friends. But this time, she took all her energy not to trust Connor, to have a harder opinion of him, harder first impression.

Now, my opinion, my thoughts are in between two chairs. On one side, my friends who are harder to impress, harder on Connor, and then, the others who try to see the 'why' behind his actions, the more understandable ones. I'm between two different opinions, different views, and mine just happen to be blurry. Completely blurry. Making it difficult to see the right and the wrong. 

Then again, you can't rely on anyone's judgements except yours as you will have to live with your own choice, not anyone else. 

"A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follow the public opinion." 

~Bella

Valentine's... Love is coming soon enough...

Happy early Valentine's Day to all of you, couples, the ones who are in serious relationships! 

The day is coming soon, people are trying to get gifts, little notes, letters ready for their loved ones. I've already seen many of you stress out on the streets, rushing to get the next little present before the 14th. 
What should I buy? Will they like it? Is it enough or should I get something else as well? Bigger or smaller present? Which bra should I get her? 

Questions like this come up often, a little too often as we are approaching the date. 

Valentine's Day is the lovers day. A day where people get each other presents, letters, flowers, chocolates... To me, it's just a day where every store is on sale, where everyone show how much they care about the other person. A beneficial day for every retailers out there as everyone or almost everyone is buying something. Small or big, it doesn't matter much! 
But...
Let's take a moment to realize something important, small to many of you, but very important! 

Do we really need this 14th of February to show the person you care about how much you love them? Do we need this date to give them a little gift, flowers, a little love letter, a poem? 

Why waiting for the 14th to make the relationship special when you've got the rest of the time to prove them how much you love them every single day?
You are in a relationship with the one you care about, deeply care, and you wait for the 14th to make something special? In order to grow into a special, unique, wonderful, strong relationship with your loved one, little everyday things are important! Surprised dinner, warming a bath up for the both of you, flowers just because you thought they were beautiful for them, a mixtape of all the songs you danced to throughout the times you were together on her/his birthday... 

Sometimes,  I think I'm a little too romantic....

If you are in a relationship and you want to build, create memories, being strong, powerful to overcome anything that is thrown down your path, trying to destroy everything you created together, you need more than wait for the 14th of February. Communicate, throw a little text message "I love you" at lunchtime for them to read on their break. Cook dinner, take your time to make something special for the person you love every once in a while. Don't overdue it as it may get boring and not as special overtime. Show that you care about their opinion as much as you care about your own. Relationships takes time, but it's possible and to me, you don't need the 14th of February to show it! 

Ask questions when you aren't sure about something, it's normal not to always understand, you're human! 
Stop with the "I", start the "we". A relationship means two people, you aren't alone anymore, think for two instead of just yourself. Selfishness can happen, sometimes we just a night out with friends, alone, but remember, being selfish all the time won't help the relationship grow! 
Don't judge, try to understand, be compassionate and look at your partner for support! Vice Versa!
Being in touch with yourself like asking yourself if you really love your partner before going into a serious relationship!
Talk about EVERYTHING, the worse, the things you don't want to talk about! Don't shut yourself out just because ignore the facts make you feel better! Being in touch with everything, emotions, feelings are important!

Now, Valentine's Day is coming up, and no matter what my opinion is, I will see a lot of couples giving presents to each other. I will see a lot more teddy bears than expected, and hopefully, everyone will have a bright smile on their faces. Being sad on the 14th isn't such a pleasure to see... If you are
one to not really know what to get your partner, remember that no matter what they should like it, sometimes the smallest of things are the special ones. Then again, I've seen how difficult some women or girls can be.. GOOD LUCK GUYS! 

"When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." 

~Bella

Another fight, another country...

If you are French, DO NOT TAKE THIS ARTICLE FOR YOU! Not everyone is the same! Please DO NOT judge MY opinion!  


Flash news,  I was born in France, spent about 10 years of my life in this country, and moved to the States right after! 

No, I won't be talking about how important the change was or how it proved me that living in another country might be beneficial! This article is about my birth country because let's be honest it's only my birth country! It's about being ashamed of being born in France! Not patriotic of me, I apologize in advance!

France is quite an old country with plenty of history, lots of corruption, and amazing food (can't deny that). People are on strike, often, or complain on other days.
I complain all the time, it's quite disturbing, to say the least, and I blame my culture behind this flaw. Might be my birth country, but I try to keep the French side of me away from everyone, even at work. 

I live in the US who happens to be the "terrible two", they act like 2 years old toddlers who think they can do anything they wish. They proved it with Trump's election. I won't go back to the story, what's done is done, can't change the past. But we can change some people's view about it! 

Last night, on a French press article about Obama leaving office and his last speech on Facebook, a woman (my dear mother) commented, quite simple, nothing mean for that matter. My mother isn't the politic type of person (I think I take from her), but she was right, we are sad to see such a president leave office. No one is perfect, humans make mistakes, but Obama did a lot of good, especially after a terrible, horrifying president like the one we had before, our famous Bush. Now, it's a French article, lots of blah blah to make people sleepy, but French people don't think so. 
Last night (for us), many commented back on my mother's post with amazing comments and so not nice comments as well. We can't be all on the same page... Life would be boring! I read a few comments this morning, saw a lot of displeased sayings, and I came to the conclusion that people, in general, are quite ignorant! 
We all say Americans are ignorant, which is part true, but we forget to mention how French people can also be ignorant, especially when it comes to politics, Germany, food, military, football (soccer) and I pass on the other subjects. 

I've been ashamed of being French for a while now, I've got reasons, but this little Facebook comment just went up the roof! People will deliberately be offended by truthful comments because they think they know more... Flash news, the news on TV, newspapers, or online news don't always tell you the truth or tell half of it just for the sake of it. Don't believe it all, please, it will save us from ignorant comments such as the ones I saw on Facebook. We are free to say what we think, free to tell our opinions, to argue, but when it comes to being ignorant and mean, keep it to yourself. What's the point of it? You will only be seen as an ignorant person that never left their country, a close minded person who got nothing to do all day except proving to the world how rude you can be. Comments such as " Le prix nobel de la paix qui a continué le boulot de Bush en tuant des civils innocents en Irak, Afghanistant, Libye, Syrie, Yemen, Pakistant....! Sans parler bien sure tous les afro-americains qui lui ont fait confiance!"
Roughly translates as," The Nobel peace price who continue Bush's work by killing innocent civilians in Irak, Afghanistan, Libya, Syria, Yemen, Pakistan...Without obviously talking about all the African- Americans who believed him." 

When people talk like this without being ashamed of themselves, should really start reading books and move out of their country to realize that a lot of facts aren't at all true, these facts are just opinions! French people should start looking at their own country that seems to deteriorate at the speed of light! In a couple of years, France will only be another poor country just like in  Russia. 

When we hear France, we think food, wine, and how terrible they are at war. Military part, no one goes to the military anymore that's why we are so terrible at it, that's why they always will need some other country to save their poor asses! I don't want to be mean, but when you get put down by another French person, you only want to put them down as well and in the most civil way possible. I don't think I'm going to be polite or be open minded to arguments coming from any of them. This little Facebook comment was another drop, another mistake from them. It made me remember how I got the French community against me because I simply put out that the German team had played extremely well in a soccer game. It was like I was a traitor to my country. Just because I don't support France doesn't mean I'm a traitor, I won't support a country that is proving to the world how idiotic they are! And yes, in my opinion, they deserve Marine Le Pen as their new president! French people have everything, financial support, health support, yet they complain, yet they let strikes go on and on and on forever! With complete honesty, they should come to the US, see how it is to live in a different country where the financial support isn't available as much as France. But then again, French people like their little boring lives where half of their time is spent on Facebook playing games and insult, other people. 


I'm ashamed, I'm discouraged about France. After all the history, fighting and getting free from Kings and Queens... The country should be ashamed for electing a disastrous government, for believing the media, for being ignorant! Read, talk to older people to know what went on before they were born, and don't start arguments when you obviously don't know what you are talking about! There is no need to talk when you don't have enough arguments to back your story up! 

When I see France, my birth country, all I see is a country that lives in the past, that never move forward. When I see France, I see the hate against Germany, yes they have done a lot of horrifying things in the past, but it's in the past, don't blame the entire German community for Hitler's actions. By the way, he is dead, so no need to be bitter anymore, what's done is done. It's a lesson that shouldn't have been acted on, but it did happen. Don't you think Germans don't have to deal with their own history as well, that they didn't pay enough? It's easy to manipulate people, we see it every day, so start moving on and let your country be at their best instead of destroying it each day!

The level of ignorance is high, and it's only the start! I'm afraid of saying I'm French now, lucky, no one really thinks I look French anyways. Deep down, I'm suffering from French people's actions and saying. Every day I think to myself how lucky I am to be far from France because I wouldn't want to be there anymore. 

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."- Martin Luther King Jr.

~Bella

Is that body art?

When someone refers a tattoo by a body art, I know that they somewhat either have some themselves or love them! When you mention body art to someone they look at you like you are an alien or they just ignore the fact of your mentioning tattoos. These situations are rather common from what I can see. 
Two men were talking behind where I was sitting, taking notes, minding my own business. I happen to have ears that love to be curious so I didn't control what I heard and what I didn't. The conversation was around two adults about one of their teenagers, don't ask me if it was a teenage boy or girl, I have no clue! One the man was very frustrated almost looked worried while the other was confident, seemed more relaxed than the other! The calm guy mentioned "body arts" while the other was staring at him in an odd way. I looked at them both wondering who had tattoos and who didn't... Surprise, surprise, the one that said "body arts" had two sleeves while the other didn't have any visible ones. 

Before I had tattoos myself, I didn't pay attention to people that had them or didn't even bothered listening to how people view them. I always liked tattoos, always thought it was some type of art, but it wasn't such a big deal at the time. Now, I have three, planning more and I cannot stop looking at everyone's tattoos! It's becoming an addiction that grows stronger each time. I've gotten ADDICTED! When people say the pain that tattoos cause is addicting, you better believe them! You will never see a person with just one tattoo, it's either two or more!

My first one is on my wrist, two zodiac signs, love them to bits, have to get them touch up, eventually, but.... Not right now! I was a real disaster when I got it, the pain wasn't as bad as everyone would say, but the noise made me jumpy, almost screamed "bloody murder", poor tattoo artist!
The second one is a bit more special... It's a quote, one I wrote myself, translated by my really amazing Italian friend in Italian (so if there is a mistake it's his fault ha-ha), with a feather pen at the end! I'm a writer, I love Italian, so I just had to, it's me. Want to know the quote on the back of my right shoulder... Ask me.
My third one isn't entirely a mistake, at the time it meant a lot! Still, means a lot , it proved me how much and how far I can go with someone I love. It's a name, and I am indeed thinking of covering it up because it is painful to live with it especially if you want to move on. Lucky me, I love the name, I can deal with the fact that is it on my chest. 

So to get this chest tattoo covered up I was thinking about symbols from where I'm from! Yes, I'm Celtic meaning I've got Irish blood in me for sure! Brittany is a region in France, but it is the little Ireland of France, more Celtic than anything else. I highly prefer saying I'm Bretonne (people from Brittany) than French. A shamrock (the Irish symbol) and have another symbol to represent Brittany a little more to end with an Irish Gaelic word. I'm still looking for the right word to put on my chest as it is indeed a part of my body that gets to be seen more as I do wear tank tops. It's difficult to find the correct tattoo as it is permanent. One mistake is enough! 
I thought about removing it, but it will cost a lot, it will hurt more, and I want that name to be a reminder of certain things like don't make the same "mistake". Once is enough! Next time I put names on my body, it will be my kids' names as a bracelet.

Tattoos are a way to express our feelings, where we are from, what we did. It tells a story, at least my tattoos do. Many of us decide to get them as a reminder of a special event or a family culture... I actually have my friend's roommate who have his country tattooed on his back shoulder, Hawaii. An Island yes, but it is a country and he has it on him. I personally love it! People who have meaningful tattoos have amazing stories behind them as short as the story may be, they are still amazing to me! 

Obviously, they are people that have tattoos just for the fun of it. I was talking to someone over the phone last time and the guy told me he saw two girls have Pokemon on their body. Now, PokemonGo has been the addiction that everyone gets addicted to, but to tattoo your body with that... What are you going to tell your future kids? The funny thing was that apparently, they didn't even know how the Pokemon evolved or anything about it for that matter. You could at least know the name of your Pokemon tattoo. Idiotic, but can't judge, I've got an idiot side as well. I just wouldn't want to have a Charmander on my ankle!
Be careful on what you choose, don't regret anything, if you make a "mistake" just learn from it, tell it to people from experience and be sure you get what you think will last forever or else you are stuck with it, have to cover it up or erase them with the laser. 

For my part, I want that cover up tattoo, then an anchor with the letter "S" and "E" incorporated inside for my mum, Sonia and both of my brothers, Emilian and Enzo! The anchor is from Brittany as it is close to the sea, so it will remind me of how scared I am of water and how much I get seasick in boats. I actually just realize that when I'm typing this post. Smart me... 
Then I'm thinking about getting a simple plane on my left forearm as I do love to travel to places I love, and because planes have been impacting my life in many different ways. I want a souvenir of how much the experiences affected my personality, made me stronger as a person even if it's just a plane to people to me it has meanings. Finally, I would love to get a yin yang on my ankle. I've always been fascinated by it, the good and the evil, the light and the dark, the feminine and the masculine... It's also a reminder of how life and people are. My father isn't a good person whatsoever, but when I look at a yin yang, the dark side also has a bit of light, so if my father is awfully terrible, I know he has some good in him, hiding away, hopefully. Never give up on hope!

If you have ideas on what that Irish word should be, please tell me, I'm interested! I may have really amazing ideas, but we can't have enough of them!

"Tattoos have meanings even the ones you just find pretty! They are on your body for a reason. Art has stories so does tattoos!" 

~Bella