One more year...

If you don't know me, you won't know about my birthday... Well, I'm posting this on a Thursday as Friday is my birthday! Yes, I'm turning 20, sounds exciting, indeed, but somehow it isn't! At least not for me!

When you are young, birthdays are fun, you grow up, you have a little party with other kids your age, and you just don't care about anything, to be honest. It's perfect, probably your favorite holiday, you get gifts, a birthday cake... So yes you are extremely happy!

On my birthdays, around the age of 5 to 8 maybe, I would invite friends, the close ones, mum would bake a cake, and we would have fun play outside, dance around with loud music... It would be a nice time for everyone including myself. You all expect to have fun, you know, but I'm the girl that is stubborn enough to make someone cry or be honest make it worse, so each time, after everyone leaves, I would get screamed at. I'm not blaming my father for it or my mother for that matter. It was me, someone would cross me and I would react, not the best thing to do at that age. Kids don't really get the message behind phrases and they would end up crying. After a while, you tend to just dislike birthdays in general, it reminded me that each birthday, I would either say something I regret or something would turn terribly wrong. I was right about that one!
Now each year, there's something going the wrong way! My 13th or 14th birthday, it wasn't mine at all, it was my stepmother's back in France even though she is the 9th of July and not the 8th like me. I had to just move on from my birthday. My 15th birthday, surprise party, I realized that I didn't love my boyfriend at all... My 18th in Mexico, I ended up having a "talk" which was more an argument. Last year, I almost told my mother to just ignore it because I didn't even receive a birthday wish from my grandparents nor my aunt. I'm used to not hear my father say it, but them... I got hurt!  I mean I could tell you all the things that went wrong each single year. And this year, my mother isn't here. I made it a little 'tradition' that she would always be here on it. But I'm growing old and she is leaving slowly. Not the worst thing, but it's painful to not have her around, and have a huge hug. I'm too sentimental...

Birthdays come once a year for everyone! Some ignore it, move on, while others have to have a party and enjoy it.
For me, I'm not sure about it. I have little gatherings and seeing people that I care about, but I don't like them anymore. It's not as fun as it used to. I'm growing up, I'm not a child, and I have responsibilities now. It's scary! A part of me just wants to go back and redo things I didn't get a chance to do...


But I have to admit that my dear mother has been around on each of my birthdays, except this year. She is gone, so I hate 20th birthday. She did invite people over last Friday and I enjoyed it a lot... Got to see people I care about, my little monsters that I love, and enjoy every minute of my early birthday! I've got a few gifts and I love them all as well as the time they spent with me last week. 

After reading quotes and wondering why so many people dislike it, I actually learn it's just a day to celebrate yourself. You can be 50 years old and still think like a 30 years old person. It's your decision to grow up, not the year, the age, the birthday! All birthday does it reminds you of how many years you spent on this planet, and remind you that you are as special as anyone else. Make the best out of it!

"Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional." - Walt Disney
~Bella