Happy New Year...

The new year is finally here! Happy 2018 everyone!

Excited? I'm sure you are ready to start this year all fresh with plenty of more goals...

Goals? Really?

Well yes! I'm sure you all have this one little thing you want to stop doing, or start doing something?

Don't get me wrong, I never go through any of my plans for the coming year, but a lot of my acquaintances have been thinking about things to do or stop doing.

*One big goal, one I've been hearing for the past month is...
"I'll stop drinking for a month"
Let's all go through a detox phase. Not a bad idea if you are one to drink every night or day. A month may not seem a lot, and if you are ready for round 2, please do it for as long as you can!

*The other goal I've been hearing almost as much as the drinking goal is,
" I will go to the gym every day!"
Please, don't put too much pressure on yourself, baby. Every day is a lot especially if you haven't gone to check the gym out in a while. Take it slow and steady! Twice or three times is already enough, baby steps!

*One more common one... 
"I swear, I'll make myself more available to meeting new people." 
Sorry to break it to you, but unless that is what you truly want, it will be nearly impossible to achieve especially if you have social anxiety. You will always find an incredible excuse to escape a meeting. I would know, thank you to many of my precious excuses, the ones I cannot live without! 

*"I'll smile more! I'll be happy all the time!" 
Are you trying to lie to everyone else or just yourself? You are entitled to have a bad day! A sad day! It happens! 

*"Bedtime is back on! Trust me this time, not after midnight!"
Until you pass by your bar and that will be the end of it! 

*"True love is right around the corner! I can smell it!" 
Please, enlight me on how you are managing to smell it! I want the same thing!

*"I'll show you my fashion! It will be amazing!"
Sadly, not everyone will agree with what you are wearing! Not everyone can have the same taste in fashion, what could be amazing to you may not be amazing to someone else! 

*"I'm going to start saving money!"
Before you or anyone can do that, it's called getting yourself out of debt, then... Sure, save all you want!

*"It's the year I need to adopt a cute puppy!"
Are you ready for such engagement? Did you ask yourself all possible questions? 

*" This year is the year I'll finally know how to cook pasta!"
If you can't make pasta in the first place, I'm sorry but there's little hope for you in the cooking department! 

Obviously, I'm being negative cause I don't believe new year resolutions/ goals are needed! If it works for you, go for it! I hope I gave you ideas on what you could start doing better or want to do. 
For me, it's simple, each year is the same, try not to fall for anyone... And each year, I get my heart broken and broken and broken... Funny! I don't seem to have learned any lessons! Maybe this year I'll either give up on any love or find the real one! 

Meanwhile, 

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOUR SAVAGES! Go enjoy this year like it's your last! Don't waste your precious time overthinking about negativity! Try and smile all you want, don't forget about being yourself!

"Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one." - Brad Paisley

~Bella

Little by little...

Apologizes to everyone for not blogging for two weeks... Two busy weeks which turned into a living nightmare when I got to meet new people. Nightmare wouldn't be the best word to describe it as I was the happiest person on Earth at the time...

Meeting new people could be terrifying, awfully terrifying.

Not too long ago, I had to meet new people, talk to them, drink and eat with them... Not in a million years, I would have imagined myself getting interested in knowing more about a family, and yet, I got interested.
Not in a million years, I would have thought about getting involved in such a complex story... And yet, here I am getting myself attached! 

Complexity should be my middle name, each time, I try to put myself out there, be there for certain people, something stupidly emerge from the shadows to destroy what I try my hardest to do or not do.

I strongly believe it's part of that curse, the one I talked about a few articles ago.

Meeting these new people made me realize how much I was homesick. Homesick for Europe, the food, the conversations, the jokes, the drinks, the pubs, the people, everything... Homesick ...

Despite the fact that I've been living in California for over 9 years, I don't feel like home, not fully. I feel out of place half the time, even though I enjoy lots of things around the beautiful city I live in, it's not the same. It's not me. Not my culture, my view on life, my ways of saying or doing things... I even try to stop my accent from ruining my day, afraid to have someone ask me to repeat many many times what I just said.
I don't believe I've been this homesick for a while, nor ever before. I always contained the feelings which would rush in, unexpectedly. But now, more than ever before, I miss everything, the people mostly, but everything in general. And being around Europeans is far from helping. How can I not miss where I'm from? I feel like I'm myself when I'm around Europeans, no more restrictions, no more stupidity... I can say whatever I wish and no one argues or diminishes me. It's fantastic but being homesick is far from being a nice, warm feeling.

When you are living in a country that isn't yours, that doesn't feel like you belong there, the ties you once had with your hometown becomes stronger. You start missing everything, little by little.

I wouldn't write about the subject if I wasn't crying my eyes out. Sounds pathetic when I say it this way, but I can't just lie about what's going on. Since Monday the 27th, everyone I met before Thanksgiving left back to their countries, leaving me to my thoughts. These horrible, one-way thoughts. The ones who try very hard to make you move away from the city you are currently living in. Don't pretend like you've never had a strange feeling of just leaving everything behind to start all over again? Or else I look insane... Cause that is what I want to do right this moment. 

Don't believe I have no friends around, I do, but it's not the same, not the people I feel like I can call "home" in a way. I'm quite lucky to have certain people in my life such as my good friend T... I don't know what I would do without her, we are kind of like an old couple at times, but that makes us be special in certain ways. I love it and I would hate myself for leaving in such a hurry without her. However, I wasn't born and raised in California or the USA. I was raised in Europe, born there, and my mentality is full on European. I have more enemies than friends, I say whatever comes to my head and even though I believe America has many opportunities, I still don't understand half of what Californians do (not even close to understanding).  

Even with many reasons behind me, supporting me on staying in California, a part of me just says, "Leave the place, you are far from being happy. Move away, start again, meet new people and create a new life where you can build something happy for yourself." 
Sounds amazing, leaving behind the past, the pain, the rumors, the hate, people who prefer to hate you instead of understanding you. Sounds fantastic and yet... 

I don't belong in this country, but how am I going to move away? Should I leave without thinking of the future first? Should I just wait and see if I meet the right person where I am at the moment? Should I just forget everything and everyone and do my own thing, wishing it will be the best decision? 

So many questions, and no answer...

"I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while."

~Bella

Welcome back Spring...

Let's take these little dresses, shorts back out of the closet! Spring is here! 

As many of you have been waiting for this day to come, well I'm glad to announce you it has finally arrived! Winter is over, the snow, the rain is slowly starting to go away for better days. 

Spring is the best time to achieve a new goal, start new beginnings, it's the season for fresh new opportunities, for me it just means, new reading, new cooking recipes. 

I went through a few British recipes and came across a quite easy salad which made me feel hungry right away. 

Fiery Broccoli and Chestnut Mushroom Salad

Ingredients and Method

* 1 head of broccoli (about 300g total weight)

*2 tablespoons olive oil

*3 shallots, sliced

* 1 large fresh mild red chili, deseeded and cut into julienne (matchstick) strips

*2 tablespoons caster sugar

*2 tablespoons white wine vinegar

*finely grated zest and juice of 1 lemon

*15 fresh chestnut mushrooms, quartered

*sea salt and freshly cracked black pepper (black pepper)

*poppy seeds to garnish

Remove the broccoli florets from the stalk and cut them all to the same size. Cook the florets in a saucepan of boiling salted water for 4-5 minutes or until tender. Drain, refresh in ice water, then drain again and set aside. 

Peel off the outer layer from the broccoli stalk, then use a mandolin to finely slice the stalk into wafer-thin discs. Set aside.

Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a large, non-stick frying pan over a high heat and sauté the shallots for about 5 minutes or until golden. Add the chili, then reduce the heat and sauté for a further 3 minutes. Add the sugar, white wine vinegar, and lemon zest, stir to dissolve the sugar, then bring to the boil. Once the mixture starts to boil, remove the pan from the heat, add the broccoli stalk discs, stir and then transfer to a bowl. Set aside to cool and infuse. 

To cook the mushrooms, wipe the frying pan clean, then heat the remaining oil in the same frying pan over a high heat, add the mushroom quarters, salt and pepper and sauté for about 8 minutes or until golden brown. Stir in the lemon juice. 

Mix the sauté mushrooms, broccoli florets and pickled stalk discs together. Arrange the salad in your chosen bowl or an individual serving plate and garnish with a sprinkling of poppy seeds. The salad is now ready to be served slightly warm or it can be cooled and chilled before serving if you like. 

I personally don't put any chili in the salad even if it doesn't make it that spicy, I prefer not to put it just in case something gets a bit too much for me. For the mushrooms, we can't always get some chestnut mushrooms, sadly, so any mushrooms you may like, please go ahead and use them. 

"No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow."

~Bella

Poem...

Beginning - James Wright

The moon drops one or two feathers into the field.

The dark wheat listens. 

Be still.

Now.

There they are, the moon's young, trying

Their wings.

Between trees, a slender woman lifts up the lovely shadow

Of her face, and now she steps into the air, now she is gone

Wholly, into the air.

I stand alone by an elder tree, I do not dare breathe

Or move.

I listen.

The wheat leans back toward its own darkness,

And I lean toward mine. 

~Bella